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Does anyone else have problems with games?

Flinty said:
I'm the contrarian here - I like games, but only if they're fun and harmless. But it's in my personality to enjoy games anyway.
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I think that if both people enjoy the games, and they're harmless, there's nothing wrong with that :)
 
From what I've seen, most of the dating advice online (which is almost all lousy in my opinion) advises people to play such games.
So in addition to the manipulative people Vanilla was talking about, there may also be other people who do such games because they are following such advice.
 
Licorice said:
This especially!

There is also a subcategory who wants you to nurture their hurt, but uses essentially the same hook tactics and will lash out violently or pick fights if you don't respond as you should. These have been the most common for me. I think they're addicted themselves to the idea of an over-romanticized and highly intense "savior" type relationship.
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I think I've experienced this.

Ste11aeres said:
From what I've seen, most of the dating advice online (which is almost all lousy in my opinion) advises people to play such games.
So in addition to the manipulative people Vanilla was talking about, there may also be other people who do such games because they are following such advice.
Click to expand...

I agree, the advice online makes you scared to say or do anything at all, lest you ruin the whole thing. I've been criticised for having 'no game'. Apparently that's what courtship is - a series of games, except that other people get a relationship at the end of it whilst I'm just left confused.
 
Ste11aeres said:
From what I've seen, most of the dating advice online (which is almost all lousy in my opinion) advises people to play such games.
So in addition to the manipulative people Vanilla was talking about, there may also be other people who do such games because they are following such advice.
Click to expand...

I agree. I once spoke to a therapist about problems with 'playing the game'. She advised me to read a book called 'The Rules'. For those of you who haven't heard of it, it's a set of rules, written by women, for women. It's supposed to hold the secret to the unwritten rules of loving a man, and how to play the game. It's an interesting read, but I'm not convinced myself that it's right for me.

I've heard mixed feelings, from both men and women about this book; many support it, but just as many find it incredibly frustrating to deal with. I would have to say this all depends on the person you're dealing with. I myself read the book, and feel that while some of the techniques may work, they seem to involve a lot of acting, lies, and game playing. It's essentially creating a foundation of lies for a relationship to be laid upon.

I personally feel the book has useful tips to teach confidence, self-respect, and a number of other disciplines (which could be applied in other areas of life, like work), but feel that to use this kind of tactic on someone I wish to spend the rest of my life with; it just doesn't sit right with me. Trust is very important to me, and if I base my whole relationship on a lie, then I can not confidently say that I fully trust, or respect the person I claim to love.

I believe the person you love should be an anchor, to keep you from loosing who you are, by recognising your true self. It's about being confident that they are comfortable with who you are; despite your vices. If you have to pretend to be someone else, in order for them to love you, then they are not in love with you, they are in love with an idea. This means having to keep up appearances for life, because should you ever drop the ball, that person will see the real you, and may be inclined to drop you just as quickly; especially as they no longer have a reason to trust you.
 
Not reading the replies yet. I'd say no not at all. It seams like your a consisting yourself with the wrong people. And it also seams like you maybe missing some very key non-verbal. I would stay away from those people even if it makes it much harder for u at first to find the RIGHT person/ people. You don't need them EVER. And there NOt EVER truly interested. Trust me. I know.
 
Also, because of our brain language that differs, NTS often don't get us. That's why it is so CRUCIAL for us to learn there lang. ASAP as well as possible.
 
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