Does anyone else struggle with same gender friends?

[SunnyDay16]

I have it easier to become friends with men rather than women. Women are too confusing to me.

I used to think that too, but I don't find women nearly as confusing as I used to. Sure, they tend to not be as direct as men, but they're not too hard to figure out once you get to know them and learn about the social cues they use. My guy friends could be just as confusing sometimes, especially if they were passive aggressive about me not reciprocating their crushes.

 

[SunnyDay16]

I never could relate to women my own age when I was younger, but it's better now. I still don't have close female friends, but acquaintanceships are less awkward now.

I used to be friends with mostly men, but I got sick of them developing crushes on me, so now I avoid creating new friendships with men - though I would never cut off an old friendship.

So I'm antisocial I guess. Not that I dislike people, just that I've given up trying. It's more effort than I have to spare.

Yeah I've had those same experiences with male friends ending up being sexually or romantically attracted to me then just blocking me or not talking to me anymore when I told them I didn't feel the same way. It sucked to find out they were really only friends with me because of the possibility of me dating them.

 

[ECM2018]

I've always fallen into circles of friends rather than really made any on my own. I used to be better at being a friend before I was married for some reason. It's most difficult with guy friends in the circle now because I genuinely have no idea how to be friends with men. I don't have a schematic to go by on that, I only know how to be flirty with guys because that's how things always were supposed to be before in my experience. I sometimes stress myself out wondering if I've done something wrong and unintentionally suggestive around guy friends in the circle (pretty much all couples now) and it makes me feel embarrassed. I just feel awkward around guys and this opposite sex friendship now seems more complicated as a married person because I'm terrified of coming off as flirtatious when I'm really just grasping at straws for how to interact around this person lol.

 

[paloftoon]

The reality is, it's hard to make good friends. Just remember, everyone has their own problems, some are waaaay too picky about what they'll deal with to have you as a friend, and then you have all the varying degrees of things like this person will only be with this person for this type of thing or that type of thing. Try not to blame yourself too much and try to enjoy the "ride", try to compromise appropriately, but don't let people walk all over you. Balance is always key.

 

[SunnyDay16]

The reality is, it's hard to make good friends. Just remember, everyone has their own problems, some are waaaay too picky about what they'll deal with to have you as a friend, and then you have all the varying degrees of things like this person will only be with this person for this type of thing or that type of thing. Try not to blame yourself too much and try to enjoy the "ride", try to compromise appropriately, but don't let people walk all over you. Balance is always key.

I agree that compromising is vital in any kind of relationship, not just friendship.

 

[tree]

"...it's hard to make good friends."

If you can't make one from chewing gum and twine,
maybe a golem could be your pal.

So You Want to Make a Golem
=======

 

[paloftoon]

I agree that compromising is vital in any kind of relationship, not just friendship.

It's especially important to emphasize "compromising" because you know us. lol.

 

[keebles]

I don't tend to keep friends for long periods of time, but the ones I have kept for more than a year or so have all been male (I'm female). I have never been able to keep female friends for longer than a few weeks for some reason. I don't hide who I am much, but I do tend to feel like I have to act more neurotypical around females, but I can't keep that behavior up forever and when my true nature comes out, they tend to get freaked. Or, I just get bored with their behavior and I tend to end things cold and that also tends to freak them out. Friendships with guys just tend to die out quietly. Maybe that's why I prefer them...less drama and I can be more myself and they don't seem to notice the "quirks" as much (or don't care).

 

[tree]

I don't count people as friends if our
acquaintanceship has been less than
five years.

I have seen people who call someone
their friend after knowing them for
part of an afternoon. These are the
people who then lament that they
are always being *abandoned* by
their "friends."

 

[tducey]

I have no issue meeting friends, it's just hard sometimes to keep up with conversations.

 

[onlything]

I can't seem to get along with either males or females. Seems like they're too different and either I'm not interested in them or they in me. It created a circle of isolation that I have a rather love-hate relationship with. I love quiet and solitude but I still crave an ounce of acceptance and companionship.

When I was still in my origin country it was just fine, since I had a group of good colleagues and a friend that I would always talk to and meet. Right now, two years later, I still keep in touch with that friend but only by text and meetings two or three times a year and it's just... lonely in a kind of frustrating way. Plus she's got her own life, got engaged and all that, and it feels like we're stopping being parts of each other's lives. I suppose it's reality of distant friendships.

I simply cannot seem to 'click' with anyone, be it male or female.

 

[ksheehan88]

I have female friends, but I've always gotten along with males better in general. Its because as I was growing up all the girls I knew were very feminine and fed the ideology that women are weak and need "looking after" and all they did was flutter their eyelashes, talk about make-up and clothes and other crap.

I always sought to be dominant and prove myself better and tougher than everyone else - much like all the guys I knew. I was the one you went to if you had a problem with someone because I would lose my rag with people who were unkind to my "friends".

Rather than sit and chat about girl stuff I liked to have drinking contests, arm wrestles, spitting contests (gross, I know that now!) and games of knuckles (where you form a fist and hit the other persons knuckles as hard as you could, in turns, until someone backs out).

Edit to add: girly gossiping drives me effin insane... another reason I tended to stay away from other girls.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I always sought to be dominant and prove myself better and tougher than everyone else - much like all the guys I knew. I was the one you went to if you had a problem with someone because I would lose my rag with people who were unkind to my "friends".

Rather than sit and chat about girl stuff I liked to have drinking contests, arm wrestles, spitting contests (gross, I know that now!) and games of knuckles (where you form a fist and hit the other persons knuckles as hard as you could, in turns, until someone backs out).

Is next Saturday at 6 ok?

 

[SunnyDay16]

I have female friends, but I've always gotten along with males better in general. Its because as I was growing up all the girls I knew were very feminine and fed the ideology that women are weak and need "looking after" and all they did was flutter their eyelashes, talk about make-up and clothes and other crap.

I always sought to be dominant and prove myself better and tougher than everyone else - much like all the guys I knew. I was the one you went to if you had a problem with someone because I would lose my rag with people who were unkind to my "friends".

Rather than sit and chat about girl stuff I liked to have drinking contests, arm wrestles, spitting contests (gross, I know that now!) and games of knuckles (where you form a fist and hit the other persons knuckles as hard as you could, in turns, until someone backs out).

Edit to add: girly gossiping drives me effin insane... another reason I tended to stay away from other girls.

I don't see how having traditionally feminine characteristics makes you weak. I like talking about clothes and makeup and emotions sometimes. Typical girl stuff I guess.

 

[ksheehan88]

I don't see how having traditionally feminine characteristics makes you weak. I like talking about clothes and makeup and emotions sometimes. Typical girl stuff I guess.

I didn't say having traditionally feminine characteristics makes you weak. I said the girls I knew were very feminine, but they also fed into the ideology that women are weak and need looking after. The "typical girl" stuff was separate to that. Do remember as well, I'm talking about the girls I knew... Not girls in general. My point is, I was never a "typical girl". I found the stuff they talked about and did deeply boring and superficial. Never had that problem with the boys I hung around with.

 

[SunnyDay16]

I didn't say having traditionally feminine characteristics makes you weak. I said the girls I knew were very feminine, but they also fed into the ideology that women are weak and need looking after. The "typical girl" stuff was separate to that. Do remember as well, I'm talking about the girls I knew... Not girls in general. My point is, I was never a "typical girl". I found the stuff they talked about and did deeply boring and superficial. Never had that problem with the boys I hung around with.

I know you didn't specifically say that, but that's what I felt you were implying. I guess I misinterpreted what you said.