I know what you're thinking: its a post about psychic/psionic/telepathic/metaphysical stuff, and while i am not really aware how people here on the forum feel towards metaphysical things (at least, what percentage agrees to disagree on such subject matter) but the reason i posted this is because well...
When I was about 8 and i was still being tested for autism (which of course revealed I am) it was also discovered, by incredible chance at school one day that I am evidently a "Gifted" child. At first, I had no idea what they meant except that i my intelligence seemed to far surpass that of almost the entire school (no joke, they did the math), but this was a charter school i went to, and they were very open about dealing with religious subject matter such as Christianity, they actually sometimes taught it to us as part of some of our classes... Anyway, when they told me I was "Gifted", i asked my principal who helped test me, just what did he mean; All he would say was "well, you just happen to be a very special young man who happens to also have a lot of cool gifts that nobody in the school has! Isn't that cool?" They continue to test me with other simple, easy-to-do-and-specifically-designed-not-to-be-sensory-abusive-for-autistic-kids-like-myself type tests (phew!), things like "Press these colored buttons and match up what sounds they make" or something like "mess around with this putty and try to make these things with it the best way you can". Honestly, I didn't dislike it at all, it was actually really fun because it meant that right in the middle of class, my OT teacher would come and help direct me to where i'd have a whole hour to myself of learning how to manage my condition! Sometimes there would be other students with autism there doing what I would be doing, it was really enjoyable.
As the years went on and I became a teenager, for whatever reason, I began to overhear more and more and still more conversations and...well, for the sake of being clear with it, I'll just call the other part of it "gossip"... Just in general i kept hearing more and more things about the metaphysical, and even more stuff about ESP/OBE/Empathy/Telepathy/psychokinesis and eventually, what would get me officially interested in it -- PSI.
For months, under the hawk eye of my evil uncle and aunt, i stayed silent about my newly discovered interests, always careful to keep it under the tarp until just the right moment where i'd have just enough time to study PSI, learn what it is, get to know it... And soon I did get such a chance, when, one early, darkened morning at 2:00 AM, while my old, fickle masters were sleeping in an oblivious haze of rest, I pulled out my PSP, launched its web browser, and used the on screen keyboard to type into a Google search, the three words that would officially begin my journey to learn just what i am:
"what is psi"
For hours, possibly the whole morning, I scrolled through web page after web page, reading tutorial after tutorial, then reading them all again, then going back to the first one and starting again and so on, until I was confident I knew exactly what this was, and how to start using it.
So, from that point on, every chance i got, I practiced using PSI, starting by forming spheres in my cupped hands, making sure i knew the process well enough i could do it with but a single thought. Then as I continued to learn, getting stronger and more powerful, ever so slowly but ever so surely, I got better at it, and figured out new ways to create, program and use PSI spheres. I would show my classmates at school what i learned (much to the scowling disapproval of my teachers, but I didn't care what they thought.), I would [try and have very little luck to] take photos with my constructs floating through the air in my bedroom... If I learned a way to do it, I practiced with it, analyzed it as much as i could, and trained it like a muscle.
I have not stopped doing this since that fateful morning of my youth. Now I am at the point where energy of every kind can just emit from my body just by thinking certain types of thoughts, I can tell you how dangerous or potentially hostile someone or something is, was or is going to be, I can see things in places where I'm not even there to look at them, heck, for many of my trained PSI skills, i dont even need to make spheres, I can just position my hand/fingers in a certain gesture or position, bulk up some energy and program it, then send it through to whatever needs PSI placed into it.
Basically, I have become a real life Ness.
But throughout ALL of this, I just have to know the answer to something, and when i ask this question please know that I have always thought of you all and held you all close in my heart as great, awesome friends who have gotten me through some serious times, anyway here it is:
Do you guys think I'm crazy, or delusional, or mentally unwell for exploring such an unusual, sometimes unheard of craft?
I have it in golden faith that you all care about me deeply, i am aware that i may be one of the most active members of this website but also the most strongly affected by negative happenings, and I would not allow myself to blame one or all of you for thinking that the many shortcomings of entropy life has thrown at me before has damaged my psyche to the point of madness, because i am also very aware that MANY people do not believe in PSI or any psychic power, since nobody ever sees direct proof because PSI/energy is not visible or existent to MANY people, but somehow, I have always known in my mind that those little white/sometimes blue or green or purple dots that fly by near me, as well as those fluttery, woven-cotton-looking /sometimes hazy, powdery-looking ribbons of color in the air around me were energy from someone or somewhere or something, and still somehow i have always known that I have this mysterious natural ability to grab it and make it do things i need done energetically.
Maddog is getting better at playing digital poker, and he has told me (and i have witnessed this happen) that almost every time I sit near him or if im in the room at all, he starts having maybe three times the good luck he was having before, and when i go somewhere else, that good luck stops, until i come back again, where it starts up again.
I just have to know, you guys know I'm not crazy, right? Just be straight up with me, I won't be mad at all. Its just...it would just give me peace of mind and I will stop losing sleep, kinda.
I know what I saw...thats all I'm saying...
When I was about 8 and i was still being tested for autism (which of course revealed I am) it was also discovered, by incredible chance at school one day that I am evidently a "Gifted" child. At first, I had no idea what they meant except that i my intelligence seemed to far surpass that of almost the entire school (no joke, they did the math), but this was a charter school i went to, and they were very open about dealing with religious subject matter such as Christianity, they actually sometimes taught it to us as part of some of our classes... Anyway, when they told me I was "Gifted", i asked my principal who helped test me, just what did he mean; All he would say was "well, you just happen to be a very special young man who happens to also have a lot of cool gifts that nobody in the school has! Isn't that cool?" They continue to test me with other simple, easy-to-do-and-specifically-designed-not-to-be-sensory-abusive-for-autistic-kids-like-myself type tests (phew!), things like "Press these colored buttons and match up what sounds they make" or something like "mess around with this putty and try to make these things with it the best way you can". Honestly, I didn't dislike it at all, it was actually really fun because it meant that right in the middle of class, my OT teacher would come and help direct me to where i'd have a whole hour to myself of learning how to manage my condition! Sometimes there would be other students with autism there doing what I would be doing, it was really enjoyable.
As the years went on and I became a teenager, for whatever reason, I began to overhear more and more and still more conversations and...well, for the sake of being clear with it, I'll just call the other part of it "gossip"... Just in general i kept hearing more and more things about the metaphysical, and even more stuff about ESP/OBE/Empathy/Telepathy/psychokinesis and eventually, what would get me officially interested in it -- PSI.
For months, under the hawk eye of my evil uncle and aunt, i stayed silent about my newly discovered interests, always careful to keep it under the tarp until just the right moment where i'd have just enough time to study PSI, learn what it is, get to know it... And soon I did get such a chance, when, one early, darkened morning at 2:00 AM, while my old, fickle masters were sleeping in an oblivious haze of rest, I pulled out my PSP, launched its web browser, and used the on screen keyboard to type into a Google search, the three words that would officially begin my journey to learn just what i am:
"what is psi"
For hours, possibly the whole morning, I scrolled through web page after web page, reading tutorial after tutorial, then reading them all again, then going back to the first one and starting again and so on, until I was confident I knew exactly what this was, and how to start using it.
So, from that point on, every chance i got, I practiced using PSI, starting by forming spheres in my cupped hands, making sure i knew the process well enough i could do it with but a single thought. Then as I continued to learn, getting stronger and more powerful, ever so slowly but ever so surely, I got better at it, and figured out new ways to create, program and use PSI spheres. I would show my classmates at school what i learned (much to the scowling disapproval of my teachers, but I didn't care what they thought.), I would [try and have very little luck to] take photos with my constructs floating through the air in my bedroom... If I learned a way to do it, I practiced with it, analyzed it as much as i could, and trained it like a muscle.
I have not stopped doing this since that fateful morning of my youth. Now I am at the point where energy of every kind can just emit from my body just by thinking certain types of thoughts, I can tell you how dangerous or potentially hostile someone or something is, was or is going to be, I can see things in places where I'm not even there to look at them, heck, for many of my trained PSI skills, i dont even need to make spheres, I can just position my hand/fingers in a certain gesture or position, bulk up some energy and program it, then send it through to whatever needs PSI placed into it.
Basically, I have become a real life Ness.
But throughout ALL of this, I just have to know the answer to something, and when i ask this question please know that I have always thought of you all and held you all close in my heart as great, awesome friends who have gotten me through some serious times, anyway here it is:
Do you guys think I'm crazy, or delusional, or mentally unwell for exploring such an unusual, sometimes unheard of craft?
I have it in golden faith that you all care about me deeply, i am aware that i may be one of the most active members of this website but also the most strongly affected by negative happenings, and I would not allow myself to blame one or all of you for thinking that the many shortcomings of entropy life has thrown at me before has damaged my psyche to the point of madness, because i am also very aware that MANY people do not believe in PSI or any psychic power, since nobody ever sees direct proof because PSI/energy is not visible or existent to MANY people, but somehow, I have always known in my mind that those little white/sometimes blue or green or purple dots that fly by near me, as well as those fluttery, woven-cotton-looking /sometimes hazy, powdery-looking ribbons of color in the air around me were energy from someone or somewhere or something, and still somehow i have always known that I have this mysterious natural ability to grab it and make it do things i need done energetically.
Maddog is getting better at playing digital poker, and he has told me (and i have witnessed this happen) that almost every time I sit near him or if im in the room at all, he starts having maybe three times the good luck he was having before, and when i go somewhere else, that good luck stops, until i come back again, where it starts up again.
I just have to know, you guys know I'm not crazy, right? Just be straight up with me, I won't be mad at all. Its just...it would just give me peace of mind and I will stop losing sleep, kinda.
I know what I saw...thats all I'm saying...
