Don't know what I'm doing wrong

[Captain Jigglypuff]

Same thing keeps happening to me on dating sites. No one will talk to me for more than two weeks on average before ghosting me and I don’t know what I did wrong because no one will tell me.

 

[Pats]

OK, I think I can see something there. Asking a question like that almost always has a (NT) “sub-text”. This could be, “I think there is something wrong/weird/unpleasant about your beliefs. Has anyone else said anything about them?” or a number of other, also confronting, motives for asking the question. You don’t say what your motive was for asking it - I’m assuming seeking how someone else may have dealt with the problems you were having - but in an NT context this would very frequently come across as very confrontational and challenging. From this view, you may see how it might provoke her response.

Sometimes it can help to give some explanation of the background to the question before asking it, so the other person is clued in to your (definitely not aggressive or unfriendly) reasons for asking it. I don’t know if neurokin are more likely to understand where you’re coming from in this sort of situation - I generally try to avoid straying into any areas that may be aligned with personal beliefs unless I really, really know the person well. And even then I may reassess just how much I need to know the answer to my question and just not ask it anyway.

I've never looked at it like that. Ohhhh, so much thought you have to put into a simple question. Maybe I need to carry you around in my head. Usually I'm just thinking to myself "what's something I can say or ask that might help us learn more about each other and become friends?"
You know, when I was a young adult I remember when I realized that questions make you appear interested. Because my sister would ask many questions about whatever I was telling her and it hit me. Maybe I got too far with the questions?

 

[Pats]

Same thing keeps happening to me on dating sites. No one will talk to me for more than two weeks on average before ghosting me and I don’t know what I did wrong because no one will tell me.

Oh, I can remember having the same problems. But it would usually be a response to something I thought was weird that they said. Like once, I worked nights, so this guy told me I could drive (an hour away) to his house and sleep during the day. I asked him why I would do that and never heard from him again. But why WOULD I do that? Be careful - there are a lot of men are looking for someone to take care of them.

 

[Judge]

I've never looked at it like that. Ohhhh, so much thought you have to put into a simple question. Maybe I need to carry you around in my head. Usually I'm just thinking to myself "what's something I can say or ask that might help us learn more about each other and become friends?"
You know, when I was a young adult I remember when I realized that questions make you appear interested. Because my sister would ask many questions about whatever I was telling her and it hit me. Maybe I got too far with the questions?

Reminds me of my NT cousin, who expects (and demands) simple answers to even the most complex of questions. Which usually doesn't end well when having conversations with her.

 

[FayetheAspie]

My favorite first question has almost always been "What's your favorite subject (in school )" and now as an adult "What was your favorite subject (in school)?"

 

[Pats]

Reminds me of my NT cousin, who expects (and demands) simple answers to even the most complex of questions. Which usually doesn't end well when having conversations with her.

Learning from my sister that asking questions shows interest in what the other person is saying has really made me seem weird sometimes - I know. Ever since, when someone would tell me something that happened to them, in my head I'm going "queston, question, come up with a question and i end up asking the first question that I can think of. It's not easy. The funniest was when my cousins new wife called me and told me she had just shot herself in the leg. So I'm racking my brain for a question for that one and end up asking, "is it bleeding?" I should have just said, "WHAT???" lol

 

[Crossbreed]

Welcome back, @Pats & @Peter Morrison.

 

[Tom]

Welcome back. That feeling alien in regular society was what brought me to try forums for people on the spectrum in the first place and it was indeed different and more much comfortable a fit. We are different from NTs and have what others consider excentricities or weird behaviors (and as a result face insult or rejection) but among ourselves they don't seem odd at all. They might not be exactly the thing we would do but we can usually imagine doing the sort of thing.

 

[RemyZee]

I was wondering how you are doing. I've missed you on the forum.
Glad to see you are back.

Thank you!

 

[SusanLR]

Flowers for everyone that hasn't been around for a while.
Always good to see members return.