Dwelling on mistakes made in the past

[IContainMultitudes]

Is dwelling on mistakes made in the past a common problem for people on the spectrum? I don't really know, but I have a feeling that it probably is. I remember that when I was younger, I felt like every so often, I would watch a "movie" that my mind put together of every stupid thing I've ever said or done, and it would drive me crazy. It's not as much of a problem now, but every once in a while, old memories of things I regret saying or doing in the past resurface, and they're almost physically painful to think about. Every once in a while, I see something in a book or a movie that reminds me of one of these memories, and I almost have to stop myself from screaming. I try to sooth myself a little by telling myself that it's likely that things that happened years ago that I still find embarrassing today are often things that nobody but me really remembers. Also, I feel like the more distance I have from some of these memories, the less they bother me.

I think seeing this picture on Reddit is what got me thinking about this subject:

 

[juffur]

I think about past negative experiences and situations quite often. Usually mine involve social encounters where something went terribly wrong, or I felt really embarrassed. Once my mind thinks about them it causes anxiety and I usually have to calm myself down. It can be a chain reaction. When I think about one, that usually leads to another, and another, until I finally do something to distract my thought process like listen to music. It's as if my long term memory has linked the neurons in my brain relating to bad social experiences. :/

 

[Spinning Compass]

Yes, it's as if my mind can't let go of these situations. Also, because they are so emotionally traumatic. I was socialized under a system of Skinnerian operant conditioning, which is very fear based (rewards and punishments). So it is always like I have to be looking over my shoulder all the time and I can't relax. Other people don't live under this burden; why do I? But then they did not go through what I went through either. There was a lot of micromanaging and censorship, I had to watch what I said and did always.

 

[. . .]

I used to spend much of my time doing this, especially a few years ago when my depression was high and mental stability was low. I still do it but not as frequently as before.

What I tend to do is think about the harsh things people have said/done to me in the past, though I do think about my "mistakes" from time to time. I sit there and play back all the times people have said and done bad things to me.

I mostly recall things from high-school, but some there are also some crappy elementary-school memories as well. I can't take all of the negative things that were said/done to me in elementary seriously now (for example: If someone would've called me butt-head when I was six I may have gotten very offended, but something trivial and impersonal like this would have no effect on me anymore), but some of the memories are still very painful to think about.

Ironically, the people who caused me the most pain when I was young weren't the students but (some of) the teachers. I had one teacher do at least a few things to me that have scarred me, perhaps, for life; at least one of the things she did could even get her in trouble with the law - no doubt about it.

 

[Droopy]

Any mistakes that I would dwell on are usually social mistakes such as awkwardness, not knowing what to say and so-on. Sometimes I might dwell on mistakes I made with my education or missed opportunities.

 

[kasmanaft08]

As strange as it may sound, I feel like it's a fault of an above-average memory. There are only a select few things that logically should bother me still, except I remember so many details and little moments that it becomes overwhelming. Strangely enough, it's the little ones that seem to bother me more, even though I'm 99% certain no one else present would remember it (or care).

The most common would be that I'd still feel embarassed over things (all of which I know are illogical and small) with the same intensity as if it just happened. The same goes for things I've been pissed at, lost trust in, been hurt by, or horrifying things I may have seen. I feel like my memory for detail allows many seemingly innocent things to trigger horrible memories, all of which feel no different over time.

Strangely enough, I really don't have much of a problem talking about it (if asked) and consider myself a rather open person in that respect. I feel I get more bothered if it just gets brought up out beyond my control somehow, almost like what people consider to be flashbacks.

Luckily, they're rather brief though, and I learned to just distract myself. Most of the time I just don't mention it.

 

[Linneth]

Yes I often dwell on mistakes made in the past. Sometimes it takes ages to fall asleep at night because things just keep going around and around my head and I cant stop it. I hate it. All these things that have already happened and I can't do anything about it, but I still can't stop thinking about the things that Ive stuffed up in the past, even really small things.

 

[GhettoButterFly]

Sigh... I dwell in my mistakes almost all the time, be it real life or online. Well now y'all know my weaknesses and use it against me I suppose, ja?

Anyways, I know it isn't healthy but it happens. I know I am forgiven (spiritually and such), but not by man. So I guess that still dwells on me for some reason and I don't know why. :-/ Oh well. I have similar situations and issues such as y'all's. Hm... Middle school tends to play in my mind, like what if I had beaten up my bullies or broken a ton of windows in the school. Instead I been a victim and did nothing for myself. I just let 'em walk on me, because of the "violence is not the answer" approach.

 

[Murakumo]

I dwell on the past all the time and it can be quite painful, but I've come to the conclusion that its my mind trying to make sure I don't repeat the mistakes of my past. If I replay those memories like a movie it would force me to fear it ever happening again and protect me from them, or at least that's the theory. I still don't think it's worth it however, and I have to question why my mind deliberately inflicts this emotional pain upon itself.

Another thing I do is 'taint' my memories. This involves remembering something painful and emotional, and then editing it to make what i did wrong so much worse. If I'm not careful though, it can replace the original memory which leads to even more emotional pain and embarrasment in the future if it ever comes up in conversasion. I was wondering if anyone else does that?

 

[kasmanaft08]

Another thing I do is 'taint' my memories. This involves remembering something painful and emotional, and then editing it to make what i did wrong so much worse. If I'm not careful though, it can replace the original memory which leads to even more emotional pain and embarrasment in the future if it ever comes up in conversasion. I was wondering if anyone else does that?

I'm not sure if this is along the same lines, but I seem to have this lovely habit of revisiting memories from a long time ago, and then remembering some ridiculous detail of it that was horrible or embarrassing. Then, even though the memory was originally neutral or not that bad, it's suddenly horrible.

That seems to be a phenomenon in remembering social situations I've been in. The "Oh My God, why wasn't I embarrassed/do it this way/etc" phenomenon. Not sure if that made any sense, but it does happen more often that I'd like it to.

 

[Geordie]

I think the world is moving so fast, when i do other things, I just do the best I can and learn from previous mistakes

 

[WildCat]

I try to keep the past in the past where it belongs, but sometimes it's just too difficult to forget mistakes, missed opportunities, bad experiences and so on and so on. The good thing about mistakes is that they're correctable with practice and wisdom; my memory on the other hand is for the most part set in stone. Don't get me wrong, excellent memory is excellent, but there are some things that I wish I could just purge from my long-term store.

 

[Firnafth]

I can feel painfully mortified remembering embarrassing things I've done. But I don't think I really dwell on them - I do sometimes have to force myself to stop remembering them, though.

 

[Geordie]

How did you manage to forget things you'd done?

 

[usa1981]

Simple answer yes. Problem is that I remember things for to long time.

 

[Geordie]

So do many people here, not to worry

 

[KinksFan]

I find myself dwelling on a lot of mistakes that I've made in the past. The times that I've said the wrong things. The times that I got into all those fights as a school kid. That time that I gave up on all of my dreams and decided to be a flower child. The way that I piged out four years ago.

 

[Geordie]

We always say we want to move on. Thing is, if we stop moving, we can't move on. And we can't move all the time.

 

[katcha]

I think someone else got it right here when they said that it's to do with memory.

I'm the sort of person who completes a task, forgets they've completed it 5 seconds later and then redoes the task. I leave the cooker on, I leave doors open or unlocked, etc.

I don't dwell on past mistakes at all.

My wife, who also has aspergers however is the complete opposite to me in this regard. She has a much better memory than I do and she dwells on every single mistake she's ever made. She even dwells on other people's mistakes to make sure she doesn't repeat the mistake!

 

[Geordie]

I've got a bad memory, so I guess this helps me that I don't dwell on past mistakes?