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Early reading and social skills

Gracey said:
@Gift to Humanity,

I don't see how you could have known your dads behaviour was 'wrong' unless you had something to compare it with.

I'm thinking we grow up in our family units supposing how we're raised, is how all are raised, and never question it...
until we observe other family units and how they go about their day to day.
Only then do we have a comparison by which we can recognise differences.

I wouldn't beat yourself up for not knowing the differences between parenting styles back when you were a toddler. How could you?

You've made some good progress if you can recognise it now, at this age.
Be kind and forgiving to yourself :)
Click to expand...
Reading increases cognitive empathy and helps us to be more resistant to manipulation and recognise shady behaviour.
Had I of kept reading in stead of stopping at 2 I could have warned my mother that we were all in danger.

Dad wasnt just bad tempered he had something wrong with his head, plate smashing temper when my sister tried to shield herself from a slap from him, we weren't even allowed to shield ourselves.

I used to be gifted, highly intuitive, I lost all of that when I gave up reading and became forgetful, careless destructive.

I never expected my self to know parenting styles at such a young age but my gut instinct would have brought my mother out of her illusion that Dad was loving, he hit her, she would have trusted little innocent me over him and we would have been saved.
 
I read (and still read) widely on various topics, both non fiction and fiction. I have a wide vocabulary that I’ve had to dumb down over the years so I’m not perceived as a thesaurus (a teacher thought I had used one for an essay once to make myself sound clever, she didn’t believe that I would know those words...) but reading books have never helped me with socialization skills. I’m not quite sure what age I started reading at but I do know that I struggled with reading out loud that caused my reading level to be hindered due to the barbaric practices at school of enforced reading aloud sessions but it didn’t make me any less intelligent. I appreciate the writing styles from authors, I appreciate good prose and characterization. And I may wish to be certain heroes from the stories... But saying that, anyone who enjoys reading would do so and much more. I don’t think there’s much of a link with reading at an early age and social skill development. We are primates, we learn more through visuals and action and copying than taking information from a written source to use. In regards to making comparisons through awareness, it’s possible that a situation that involves how to handle a situation that is stressful or something along those lines could bring a sense of awareness And a suggestion to act in that way like the book heroes. Like being anti racist, standing up for the little guy, how to cope and go to a happy place during a traumatic experience — but that can also be wishful thinking. It may not result in an action that actually happens.

For example, last winter I was Physically assaulted in a public place. I always thought that I would handle it like I had observed in media but I did nothing. I just froze and only after it was over did I process enough to call my dad to give me advice on what to do.

Gracey said:
I'm thinking we grow up in our family units supposing how we're raised, is how all are raised, and never question it...
until we observe other family units and how they go about their day to day.
Only then do we have a comparison by which we can recognise differences.
Click to expand...

The old nurture argument.... We are pretty much shaped by our immediate influences, family for much of our informative years. It’s only when we get older and have a wider selection of influences Primarily from school stages that we mix with other units. We learn immediate behavior from those closet to us, and then our peers as we grow up..or try to learn it. If you have a different and difficult unit, and it’s pointed out to you that it’s not how it should be or if you perceive the difference between the two units, then the comparisons drawn allow us to recognize and acknowledge the differences.
 
The idea that reading would have made a difference is purely conjecture, of course, and rather dubious conjecture in my opinion.
 
Gift2humanity said:
I am replying to your posts, sometimes I forget to put emojis on everyone's posts.
I am so sorry that you feel unacknowledged, what can I do to help? ❤️
Click to expand...
It's obvious that im too autistic not N.T enough.

i like animals more than humans and you are victimised if you are like that.

bullied at secondary school and primary school ,I just don't learn quickly enough .

nobody in the forum would help me ,they wouldn't guarantee I will not have anxiety ,a dead mother ,neglectful relatives ,I'm fully aware of what most responses will be to this but it's the truth .
 
Gift2humanity said:
Reading increases cognitive empathy and helps us to be more resistant to manipulation and recognise shady behaviour.
Had I of kept reading in stead of stopping at 2 I could have warned my mother that we were all in danger.

Dad wasnt just bad tempered he had something wrong with his head, plate smashing temper when my sister tried to shield herself from a slap from him, we weren't even allowed to shield ourselves.

I used to be gifted, highly intuitive, I lost all of that when I gave up reading and became forgetful, careless destructive.

I never expected my self to know parenting styles at such a young age but my gut instinct would have brought my mother out of her illusion that Dad was loving, he hit her, she would have trusted little innocent me over him and we would have been saved.
Click to expand...
I've read to the extent that I've made my anxiety not better from as quickly as I could view words ,I've never known if someone is deceitful ,I think for autistic people reading is more just creativity than stimulating emotion,that is developed by hands on practical learning.
 
Streetwise said:
It's obvious that im too autistic not N.T enough.

i like animals more than humans and you are victimised if you are like that.

bullied at secondary school and primary school ,I just don't learn quickly enough .

nobody in the forum would help me ,they wouldn't guarantee I will not have anxiety ,a dead mother ,neglectful relatives ,I'm fully aware of what most responses will be to this but it's the truth .
Click to expand...
Didn't the books you read as a child help you?
You are loved in this forum.
The bullies were cowards, they would not pick on people who were bigger than them.
Let neglectful relatives go, I just want to know what benefit you got from the books you read as you did quote good authors that I did not read.
 
Gift2humanity said:
Didn't the books you read as a child help you?
You are loved in this forum.
The bullies were cowards, they would not pick on people who were bigger than them.
Let neglectful relatives go, I just want to know what benefit you got from the books you read as you did quote good authors that I did not read.
Click to expand...
I know I got benefit but not empathy that started to happen in my 30s I think it's something to do with slow development, it's not completely controlled by intellect,it's like strangely my physical development I became less hypermobile in my 30s ,like empathy and hypermobility are joined together .
 
Streetwise said:
I know I got benefit but not empathy that started to happen in my 30s I think it's something to do with slow development, it's not completely controlled by intellect,it's like strangely my physical development I became less hypermobile in my 30s ,like empathy and hypermobility are joined together .
Click to expand...
Thank you for getting back to me, I am glad you read and sorry you have other problems.
 
Streetwise said:
This is where I will have accept and pray for the courage to stop talking in any way , it's too upsetting ,I meant helping people!, not one! specific person is shattering.
Click to expand...
You sound really hard on yourself and I cannot understand why.
You have come on this thread to help me.
Isn't that a good thing?
 
@Gift to Humanity.
In my humble opinion, I think you're setting yourself up to fail.
I have to agree with Fino when he suggests your continuation of reading in early years and your idea of it protecting your family, conjecture.

Mum would have known the dangers. Fear can create helplessness in a person therefore mum could be forgiven for being terrified of dad.

It was never your role as a toddler to protect the family from an alleged aggressor.
Trying to take on that responsibility years later and blaming self for what you 'should have done' is understandable,
but fruitless.

We don't get 'do-overs'.
we can't go back in time and have another go.
You believe your continued reading could have saved your family but can never really know for certain if it would have changed the outcome.

All you can do is recognise the feelings of helplessness and guilt in this present moment and deal with that.

What happened, happened.
There's no fault or blame.
Make working through your feelings and moving forward with the utmost respect and kindness for yourself your priority.
 
Gracey said:
@Gift to Humanity.
In my humble opinion, I think you're setting yourself up to fail.
I have to agree with Fino when he suggests your continuation of reading in early years and your idea of it protecting your family, conjecture.

Mum would have known the dangers. Fear can create helplessness in a person therefore mum could be forgiven for being terrified of dad.

It was never your role as a toddler to protect the family from an alleged aggressor.
Trying to take on that responsibility years later and blaming self for what you 'should have done' is understandable,
but fruitless.

We don't get 'do-overs'.
we can't go back in time and have another go.
You believe your continued reading could have saved your family but can never really know for certain if it would have changed the outcome.

All you can do is recognise the feelings of helplessness and guilt in this present moment and deal with that.

What happened, happened.
There's no fault or blame.
Make working through your feelings and moving forward with the utmost respect and kindness for yourself your priority.
Click to expand...
Hi Gracey Thank you for your post.

I tried to tell myself I am not to blame. I am a life path 11 who is supposed to be a spiritual illuminary and lead people out of darkness, I know lots of people think woo woo, but Pythagoras discovered all numbers have electromagnetic energetic vibrations which is physics and I do believe it is accurate.
I have not done a numerology search on here yet, I did on WP, some autistics believe in it on there. I think it is eerie accurate, but I have lived my life the opposite way I should have and for reasons I cannot post on a public forum, I fear it is too late for me to change my life because of certain errors I have made.

Correct me if I am wrong, I just want to know I have interpreted your post right.

You think I am setting myself up to fail, and I feel you think that because you may think I am being hard on my self is that correct?
It may be conjecture, even arrogance on my part, that I could influence my mother. She hesitated to marry him, she didn't like the way he treated her, although she has been an avid junk TV watcher for years, as a child she used to object to the TV ruling the house, it kills imagination and it was Dad who was the TV addict.

Her intuition told her when I was 9 months to investigate whether I had autism, but she said no one was prepared to listen to her.

Mum would have known the dangers, but as the years went by, she became more like him and made statements of denial like "She is not treated badly by Dad" "Any problems I have with Dad are mine" she even stood by when Dad told me he would make me sh1t myself literally, she stood by when my sister told me at 18 he would smack me right in the mouth and became violent herself, in contrast to what I remember of her as a toddler when learning my abc's proud, loving etc, she came from a good family, her own father protected her sister from a toxic violent husband. Fear can create helplessness in a person but I believe a person chooses how to feel, many women who escape these relationships feel like they have taken back control of their lives.
I even read an article where a woman said she had listened to her children's intuition about her boyfriends when they said they were creepy and turned out wrong.

It seems a big ask from a toddler, and being autistic, my type of autism makes me choose the wrong words. I was a highly intuitive child and I believe that reading as a mediative activity would have honed this intuition so I could have warned her of the danger, IMPORTANT - as to what decision she made after that is up to her, out of my control, but the fact is I gave it up, and lost my intuition.

Trying to take on that responsibility years later and blaming self for what you 'should have done' is understandable,
but fruitless.
Click to expand...
I think I understand the fruitless part of it, not being able to turn back time, but could you explain why you think it is understandable? thanks.

I agree I can't know for certain and don't know if you believe in numerology, I have strong spiritual beliefs, I know there is woo-woo out there which you have to sift though, and I feel I can tell the rubbish from the ancient wisdom.

The feelings of helplessness and guilt in this present moment are eating me up.

Given the errors I have made and the irreversibility of those (sorry I feel uncomfortable posting them publicly, as an aspie I hate vagueness) I fear that my life is over NOTE I do not mean suicide, that carries very bad karma and I don't want to incur more karmic debt than I have to.
 
Thanks for some clarification :) much appreciated.

I write "it's understandable" from my own perspective.(or projection ?)
I know what it is to carry weighty and corrosive guilt over what we 'should have done', needlessly.


As an adult we're able to identify a problem and create a possible solution.
We have the emotional experience, neural connections, fluid intelligence and maturity.


A very young child; in this instance, a two year old,
doesn't have that scope (yet)

Many two year olds will exist 'in the moment'.
Still discovering the world around them and how they might interact with it in basic terms, becoming more complex with more interaction,
And not,
abstract reasoning and understanding complex emotional situations in order to take responsibility for the care and wellbeing of others and decide the best course of action for all involved.
(That's an adult, caregiver job and NOT a developing toddlers' job)

I think what I'm trying to put across (badly :) )
Now, as an adult and in retrospect you're able to feel regret because you have the neural capability to identify a particular moment in your past whereby something needed to change.

As a youngster, reading books may have taken you only so far in trying to understand what was happening and any choices you may have had but it's likely you had to reach a certain level of experienced maturity to be able to process the data and create a solution.

A solution you can't apply because the moment's passed. Hence regret?

Am I making any sense? Or just confusing matters? :)


Onto a different subject,
I think I have a very basic idea of what numerology is.
It doesn't necessarily follow that I'd be so disrespectful as to 'pooh-pooh' your beliefs just because I myself don't understand them.
Live and let live :)
 
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