Lula1989
Well-Known Member
hello - My husband and I have been together for about 10 years now (married 4). Two years after starting our relationship we bought a dog, Lucy, who was 3 at the time of adoption. She recently had to be put down on May 9th due to lung cancer that had spread throughout her body. We only found out a week before we had to put her down that she had lung cancer. We were always told how healthy she was. For those eight years of having her, my husband and I always fought because I wanted to give her up. I struggled with the constant responsibility, the vet costs, and she wasn't a very social dog towards other animals. So living in an apartment and having to walk her was difficult and embarrassing the way she acted. Barking and pulling I took it as a direct reflection of me. Three years ago I called a rescue foster care to take her in, but when it came to it, i couldn't give her up. With her passing it was the most heartbreaking thing of my life. I haven't ever felt any emotional grief from human relatives dying so this was hard on me. My husband talked about how confused he was because I never seemed like I wanted her with how much I talked about the stress of having her, but When she was dying thats the most emotion he has seen from me in regards to her.
Two weeks after her passing we decided to get another dog. I don't think anyone prepares for how loud the silence is once a family member is gone. She was a snorer and always had a cute pitter patter across the floor. I was still on the fence about getting another dog. A year before Lucys passing I kept telling my husband I only thought she had about a year or two left and when shes gone I want the freedom from responsibility. We can take random road trips without worrying about the $50 a day boarding fees. I always had to work from home during thunderstorms because she didnt like them and we would have the freedom to work all week and then be gone all weekend without worrying about lack of attention or time spent with a pet.
That didnt last two weeks and we adopted Nova. Part of me told myself Id rather give a dog a loving home and the dog have to deal with lack of attention for a week or two every few months than them be in an abusive home. But I always went back to having freedom finally after eight years. After putting Nova in the car I immediately thought we moved on too fast from Lucy. That small two week span in between animals I felt a sense of independent and freedom I hadn't had since college. I didn't feel trapped by my house any longer. We've had Nova for a month now. We just spent $550 on her at the vet for clearing up her skin, tapeworms and hookworms. Now her leg is messed up (limping) so we are going to have to take her back in. Shes peed on two of my rugs, torn down blinds, but outside of those things shes a great dog. We put curtains up and took down all the blinds in the house and she does perfectly now. Ive had to pull up all of my rugs so my house just doesn't feel pretty and decorated as it did, which having a nice clean and orderly house reduces my stress load. We do not want children due to the financial burden among my lack of handling stressful situations well.
I guess my current struggle is.. my husband gets super attached super quickly. Within the same day. Its wild to me. Im still not emotionally attached, however I do love the dog. Shes incredibly sweet, funny and dog bring me joy. My husband has taken a lot of the responsibility burden off of me when having pets. He is the one that gets up early to take them out and feed them. When he comes home he handles the dog so I can have one less stimuli. I know my reasons for giving her up are purely selfish and i feel great pains and regret to do that to my husband when he's so attached. I know this will be a constant struggle and arguments for the next 15 years which is why I was ready for Lucy to pass on a year ago.
Should I learn better techniques to handling a dog and my stressors, for the sake of my husband or should we go ahead and give her back? This has nothing to do with the dog herself, but more so around i hate spending money on dogs and my house is never clean. Two weeks between dogs it was spotless. I cleaned once and it stayed that way. Dogs track in so much mud and dirt I'm constantly sweeping. Every day i sweep. Part of me thinks my relationship will get so much better without the dog, but then I think that my husband will hold this over my head for a long time. He says he's content with whatever decision but we need to make it this weekend so he doesn't get more attached. He mentioned the same thing with this dog like Lucy, he's confused because I love on Nova, we play and I'm always sending him photos of her and saying how dang cute she is, but he can see in my eyes theres no connection between my actions and feelings. Which is 100% true. Its the same thing with humans. I may enjoy them and be super kind, but if anyone left my life or died, I likely wouldn't blink an eye.
Two weeks after her passing we decided to get another dog. I don't think anyone prepares for how loud the silence is once a family member is gone. She was a snorer and always had a cute pitter patter across the floor. I was still on the fence about getting another dog. A year before Lucys passing I kept telling my husband I only thought she had about a year or two left and when shes gone I want the freedom from responsibility. We can take random road trips without worrying about the $50 a day boarding fees. I always had to work from home during thunderstorms because she didnt like them and we would have the freedom to work all week and then be gone all weekend without worrying about lack of attention or time spent with a pet.
That didnt last two weeks and we adopted Nova. Part of me told myself Id rather give a dog a loving home and the dog have to deal with lack of attention for a week or two every few months than them be in an abusive home. But I always went back to having freedom finally after eight years. After putting Nova in the car I immediately thought we moved on too fast from Lucy. That small two week span in between animals I felt a sense of independent and freedom I hadn't had since college. I didn't feel trapped by my house any longer. We've had Nova for a month now. We just spent $550 on her at the vet for clearing up her skin, tapeworms and hookworms. Now her leg is messed up (limping) so we are going to have to take her back in. Shes peed on two of my rugs, torn down blinds, but outside of those things shes a great dog. We put curtains up and took down all the blinds in the house and she does perfectly now. Ive had to pull up all of my rugs so my house just doesn't feel pretty and decorated as it did, which having a nice clean and orderly house reduces my stress load. We do not want children due to the financial burden among my lack of handling stressful situations well.
I guess my current struggle is.. my husband gets super attached super quickly. Within the same day. Its wild to me. Im still not emotionally attached, however I do love the dog. Shes incredibly sweet, funny and dog bring me joy. My husband has taken a lot of the responsibility burden off of me when having pets. He is the one that gets up early to take them out and feed them. When he comes home he handles the dog so I can have one less stimuli. I know my reasons for giving her up are purely selfish and i feel great pains and regret to do that to my husband when he's so attached. I know this will be a constant struggle and arguments for the next 15 years which is why I was ready for Lucy to pass on a year ago.
Should I learn better techniques to handling a dog and my stressors, for the sake of my husband or should we go ahead and give her back? This has nothing to do with the dog herself, but more so around i hate spending money on dogs and my house is never clean. Two weeks between dogs it was spotless. I cleaned once and it stayed that way. Dogs track in so much mud and dirt I'm constantly sweeping. Every day i sweep. Part of me thinks my relationship will get so much better without the dog, but then I think that my husband will hold this over my head for a long time. He says he's content with whatever decision but we need to make it this weekend so he doesn't get more attached. He mentioned the same thing with this dog like Lucy, he's confused because I love on Nova, we play and I'm always sending him photos of her and saying how dang cute she is, but he can see in my eyes theres no connection between my actions and feelings. Which is 100% true. Its the same thing with humans. I may enjoy them and be super kind, but if anyone left my life or died, I likely wouldn't blink an eye.