Emotional Risk

[WolfSpirit]

Still no answer

Guys, I still need you to help me out with one of the main points of this thread:

How to respond when someone asks you how you are doing?

I know how to respond to this question if the person who asks it is a stranger. But in this case I am asking you guys to help me out in this process of cutting my emotional connection with these people close to me who already said they won’t help. So, what the point of asking me how I am doing? They want me to answer as I would to a stranger. But I was used to answer the truth to these people, how I really feel. But then they start making me feel worse.

I can’t simply lie and pretend I am fine. I really don’t know what to say, and yesterday I ended up telling the truth, telling my neurotypical brother how I felt and as always it made me feel even worse.

My ex-husband, who is also my business partner, is coming back from his holidays and will be soon contacting me. Same thing. He could be here helping me a lot, but chose not to. Both of them, him and my brother are allergic to me. They have more connection to each other than to myself.

Anyway, he will be back and will ask how I like living in the suburb, how I like this community, and I can’t lie, he will see in my eyes that I have a panic attack face. But if I open my heart, the response invalidates me, makes me feel guilty for being who I am, makes me want not to be.

So, what to say to this kind of people, our close family, when they ask us how we are doing and we are actually not doing well? How you guys usually respond?

I essentially learned to give somewhat if a middle ground answer. Admit I'm not doing well, or having difficulty, but not going into detail with this kind if person who doesn't really want to know, or can't handle the details. It takes time, and instinct, I guess, to learn how to tailor your responses based on who's asking, and your own needs, but it can be done. Also, sometimes telling people that life sucks, without expecting them to do anything about it can be helpful. That way, you've said what you needed, but aren't as hurt by the rejection if no one offers help. And then they are less surprised if things get worse, and extreme measures are taken to protect you.

 

[4na11]

That said, learning coping skills for such things, and figuring out sensory integration stuff that helps, and the right medications are all essential pieces of the puzzle in terms of figuring out how to cope. Figuring out basic (and more advanced) self care strategies is vital too. Things like what makes us happy? What helps us relax? What helps right our world again? Learning how to access, and how to use a support system is important too, as is learning how to be a support system for other people, including those we lean on for support, so they don't burn out on helping us.

At present I am so very messy and blind I can't respect myself or others. This is causing my situation to get worse. But I just don't have any more energy left and lost my intelligence or strength, or I don't know what is missing. But I am not doing things right and I can't help it.

Of course, part of it was I refused to give up. I kept insisting on proper assistance, and had awesome back up when needed.

I don't know if I am still fighting or if I have already given up. It is very unstable my will. As unstable as my energy. When my energy feels stronger I feel I can keep fighting and I will find proper conditions to have a decent life, a life according to my nature. But sometimes this hostile life to my nature seems to be killing me faster than I can bear.
Thanks @WolfSpirit for your answer and inspiration. It gave me strength to keep going ahead!

 

[4na11]

I essentially learned to give somewhat if a middle ground answer. Admit I'm not doing well, or having difficulty, but not going into detail with this kind if person who doesn't really want to know, or can't handle the details. It takes time, and instinct, I guess, to learn how to tailor your responses based on who's asking, and your own needs, but it can be done. Also, sometimes telling people that life sucks, without expecting them to do anything about it can be helpful. That way, you've said what you needed, but aren't as hurt by the rejection if no one offers help. And then they are less surprised if things get worse, and extreme measures are taken to protect you.

Another excellent answer @WolfSpirit that gave me a very clear guideline.

I really had this in mind, that if things got worse I wanted to have them known beforehand, even if they didn't want to get involved in the process;

You also helped me to see clearly that I don't need to give details to someone that is not interested, if the point is just keeping them aware of the general situation, in order to be prepared to more serious measures;

It prevents me from the emotional frustration of not having people involved in things they are not interested in the first place;

It will help me to create emotional independence, at least from people who are not able to create emotional bonds with me.

I really need to stop putting me in frustrating situations. The only ones I should tell how I am doing should be the ones who are genuinely interested in knowing about it.

 

[WolfSpirit]

At present I am so very messy and blind I can't respect myself or others. This is causing my situation to get worse. But I just don't have any more energy left and lost my intelligence or strength, or I don't know what is missing. But I am not doing things right and I can't help it.

I don't know if I am still fighting or if I have already given up. It is very unstable my will. As unstable as my energy. When my energy feels stronger I feel I can keep fighting and I will find proper conditions to have a decent life, a life according to my nature. But sometimes this hostile life to my nature seems to be killing me faster than I can bear.
Thanks @WolfSpirit for your answer and inspiration. It gave me strength to keep going ahead!

Lots of compassion and empathy directed your way!! Hang in there, you're important!

 

[WolfSpirit]

Another excellent answer @WolfSpirit that gave me a very clear guideline.

I really had this in mind, that if things got worse I wanted to have them known beforehand, even if they didn't want to get involved in the process;

You also helped me to see clearly that I don't need to give details to someone that is not interested, if the point is just keeping them aware of the general situation, in order to be prepared to more serious measures;

It prevents me from the emotional frustration of not having people involved in things they are not interested in the first place;

It will help me to create emotional independence, at least from people who are not able to create emotional bonds with me.

I really need to stop putting me in frustrating situations. The only ones I should tell how I am doing should be the ones who are genuinely interested in knowing about it.

. Glad to help. What you've said are great steps forward!

 

[TopherPwn]

People get desensitized after so many encounters. Have you looked for a support group? How are they rescuing you? It's fine if you don't want to mention it.