ever since I was little, someone very close to me used to point out how self centered I was. I suspect they are an empath, as they are always trying to help everyone and reached out to everyone, even if they didn't know them. since I didn't constantly try to help everyone, this person used to scold me on my lack of empathy and called me a monster. I feel terrible, but I see the world in black and white, there is no gray area. I often feel like something is wrong with me, and even though I try to be kind, sometimes I can only be honest. and that honesty comes off as me being rude. I know lack of empathy is a very well known aspie trait- can aspies and empaths live in harmony? because it really doesn't look like they can. that said, i'm tired of feeling like there is something wrong with me, and starting to wonder if I really am a monster or heartless, because this person keeps criticizing me for it. I know I am not a psychopath, and I do feel pity and grief for people- mostly anime and video game characters, but that's still something! so could this be part of my NVLD? and do any other people have this issue?
I personally think one person with empathy and one with less empathy can coexist, and sometimes it is refreshing and needed, as long as each can be accepting of or understand those differences, and how it can be beneficial. But, maybe the two should have a basic rule to follow, like it is not the job of the empathetic person to keep getting the one with less empathy out of trouble.
My wife and I are somewhat opposites in terms of empathy, and that is very fine with me, as we have that same just stated understanding. Although we both are the honest type, I try to do it more balanced and tactful way, and sometimes she cannot because of some emotion, or as she has less ability to sense the impact of certain words she uses. This does not make her a bad person though.
I tend to have more empathy toward a variety of other persons, regardless if they share the same interests, personality, limitations or strengths as I. Sometimes though, it is good to have someone more direct, and be less afraid to not be politically correct in speech, as that can cut down on time, and not lead anyone else on.
For instance, sometimes my wife would be more apt to quickly tell a salesman, "No, I am interested," then close the door. Or she would take a long time to reply to most emails, when I am more prompt. For sellers, I, however, grew up listening to the entire sellers script, without a desire to offend, and then tell them politely why I was not interested.
Also, my attitude is "If my wife wants to state or do things her way to others then fine, but then do not expect me to act that same way if I have my own ways instead. In other words, each of us will be judged by how we treat others. As long as the offended person realizes my wife and I are separate persons, with different ways of expressing, I am fine. She would have to deal with others who took offense to her words.
My wife has empathy, but just less than me. That is not unempathetic of me to state that truth, as I do not criticize her for that, as she would not tell fat persons they were fat, or lazy persons were lazy, and she has helped many others before. I just take it to an extreme level sometimes, and those times I love it when she says, "Hey, David, you are doing too much. Think of yourself, too. You need to tell them that."
In general, try to have the right balance, if possible. Having some empathy is good, but if one has too much they will be taken advantage of in life. Having no empathy will create more problems in life. I see no big difference between Aspies and NTs regarding empathy, as very few NTs ever went out of there way to help me, and try to understand me and show true concern for me, regardless if it was a man or woman.
