ever since I was little, someone very close to me used to point out how self centered I was. I suspect they are an empath, as they are always trying to help everyone and reached out to everyone, even if they didn't know them. since I didn't constantly try to help everyone, this person used to scold me on my lack of empathy and called me a monster. I feel terrible, but I see the world in black and white, there is no gray area. I often feel like something is wrong with me, and even though I try to be kind, sometimes I can only be honest. and that honesty comes off as me being rude. I know lack of empathy is a very well known aspie trait- can aspies and empaths live in harmony? because it really doesn't look like they can. that said, i'm tired of feeling like there is something wrong with me, and starting to wonder if I really am a monster or heartless, because this person keeps criticizing me for it. I know I am not a psychopath, and I do feel pity and grief for people- mostly anime and video game characters, but that's still something! so could this be part of my NVLD? and do any other people have this issue?
Wow, your not a monster... Why do people have to be so mean and why cant they just think before they become what they just called you?
I am ASD, and yes I suck at displaying empathy. I am a no drama type person. I just go for whatever fixes the issue and I have no want to explain what I cant explain. I think very logical and very literal, but that doesn't often relate to how I actually feel inside. Thats a lot of the ASD problem for me. I have been called heartless, when inside I feel crushed over something, and others are all emotional and I'm just standing there not knowing what to say or do...
I even have a family member who demands I at least fake that I care... I think thats asking the impossible. How do I fake what I cant display? I'm not saying I cant, but I haven't never really been able to make this part of my socializing work out very well at all.
Its like this wall... I cant display what I feel a lot of the time, so I just stand there blank. It sucks and yes I even notice it, and then I do feel like a monster... But I am not a monster in any fashion, neither are you.
If I could tear down that wall in my head, I guess I would be a lot less ASD, but that is one thing I haven't been able to do yet, not saying it will never happen.
I have tons of feelings and emotions just trapped, I just have no way to get them out of me...
However being blunt, especially when I'm tired or stressed out... Yeah I'm good at that, and it gets me into trouble sometimes. I just try very hard to not say much at all most the time.
I remember once, not very long ago, this person died and I was forced to go to the funeral and I didn't want to go. When it was my turn to console this person I told this lady, "It will be alright and smiled." I thought I was going to get punched in the face. I meant what I said, and she took it as a heartless gesture and got mad. She started screaming at me, that it wasn't alright that her husband died. That is why people need to leave us alone when we don't want to go somewhere. I was criticized for days and I still don't know what I did wrong? It will be alright... I wasn't saying I was glad he was dead, but you would think that is what I said. Geez.
Please don't let people crush you like this...
You KNOW your not a monster... So let it go, and yes that is hard to do, but try really hard. Please : )