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Entering the world of online dating, but wanting to be safe about it.

Metalhead said:
Well, tonight is my first date in years. We will be meeting not at the bar and grill, but at the pizza place instead. We will split a pepperoni pizza and get to know each other a little. Then we will go our separate ways from the pizza joint since this date is just a trial run for us to get to know each other a little and both of us are kinda nervous about it.
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Have fun! Enjoy yourself if you can! Good call on the pizza joint. Looking forward to hearing how it goes.
 
Rodafina said:
This is good to be open about not drinking and hold yourself accountable by being public with it.

We do have to exist in the world, those of us in recovery, but it is a good point to be careful about putting yourself in a situation that may be triggering. Going to a restaurant that has a full bar service does feel different and then going to an actual bar in my opinion. Although you may not drink at the bar, being in one, smelling the place, remembering times there when you did order alcohol could play tricks with your mind later on when you are not feeling such fortitude in your sobriety.

As far as safety goes, make sure you let somebody else know where you’re going and when you expect to be back. Make sure your phone is all charged up and you have a bit of cash in your pocket. As a lady, I also go out into any situation with my protective gear (i.e. Pepper spray and self-defense tool).

By choosing not to drink, you are already taking a step toward safety. Your judgment will be more clear with a sober mind.

And hopefully, have some fun! Like you said this is just the first step, so even if it is just a practice move and doesn’t go anywhere, it sounds like a good opportunity for you.
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When my wife and I go out we like to buy mocktail's, neither one of us are drinkers. She drives now not an issue for me, I guess she thinks I'll get a second stroke while driving.
 
Ronald Zeeman said:
When my wife and I go out we like to buy mocktail's, neither one of us are drinkers. She drives now not an issue for me, I guess she thinks I'll get a second stroke while driving.
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Any good mocktail suggestions? I never tried one.
 
My wife orders them, we went to a restaurant called the Mandarin and we picked from the selection. Some restaurants have a large selection, their getting popular in this area.
 
OK, the truth came out about the guy I was supposed to meet tonight. He lost interest when I made it clear he was not getting a blowjob on the first date. Looks like I dodged a bullet there.
 
People like that suck. I had a girlfriend who broke up with me because I waited too long to be that intimate, and it's definitely better to dodge that bullet earlier on than to get too attached IMO
 
Slime_Punk said:
People like that suck. I had a girlfriend who broke up with me because I waited too long to be that intimate, and it's definitely better to dodge that bullet earlier on than to get too attached IMO
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Yeah, he admitted to me he was bi curious and just wanted to experience sex with any man who was willing to put out for him, zero strings attached. That kind of deal does not work for me.
 
I was cheering for you so I'm sorry things didn't work out.
Thank goodness you didn't meet him or feel manipulated in that way.

There are better men out there.
Don't be afraid to try again when you're ready.
 
Ella Spell said:
I was cheering for you so I'm sorry things didn't work out.
Thank goodness you didn't meet him or feel manipulated in that way.

There are better men out there.
Don't be afraid to try again when you're ready.
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The thing is I don’t think he was acting out of evil or malice. I just think he needs to screw his head on tighter and figure out what he really wants before he starts offering his body up on a platter out of desperation. Some guys will take advantage of somebody as insecure as he is. He is a train wreck waiting to happen.
 
I know. ^ I'm sure it wasn't malicious whatsoever and he probably did like you, even though you were looking for different things. I just don't understand why people can't be straight forward about what they want, without confusing others.

Think of it as a learning opportunity and be grateful you saved the price of pizza.
 
Is Sex on the First Date Wrong? Sex on a first date isn't necessarily wrong, but go by context. If at least one of you isn't comfortable with it, then it shouldn't be something on the table. I'm personally okay with it, but I want condoms if a butt is involved.
If you and the other person like coffee, usually people like to meet for coffee. Lower cost and keeps the stakes low at the beginning generally speaking.

When you meet someone for the first time in-person for a romantic relationship, it's always best to meet in a public place first. It's okay if you only want to be around for a few hours, but if both you and the other person want to be around longer with each other, that is okay too.
 
I think I might have better luck avoiding the weirdos if I stopped looking at dating and actually attended local gay movie meetups on a regular basis instead.
 
For online dating, make sure you avoid terms such as "random play" and "hookup" and also state on your profile that you don't like to be physical on the first date or so. Also, be open to meeting people in-person.

Use online as a tool to meet and not as a social barrier, because you and/or the other person are "weirdos" if you just want to chat online months endlessly. Some people are okay with this, but many so burned waiting it out this long.
 
Well, I decided to hold off on looking for potential dating partners for now and focus more on mingling with other gay men in my area and seeing what happens from there. I am not desperate to get laid. I am not desperate to tie the knot with another man. I am becoming more comfortable with myself and I am a work in progress. Thirsty guys are a turnoff for me.
 
Metalhead said:
Well, I decided to hold off on looking for potential dating partners for now and focus more on mingling with other gay men in my area and seeing what happens from there. I am not desperate to get laid. I am not desperate to tie the knot with another man. I am becoming more comfortable with myself and I am a work in progress. Thirsty guys are a turnoff for me.
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Sounds like a good attitude. Best of luck to you :) You deserve some happiness, however it comes.
 
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