Ever feel unattractive?

[JCPHN]

That's indeed what I was referring to. I'd compare the process of transition from one gender to another like that of a caterpillar's gradual transformation into a majestic butterfly. Especially Ladyboys!

 

[buckyboy14]

I usually don't think about my appearance, but when I happen to look in a mirror, I often think to myself, "My God, I'm ugly." I'm almost 19 and still have bad acne that I simply can't get rid of no matter what I use. I've never been on a date before, and I'm starting to wonder if my appearance is a part of that, because it's a lot easier for me to become friends with girls than it is guys, but I've never been able to take the next step with them.

 

[epath13]

That ship sailed a long time ago. I have long limbs and I'm tall for a female. One of the many reasons I hung onto my husband when we were dating is that he was one of the few people that didn't make a big deal of it like I was some giant disproportionate freak. Everybody else, I just hold things over their head out of reach until they apologize.

When I was younger I was a little envious of tall women/girls. I'm 5ft10, I reached this height at the age of 14 or so... I wanted to be over 6ft, I thought it would be so awesome now I don't care at all, but yeah, those were the times

 

[danielcollins]

Yes, I've always had a self-image issue and being incredibly skinny didn't fix it for me.

My weight has flown from 10 stone to 21 stone over the years and I'm never happy - there's always something about my appaerarnace I'm unhappy about, to the point where I don't actively seek relationships with others.

I know exactly what you mean, for me that "realisation" moment is one of the worst feelings in the world, when you realise suddenly the person thinks you're strange or doesn't get it. Like being emotionally drop kicked.

I've come to the assumption over the years that I can't have a relationship with someone else until I learn to accept who I am, which I can't and haven't done yet. I've also got an issue with being a bit of a hypocrite - I expect my partner to look a certain way when I don't myself. I know this is bad, but I am honest about it.

I've also resigned myself to the notion I won't change myself for someone else, yet I know my target partner wouldn't find myself attractive as I am - my weight is creeping up and effecting my health but I'm avoiding doing anything about it because of this silly mental barrier.

Even if I could get over this barrier, I'd be very self-concious and anxious the other person wouldn't be happy in the relation - there's no winning with me.

Mentally I am not ready for someone else, and I'm rather certain a person won't just come along - I've recently started to conceive that it could be just me in the future. This is both bad and good.

There is also as I was growing up the stark realisation that a lot of things I'd been told about as an adult (sex, relationships etc) are much better in thought than reality. I've yet to have experiences of either which have lived up to my preconcieved ideas of them, maybe I'm thinking too fixed.

Slowly turning into a bit of a agoraphobic. Avoiding leaving home and tring to spend as much time there as possible, yet I do moan when I'm at home and board.

Apologies for the self-absorbed moan.

 

[AsheSkyler]

When I was younger I was a little envious of tall women/girls. I'm 5ft10, I reached this height at the age of 14 or so... I wanted to be over 6ft, I thought it would be so awesome now I don't care at all, but yeah, those were the times

I'm 5'10" myself, but quite a few around me are 5'8" or smaller. One thing everybody held against me is that I pretty much reached my adult height when I was 14 or 15, so even though most of them have caught up by now, that stigma is still there. I always know when I have a really height-conscious guy come up to me who swears I'm over 6' because "he is 6' tall".

 

[danielcollins]

I'm 5'10" myself, but quite a few around me are 5'8" or smaller. One thing everybody held against me is that I pretty much reached my adult height when I was 14 or 15, so even though most of them have caught up by now, that stigma is still there. I always know when I have a really height-conscious guy come up to me who swears I'm over 6' because "he is 6' tall".

Wow - people think like that? That's proper deluded! (In relation to the guys height thing)

 

[Slothra]

Wow - people think like that? That's proper deluded! (In relation to the guys height thing)

Yeah, a lot of guys seem to have this thing about being 6' tall or higher, it's been kind of a theme I'm noticing when chatting with my male friends. I didn't know it before recently, though. It also doesn't really factor into how attractive I think women are. It'd be less awkward, having someone close to my height

 

[Harrison]

I'm 5'10" myself, but quite a few around me are 5'8" or smaller. One thing everybody held against me is that I pretty much reached my adult height when I was 14 or 15, so even though most of them have caught up by now, that stigma is still there. I always know when I have a really height-conscious guy come up to me who swears I'm over 6' because "he is 6' tall".

When I first noticed you mention your height elsewhere I was downcaste. Somewhere in my brain I saw you as this small feisty gal, rather than the amazon. As I'm only 5'6" anyone over that is a giant My ex grew up in the Appalachian hills and was over 6', she would wear heels when we were out somewhere nice which made me look even smaller!

 

[AsheSkyler]

Wow - people think like that? That's proper deluded! (In relation to the guys height thing)

Heh, yup. I'd just smile at them when they'd say it. I didn't have the heart to tell them how little they really were. You know how guys are about size!

When I first noticed you mention your height elsewhere I was downcaste. Somewhere in my brain I saw you as this small feisty gal, rather than the amazon. As I'm only 5'6" anyone over that is a giant My ex grew up in the Appalachian hills and was over 6', she would wear heels when we were out somewhere nice which made me look even smaller!

Fee fi fo fum, I smell the blood of a Harrison!

 

[Slothra]

Fee fi fo fum, I smell the blood of a Harrison!

*lumbers in at 6'2"*

Be he live, or be he dead, I'll grind his bones to make my bread!

 

[Madame Catfish]

I don't feel unattractive, I know I am. I kind of embrace it.

 

[aspiegirl]

All the time

 

[IAmParadiseSeekerJW]

I feel very unattractive. I am prone to being very negative and unreasonable and irrational in my thinking though so that probably isn't true. I suppose I base that on the fact that I look through the mirror and wonder what others see in me? I don't feel pretty, I feel less than average in many respects, and then combined with my personality which admitted, I can be a kind loving person, I can also be extremely hard to deal with because of my moods and the way I think and so all that tells me that no man will ever want me lol.

To end this on a positive note though; I always try and remember this though:

Just because I find someone attractive, doesn't mean all others do. And the same the other way around, just because I find someone unattractive, doesn't mean all others do. Everyone has different tastes, preferences whatever and so i'm quite sure that everyone will find the person that they should be with, in time.

 

[Sid Delicious]

Attractive to who? The one thing I realised when I hit adulthood was that everyone's definition of attractive is different.

I don't feel unattractive now. I used to have a hang up about my height when I was younger, as I grew up in a family of very tall people and I'm only 5.3 , almost 5'4 on a good day. It was something people would tease me about a lot (not in a nasty way, but enough that it annoyed me). I looked like a gothic doll until I finished puberty, with a petite body, very pale skin and a big head with dark hair and eyes, so I was teased for that as well and went through a stage of chopping it all off or straightening/dying it so I would look different. But these days I don't care. I just need to find a guy that doesn't mind a hobbit sized girl!

Everyone likes different things. All the women in my family have different preferences for men. Some of them love the huge body builder type, some love shaved hair, my cousin has a huge thing for ginger guys (loves Prince Harry), I love skinny nerds in glasses! So there's someone out there who will think you are amazing.

On a somewhat related note, this reminds me of an article I was sent the other week regarding people being most attracted to mates who remind them of their parents (of that gender) in terms of personality, intelligence, looks, etc. I'd be interested to know if there's any correlation here. Apparently it doesn't work if you really dislike your parents!

 

[Adora]

I admit I have struggle with feeling unattractive most of my life,I contribute that to growing up in a household where my dad constantly criticised the way I look and while I am in a better place now I still have some insecurities,it’s a ongoing struggle but I am slowly learning to be more kinder to myself.

 

[Isadoorian]

Always; I'm rather average, and don't have the facial structure to pull off a kickass beard, not that I'd want one anyways

The 2 rules of dating in the modern world?

1. Be Attractive

2. Don't be Unattractive

 

[paloftoon]

I felt unattractive for a long time because I didn't get clique well with a bunch of people. I was also quite husky, and extreme pimples as a teacher, and lived in a bubble I couldn't get out of. I didn't have much independence and didn't know much about dating or romance. I had a lot pf prejudices around me too. I'm sure some of the things I may have unintentionally brought upon myself, but I felt a lot more barriers that I had to deal with than many others. Building confidence through exercise (physical or yoga, becoming more independent, and being involved in more activities) can help a lot. For me, I'm involved in so much that I have to cut back and being involved in more isn't always best. It's about balance.

 

[DCA]

I have ALWAYS felt very unattractive, for most of my life. Both physically & personality-wise. For a very long time I thought I was ugly & had nothing to offer a woman (ANY woman), reinforced by not having a woman in my life for much of my teen years & 20s. I finally became so lonely I resorted to internet dating. Even then my first actual GF would complain how she would tell me I was handsome or sexy, & I didn't believe her or thought she was just trying to be nice to me. It took me 43 years to figure out that yes, I can be attractive to women, & that yes I do have qualities that would be desirable for a woman. In the last few months I had 3 different women comment that they thought I was handsome, which is mind-blowing to me (my current GF always starts off the mornings by saying "Hi handsome" which is very sweet of her). These attitudes & feelings of hopelessness were a big source of my depression for many years. And perhaps much of that was actually unfounded...

 

[Bolletje]

I was relatively confident, but after my boyfriend cheated on me repeatedly, my self-confidence took quite a hit. During the dark period that followed I gained a few kilos due to emotional eating. Now I feel even less confident about my looks.

 

[Aeolienne]

Back in 2009, I wrote in a discussion thread about how old people were when they had their first bf/gf: I'm off the scale - 34 and never had a boyfriend...It's enough to make me wish I were an overweight brunette, because I've heard tell of women who found their first ever partner as a result of an image revamp, which almost always involved losing weight and dying their hair blond. Unfortunately my BMI lies in the "ideal" range and I've been a Scandinavian-style blonde since the day I was born. (boldface added)
...which prompted one response: I'm sorry, I find these two [highlighted] statements completely contradictory...
...and my riposte: You're allowed to say that. I would be flamed for being arrogant if I did. FWIW I was 20 the first time someone tried to french-kiss me, during an Erasmus exchange in Stockholm, of all places (at the entrance to Universitätet tunnelbana, from a bloke who'd insisted on escorting me there after the student bars closed - I kept my mouth firmly shut because he had disgusting bad breath). How weird is that, that I should have to travel to a country where blondes are two a penny (or should I say two an öre?) to get that level of attention.