"Everybody's got Asperger's"

[Soup]

A lot to think about here in this thread! While I can see where, as a man Lisbeth Salander might appeal to you, you're looking from a revenge perspective (think back to the power/vengence driven Lex Luthor) I can even stretch my mind & see where she would appeal to some women too as an outsider underdog who takes back what she believes is hers.

However, the concept that any woman NT or Aspie (you know how most of us don't like being touched!) would bounce back that way from such a vicious sexual assault & go on to plot revenge, is a fantasy that misrepresents the impact sexual assaults have on women with Asperger's. Women who are perceived to have a disability are many more times more likely to become victims of sexual assault than those the avg woman. the exact numbers vary from 1 culture to another, but the fact remains a constant.

While the Dr.Reid 'Bones' types are more 'positive' in that they're less threatening than the Aspie-like serial killer, hunched over in his lair full of technological gizmos, intent on causing massive harm, they're a distortion that utterly minimizes the impact Asperger's has on many who live with it. Many real Aspies have been turned into pill heads by the medical system's attempts to cram us into round holes. The anxiety & depression are caused by having to constantly deal with this ill fit than anything intrinsically wrong with the Aspie. I've been handed prescriptions for all sorts of potent drugs some of which are highly addictive (a BAD idea considering many Aspies' obsessive tendencies) some of which have terrifying potential side effects (all the more likely to occur because of my small size) & some that will cause more problems than they treat. Happily, I had the good logical sense to ignore these dismissive condescending doctors & run the prescriptions through our paper shredder!

Real life Lisbeth Salanders don't bounce back from rape/torture experiences: they're frequently reduced to becoming wandering homeless babbling addicts. There are several like this in our city whose cases we saw in class & who lost what little connexion they had to real people & what little trust they had. Most NT women are utterly shattered by such experiences & go on to live dysfunctional lives even when they receive support & therapy AND the guy goes to prison.

Media distortions & stereotypes affected many different 'out' groups: Black men are grossly disproportionately depicted as violent street-type criminals, then some became tokenized in idealistic roles pundits who study this stuff say reflect white society's need to feel like that bad racism is over & all is well now. Asian men were (& largely remain) depicted as kung fu masters (really? how many truly are?) or as brilliant doctor/scientist types:sexless guys who NEVER EVER 'get' the girl. Consider the Asian psychiatrist on Law & Order: it wasn't enough to give him a bad haircut & make him a super-smart doctor: he's also both gay AND a celibate priest! Why not just castrate him & be done with it: does the spectre of a very smart Asian really need to be so overcompensated for in order to make White America comfortable? Why are so many Asian women stereotyped as submissive sex kittens out to snag a white man OR they're fierce scary but beautiful 'dragon ladies'?

As a person representing Neurodiversity, I must ask the same critical questions I do when examining stereotypes of Asians, Blacks, Latinos, Jews & other 'types' of people in mass media imagery. The BIG question is: WHOSE INTERESTS DO THESE REPRESENTATIONS SERVE? the next question is: FROM WHOSE PERSPECTIVE IS THIS PERSON BEING DEPICTED?

Usually, the answer to the 1st question is to reinforce the current social trends of belief held by the status-quo majority in the society in which they are presented. The answer to the second is that the viewer is expected to look through the eyes of the 'status quo' most enfranchised group within the society in question because their perspective is the one that is both valid & valued.

If an image of someone is a distortion meant to make someone else feel secure because their belief system has been affirmed, then I reject it. If it is designed to minimize the impact of something that has serious consequences for those living with it (whatever that IT may be) then I de-bunk it. If it is designed to make the viewer feel superior to & better in some important socially valued way that the person being shown, then I suspect & critique it.

 

[Tyler Ford]

What sucks is that I told one of my friends that I have Asperger's and he started laughing about what I told him about it and ever since, he's been harassing me. I know there's not much I can do but I guess he just didn't want to hear anything about it.

 

[May Black]

I spent the evening with a small group of classmates. Eventually the conversation made its way to personalities, and I thought I would risk coming out to my peers and tell them about my diagnosis. Their reaction? "Oh, everybody's got Asperger's. It's nothing." I was flabbergasted, and didn't know what to say.

I was a bit hurt that they dismissed it so easily, and said that it was nothing. They have no way of knowing the lifetime of pain it has caused me, or that it makes everyday interactions seem like walking through land mines. Why would they say that? It was as though Asperger's was the psychological malady of the year, and they were tired of hearing about it. It was clear that they didn't understand the impact of what they were saying.

It seems as though this just another reason to keep this to myself.

I think you might be interpreting this completely wrong actually.
I think by telling you it's nothing, everyone has it, they're showing you that it doesn't matter to them, they don't see you as different in any way, it's their way of expressing acceptance, they were by no means trying to hurt your feelings.

I think this might have to do with the concept of pity. In the NT world, no one wants to be pitied, especially if they're male.

I can understand why you got hurt though.

What sucks is that I told one of my friends that I have Asperger's and he started laughing about what I told him about it and ever since, he's been harassing me. I know there's not much I can do but I guess he just didn't want to hear anything about it.

That's not very nice of him at all, I'd consider if he really is a friend if I were you.

 

[Tyler Ford]

I'm beginning to even consider him a friend at all. It's especially difficult for anyone at the spectrum but my friend's behavior is inexcusable and I can't tolerate that type of ****.

 

[Tyler Ford]

And my aunt brushes off the fact that I have autism and she calls me "lazy". She's lazy herself so she has no room to talk in that matter. I do more for people than she ever thought about so she needs to stop assuming because from what I've heard, if you assume, you make an " ass" out of you and you make an "ass" out of me.

 

[icesyckel]

I spent the evening with a small group of classmates. Eventually the conversation made its way to personalities, and I thought I would risk coming out to my peers and tell them about my diagnosis. Their reaction? "Oh, everybody's got Asperger's. It's nothing." I was flabbergasted, and didn't know what to say.

Most people are ignorant about asperger's/ASD. Also, I have no idea what percentage of the population actually has AS/ASD. Someone here likely does. I suppose they may have wanted to make you feel normal or accepted rather than playing down your Dx. Otherwise, they are just ignorant (as am I since I don't know what percentage of the population has AS/ASD). In other words, I doubt they were trying to stimulate a negative emotional response from you.

I was a bit hurt that they dismissed it so easily, and said that it was nothing. They have no way of knowing the lifetime of pain it has caused me, or that it makes everyday interactions seem like walking through land mines. Why would they say that? It was as though Asperger's was the psychological malady of the year, and they were tired of hearing about it. It was clear that they didn't understand the impact of what they were saying.

It seems as though this just another reason to keep this to myself.

To some extent, ADHD has been over-diagnosed according to some "experts." Who is to say that the same is not true for AS/ASD? I am not an expert. Also, I doubt they were trying to dismiss you. Likely, they were trying to make you feel "normal" as stated above out of some misguided notions that being normal is the key to happiness.

Remember, they are NT not perfect, and we are all responsible for our own happiness/emotional responses to stimuli. You can examine their motives all day long and never really come to a definitive conclusion since you are presumably not telepathic. However, you can examine and know your own motives/thoughts - why did their comment evoke such a strong emotional response from you? If they really are ignorant, then why would these comments so frustrate you?

I almost never tell people I am on the spectrum for what it is worth. Some people pick up I am different, but they wouldn't know what autistic meant unless I take an hour to explain it, so I just let them think what they want. Presuming they are the majority, me integrating with them is more logical than expecting the majority of the world to learn how to integrate with me. I focus on myself and work hard not to let others' ignorant comments dictate my own emotional state.

 

[icesyckel]

...It does however bother me a bit that the way there is autism awareness, and moreso "aspergers awareness" but only in a sense that people treat it like it's the current thing to have labeled upon you... people only know Aspergers as "that fancy new disorder", all while the disorder itself isn't fancy, nor new, but that's something people, who claim such things that "everyone has it" will be way to ignorant to understand.

This is what I am getting at: we can be upset all day about the prevailing ignorance, but what does it profit us? Nothing - most people are still ignorant about ASD. What little they do know comes from TV stereotypes that want for accuracy. I am repeatedly compared unfairly to Sheldon on Big Bang Theory, who is a caricature of ASD rather than a real example.

We can complain about it all day, and people remain just as ignorant. The problem is, some of those ignorant people have ASD themselves and don't realize it b/c they think Sheldon or Rainman is the example of autism/asperger's. How can I be autistic? I'm nothing like Rainman!!! This was my own thinking until I learned otherwise. I'd be a hypocrite to get all bent out of shape over ignorance I shared in only a few months ago. It's not like they teach about this in school...

 

[Wintertime]

Bay, I almost feel like they weren't saying that to dismiss you, but to reassure you that it doesn't make a difference, that they don't see you as a label but as a person. Yes, the delivery is a bit ignorant as it's essentially handwaving away something that you feel is important, but it just feels to me as though they were trying to be accepting. That they don't know a better way to express to you that they think you are just fine the way you are and no different from them in terms of social hierarchy. People say things like that sometimes and it isn't that they're trying to be dismissive or insulting, it's just that most people don't really delve too deeply into things and prefer to keep things on a casual level. I have had the same sort of situation occur before and it took me awhile to realise what they were saying by their response to me. They're saying it doesn't matter, you're fine in their book, but they aren't capable or willing for whatever reason of going into it any further than that. That's my analysis, my 'feel' of the situation, if it helps at all.

 

[icesyckel]

Sheldon will be the death of us all. I'm still absorbing the fact that I am neurologically different. For 45 years I just thought other people sucked.
I watch very little tv, but I gather there are a lot of new fictional aspies around. Maybe we should take a cue from deaf people, and insist that aspies must be played by real life aspies.

Yeah - this is my experience as well.