Everyone lers me down so severely that i hurt myself

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

Cptsd is hard, yes at times a lot lately I wish I had never been been because no one treats me right and I have,had it really painful and hard and,feel like my life,has been a,waste.
I am still trying to get over issues from past hurts but oh God let's then just get away with it forever like everything they did,was right and never get justice for my severe pain and heartache.
If someone hurts me it does not matter if it is criminal like medical negligence, God just lets them get away with it.
It is like if they are horrible God let's,them go and never let's me have justice and just blames me.
If God never treats you right, who else do you have?

 

[All-Rounder]

We humans have each other, and pets that can be very loyal though hard to take care of and training can take creativity. We have nature and the sounds and relaxation of it, a flower, a movie, a video maker that we like to listen to talk.

I'm sorry you're getting through these hard times, I think life is full of hardship and it's really so hard that we can't carry it sometimes. Being on the spectrum comes with additional hardship particularly socially. But things tend to eventually pick us back up if we have means to be kind to our minds and give our minds the soothing and the time it needs to recover and survive.

 

[AndyFBlues]

I hear you. There is so much pain in the world. There have been many times when I have wished that I could have a refuge from it all. My default survival mechanism is that I retreat from everyone for a time. I have no answer as to why humanity can be so cruel.

Please know that not everyone intends to cause you pain. There are those of us in the world who want to see you happy.

 

[Twilight]

I can certainly relate. CPTSD is really hard. Once, I made the mistake of checking up on someone on Facebook who abused me badly. He seemed happy, carefree, and successful while I’ve been struggling in the dark for years. It doesn’t seem fair because it isn’t. However, even if some sort of justice had been served, it wouldn’t have undone the harm he caused.

With that being said, there is support out there which can help make CPTSD more manageable. Some people find therapy useful. I like to journal, listen to music, and hike to manage my feelings. It doesn’t make my symptoms entirely go away, though. It’s more about how I deal with the cards I’ve been dealt to make living possible.

 

[Ella Spell]

You feel like God is blaming you. That's a distinguishing feature of CPTSD, because it conditions us to blame ourselves through ongoing guilt and shame. Those are the hallmarks of CPTSD. We blame ourselves even though we know on a cognitive level that it wasn't our fault, and our self-concept is largely obliterated.

I really hope there is karma for those who have hurt us, but I'm not sure the universe really works that way. The best way to deal with the guilt and shame imo is to immerse yourself in helping and supporting others who also experience complex trauma. You'll end up getting support and compassion for your own mental health, you'll make friends, and your conscience will start to learn that you are a valuable person who matters to others despite all you've been through.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I hear you. There is so much pain in the world. There have been many times when I have wished that I could have a refuge from it all. My default survival mechanism is that I retreat from everyone for a time. I have no answer as to why humanity can be so cruel.

Please know that not everyone intends to cause you pain. There are those of us in the world who want to see you happy.

Thank you for saying it❤
I do not deal with negative well so it is hard hearing about everyone's problems and I do not always like relating but it depends on the situation
I prefer to focus on good, not hear so much pain though I know pain for exists too
But it is good to hear about others happiness too.
I have been through a lot of illness and pain for one person and it changes your perceptive and it is not my fault I had to go through it. I did not purposely do it.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I can certainly relate. CPTSD is really hard. Once, I made the mistake of checking up on someone on Facebook who abused me badly. He seemed happy, carefree, and successful while I’ve been struggling in the dark for years. It doesn’t seem fair because it isn’t. However, even if some sort of justice had been served, it wouldn’t have undone the harm he caused.

With that being said, there is support out there which can help make CPTSD more manageable. Some people find therapy useful. I like to journal, listen to music, and hike to manage my feelings. It doesn’t make my symptoms entirely go away, though. It’s more about how I deal with the cards I’ve been dealt to make living possible.

Yea it is hard and it is not a sin.
People have pulled down my appearance a Iot in different ways sometimes it is a lot of weight loss I have been through in illness.
I have experienced people call me both ugly and be envious. Envy hurts the worst.
The words and indifference stick to you and It is had having confidence after a long illness. I am sensitive to do with body image.
I just need God and people to validate my pain and let go of and find forgiveness for triggers.
And say my feelings are nor wrong and it is no sin

 

[Neonatal RRT]

@lovely_darlingprettybaby, I appreciate what you are saying here, but if you are waiting for God and other people to validate your pain in any sort of meaningful way, you may be in for some disappointment. I know seeking "validation" may intuitively seem important, but the reality is that you don't need it. What you feel is very personal and nobody is going to fully understand. Sure, you may get words of support, a hug, an empathetic tear, but they will never know. You need to work through this yourself. I've worked in healthcare for the better part of 40 years, seen all sorts of horrible situations, and despite our clergy who honestly think they are helping and supporting people through their worst, it doesn't seem to matter. In other words, I think you are seeking help in the wrong places. I think you might need someone to guide you through the process of helping yourself.

Regarding the body image issue: Sure, many people like to present themselves in public in the best possible manner, but as we get older, the struggle is less about body image, and more about health. We all get old and ugly, it just happens. I would suggest doing things for yourself, not others, and this includes a healthy lifestyle (regular exercise and activity, good sleep, good eating habits, etc.). If you are healthy physically and mentally, others will see this, and you will inherently become more attractive. It's less about the clothes, the hair, the makeup, the boob jobs and tummy tucks, but more about how you light up the room with your persona.

Focus on yourself, quite literally. The only person who can pull you out of your situation is YOU. Certainly, if you need to seek out a therapist who can guide yourself through the process, I would suggest that.

Take care

 

[Twilight]

In my experience, survivors are more likely to find empathy and support among those who’ve experienced the same thing. Finding a forum dedicated to people who’ve faced the same trauma could be helpful or even just befriending those with similar experiences on here might prove healing. It’s made a world of difference to me. Having support when you have CPTSD is extremely important because we often blame ourselves or experience guilt and shame on some level which can impede healing.

I found sharing with other survivors of sexual and domestic violence more helpful than therapy. (Of course, I found some support in unlikely places, too.) Obviously, therapy helps a lot of people and is worth exploring if you haven’t done so already. I’m just trying to demonstrate the value of being a part of a community of survivors.

Over the past few months, I’ve written and shared my experiences with trauma, and I’ve related to others’ experiences in deeply personal ways - sharing mutual support. It’s been very liberating. Every person’s journey is different, though.

 

[Aspychata]

There is a lot of pain in what you wrote. Sometimes, l feel we are given too much in life. The trauma of things we have gone through. I just think why, why us, why are we on this path of continual pain, unhappiness, and discontent? Actually, some cultures believe that a life of suffering is actually what life is. Strange! I want that life of unicorns jumping everywhere, pink rainbows in the sky, and high evolved people that are polite, friendly, and truthful. However, that will never happen. So we can only acknowledge our sadness and talk about here at the forum. Hope that you writing about this, is helping you to process your sadness.

 

[Shamar]

Cptsd is hard, yes at times a lot lately I wish I had never been been because no one treats me right and I have,had it really painful and hard and,feel like my life,has been a,waste.
I am still trying to get over issues from past hurts but oh God let's then just get away with it forever like everything they did,was right and never get justice for my severe pain and heartache.
If someone hurts me it does not matter if it is criminal like medical negligence, God just lets them get away with it.
It is like if they are horrible God let's,them go and never let's me have justice and just blames me.
If God never treats you right, who else do you have?

I was suicidal for over 20 years, starting around age 8. I would wake up most mornings trying to think of a reason to not kill myself that day, and usually failing. The only reason I am alive is that I could never find a way to kill myself that seemed right, proper, and fitting. There was nobody to talk to about this. I eventually found a psychiatrist who did more than constantly ask "And how does that make you feel?" and then getting irritated when I didn't feel. This one taught me, for want of a better term, a kind of mental Tai Chi that gave me an inner strength that allowed me to deal with life, loneliness, and rejection.

You need to find the strength within you. I can't give it to you, and neither can anyone else. I had to learn and develop it. I am sure there is at least a spark of inner strength in you. The fact you are writing here seeking help is proof. Find it and make it stronger.

You seem to have a lot of anger. Sometimes I would go deep into the woods, find a stout stick, and beat a rock with it screaming, until I was too tired to continue. It helped. You may also want to look into EMDR therapy. It is not for everybody, and some therapists may be less than competent, but it did help me.

I am not particularly religious, but I do believe those who deliberately cause harm will eventually have to own up to their misdeeds. God may let them go in this life, but they will face the consequences in the next. You cannot know how truly strong you are until you are tested.

I (and everyone here) wish you the best of luck.

 

[All-Rounder]

In a test clinical empathy (doctors, nurses, pharmacists) showed the highest scores as being the most helpful in social emotional support and priests showed the least helpful in scores based on people's answers.

There's some dynamic that doesn't work out as well as far as the priest help goes. Priests also suffer from compassion fatigue, unusually high self-expectation and are overwhelmed.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

@lovely_darlingprettybaby, I appreciate what you are saying here, but if you are waiting for God and other people to validate your pain in any sort of meaningful way, you may be in for some disappointment. I know seeking "validation" may intuitively seem important, but the reality is that you don't need it. What you feel is very personal and nobody is going to fully understand. Sure, you may get words of support, a hug, an empathetic tear, but they will never know. You need to work through this yourself. I've worked in healthcare for the better part of 40 years, seen all sorts of horrible situations, and despite our clergy who honestly think they are helping and supporting people through their worst, it doesn't seem to matter. In other words, I think you are seeking help in the wrong places. I think you might need someone to guide you through the process of helping yourself.

Regarding the body image issue: Sure, many people like to present themselves in public in the best possible manner, but as we get older, the struggle is less about body image, and more about health. We all get old and ugly, it just happens. I would suggest doing things for yourself, not others, and this includes a healthy lifestyle (regular exercise and activity, good sleep, good eating habits, etc.). If you are healthy physically and mentally, others will see this, and you will inherently become more attractive. It's less about the clothes, the hair, the makeup, the boob jobs and tummy tucks, but more about how you light up the room with your persona.

Focus on yourself, quite literally. The only person who can pull you out of your situation is YOU. Certainly, if you need to seek out a therapist who can guide yourself through the process, I would suggest that.

Take care

Thank you
But I think I will continue waiting until I receive validation because it may happen.
And I think God should validate it as well as let me be myself.
Yes you do have to work through trauma yourself but it important to feel seen and heard even if it just by a select few. That is what matters to me. It does not mean anything on a worldly view.
I think my pain matters and it is important to use tools but sometimes you can ask for help as well if it is available in the way you need.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Thank you
But I think I will continue waiting until I receive validation because it may happen.
And I think God should validate it as well as let me be myself.
Yes you do have to work through trauma yourself but it important to feel seen and heard even if it just by a select few. That is what matters to me. It does not mean anything on a worldly view.
I think my pain matters and it is important to use tools but sometimes you can ask for help as well if it is available in the way you need.

That's all well and good. However, just for my understanding, I am curious about a few things here. How, or in what way, would you interpret God as validating you? Was it not God who created the situation you are in? Or, do you see God as playing a different role here? When you say that it is important to feel seen and heard by a select few, to whom are you referring to? I would think it would be someone who is important in your life. It has to be meaningful, after all. What practical purpose does it serve to have others recognize your pain? I'm trying to work this out in my brain in order to gain some perspective and understanding. Please don't take this as "me picking on you". You're not the first person on here who has expressed similar thoughts, but so far, I've failed to understand the logic behind it.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

That's all well and good. However, just for my understanding, I am curious about a few things here. How, or in what way, would you interpret God as validating you? Was it not God who created the situation you are in? Or, do you see God as playing a different role here? When you say that it is important to feel seen and heard by a select few, to whom are you referring to? I would think it would be someone who is important in your life. It has to be meaningful, after all. What practical purpose does it serve to have others recognize your pain? I'm trying to work this out in my brain in order to gain some perspective and understanding. Please don't take this as "me picking on you". You're not the first person on here who has expressed similar thoughts, but so far, I've failed to understand the logic behind it.

Do I blame God with cptsd and when I do not unders how my life does not get worse yes I do blame God.
Do I think He is responsible for pain?
It is a part of life and it happens and there are things to gain from suffering and pain.
Do I still love God in spite of my pain? Usually.
However I do get angry moments especially with cptsd. And if you go through trauma it is not shame because those are one of the symptoms. If you have a relationship with God, everyone may get angry with Him at times and stray especially when something affects you very deeply and personally. It can be hard.
But God is faithful when we are not.
In terms of validation yes you can take your pain to God and He can comfort you. He comforts all those bad feelings and in His kindness and grace would never make you feel wrong for those feelings.
In trauma do you run far? Sometimes because the pain can be really bad, the sacrifice of Jesus Christ can redeem people and bring them back.
It is ok if you do not understand my perceptive on my feelings, I need them both validated by God and people in terms of caring about my pain, I have some dark places in the past and I do not know how anyone could ever see or feel my grief or pain.
I was like very broken. It may sound weird or strange though it was very painful some things had meaning and I enjoyed like...
When I went to medical hospital once and got an elmo balloon
When I went shopping with my mum. I loved to look at everything
When I went bowling and mini golf with my family
When I volunteered at a hospital with sick kids
When I shopped at retro stores
When I went to book stores
When I brought coffee and magazines
When I saw my niece as a baby
When I went to the zoo for my birthday party
Both my 18th and 21st Birthdays
Some things at high school
When I read books in bed as a child like sweet valley high and baby sitters club
Christmas going to the lights and church Carols and making shortbread and opening my stocking
I say thus because I have had a very long illness and childhood Trauma and a lot of grief.
But I just want people who can understand how painful and care about me and my pain.

 

[Rodafina]

@lovely_darlingprettybaby

Would you be willing to help me understand what “validation from God” would look like?

 

[Twilight]

I would just recommend to let all that go and try to understand that these hardships are future benefits if you just endure and learn from them and push through the hardships.

Horrific things happen to people all the time. Nothing good came out of my traumatic experiences. It wrecked my life in a lot of ways. Telling someone with CPTSD that they need to push through it, let stuff go, and that their experiences will make them stronger can be quite harmful as well as quite inaccurate. I’m a shell of who I once was in a lot of ways. The idea that something positive could come out of that makes me feel nauseous.

I don’t believe that a god was responsible for what happened to me because I don’t believe in any god. For me, it comes down to being in the wrong place at the wrong time and being vulnerable for various reasons.

The OP is free to feel and think however she wants to. It’s her trauma, her CPTSD. Her feelings and lived experience are valid. If I believed in an omnipotent god, I would be furious with him for allowing suffering to happen to decent people. That’s my right as a free-thinking individual.

 

[Twilight]

I'm not going to get into an argument over this, but your life is not over yet.

I didn’t say that my life was over, but it’s not what it would’ve been without the violence, especially sexual violence, I experienced for years.

 

[All-Rounder]

This is why I feel it is invalid to be angry with the universe (God), because we do not have the umwelt to understand the workings and reasons for it all. We just have to understand that we don't understand and that none it is for "bad".

Like Einstein said, the more we discover, the more questions we have and the more the sphere of the unknown broadens.

 

[Twilight]

Good information about CPTSD including symptoms, causes (not exhaustive), and permanent effects on the brain.

Symptoms and Causes​

What are the symptoms of CPTSD?​

According to the ICD-11, complex PTSD includes most of the core symptoms of PTSD, such as:

• Flashbacks (re-experiencing the traumatic event).
• Avoidance and detachment from people, events and environmental triggers of the trauma.
• Excessive attention to the possibility of danger (hypervigilance).
• Frequent negative thoughts and emotions.

In addition to the following symptoms:

• Excessive reactivity to negative emotional stimuli with anger and aggressive behavior (affective dysregulation).
• A negative sense of self involving persistent feelings of shame, guilt, failure and worthlessness.
• Severe difficulty in forming and maintaining meaningful relationships.

What causes CPTSD?​

According to the ICD-11, complex PTSD results from exposure to a traumatic event or series of events of an extremely threatening nature. The events are usually prolonged or repetitive and escape from the situation is impossible or dangerous.
Examples of these types of traumatic situations include:

• Prolonged domestic violence.
• Childhood sexual or physical abuse.
• Torture.
• Genocide.
• Slavery.

Traumatic stress can change your brain’s chemistry and structure. Studies suggest that trauma is associated with permanent changes in key areas of your brain, including your:

• Amygdala: The part of your brain that processes fear and other emotions.
• Hippocampus: The part of your brain that’s largely responsible for learning and memory.
• Prefrontal cortex: The part of your brain that’s involved in executive functions, such as planning, decision-making, personality expression and controlling social behavior.

Some neuroimaging studies show that brain changes are more severe in people with CPTSD compared to people with PTSD.

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24881-cptsd-complex-ptsd