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Expectations and thought patterns while frying bacon

Fridgemagnetman

Fridgemagnetman

I only have one
V.I.P Member
Petulant thought routine I have , I wanted to sit down and drink my tea.
My wife really wants to contribute to cooking,as she can do so much less than she used too,
She told me the prep I needed to do,for the meal she was doing. very simple.
Onions and bacon.
Easy for me to do.
Yet my thought routine was there.
Petty,resentful.

So I chopped the onions, and fried the bacon, listening to these resentful thoughts.

I just want one meal,where I dont need to be involved.
(I do nearly every meal and do prep for other meals,apart from one a week,maybe)
I just cant keep up with all the changing status updates
She has a sore wrist
She gets tired standing for long periods etc

Nick lowe what's so funny about peace love and understanding was playing on spotify.

The heat on the bacon was too high,so it didnt cook the way I wanted.
I was distracted.
I kept doing the bacon.
I remembered she had a sore wrist, she cant stand for long periods..
Because she has cancer and our life has changed. My thought patterns haven't changed.
It's an interesting challenge to see my pettiness,old habit's of thought.
A challenge to avoid resentment,when we have both been given a very different challenge in our lives.
Yet,here was my tried and tested resentment routine running away in my mind.
One of my favorites.

I recognised I was tired,just back from a walk and from the shop to get a missing ingredient.

Yet what was my job today?
How do I find happiness in this moment?
My job was to fry the bacon.
As I did the bacon I noticed my old thought pattern being replaced with a new one.
If my job is to fry the bacon, why not be happy about it?
Happiness is only available in this moment.
I admit,right here and now, I left one piece of bacon slightly undercooked. That means I can eat it while I cut it up.

In the same way that the boiling water that hardens the egg softens the potato, recognising thoughts as they arise gives us a choice we didnt realise.
Through that realisation, the now gentle stream of the mind, can lead us to happiness.
 
Fridgemagnetman said:
Petulant thought routine I have , I wanted to sit down and drink my tea.
My wife really wants to contribute to cooking,as she can do so much less than she used too,
She told me the prep I needed to do,for the meal she was doing. very simple.
Onions and bacon.
Easy for me to do.
Yet my thought routine was there.
Petty,resentful.

So I chopped the onions, and fried the bacon, listening to these resentful thoughts.

I just want one meal,where I dont need to be involved.
(I do nearly every meal and do prep for other meals,apart from one a week,maybe)
I just cant keep up with all the changing status updates
She has a sore wrist
She gets tired standing for long periods etc

Nick lowe what's so funny about peace love and understanding was playing on spotify.

The heat on the bacon was too high,so it didnt cook the way I wanted.
I was distracted.
I kept doing the bacon.
I remembered she had a sore wrist, she cant stand for long periods..
Because she has cancer and our life has changed. My thought patterns haven't changed.
It's an interesting challenge to see my pettiness,old habit's of thought.
A challenge to avoid resentment,when we have both been given a very different challenge in our lives.
Yet,here was my tried and tested resentment routine running away in my mind.
One of my favorites.

I recognised I was tired,just back from a walk and from the shop to get a missing ingredient.

Yet what was my job today?
How do I find happiness in this moment?
My job was to fry the bacon.
As I did the bacon I noticed my old thought pattern being replaced with a new one.
If my job is to fry the bacon, why not be happy about it?
Happiness is only available in this moment.
I admit,right here and now, I left one piece of bacon slightly undercooked. That means I can eat it while I cut it up.

In the same way that the boiling water that hardens the egg softens the potato, recognising thoughts as they arise gives us a choice we didnt realise.
Through that realisation, the now gentle stream of the mind, can lead us to happiness.
Click to expand...
Another way to think about it is when you've had that situation but you felt happy it's not particularly that your wife is asking you to do something it's that you yourself are feeling something but you connect it with what she says , I'm like that with hearing people outside and I've had a few occasions not many where I didn't feel very anxious so I realised it's not hearing the people outside it's what I'm feeling like does a bit of psychology from Christianity and it says get out of your head and into your heart I think that's I think it's what that means stop relying on your head for the answer
 
Streetwise said:
Another way to think about it is when you've had that situation but you felt happy it's not particularly that your wife is asking you to do something it's that you yourself are feeling something but you connect it with what she says , I'm like that with hearing people outside and I've had a few occasions not many where I didn't feel very anxious so I realised it's not hearing the people outside it's what I'm feeling like does a bit of psychology from Christianity and it says get out of your head and into your heart I think that's I think it's what that means stop relying on your head for the answer
Click to expand...

Good way of thinking about it.
Only habits meant I wasnt receptive to hearing it.
Which tend to arise when I'm tired.
 
Fridgemagnetman said:
In the same way that the boiling water that hardens the egg softens the potato, recognising thoughts as they arise gives us a choice we didnt realise.
Through that realisation, the now gentle stream of the mind, can lead us to happiness.
Click to expand...

You taught me something new today. Thank you.
 
Cooking bacon leads to meditation leads to happiness and a new way to view the immediate reality. That is impressive and enlightened. :D
 
Fridgemagnetman said:
Good way of thinking about it.
Only habits meant I wasnt receptive to hearing it.
Which tend to arise when I'm tired.
Click to expand...
you've got to be realistic about what you can do I know that's hard for somebody who is autistic but you've just got to say I can't do it or it can get dangerous I'm like that when I'm in the garden trying to maintain it and using electrical equipment ,it would be better just to say we'll buy things that are already cooked or pre-prepared that are healthy instead of being so tired that you make a dangerous mistake like eating raw pig flesh.
 
Streetwise said:
you've got to be realistic about what you can do I know that's hard for somebody who is autistic but you've just got to say I can't do it or it can get dangerous I'm like that when I'm in the garden trying to maintain it and using electrical equipment ,it would be better just to say we'll buy things that are already cooked or pre-prepared that are healthy instead of being so tired that you make a dangerous mistake like eating raw pig flesh.
Click to expand...

I'm normally okay , it's more the challenge of feeling resentful sometimes.
When I'm tired I revert back to the past.
Which can link into pettiness and resentment.
Losing perspective of the present and trying to be more aware of negative habits.
As I will need to do more and more going forward.
 
I hope your wife gets better soon. You can cook the bacon on a sheet pan in the oven set at 400 degrees F for about 20 minutes. It won't splatter everywhere, the bacon cooks consistently and won't curl up, and the pan is easy to clean if you cover it with parchment paper or foil. The cooking time may vary a little, depending on the thickness of the bacon.
 
Mary Terry said:
I hope your wife gets better soon. You can cook the bacon on a sheet pan in the oven set at 400 degrees F for about 20 minutes. It won't splatter everywhere, the bacon cooks consistently and won't curl up, and the pan is easy to clean if you cover it with parchment paper or foil. The cooking time may vary a little, depending on the thickness of the bacon.
Click to expand...

Thank you. The bacon was to flavour the pan.

I may try that.
 
Yes, the wife deserves the better me. So I make the choice and kick the crappy version of me back downstairs and locked in the basement where he belongs.
 
There's something about being told what to do. I can't help but resent it. When I was married my husband would try to tell me when to go to bed - for no reason, just claimed he couldn't sleep if he knew I was still up doing stuff on the computer in a different room. I'd be tired, but at that point I'd use toothpicks to hold my eyes open if I needed to. Just don't TELL me what to do. It's different if I'm asked, it really is. I won't mind at all doing what you ask. Except there's an occasional exception to that, too. I was upstairs helping get ready for a family thing and my daughter in law asked if I'd mind washing up the dishes in the sink while she took her shower. I would not have minded but I saw all 3 grandsons (grown who know how to clean and wash dishes, etc) standing there doing nothing so I looked at them and told them they could wash the dishes. I had to go back downstairs and check on the food that I had in the oven.

Anyhow - point is, I'm fine being asked to help. I'm never fine being TOLD what to do.
And I totally agree with the eating of the not crisp bacon while cooking the bacon. :) Although I do have to share mine with the dogs when I'm cooking bacon. (I love raw pig flesh. lol)
Also like the potato egg comment.
 
Some ppl here say, it's better that you take care of someone rather than they take care of you

Always remember, potatoes love to pester you. Bacon is a little more flexible
 
Pats said:
Anyhow - point is, I'm fine being asked to help. I'm never fine being TOLD what to do
Click to expand...

I tend to do that :) natural visceral angry reaction when someone tells me to do something.

Sometimes even if they talk! :) Imwas thinking. I was in an oblivious place, how dare you bring me back! :)

In the crucible of last years learning, I'm trying to get to a more flexible place with this stuff.
An interesting journey!
 
Nervous Rex said:
@Fridgemagnetman, what you describe sounds very much like just living in the moment.
Click to expand...

Mathematical confirmation that it isn't living in the moment.

This past year someone said to me 'Be positive.'

the question,then, is how?

In terms of a life challenge, the question becomes, how do I learn to be who I need to be?

For living in the moment can be passive,containing all you used to be.

Or it can be a sword that defends the old self,until the final defeat.
Or maybe the blade catches a glimpse of sunlight that changes everything.

So yes and no :)
 
Mia said:
Also on a journey and of a similar mindset as you. Find myself resentful of all the things not done, of the responsibility I have in doing everything. At times I'm filled with anger, and I have to step back and re-access it all so that I do not let anger rule me. It's not his fault, that he's ill and came close to dying twice. That I must now do it all, that my workload takes almost all of my time. It's fate and life combined. Simply didn't think it would happen so early on in years together. It is a learning experience, a way to look below and perceive one's strengths and weaknesses. I treasure the happiness now, and no longer consider the past all that much.
Click to expand...

Yes, you have to take what your are given.

When I'm on top of things, I tend to view it as an emergency happiness situation.

So spare energy has to go towards that.
We are told it is terminal,so its learning to live with that. (It is for all of us,so we got the heads up early!)
Plus side, a lot of things no longer seem important.

A balance of trying to do everything, then realising she had to struggle herself to do things.
Then the resentment which can easily transfer to her.
Recent changes in meds have given a new lease of life. So we're more back to the sea of the unknown.

So,looks like we're on a similar journey.
 
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