Expectations and thought patterns while frying bacon

[GadAbout]

Fridgemagnetman, your first post in this thread was rather profound. I'm sorry to hear your wife has cancer. I hope she gets well.

I have an ongoing life challenge in caregiving for a spouse with dementia. He will only get worse, so we have to fashion love and happiness in the moment then do that all over again tomorrow, or next week, or next month.

I've never thought of myself as a patient person; yet I'd have to admit my patience has grown as I continue to care for him as he is able to do less and less. By making it a point to get as much help as I need to deal with this challenge, I am able to still love and enjoy him, and he definitely appreciates that. It may come to a point where he no longer recognizes me, or alternatively, he cannot be away from me for even an hour - two variations I hear from other caregivers. But I can still be gentle and tolerant of him, even if that occurs.

 

[Juliettaa]

@Fridgemagnetman - I've just read this thread and I am deeply sorry to learn that your wife has cancer.

I can't begin to imagine the roller coaster of emotions that you're having to deal with. Just reading your posts on this thread, I kind of felt 'frozen', with a lump in my throat for a name on the internet; a name that I've come to recognise as being a 'quirky forum friend' who always manages to make me smile, or sometimes laugh out loud (and cry, but we won't go there now).

We're here for you whenever you need us to be.

 

[Streetwise]

I remember what it's like when you're with somebody and you're not used to being with somebody one thing I remember about my mother she still wanted to be her she wanted me to tell her when I had a problem but I just couldn't bear it not when she was completely paralyzed problem was she could see that I was frustrated it didn't help that I knew that somebody was trying to destroy the house when I was away from it or when the government in the lovely wisdom decided they would take the house to pay for her nursing home fees, I finally blurted to her the thought of her not being there was nightmarish

 

[tducey]

Not a fan of bacon but anything that helps you relax is always good.

 

[Thinx]

I do think that giving up what I immediately want in the moment to support a friend or partner better is a developing skill, gets easier with practice. Like you, I remind myself, I want them to feel good more than to have my own way about this. And it's true, so usually the other thing I was going to do or wanted to do, fades in importance compared to being there for them. I think it's called love, by the way. But there could be a vegetable connection in there if we look hard enough...

 

[Major Tom]

When I read the title of this thread, I thought it was going to be something silly, but it was insightful instead. I wish the best for you and your wife. My dad also has liver cancer and I haven't seen him in over 10 years, and I may not get the chance to see him again in this lifetime, so maybe I understand your feelings of resentment in my own way. Try and keep positive and stay strong!

 

[ftfipps]

You are an interesting and enigmatic guy @Fridgemagnetman . I can tell you want to give people with autism sound advice like the rest of us do. You have said things the Dalai Lama says several times in your posts, which is interesting. You have a good sense of humor, too. if you joined a church or volunteered somewhere you could win people over. Best wishes!

 

[Schism]

I was going to flippantly comment about bacon & onions, like what? No, sausage & onions, bacon & eggs!

Then it got all too serious about your wife & situation. I can't imagine so do whatever you have to & want to. Wish you both well.

 

[Aspychata]

I am so blown away when a special someone has prepared a meal for me. It is the best feeling in the world. To break bread in the past carries all the beautiful connations of sharing moments and nourishing our bodies together. So in your meal prep- it's celebrating your love of her and your relationship. Can only hope she does not suffer in pain, and you are able to find some support as well.

 

[Gracey]

@Fridgemagnetman

Did you drink your brew?

What blend of tea was it?
Anything I may have heard of?

the choice between hard eggs and softened potatoes will always be our own.
There's only really the boiling water that's consistent.

 

[Progster]

Happiness is only available in this moment.

I think that deserves its own acronym, HOAM. With a couple of words missing to make it more catchy

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

It may come to a point where he no longer recognizes me, or alternatively, he cannot be away from me for even an hour - two variations I hear from other caregivers. But I can still be gentle and tolerant of him, even if that occurs

That's the saddest thing. You have a harder road than me.

begin to imagine the roller coaster of emotions that you're having to deal with

Will I tell you?

Thanks for the kind wishes,glad I made you laugh.

I'll only spill if I can do it in a humorous way.

Let me just say : I have made a lot of doctors laugh this past year.

better is a developing skill, gets easier with practice

Think, I thank ( reversible spoonerism) good way to look at it.

I think it's called love, by the way. But there could be a vegetable connection in there if we look hard enough

Love? I would never admit to something so soppy, 20 years in.

My dad also has liver cancer and I haven't seen him in over 10 years, and I may not get the chance to see him again in this lifetime,

Thanks MAjor, I also had a similar situation with a parent,long time ago.

You have a good sense of humor, too. if you joined a church or volunteered somewhere you could win people over. Best wishe

Volunteer,part time,need lots of downtime, may be a future step for me.

Re the Dalai Lama : that guy always steals my best stuff. I'm just glad hes not making any money out of it

Did you drink your brew?

Mokalbiri assam tea. Copper colour,less malty than some assam.
Heres me thinking everyone would concentrate on the egg,potatoes water phrase.
I used it at the end everyone!

HOAM. With a couple of words missing to make it more catchy

Needs a bit of work Happy to add an acronym.

All mine have to be said in a Japanese accent.

NEFAW no excuses find a way.

HOAM

People! Dont let the c word distract you.

I posted this just so we could all think a little on how much choice we have in each moment.

As progster said HOAM

(Needs a bit of work)

 

[SusanLR]

I thought this was going to be one of Fridge man's funny posts, too.
Then I saw it is truly insightful.
I've been through the cancer thing for both myself and as a caregiver.
Many times I've felt the resentment of having to do everything and resenting she could not do
these things for me anymore.
Cooking was one of them.
Taking the time to think of a way to see this situation in a different view is great.
Keep flexible and hang in there.

Anyhow - point is, I'm fine being asked to help. I'm never fine being TOLD what to do.

I had to add this quote from Pats as it reminds me of self also.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

thought this was going to be one of Fridge man's funny posts, too.
Then I saw it is truly insightful.

Sorry to disappoint. It was my day off.

Thanks Susan.

 

[Mary Terry]

Thank you. The bacon was to flavour the pan.

I may try that.

Well, you got my attention with bacon and onion flavoring a pan. Everything tastes good with those two ingredients, especially potatoes.

 

[Streetwise]

Well, you got my attention with bacon and onion flavoring a pan. Everything tastes good with those two ingredients, especially potatoes.

it's strange all the years I thought what it was the flavour of bacon I liked when in fact it was onions and fat and tomatoes it's strange to realise you've never like a flavour