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eye contact

I was diagnosed by someone from the NHS. If the diagnosis wasn't accurate that's not my fault!
I have a clear conscious though as I have never tried to fake how I was during my diagnosis.
All the things I have endured in my life (I know some other people sadly in the past and in present times have endured worse/sadder things) The
sadness the stress. Bullying, my
Gran, Aunt, Cousin, parents dying. The council in one flat leaving me with water pouring in the kitchen, my current flat, half the ceiling being a hole in my shower room for nearly 3 years and counting, damp, shower
and extractor fan not repaired 3 years and counting, being knocked off my bicycle when I was following cycling rules left me ongoing dental problems and stress, now there's talk of me faking autism.
 
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Aspergers_Aspie said:
I don't understand why a couple of people have mentioned maybe faking aspergers. I got a confirmed diagnosis! Is it just me or am I missing something
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We don't think you're faking autism. We're saying that the person who said you "make too much eye contact" may be thinking that.

Many of us have heard "you can't be autistic because you can make eye contact" far too many times throughout our lives. (Both those of us who are professionally diagnosed and those of us who aren't.) It's a common (false) belief that autistic people cannot make eye contact.
 
I was born how I was, if I'm being friendly towards someone and they complain that's there problem, if someone tries to bully me that's there problem
 
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I've always felt more comfortable not making much eye contact when speaking, but can make constant eye contact when listening. If it's interesting, someone I like, or if they're imparting information I want/need to know, I can focus on them, really listen, and look them in the eye area (doesn't matter which eye, one of them, both, whatever). They might not be looking at me anyway but I make eye contact when they do. Yet when it becomes my turn to say something, I seem to forget about eye contact and only look at them sometimes, often just to check if they're looking at me and listening. No point talking while looking elsewhere only to discover they're reading a text on their phone.
 
Aspergers_Aspie said:
A few years ago in the autism charity drop-in I was attending before covid restrictions. I had been using the service for roughly 6 years. And in that 6 years no-one had said anything to me about my eye contact, no one ever has outside the autism charity drop-in either. A member of staff said to me I was using too much eye contact in a chat I was having with him. I don't know if that was appropriate of him to say that. And I was born this way, I am happy with me and don't feel I need to apologise for me being me. I struggle sometimes having enough or too less eye contact but before the member of staff said that to me I wasn't aware some people have a problem with it. If someone is being friendly while chatting to someone I don't think too much or too little eye-contact should matter.
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I'm the other way, I don't like looking at people when I am talking to them, now I am diagnosed I can tell them its my AS.
I think as it's an autism charity, the staff should be more tolerant of people's quirks, yet on the other hand, I used to attend a mental health charity drop in and a man used to stand too close and talk loud. I think he might have been an aspie but not diagnosed and I think staff told him as it made people uncomfortable.
We are all different aren't we some of us don't like body contact and standing too close, others are the opposite. Maybe its the same with eye contact.
We often don't know if we are making others uncomfortable.
Its difficult with autistics as we are all different yet sensitive.
I'm sure you don't mean to.
My mum said I used to stare at people and had to remind me not to.
 
Judge said:
A person's inability to sustain eye contact is about them- not about you. Being "friendly" may not be enough.

I had to literally "learn" to maintain eye contact. I was sternly told by my parents that it could be misinterpreted as a sign of lying or deception. How did they know? Because I had difficulty looking my own parents in the eyes as well. So much for being friendly or familiar.

In those six years for you, up to now some may have been too intimidated to speak up. And at a venue that is presumed to be a "safe" one for autistic people, I can see why a staff member approached you to ask you to be more considerate. So someone finally spoke up. That's all.

However you don't need to apologize. But you should be mindful- and considerate of those who do not have equal abilities in eye contact. That some may eventually attain your comfort level of doing so, while others may have to deal with a lifetime of awkwardness when it comes to direct and sustained eye contact.
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My mum used to tell me off for not looking her in the eye when being scolded.
To be fair to her, she did have me to the doctor at 9months old as my unwillingness to be cuddled and maintain eye contact made her suspect autism, but she said people were not prepared to listen to her.
 
Aspergers_Aspie said:
I don't know if the charity drop-in accepts 'self-diagnosed' aspies, in theory someone could try and to pretend to have aspergers. I have had a confirmed aspergers diagnosis.
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That's a shame, I am late diagnosed Asperger's, could have done with Asperger's support years ago.
 
Aspergers_Aspie said:
I don't understand why a couple of people have mentioned maybe faking aspergers. I got a confirmed diagnosis! Is it just me or am I missing something
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Someone publicly accused me of lying about being on the spectrum as I am verbal.
I told this person several times I have an official diagnosis letter.
I got upset, "after the event" I sent them an article explaining some spectrum people are viral and they said "Couldn't care less" :(
 
Aspergers_Aspie said:
I was diagnosed by someone from the NHS. If the diagnosis wasn't accurate that's not my fault!
I have a clear conscious though as I have never tried to fake how I was during my diagnosis.
All the things I have endured in my life (I know some other people sadly in the past and in present times have endured worse/sadder things) The
sadness the stress. Bullying, my
Gran, Aunt, Cousin, parents dying. The council in one flat leaving me with water pouring in the kitchen, my current flat, half the ceiling being a hole in my shower room for nearly 3 years and counting, damp, shower
and extractor fan not repaired 3 years and counting, being knocked off my bicycle when I was following cycling rules left me ongoing dental problems and stress, now there's talk of me faking autism.
Click to expand...
NHS do quite rigorous assessments these days, if you feel autistic and NHS say you are then don't worry.
Maybe they would pick up on fakes.
My ADHD letter said I sounded Scripted, yet I was invited for a reassessment.
I believe you and sorry you have gone through all of this, may your council repair your flat or move you to one that is comfy.
 
SimonSays said:
I've always felt more comfortable not making much eye contact when speaking, but can make constant eye contact when listening. If it's interesting, someone I like, or if they're imparting information I want/need to know, I can focus on them, really listen, and look them in the eye area (doesn't matter which eye, one of them, both, whatever). They might not be looking at me anyway but I make eye contact when they do. Yet when it becomes my turn to say something, I seem to forget about eye contact and only look at them sometimes, often just to check if they're looking at me and listening. No point talking while looking elsewhere only to discover they're reading a text on their phone.
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Yeah I've talked to people who are not really listening, should have walked away.
I talk and find it easier not to make eye contact.
I guess if I am talking to someone who has told me they are on the spectrum (self or officially diagnosed) I know what to expect.
I remember sat in the back of the car with my mum and I had annoyed her for some unknown reason, it was an overnight stay. I cried a few times in bed as she had upset me, and in the car I was looking away and could feel her staring at me, it was really un-nerving.
 
Maybe the GP I saw didn't believe me, I had trouble getting referred for an aspergers diagnosis, but in the end I got one, I had told a student support member of staff at the college I was studying at and she offered to go with me to a GP appointment. I'm glad people can understand why I'm frustrated.
 
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Aspergers_Aspie said:
Maybe the GP I saw didn't believe me, I had trouble getting referred for an aspergers diagnosis, I told a student support member of staff at the college I was studying at and she offered to go with me to a GP appointment. I'm glad people can understand why I'm frustrated.
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You can always come here and post your concerns.
I felt autistic and now I know I am. I wondered if I had faked stuff. I have too many trails though.
 
Can’t do eye contact. It physically hurts. I usually look at people’s mouths and nose area.

If I’m close, I’ll look at the bridge of their nose. Looking into the pupil seems unnecessary and verges on unnatural.
 
Mush said:
Can’t do eye contact. It physically hurts. I usually look at people’s mouths and nose area.
If I’m close, I’ll look at the bridge of their nose. Looking into the pupil seems unnecessary and verges on
unnatural.
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If it's okay to ask, has anyone ever commented on this? Maybe asked you to make eye contact?
 
I have trouble with eye contact. I usually look at the person's nose and briefly glance into their eyes from time to time.
I even feel very uncomfortable looking into my own eyes in the mirror while washing my face or shave.
 
AdultAspie69 said:
I have trouble with eye contact. I usually look at the person's nose and briefly glance into their eyes from time to
time.
I even feel very uncomfortable looking into my own eyes in the
mirror while washing my face or
shave.
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Very interesting for me, I've heard people finding eye contact with others difficult, but this is the first instance that I'm aware of, of someone finding eye contact with their own reflection difficult.
 
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