Facial expressions

[Suzanne]

Are you sure even NTs can tell when people they're talking to are bored? Wouldn't that just be mind-reading?

Or am I just being really autistic right now? LOL

But seriously, a lot of things I could imagine but this one seems too abstract. Is there a specific expression for boredom like there is for happy and sad? How could anyone know!?

I asked two nts and both said that generally, yes, they can read when someone is bored.

 

[lisatomic]

I asked two nts and both said that generally, yes, they can read when someone is bored.

Haha, can you get them to explain this magic?! Every time I ask people to explain something that they take for granted, they get very annoyed with me! (Example: What do you mean exactly when you say you feel sad? How do you *know* when you're sad? What is it like? How do you feel it in your body? Do you have feelings separate from thoughts and body sensations? ... They get really quite annoyed with this sort of questioning!)

 

[Nervous Rex]

My friends once made me a birthday cake and completely covered it in quarters because at the time when someone was talking too much someone else would throw them a quarter and say, "Call someone who cares." (quarters for the payphone). I still didn't get the hint, though.

The fact that you tell this story shows that you eventually did get the hint. A lot of times, I've had the experience where someone says something and it goes right over my head, but when I'm reviewing and analyzing the conversation later (because I always do), I realize they were hinting at something and I missed it in the moment. One time in high school, I was playing with a new phonetic alphabet and someone asked what I was doing. I told them and showed them how it makes spelling words so much easier. They said, "Oh, how do you spell 'antisocial'?" Naturally, I showed them, and then went on with my practice. Days later I was thinking, "That was a weird word to pick. I wonder why....ohhhhhh!"

I can't tell you how many times my colleagues have interrupted a story of mine and said, "Get to the point!" So now I offer as short a summary as possible and then see if anyone asks for more details. They almost never do.

 

[Fino]

Haha, can you get them to explain this magic?! Every time I ask people to explain something that they take for granted, they get very annoyed with me! (Example: What do you mean exactly when you say you feel sad? How do you *know* when you're sad? What is it like? How do you feel it in your body? Do you have feelings separate from thoughts and body sensations? ... They get really quite annoyed with this sort of questioning!)

I have a few people that I can ask this stuff! One of them I even asked if it'd be okay for me to ask those sorts of things every once in a while and he's happy to do it! Everyone should find someone like that! An Autism buddy! Everyone with Autism should be matched with a volunteer NT just for this purpose!

 

[Pats]

The fact that you tell this story shows that you eventually did get the hint. A lot of times, I've had the experience where someone says something and it goes right over my head, but when I'm reviewing and analyzing the conversation later (because I always do), I realize they were hinting at something and I missed it in the moment. One time in high school, I was playing with a new phonetic alphabet and someone asked what I was doing. I told them and showed them how it makes spelling words so much easier. They said, "Oh, how do you spell 'antisocial'?" Naturally, I showed them, and then went on with my practice. Days later I was thinking, "That was a weird word to pick. I wonder why....ohhhhhh!"

I can't tell you how many times my colleagues have interrupted a story of mine and said, "Get to the point!" So now I offer as short a summary as possible and then see if anyone asks for more details. They almost never do.

No - the cake didn't do it. I thought it was always a joke that I talked a lot. I didn't think about it possibly being a problem and I needed to quit doing it. Well, they should have been more clear. lol

 

[Nervous Rex]

I have a few people that I can ask this stuff! One of them I even asked if it'd be okay for me to ask those sorts of things every once in a while and he's happy to do it! Everyone should find someone like that! An Autism buddy! Everyone with Autism should be matched with a volunteer NT just for this purpose!

Kind of like a guide dog for autistics.

 

[All-Rounder]

I have resting 'b' face syndrome, and when i do smile i cant smile like other people. My expressions and voice tone are in complete opposition with what I feel and think and if you ask me youll prolly get vague answers.

The only things i didnt like that somed of my autistic friends sometimes talk about are interests that kinda gross me out or feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Thats prolly when it gets hard to tell them that their special thing they love to talk about is not really tickling my fancy.

I like to talk about even such things, and learn, but if the topic goes on for a long time and we keep getting back to it, it can be unpleasant. Odds are I still like the person, just not that topic, though. I have told someone about it and he took it well, ill likely need to approach the topic with another person soon too.

 

[Nervous Rex]

I have resting 'b' face syndrome, and when i do smile i cant smile like other people. My expressions and voice tone are in complete opposition with what I feel and think

I used to frequently get hostile responses to my well-intended comments. I realized that my default face and voice are apparently interpreted as hostile or aggressive. I take care to lighten my voice and put a smile on my face whenever possible.

It backfires sometimes. We just had to put one of our little dogs down this weekend (cancer, sudden, heartbreaking, story for another time) and my wife took one last picture of us holding him beforehand. Well, you always smile for pictures, right? So I did. After she posted the picture on Facebook, I realized that I probably shouldn't have put a little smile on my face for that sad picture. Blerg. Just one more social thing that I totally blew.

 

[All-Rounder]

I used to frequently get hostile responses to my well-intended comments. I realized that my default face and voice are apparently interpreted as hostile or aggressive. I take care to lighten my voice and put a smile on my face whenever possible.

It backfires sometimes. We just had to put one of our little dogs down this weekend (cancer, sudden, heartbreaking, story for another time) and my wife took one last picture of us holding him beforehand. Well, you always smile for pictures, right? So I did. After she posted the picture on Facebook, I realized that I probably shouldn't have put a little smile on my face for that sad picture. Blerg. Just one more social thing that I totally blew.

Ouch, I guess that could happen to me too. I don't always think about things fast, I remain a little more than normal with my mind on past things before switching and analyzing pressnt ones. People call my name at such times and then i make an effort to finiksh my thinking faster and switch to the new stuff.

 

[Pats]

I used to frequently get hostile responses to my well-intended comments. I realized that my default face and voice are apparently interpreted as hostile or aggressive. I take care to lighten my voice and put a smile on my face whenever possible.

It backfires sometimes. We just had to put one of our little dogs down this weekend (cancer, sudden, heartbreaking, story for another time) and my wife took one last picture of us holding him beforehand. Well, you always smile for pictures, right? So I did. After she posted the picture on Facebook, I realized that I probably shouldn't have put a little smile on my face for that sad picture. Blerg. Just one more social thing that I totally blew.

That's so sad and such a hard thing to have to do. I'm sorry you had to go through that. That's what I had to do and still cry when I think about it.
But your smile thing - I'm sorry I had to laugh when I read that.

 

[Annanda]

I also thought I could read people very well until,
yes, until I saw my first autism-facial-reading-test-film-sequence and scored very low.
Then it dawned to me, that there's a problem to resolve.
My mother has huge anger issues, which was really traumatizing as a kid.
When I tried to talk to her about it as an adult, she told me, why the hell I could not get out of her way, when she was angry. I never could read it accurately from her body language or facial expression and often she just exploded and I couldn't figure out, what went wrong this time.
So meeting with people for me often felt like walking on a mine-field before I had a clue of my autistic condition.
Furthermore I ran into problems as a child, because I can't remember faces very well and people thought I was rude by not greeting them. Even if I explained, that I wasn't sure about who it was, no-one seemed to believe me.
So I started greeting everyone very friendly and ran into other problems, because this was sometimes misunderstood either.
It was really confusing.

 

[Nervous Rex]

Furthermore I ran into problems as a child, because I can't remember faces very well and people thought I was rude by not greeting them. Even if I explained, that I wasn't sure about who it was, no-one seemed to believe me.
So I started greeting everyone very friendly and ran into other problems, because this was sometimes misunderstood either.
It was really confusing.

The worst is when someone - like a door-to-door salesman - pretends that they know you so you'll listen to their spiel. I let one in the door once. I assumed, because of the way they spoke to me, that the lady was someone I or my wife knew. Had a heck of a time getting her back out the door and I was falling over myself trying to apologize to my wife for letting her in in the first place.

 

[Annanda]

he worst is when someone - like a door-to-door salesman - pretends that they know you so you'll listen to their spiel. I let one in the door once. I assumed, because of the way they spoke to me, that the lady was someone I or my wife knew. Had a heck of a time getting her back out the door and I was falling over myself trying to apologize to my wife for letting her in in the first place.

Thank you, Nervous Rex for this one! Very interesting. In "my world" this case didn't even exist so far. Explains a lot!

 

[All-Rounder]

I never get bored. I could prolly be in confinement and be the happiest person on earth. I lived my whole life unless i had to go somewhere in confinement and viciously running away from people.
I always felt it was rude, especially online, for someone to not input anything but tell me they're bored, as if Im some entertainment staff for their needs.

 

[Moomin]

Yup! This leads me to obsess and worry about it to the point of asking questions like “are you bored, am I boring you, are you angry (with me)...

I wish that people would be upfront, honest and actually tell you. “Sorry but this is boring can we talk about something else”...

 

[Suzette]

Much, on the internet, is made about autistic folk having difficulty reading facial expressions correctly. Is this true for you?

When I look at people most seem to just have bland, neutral expressions. If someone is angry or joyful, these expressions are quite animated so easy to distinguish. I do have trouble with subtle expressions like sad, pensive, or remembering. But I don't think that is a difficulty with NDs alone. NTs have trouble with this too.

What do you think?

Full disclosure: I have completed several AQ tests and other online assessment test which seem to agree I am on the spectrum, but I am still investigating to be sure I do not self identify in error out if respect for the autistic community.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

never had an issue with facial expressions

 

[Suzette]

never had an issue with facial expressions

Thank you for that.
It appears a mod moved my post to this thread. Which makes sense. Having newly "discovered" a thing I often behave as though no one ever thought of it first. That is enthusiasim not narcississim. ☺

 

[Suzette]

So, confusion hits when some one says that I am not boring them. Yep, I ask. And others say: well, you are talking a lot!

I cannot tell if one is bored or not and so feel really disjointed and get scared to talk, because I cannot regulate how long or short I am talking for.

This came up in a test and I am sure I said that I can tell when someone is bored. But I can't!

Kindergarten and our mothers teach us to obsfucate the truth. "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all".

That certainly doesn't help matters if no one will tell you you are being boring. I've been reprimanded for taking up proples time at work (there were complaints made). Yet I thought we were having a mutally agreeable discussion.