Falling into the abyss...

[DogwoodTree]

On a silly note, how about a Star Trek binge and trying to turn into a Vulcan? What few episodes I saw where a Vulcan learned to control their emotions sounded a lot like some of the tricks Mom was taught when she was getting her Bachelors in psychology, like imagining an emotion as a real substance like a cloud and then pushing it away. Somewhat akin to imagining everybody in their underwear when you're on stage so you're not afraid to perform, but I get too caught up trying to figure out who'd wear leopard-print undies and that's just as distracting as stagefright.

Yes, Star Trek binges are one of my best fallback pick-me-ups! LOL I prefer TNG usually, but recently (over a couple of weeks) went through all of their episodes that don't annoy me. Working through Voyager and DS9 right now, a little at a time. Might have to go Old School if it gets bad enough, lol.

Not in my family, I can tell ya that much!
I would say we'd adopt you on in, but we're highly anti-social. One of the reasons my potential autism was missed for so many years. I fit right in!

I'm only just now beginning to realize how bizarre my dad's family is! I came by it honestly...

I haven't been precisely through what you have, but I do understand it to some degree on a personal level. There's a child molester in our family (not that I claim him) who, to the best of my knowledge, has never been reported to anybody because his sister runs interference "because he won't last in prison" and he's never paid the least little bit for his wrongdoings. I get unstable for many days when I'm around him (I was lucky enough I never caught his eye, although not so lucky with other people and I think of it when I'm around him), and it burns me up those monsters are protected. I've gotten lectured and threatened many times because I won't let my son around him, and those lead to even worse instability the following days. I don't care if he only "liked" girls, I'm not taking the risk of my son being his first boy. It's not healthy, but the only thing that gets me out of those depressions is my anger and desire to ensure he never gets a chance at my kid. *sigh* Anger is such a double-edged sword though. Helps you one day, hurts you another. On the plus side, that loser is scared of me, so I've got a foot hold in keeping him at bay.

Do NOT let your son around this guy. Even if the guy never molests him, the attitudes and perspectives about others tend to rub off, especially onto impressionable, young children. You are RIGHT to keep your kid away from him!!!! I can NOT say that enough. Please, please do not let the condemnation from your family members sway you in any way. You are doing the BEST thing for your son--trust those Mama-Bear instincts because you are right on!!

I completely get the struggle with self-condemnation and depression when you feel like you're doing what's best, but everyone else around you judges and criticizes, and you end up battling that anger that SHOULD be directed back toward their boundary infractions. Use the anger to energize you to do what's right. That doesn't mean you have to lash out at them...they are stuck in their own mis-guided fantasies about what right and wrong really are. But your anger is LEGITIMATE and can be used to enforce healthy boundaries around yourself and your son.

I know the sense of instability after being around family members like that. You question reality. You question what right and wrong really are. You question your sense of yourself. I don't know how to fix that. But I do know it is WORTH IT to protect your son, both from the perpetrator himself AND from all the enablers surrounding him. The enablers are no less guilty of the continuing sins of the perp. You have the RIGHT and the RESPONSIBILITY to protect yourself and your son from their dysfunctions and abuse. And it IS abuse. To force a person (adult or child) to be around someone who communicates such disdain for their inherent value and integrity and freedom, simply because the perp might be "hurt" if everyone doesn't protect him...that is insanity, plain and simple. Don't fall for it. It's a lie. He makes choices for who he is and how he treats people. He may have inherent "mis-wirings" in his brain, but unless he is extremely non-functional (like, should be in an institution), then he is STILL responsible for his choices. And if he chooses to use people for his own pleasure, one of many consequences to that behavior should be isolation from people who don't want to be used.

 

[AsheSkyler]

We have so many opinions in common.
No worries, one thing I'm known for is my anger. Even if his sister laughs at me, at least he's got enough sense to realize I'm probably a looot more dangerous than people give me credit for. There's no statue of limitations on that kind of child abuse here, and I've got one of his victims on my side and they're pretty fond of my kid too. If he slips up, and he's lucky enough not to trigger the worst anger meltdown I've ever had, I've got a good net laying wait to take care of him. I just really grinds my gears I can't drag him to court now myself because "he didn't do anything to you, you have no grounds to press charges". Our legal system can be so screwed up... The other really twisted part is despite how much his sister forces everybody to spend time with him, she often speaks out against molestation and how she wishes they'd suffer. I don't think her elevator goes to the top floor, if you know what I mean.

Yes, Star Trek binges are one of my best fallback pick-me-ups! LOL I prefer TNG usually, but recently (over a couple of weeks) went through all of their episodes that don't annoy me. Working through Voyager and DS9 right now, a little at a time. Might have to go Old School if it gets bad enough, lol.

TNG is my favorite and I've started it three or four times and never finished it. I'm determined on this round!
I have seen all of Voyager and DS9. I found Tuvoc and Neelix to be great therapists, in a sense. Be logical and be happy. Right up my alley! And Star Trek taught me I must be part Bajoran. Like Bajorans, I didn't get morning sickness when I was expecting as humans do, I sneezed a lot!