Kayla55
Well-Known Member
I had hurt my back again, so it was about 3 weeks of muscle relaxers.....I got flu and so got some cough syrup. Not sure if it was just a lethal combination of my sensory reacting to this....WARNING: The following refers to unsupervised drug use which is not condoned by me nor do I advocate any of the path that I personally followed and also do not presume too much from the fact that to get to the crazy requires context, in my humble opinion *
Looking back on my life, I was not often a risk taker of any sort. I was always the quiet one in the back of the room that you had to prod with a metaphorical stick in order to get a response. However....
In the transition from my twenties to my thirties was my crazy period, at least in retrospect, but at the time there was a great deal of reasoned thought behind it. This time frame was the years from 1975-1979 and it all started with the trip to Amsterdam the lasted from the beginning of January through the first week in March (some may leap to an erroneous conclusion based on that, but bear with me).
My then job sent me to the Netherlands on a long term job. I was very stressed out at the start of it, as it was my first trip out of the country (meaning I had the stress of applying for a passport, etc. , etc.... I arrived on a Friday and spent the whole weekend in my hotel room with a monumental case of jet lag. Not an auspicious beginning, to be sure.
So, while MJ was readily available, it was not attractive to me. I was very inhibited back then and seemingly going nowhere in my life. You would think that was enough to do something crazy, but....
However, I quickly discovered that you could purchase a liter stein of Heineken's for less than an 6 oz. glass of coke. So it was there that I was introduced to alcohol for the first time (that ignores the small sips of this and that were slipped to me by an aunt or uncle growing up).
The trend continued the following year when I was on another long job in Montreal, working on support in the run up to and during the '76 Olympic Games. To shorten things a bit, I became very depressed there, for I had spent a great deal of time away from my safe environment (6 months out of 18). That was new and I am afraid that to ease my anxiety I drank a bit more than I probably should have but still only got truly drunk once in Montreal on an entire bottle of aperitif wine the night before we were to get our ID photos taken[ No one should look that bad in a photograph ].
That trip and other factors left unmentioned, left me in a dark place that only grew, without my awareness, through the rest of the year and into the next. Culminating in one of those deep depressions where everything seems hopeless. That also lasted as long as the individual time spans of the aforementioned trips out of the country.
I came out of that okay, more than okay if I am entirely honest. But all of this left me with a need to expand my horizons. That led me to doing multiple LSD trips on my own and without any supervision at all. The purpose behind which was to confront myself and explore my head in detail. It turned out to be just as boring as I suspected. Nevertheless, it did bring a kind of freedom that allowed me to expand my social horizons. I guess when you find that your mind holds nothing scary that you need to worry about, it frees you to be more open with people; even though that takes a lot of work. I guess I took it because I needed to break down some self imposed barriers, or at the very least poke some sizeable holes in them.
Going in, I never believed all of the scare propaganda that was rampant in the sixties, but the only reason I took it was I was distrustful of psychiatrists, knew that any lasting change had to come from within me, and my own diagnosis of my then problems saw a potential doorway. I received a great many "are you crazy" from friends when I revealed I had taken several trips by myself (and rightly so). What can I say, I was young and foolish and looking for a way out of my self constructed prison.
You were and are WARNED!
Nearly run over by taxi crossing the road. Got to the central library and feeling of floating as I ascended the walkway up to next level (I was so high and I never did drugs) luckily I stayed away from railing or I'd have fell down.
Ended up in art section....found really interesting books but called it a day and went home to sleep if of. Don't recommend this either!!
