Fed up with other thinking they have aspergers

[Suzanne]

As soon as I say something, like: I need to have a routine with food etc, the one I am talking to, interrupts me and says: wow, I am like that too; I think I have aspergers. Yet, clearly that person does not have it!

I struggled for years to receive my official diagnosis and it really frustrates me when others hit out randomly with: ah, I have that as well.

I would love to meet someone who has the same condition, since being around neurotypicals, is hard work, but I get so aggitated, when those who do not have aspergers, try to push that they do, only because of one trait.

Many neurotypical portray similar traits, but that does not mean they have aspergers, as it is like a fine tuning.

I was in a rare chat with two spiritual sisters yesterday and found it fascinating listening to them, as they really do speak a different type of language to me. Whereas, a lady I am helping to understand the Bible, she truly does get me and I feel astonishingly comfortable around her. She does not have aspergers, but sure does exhibit many traits and her daugher has ADHD. I said I felt jealous of her daughter, having a fantastic mum!

 

[Alexej]

I know this one also.

For me the three areas where you need to score are
- shy
- nerdy
- socially inappropriate

to use the title of a good book. It helps me remember the areas of the DSm criteria

 

[Atrapa Almas]

There is a strong incongruence in the autistic movement as I understand it.

On one hand we say Autism is not an illness, autism is a different way to percieve the world and to process information. So we are moving from the old definition of illness, dissability, under-performance towards the "neurodivergence" stuff. The neurodivergence aproach tell us that our brains work different not worse. And that most problems come from society, enviroment, trauma and so on. Fine.

On the other hand, when someone claims "Hey I percieve the world and process the info in an autistic way" we told them: YOU CANT BE AUTIST IF YOU DONT SUFFER. In other words, to be autist its neccesary to be dissabled, ill and underperform.

On one hand we get angry when people tell us "You dont look autists" and on the other we tell people: "You are clearly not autist"

We struggle to get a good diagnose but we denny others the opportunity to seek if they are autists or have autist traits... They are Clearly not... probably they look to the eyes.

Then we wonder why we are alone...

 

[MNAus]

If I look at my kids, then look at (for example) people on the reddit /r/autism I see a gulf of difference.

I don't blame young people nowadays for reaching out for anything to provide credentials because, sadly, just existing isn't a viable path for kids. As an autistic adult, I've given up trying to find help. Life is hard, and badges like autism provide people with relief, a feeling of belonging. I was a few minutes from dying from anaphylaxis but couldn't get help after leaving ER for a year, because clinics were full of people searching for a diagnosis that didn't exist. When we got our kids diagnosed, which if you spend 2 minutes with them is so OBVIOUSLY a correct diagnosis, we got hostility from other parents: "we've spent thousands going from doctor to doctor but they all say they're all just telling us it's something to do with their home life, who did you use to get them diagnosed?"

Does it wind me up to hear people telling me that "it's not a disability, it's just a different way of thinking" as I see my kids struggle? Yes, very much. And yeah, it's always some socially articulate person on youtube declaring that it's not really that bad and if we just 'accepted' autistic people they'd have no problems. I cry in frustration at my brain's inability to be normal, and I truly feel guilt for my kids.

But then I think. How desperate must you be to need to identify with disabled people to feel you have value? I don't blame them. Something has gone wrong when people need to identify with a disability they don't have to not feel like a failure.

 

[AprilR]

No autistic person is the same so i try not to judge people. For example if someone who does not know my past was to see me now they would not believe i am autistic.

You don't know the amount of work someone has put in to "seem normal" you dont know that person, just what that person shows you, so it is best not to judge.

I see a lot of autistic people running their own business, have families etc. And they seem super normal and adult like compared to me. But obviously i dont know them so i cant make a judgement on them. In fact if they are not a psychiatrist, no one can.

 

[Misty Avich]

I know what you mean. It seems that everybody who is shy or depressed "might have Asperger's". Then when you protest they say "well every autistic case is different, you don't have to have every symptom, and some of us are so excellent at masking that we could have all the symptoms and you just can't see it".

So let's just say everyone in the world has an ASD and the more NT someone is the more they're just brilliant at hiding their ASD.
That's what I'm beginning to believe these days lol.

 

[kenaij]

That is also why I dislike when people say selfdiagnosis is just as valid as an official diagnosis. I myself do not have an official diagnosis. I just know that pretty much every little major aspect of autism clicks for me. And it has helped me explain huge parts of my past and who I currently am. I would however never claim to be autistic, because I don`t know that I am. The odds are in my favor, but I cannot claim to be until I get an official diagnosis.
A while back I told some people at work I was looking into maybe being autistic. One person replied with: "We are all a little autistic." I hate when people say this. Because it is so unfair to actual autistic people. You might have some little tiny things in common with someone who is autistic. But that does not mean you are a little autistic. Since that is not a thing.

 

[Misty Avich]

As I always say, we all forget things but that doesn't mean we all have dementia.

 

[Judge]

Sounds exactly like my own cousin. When at any time I even mention anything remotely connected to autism that she claims everyone thinks or acts in such a manner.

Always to marginalize not only autism, but myself in particular. Where she assumes that I have a sense of being "special", when in reality I'm simply pointing out how I am different. No more, no less.

Probably the most basic situation that taught me to keep my autism to myself, strictly on a "need-to-know" basis. Where even my closest relatives within my tiny social orbit just don't understand and probably don't want to.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

everything is on a continuum I can see this this easily having worked with colour during my working career. There
distinct line between any two colours. either way quantum mechanics is the root cause of the continuum as everything is just one big fractal.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

autism is a spectrum. some aspies are super hyper and chatty, some are gloomy and aloof, some mask so well you'd never know. the spectrum runs the gamut from nonverbal severe disability, to schizophrenia, to adhd, while others are only mildly impaired. some autistics are geniuses, others with low iq.

official diagnosis costs a king's ransom, and just getting an appointment to their clinic is nearly impossible. plus, although we like to play like we are so advanced, the science is rather new. only about 100 years old or so. in other words, doctors are imbeciles when it comes to diagnosing mental, cognitive, or neurological disorders.

you don't know someone's walk, if you haven't been in their shoes.

let's not judge others.

life is hard. if someone says they can relate, that's a good thing.

 

[Bobsterkitty]

My normal is not someone else's normal. I don't think people claim to be autistic because it is chic at the moment, or because they want to dismiss/one-up another. This is difficult stuff and I have enough with myself to worry about anyone else's conditions, unless I am responsible for them, and/or live with them. If we want space, we have to give space. I find it more helpful to assume that everybody struggles in some ways, that everybody has to contribute something.

 

[Misty Avich]

I know that most NTs who claim they're autistic because of one or two traits they may have aren't really intending to hurt or dismiss anybody.
I believe that NTs are all individuals too, even though some Aspies believe that all NTs are the same and have only two interests: sports and the Kardashians. I don't look at NTs that way. They (most of them) may look the same on the outside (conformity-wise) but on the inside they are individuals with their own thoughts, interests, emotions, opinions, quirks, likes, dislikes, fears, etc etc.

 

[2Fragile2TakeCriticism]

There is a strong incongruence in the autistic movement as I understand it.

On one hand we say Autism is not an illness, autism is a different way to percieve the world and to process information. So we are moving from the old definition of illness, dissability, under-performance towards the "neurodivergence" stuff. The neurodivergence aproach tell us that our brains work different not worse. And that most problems come from society, enviroment, trauma and so on. Fine.

On the other hand, when someone claims "Hey I percieve the world and process the info in an autistic way" we told them: YOU CANT BE AUTIST IF YOU DONT SUFFER. In other words, to be autist its neccesary to be dissabled, ill and underperform.

On one hand we get angry when people tell us "You dont look autists" and on the other we tell people: "You are clearly not autist"

We struggle to get a good diagnose but we denny others the opportunity to seek if they are autists or have autist traits... They are Clearly not... probably they look to the eyes.

Then we wonder why we are alone...

Ouch. That’s harsh, but actually true. Actually when you think about it, I believe we’ve all done it in some sort. And many times, I’ve questioned myself because of such beliefs.

Come to think when so-called nt’s do claim they’re autistic when they don’t have enough traits, they’re not exactly perfectly immune to intellectual disabilities either. Have you heard of Munchausen Syndrome? It’s often dismissed but very real.

 

[Aneka]

As soon as I say something, like: I need to have a routine with food etc, the one I am talking to, interrupts me and says: wow, I am like that too; I think I have aspergers. Yet, clearly that person does not have it!

I struggled for years to receive my official diagnosis and it really frustrates me when others hit out randomly with: ah, I have that as well.

I would love to meet someone who has the same condition, since being around neurotypicals, is hard work, but I get so aggitated, when those who do not have aspergers, try to push that they do, only because of one trait.

Many neurotypical portray similar traits, but that does not mean they have aspergers, as it is like a fine tuning.

I was in a rare chat with two spiritual sisters yesterday and found it fascinating listening to them, as they really do speak a different type of language to me. Whereas, a lady I am helping to understand the Bible, she truly does get me and I feel astonishingly comfortable around her. She does not have aspergers, but sure does exhibit many traits and her daugher has ADHD. I said I felt jealous of her daughter, having a fantastic mum!

I don't have an official diagnosis but came to realize it while working with children and young people who have autism. After I told my mother about autism, she said this is me and my father 100%.
Aside from my mother and a close friend I haven't talked to anyone about my suspicion.

 

[2Fragile2TakeCriticism]

If I look at my kids, then look at (for example) people on the reddit /r/autism I see a gulf of difference.

I don't blame young people nowadays for reaching out for anything to provide credentials because, sadly, just existing isn't a viable path for kids. As an autistic adult, I've given up trying to find help. Life is hard, and badges like autism provide people with relief, a feeling of belonging. I was a few minutes from dying from anaphylaxis but couldn't get help after leaving ER for a year, because clinics were full of people searching for a diagnosis that didn't exist. When we got our kids diagnosed, which if you spend 2 minutes with them is so OBVIOUSLY a correct diagnosis, we got hostility from other parents: "we've spent thousands going from doctor to doctor but they all say they're all just telling us it's something to do with their home life, who did you use to get them diagnosed?"

Does it wind me up to hear people telling me that "it's not a disability, it's just a different way of thinking" as I see my kids struggle? Yes, very much. And yeah, it's always some socially articulate person on youtube declaring that it's not really that bad and if we just 'accepted' autistic people they'd have no problems. I cry in frustration at my brain's inability to be normal, and I truly feel guilt for my kids.

But then I think. How desperate must you be to need to identify with disabled people to feel you have value? I don't blame them. Something has gone wrong when people need to identify with a disability they don't have to not feel like a failure.

I feel your pain. It’s scary usually that there is a lack of self esteem going around in the general public. When you actually think it over, the person whom many believed to not have a specific disability may actually have another disability of some sort that’s involved with their self esteem issues and is possibly undiagnosed.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

My view of NT's is the same way they see us. Guys whose only interest is how the leafs did last night. my typical response no idea nor do I care. Do you have a question for me after all you're in the lab to see me.
Went for walk wife told me at least she says hello to the neighbors. I just walk by, nothing to see here. she thinks that's rude. I don't care no masking here. I'M the most social brother in my family.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

As soon as I say something, like: I need to have a routine with food etc, the one I am talking to, interrupts me and says: wow, I am like that too; I think I have aspergers. Yet, clearly that person does not have it!

I struggled for years to receive my official diagnosis and it really frustrates me when others hit out randomly with: ah, I have that as well.

I would love to meet someone who has the same condition, since being around neurotypicals, is hard work, but I get so aggitated, when those who do not have aspergers, try to push that they do, only because of one trait.

Many neurotypical portray similar traits, but that does not mean they have aspergers, as it is like a fine tuning.

Agree.

1. These sorts of comments are minimizing.
2. I think the intent, though, is more altruistic. They just want to connect with you in some way. They don't have the perspective that we have, so at the very least, it's an innocent social faux pas. Many just don't know that what they said is going to be taken as an insult.
3. There are ways to explain a "condition" (ASD-1/Asperger's in this case) to a person like this. I will often explain that many people, from time-to-time, may exhibit isolated "autistic-like" traits and behaviors. This is normal. What isn't normal, and qualifies as a diagnosable condition, is the persistence of a group of traits and behaviors.
4. Yes, there are a few people out there that disregard any sort of neurological condition as if we have full control over our behavior, and that autism, ADHD, PTSD is simply a label for "weak", undisciplined individuals who just want attention or an excuse for their lack of self-control, or worse, want to "sponge off of tax payers" like a parasite. These people do not believe in "disabilities", nor do they have any interest in understanding. Their attitude is "Quit your whining and get to work, because I'm not paying your way." Obviously, I've heard these sorts of statements before.

 

[2Fragile2TakeCriticism]

That is also why I dislike when people say selfdiagnosis is just as valid as an official diagnosis. I myself do not have an official diagnosis. I just know that pretty much every little major aspect of autism clicks for me. And it has helped me explain huge parts of my past and who I currently am. I would however never claim to be autistic, because I don`t know that I am. The odds are in my favor, but I cannot claim to be until I get an official diagnosis.
A while back I told some people at work I was looking into maybe being autistic. One person replied with: "We are all a little autistic." I hate when people say this. Because it is so unfair to actual autistic people. You might have some little tiny things in common with someone who is autistic. But that does not mean you are a little autistic. Since that is not a thing.

There comes a point where I have to disagree with a few things.

First of all, self-diagnosis IS equally valid as official diagnoses, because everyone has a struggle. Of course, of the entire population diagnosed with autism, no experience is the exact same. And misdiagnoses may also exist because even if the diagnosis is incorrect, it can also mean that an individual is possibly struggling with another disability that’s brushed under the rug.

Second, to undermine self-diagnosis and deem it as “not truly a diagnosis” is to dismiss the experiences of working class individuals and women and gender non-binaries who may also have possibility of having the disability. Some people simply cannot afford enough money for medical treatment, while women’s symptoms of autism are much different from men’s because they’re expected to mask their behavior in order to fit in to the nt society. It should also be noted that if not, women, especially women of color who freely express themselves are unfairly judged as hysterical and moody (i.e. the angry black woman stereotype). This stigma is the main reason why economically privileged cisgender white men are more likely to receive an official diagnosis, while outsiders are either shut out or have to work much harder to achieve one.

Third, judging someone for self-diagnosing is unfair in itself. While I do agree that the phrase “we’re all a little autistic” is inaccurate, it should also be noted that viewing a person as not struggling at all for appearing to be “normal” is also wrong. No struggle is the same. No version of “normal” is the same. I’m guilty of scoffing at people for supposedly making a big deal out of something I lack the understanding of, but a lot of times to them, their struggles are valid regardless.

So in summary, to assume that self-diagnosis is not valid but selfish and trendy is to engage in negative generalizations, prejudice, and isolation.

I hope I haven’t offended you or anything, as this is only my opinion.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Never been diagnosed, do not see it as a crutch. Feel for those on the spectrum, not given gifts but then no different than any NT gifts. such as athletic ability.