Feeling like harming myself.

[MildredHubble]

Seeking help is a very mature thing to do. These people that say these things to you seem so toxic! They seem to hold you to an impossible standard. We all struggle and falter at time. Berating someone for being a vulnerable human being is inexcusable.

So called "tough love" is a false economy. Bullying people into pretending they are ok simply solves nothing.

If you need to spend time in a hospital to get through this then doing so is precisely what you should do. I'm not saying it's the case right now, but if it should turn out to be, you have nothing to be ashamed of!

 

[Mr. Stevens]

The abyss you're looking at is just your mom's soul. You don't want to go in there.

 

[MildredHubble]

When I was once in a real crisis state, really struggling with horrendous anxiety and depression, someone was being rather smug and dismissive of me. They were trying to make me feel ashamed of asking for help and essentially told me I was being a big baby and to suck it up. Like they were a battle hardened survivor, and I a mere snowflake or something.

I told them I've spent my entire life "sucking it up". Which got some smirks. So I asked "In the course of your job, have you ever had to crawl through piles of rat feces, urine, phlegm, rotten food and general industrial detritus, while a powered up conveyor belt whizzed around inches from your head? Because I have, perhaps that would count as sucking it up?"

They fell oddly silent, and tried to change the subject.

The point I'm making is, toxic people try to "big themselves up" while making you feel small.

You are a survivor, and they are likely not, and should save their lectures for the mirror quite honestly.

Sometimes you have to cut people like that out of your life if it's damaging you. Sometimes we fear their reprisals or reaction. But you have to draw a line in the sand sometimes. And you have every right to make that decision if you want to and to enforce it if that decision is not respected.

 

[Gerontius]

Ayyyy I've been passively suicidal the whole semester ever since last Christmastide and guess what?
A few good nights' sleep and seeing the doctor helped with the worst of it.
I'm dealing with trauma a bunch but guess what, I'm not going to fix the trauma unless I fix the depression, and I can't do that if I'm too dead to do anything. Can't responsibly murder oneself anyway as it's that damn difficult matter of hiding the body. So Doctor K said better to fix the sleeping and the depression first.
Fun fact about trashy people; they do. not. care.
It's fun to "fantasize" about the whole pie-in-the-sky prospect of them turning their lives around, etc., but let's face it I know people like that and they don't ever grow up. They think the ones they have harmed were "weak" and somehow deserved it. They're not capable of the self-awareness, generally speaking--not your mom, or your boss, or your A.A. group (is that Alcoholics Anonymous or anti-aircraft? Because you don't need to be taking flak from them.)

 

[N2k12]

Yeah, my boss told me that if I do not have my sleep and health issues fixed by Monday morning, I will be out of a job ASAP.

your boss sounds ignorant and nasty. do you have a union member you can talk to? bosses like her, need to be sorted out. they love the control, and the ego boost, at being nasty to someone else

 

[Metalhead]

I just turned in my two week’s notice and my boss changed her tone immediately. I built the cloud database everybody there uses. I am the only one who knows how to upgrade and add new features to it. She is now telling me I am a great worker and she appreciates me and that is why she turned down my doctor’s note this morning. What a two faced piece of work this woman is.

 

[MildredHubble]

I just turned in my two week’s notice and my boss changed her tone immediately. I built the cloud database everybody there uses. I am the only one who knows how to upgrade and add new features to it. She is now telling me I am a great worker and she appreciates me and that is why she turned down my doctor’s note this morning. What a two faced piece of work this woman is.

Sounds like they need you more than you need them. Leverage!

My earlier comment about being a "big cog in the machine" appears to be true.

Did you stick to your decision to turn in your notice?

 

[Metalhead]

I have not replied to my boss’ texts, but when I turned in my resignation I told her I would be willing to train my replacement but now I am through.

 

[Rodafina]

I have not replied to my boss’ texts, but when I turned in my resignation I told her I would be willing to train my replacement but now I am through.

You are already changing your situation. The way you feel right now will not persist forever.

I just want you to remember, booze and sedatives is definitely not a painless way to go. Dying from those things often does not go as planned, and the illusion of easy passing is not real. Do not be tempted by false ideas. It can be extremely painful and fear of this option is a good thing

 

[MildredHubble]

I have not replied to my boss’ texts, but when I turned in my resignation I told her I would be willing to train my replacement but now I am through.

If you decide you are really done with this job, then I would let them lie in the bed they've made. I wouldn't be kind and offer to help to people that show me that level of contempt quite honestly, but that's just me.

You've "bared your teeth" to them. Sometimes you have to do that. Now they've learned you can do it.

I would let them stew for a while. Enjoy your weekend, put your phone on silent, let the universe take care of itself for a while.

 

[Metalhead]

Oh, great, NOW my boss is texting me telling me she is worried about my health after I bared my teeth at her. Two to three hours of sleep a night for three months, and then forcing myself to down many cups of coffee to meet her demands every work shift - that was never going to be a sustainable solution.

 

[Rodafina]

Oh, great, NOW my boss is texting me telling me she is worried about my health after I bared my teeth at her. Two to three hours of sleep a night for three months, and then forcing myself to down many cups of coffee to meet her demands every work shift - that was never going to be a sustainable solution.

Isn’t it after work hours where you are? Time to ignore text messages from her. Get your head right, that’s priority and she is blocking you from that right now.

 

[MildredHubble]

I agree with Rodafina here! Don't let them reach into your private time/home life. They need to learn boundaries here. You should definitely put this all aside, try to relax, focus on something you enjoy for a while!

You've chipped off some of their armour here! Let them think on that one for a while! Pestering you while you are trying to recuperate is not professional (or perhaps even legal) behaviour.

They need to consider how much more simple this would have been if they just let you sleep as much as you needed to for a few days. They made you work at home while you were shattered, that simply does not jive with letting you rest as presumably you doctor felt you needed to.

 

[Metalhead]

Yeah, the way I have been pumping myself full of caffeine five days a week just to be alert enough to get all the work she demanded from me done over the last couple of months was never going to be a sustainable solution to this problem. It probably made the problem a whole lot worse:

 

[Gerontius]

I built the cloud database everybody there uses. I am the only one who knows how to upgrade and add new features to it.

DO NOT, Sir, whatever you do, DO NOT train your replacement.
This is the kind of revenge I go read Reddit for.

 

[Gerontius]

I have not replied to my boss’ texts, but when I turned in my resignation I told her I would be willing to train my replacement but now I am through.

You changed your mind. I don't care if you even would train your replacement.
I don't care if your replacement has the typing skills of a corgi dog on amphetamines. Let that business BURN.

 

[MildredHubble]

Yeah, the way I have been pumping myself full of caffeine five days a week just to be alert enough to get all the work she demanded from me done over the last couple of months was never going to be a sustainable solution to this problem. It probably made the problem a whole lot worse:

Definitely! It makes you burn twice as bright, but for half as long. So it's diminishing returns after a while.

I really do understand how debilitating chronic insomnia can be. And I've been exploited in jobs to the point I just crumpled and fell apart (both mentally and physically). I had no energy left for myself.

It may not feel like it right now, but you've had a small victory. You've pushed back against your boss. They now know you can do that now.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

@Metalhead You are learning the importance of boundaries. It will be a process to learn how to deal with people who violate them. Meanwhile at the same time it will be important to advocate for yourself. To advocate for your happiness. You are struggling and improving yourself and that struggle has shown you to be a high value man. Do not let anybody tell you otherwise.

Until I learned those skills, I was not ready for a relationship. A little while practicing that and I was able to recognize my future spouse as the soulmate she is and who still has my heart.

 

[Metalhead]

Yeah, my chronic insomnia is no joking matter. I kept on telling my now ex-boss what was going on and that I was making doctor appointments the earliest I could get in. Last month, I got the flu and the bookkeeper at the office demanded I stayed home, this morning my ex-boss decided to use that against me and claim I was playing hookey on her.

I just want a good night’s sleep and that is really too much for me to ask for these days.

 

[Luca]

What a cruel boss. Ew. I want to say something worse than that but we’re only allowed PG-13 language here so this will have to do.

I’m so sorry you are up against this, but I agree with Misery that the last bit is very well-said.
Take control of your life, and don’t let these despicable people push you around anymore. You are worth so much more and you are worth fighting for.