Feeling like you dont belong

[PokemonManiac]

I feel less alienated here right now im often in the chat
Im also on a mental health forum where i have made a good friend he means alot to me
He too has Aspergers and ADHD and some other conditions

And Progster yeah could be cause its less active on there, ive noticed the omly threads to get loads of replies is in the debates section, i may try to write the same thread on here

I try to reply to everyone on this thread

 

[55853]

Though in general I don't think it constantly permeates other unrelated issues and threads. Though it's all perception and one person's view of such things is no guarantee that others will share them.

It's understandable you don't given how active you are - there are some views so universal and fundamental on this site you probably wouldn't notice unless you didn't share them.

I should probably add though that my perception is based on being online for decades...and seeing the worst of most Internet forums which amount to online slaughterhouses IMO. And that this isn't one of them in comparison.

Of course, I've seen unmoderated communities. The real world is no "slaughterhouse" either, yet many people have still felt they don't belong.

 

[Suzanne]

This is the first forum I found for aspergers and sometimes I do feel distant, but I know that is more me than those on here.

I am on another forum for social phobia and typical for other forums, they are not hugely active and only a couple answered me and that did make me feel even worse.

 

[Gracey]

I’m perhaps tolerated more on this site.
Nobody has told me to get lost yet.
The mods haven’t kicked me out.
I can spout nonsense and somebody somewhere is ticking it.
I feel I am tolerated even when I’m not making much sense.
(That feels warm and fuzzy )

Do I belong?

I’ve experienced no reaction to the contrary.
I’ve noticed this due to it being unusual

If someone wants to feel included it’s sometimes all about getting stuck in rather than waiting for an invite.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I don't actually insult people I'm just very passionate intense and people don't like it .

I know you don't, it was just my general example.

 

[Streetwise]

I know you don't, it was just my general example.

i avoid as much trouble as I possibly can ,spending all your time with animals doesn't make you popular even worse if you're a Christian and autistic .

 

[RachelleG]

Have anyone of you ever been on a different aspergers forum and felt like people ignored you on purpose?

I make threads on asperclick and no one replies (even the woman that created the forum feels unwelcomed there due to how some members are)
I made a thread about a possible trait of ASD people read it but never replied, others get replies straight away when they make threads
I feel i should even be there and i feel they look down on me

Im just wondering also if anyone else has trouble fitting in with others with ASD?

Hi, I just joined this forum today so I cannot say that I've had your experience on this forum. What I can tell you is that I've felt the same way you do about life for most of my life. In fact, I've often thought that if there was a hell, then my life must be it. This is a very difficult state of mind to get out of but with encouragement, you can get out of it pretty quickly. For what's it's worth, I will keep an eye on your posts and I will do my best to respond.
Rachelle

 

[Gritches]

I don't know about the other forums, but if they're not welcoming you then forget them. Maybe there are "lines in the sand" being drawn here and maybe not (I'd be curious to become aware of what those lines are) but one unwritten tenet (or is it written?) of this site is acceptance.

I don't post on any other forums because the internet is the meanest place on Earth. I don't want to make a post and get ripped into by someone who will never be held accountable for what they say. I'd rather interact with people IRL than most other forums to be honest; at least IRL there's always accountability. Except for those people who stand like 30 feet away from you and shout an insult. It's like yeah, you would only say that 30 feet from me. Pure puss. I just laugh.

Well that was rambly, but I'm feeling rambly right now so why not ramble? Look, I don't have as much of a problem as I used to with fitting in in any context, online or off. The key is to act like you belong, don't wait for permission to belong, because that won't happen.

 

[Gracey]

I know you don't, it was just my general example.

My family (although not from N.E) tend to take the mickey, in a mild way. Teasing.
They expect it in return too.

To a newbie stepping into the fold I can only imagine it difficult to know whether it’s teasing and a bit of leg pulling or not.

 

[LucyPurrs]

My experience here is that members are unusually kind, caring, accepting, responsive and truthful. Stick around, I bet you'll come to love being here as much as I do. (and I'm an NT!).

 

[abby normal]

a bunch of art snobs chased me away from the sound and vision forums a decade earlier.

 

[CDOCONNOR]

Have anyone of you ever been on a different aspergers forum and felt like people ignored you on purpose?

I make threads on asperclick and no one replies (even the woman that created the forum feels unwelcomed there due to how some members are)
I made a thread about a possible trait of ASD people read it but never replied, others get replies straight away when they make threads
I feel i should even be there and i feel they look down on me

Im just wondering also if anyone else has trouble fitting in with others with ASD?

Have anyone of you ever been on a different aspergers forum and felt like people ignored you on purpose?

I make threads on asperclick and no one replies (even the woman that created the forum feels unwelcomed there due to how some members are)
I made a thread about a possible trait of ASD people read it but never replied, others get replies straight away when they make threads
I feel i should even be there and i feel they look down on me

Im just wondering also if anyone else has trouble fitting in with others with ASD?

you

I understand what you’re referring too and how this feels. Message boards are message boards...you have good ones, bad ones, and indifferent ones. Be that as it may, some as’ sensitive natures pick up on the negative, blowing it out of proportion. I feel this way a lot myself; we view anything regarding social interaction with our self worth. We may be right or wrong. I think the problem lies with how we present what we ask. It’s painful realizing that—despite our efforts, many things are out of our control. I’ve experienced this for most of my life and now I try taking a more stoic approach.

And of course you have those people on sights like this who don’t have as and only join to be a pain in the ass, but that’s a different story.

Hope I helped you in some in some form or fashion.

Your friend,

C

 

[RainbowAura]

I have never belonged in real life or “online” social communities. Believe me..I’ve tried Facebook, forums, last.fm, tumblr...even forums with my mental illnesses and hobbies..I tried all sorts of things....somehow they became bullies or didn’t welcome me into their community....real life is a joke I have nothing there just stay home. I have never belonged. I go by without anyone knowing I exist. My mother I live with and stepfather but that is strained to say the least.

 

[CDOCONNOR]

I understand the feeling of never belonging. I’ve always struggled with that; the few friends I’ve had always turn when I need help, I’m literally by myself. All I can say is you have a friend right here

C.

 

[NotYou]

I'm new. First time posting.

For me.. any social interaction is hard.
with NTs I feel like everyone is running and I have 2 broken legs. With fellow aspies, I just feel like we are 2 people who have 2 broken legs... we understand each other but we aren't going to get anywhere very fast. if anything its comforting to be around others at my pace.. but its hard no matter what. I can put on an act and fake it pretty well with NTs for a while but I always reach that plateau that everyone else seems to be able to get through. The threshold from acquaintance to friend.

 

[nowwhat]

I have never belonged anywhere. Not in my family, not among my long-lost friends, not at any of my many jobs.I had a bit of partial belonging through a special interest I excelled at, but that world revealed only one narrow slice of me, and is long-gone. I have given up on beloning anywere and have accepted that it is my lot be apart and alone until the day I die. It's better than having an identity that makes you part of a group of people you can't stand, I guess. I've tried that and it was horrid.

 

[WolfsRealm]

In my own case I don't need an online community as a benchmark to measure how alienated I feel towards my own species. It's something that seems to be hard-wired into my brain since birth. Where it forces me to be more social as if it's completely against my nature. Online or offline.

Though, it's true that encountering the possibility of cliques and all the chemistry that goes with it can potentially happen just about anywhere online regardless of neurological considerations. Made all the more complicated if you're the latest person to join. The proverbial "new guy". Though my personal observation is that such considerations seem minimal in this particular forum.

Where your best bet is to just jump in and post, whether you get immediate feedback or not. Being especially mindful that there are no guarantees that people will jump in to comment, or just lurk. Considerations that make it worthwhile IMO not to take personally. Knowing that not all our posts will be responded to in great numbers or even at all. It happens to all of us on occasion.

And that likely in time if people haven't responded to you at first, they will eventually. Hang in there.

@Judge I agree in principle with your response. I disagree in general with your response however. This is what I've been told my entire life by my Mom and therapists and most other people trying to be "helpful" and giving me encouragement to keep trying. In 1972 when Star Trek began syndication I was very young, around 4 or 5 yrs old, and Mr Spock was/is the character that I most identified with. He still is to be honest. I have never fit in anywhere. I am female which made it especially difficult due to the differences in presentation of Aspergers.
Your advice is accurate but for those of us that have been told this and done everything in our power to follow it with no positive outcomes it feels empty and unhelpful. Yes, there are trolls and flamers ruling most boards on the net but it is not unreasonable to expect a different response on a board specifically created for those of us that have dealt with this very issue for our entire lives.
@CareBear26 I understand your hurt and confusion. As I stated in my first sentence though, I do agree with @Judge in principle. I haven't had any real success with persistence myself but logically it is the only real option.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Your advice is accurate but for those of us that have been told this and done everything in our power to follow it with no positive outcomes it feels empty and unhelpful. Yes, there are trolls and flamers ruling most boards on the net but it is not unreasonable to expect a different response on a board specifically created for those of us that have dealt with this very issue for our entire lives.

I also agree in principle with your post but disagree on one point only.

Judge wasn't specifically advocating his advice to the general world -where,I think, all three of us would agree ie dont bother - but more specifically to this board.

Where if ypu jump in you can get an unexpected outcome different from the wider world.

So now we are all disagreeing and agreeing with each other at the same time

 

[CDOCONNOR]

I'm new. First time posting.

For me.. any social interaction is hard.
with NTs I feel like everyone is running and I have 2 broken legs. With fellow aspies, I just feel like we are 2 people who have 2 broken legs... we understand each other but we aren't going to get anywhere very fast. if anything its comforting to be around others at my pace.. but its hard no matter what. I can put on an act and fake it pretty well with NTs for a while but I always reach that plateau that everyone else seems to be able to get through. The threshold from acquaintance to friend.

Welcome!! I’ve battled the same problems as you throughout my young life. Us aspies seem to always skirt that “catch 22” line...if we don’t play the NTs game we can’t play at all, or if we run to the beat of our own drum we might as well be hopelessly drifting through a hot desert. For myself, I’ve even tried churches and discovered they are more hypocritical than every day NT’s. Instead of being direct, they use bogus excuses as “God’s will” or “I felt in my heart.” I doubt god is that cold hearted.
When I study the art of friendship I’ve discovered the laws don’t seem to apply to people like us. If they do, we are only accepted for our kindness. Once we wear thin then we are disregarded. Believe me, I know where you’re coming from.

What I’ve learned is to never give up though. A mentor once told me there are billions of people in the world. If one is unkind or you screw up, there will always be another chance. So again, never give up. It’s always quality over quantity!!

Hope I helped.

Best,

Chaz

I'm new. First time posting.

For me.. any social interaction is hard.
with NTs I feel like everyone is running and I have 2 broken legs. With fellow aspies, I just feel like we are 2 people who have 2 broken legs... we understand each other but we aren't going to get anywhere very fast. if anything its comforting to be around others at my pace.. but its hard no matter what. I can put on an act and fake it pretty well with NTs for a while but I always reach that plateau that everyone else seems to be able to get through. The threshold from acquaintance to friend.

I'm new. First time posting.

For me.. any social interaction is hard.
with NTs I feel like everyone is running and I have 2 broken legs. With fellow aspies, I just feel like we are 2 people who have 2 broken legs... we understand each other but we aren't going to get anywhere very fast. if anything its comforting to be around others at my pace.. but its hard no matter what. I can put on an act and fake it pretty well with NTs for a while but I always reach that plateau that everyone else seems to be able to get through. The threshold from acquaintance to friend.

 

[PokemonManiac]

@nowwhat sorry you dont belong to the group that had your same interest anymore, and sounds like you are fine with not belonging and since it works for you being alone i respect where you are coming from

@NotYou i understand what you are saying its hard for you to talk to NTs, but it sounds like you find it just has tough talking to people with ASD, i can find it hard to talk to both types of people too, sometime cause i struggle with giving proper answers i feel like others with aspergers think im dumb

@CDOCONNOR Its good you have a few friends you can talk to and thank you

@RainbowAura sorry to hear people had bullied you so it made you leave other forums hopefully you will find it nice on this forum