Feeling Lost

[Robby]

I just feel totally lost in regards to my job prospects. I have supportive parents, but they are getting older in age & I don't want to keep relying on them. I am considered mild on the spectrum and have been diagnosed as mildly autistic. i actually don't have too much trouble conversing with people for small talk, but initiating conversations is VERY hard or impossible for me. I am also highly sensitive to certain stimulis like loud sudden noises, or too many unfamiliar people at once. I have really struggled with finding a decent paying job that I can keep, and earn a living & become self reliant. That's my biggest struggle. I am 33 now. Living at home, because my parents are supportive of my autism but as I said, I really want to do for myself. I have been on more interviews in the last couple of years than I can count, and have gotten many offers, because I actually am gifted verbally and interview pretty well. What usually holds me back is the fear of the job itself, the setting, the people, etc. So while i get offers, I don't actually go to the job because I am scared. Part of this comes from being bullied badly in high school, I had no friends and was constantly picked on and made fun of for being gay and shy. I still have a lot of ptsd from that. So now, at 33, I am afraid of strangers basically.

I have interviewed with Amazon, but didn't go because I was scared that a warehouse job would be too hectic for me. I tend to have major problems with auditory processing, I have to process and think thinks over before I can make a decision, just the way my brain works. I don't think I could do customer service because my self esteem is too low. I don't like my appearance. I've interviewed for call center jobs, but the pace was just too fast for me, and my problems with auditory processing. I also have a severe learning disability in math. I am good at organizing, doing one or two repetitive tasks at a time, writing, some communicating, maybe answering phones, and anything where I could work one on one with someone without the pressure of dealing with the general public. But I'd prefer to have a job where I can work alone.

I just don't know what jobs to try any more. I did try for a page position at a library recently, and got offered it, but again at the last minute I didn't go because I was scared. I just was scared of the unfamiliar setting & people I might meet. I know it probably sounds dumb but I can't help it. I am just so scared of being picked on or bullied again.

There is an office for vocational rehab here, they have a program for people with autism to help place them in jobs, but the jobs are so menial the pay is only like 6.95 an hour less than minimum wage, so that's not realistic. Does anyone have any suggestions for me? Or am I just going to have to live with my parents the rest of my life? I really don't like this but I just don't have the confidence to move ahead. I've been to therapy, but it's not helping at all, and I don't see her often enough for it to be of any use. Just feeling so lost.

 

[Vinca]

Could you use the job via the office for vocational rehab as a stepping-stone to something else? Thinking of it as a way to get some experience, build up some confidence and as something to add to your CV?

 

[Tom]

We all experience fear. But its bad if it dominates and controls your actions. I don't think you ever really defeat fear, but you can push it back enough to make space for youself to live as you would like to.

 

[S0093679]

If you're in the UK, have you considered using remploy? Look here. If you get a job they can accompany you for the first 6 weeks (or something like that) and they can liaise with your employer to help accommodate your disability related needs and to work through issues.

 

[Robby]

I'm not in the UK. I'm in the US, and a southern conservative state at that. Although fortunately I have some resources they are few and far between. I am in a difficult spot because I am on the spectrum enough to affect me, I have sensitivities & auditory issues & also avoidance problems, but am a decent interviewer and "normal" enough to where most laypeople wouldn't think there's anything wrong with me. I already went through the vocational rehab office, but it seemed to be for extremely seriously handicapped people, they sent me to a nursing home to interview, and the lady came off as cold & indifferent, so I was scared to go back. *sigh*. I don't know what to do or where to turn any more. Add on to all this that I am openly gay, and it's a bad combination I just feel trapped in my own head. I wish I could get past worrying so much about what random strangers think of me, but as a result of the severe bullying I experienced in school, I am terrified of strangers.

I created a LinkedIN profile, just for the heck of it, not that I had much to say in the way of resume, but I did state my skills as best I could. I'm not sure whether to state that I am autistic openly, but say why it could be a benefit to employers, such as my intense organizational skills, focus, etc, but unsure whether to state it or not.

People just go about their lives and have no idea what someone with autism goes through. It's like we are trapped in our heads. Should I be upfront to employers about having autism from the get go?

I have no resume, no work experience, and I know the things I am good at and the things I could not do like customer service, fast-paced work, etc, but I don't know where to get started. I feel depressed and lost.

 

[Tom]

I think you have issues beyond just therapist including at least one co-morbid (anxiety) and may benefit from seeing an actual doctor (ie. Psychciatrist, Psychologist). Aspergers isn't treatable per se, as in there is no medication, but the co-morbids are (ie Anxiety/Depression). We are not doctors or counselors here, just autistics like yourself, so you have to take what anyone says as just opinions/suggestions. That said, I think it possible that it is a co-morbid, like anxiety, that is holding you up on the same step each time, which is actually going to the workplace and interacting with new people. Just because you have had bad experiences in the past does not mean it will happen again. There are a lot of good people as well as bad. Every group of people is unique and different.

I would not mention either being autistic or your sexual orientation to employers as a general rule. It is none of their business and inappropriate for them to ask about it. One exception would be if you are in a specific placement program for autistics.

 

[Robby]

I'm already seeing a Psychiatrist. I also see a Therapist, although that doesn't help any at all because I don't get to see her too often & basically I feel like it's ********. People just have to understand that someone with autism, even mild autism, requires different approaches, different way of doing things, etc. People just assume that it's anxiety all the time, and yea I have issues with anxiety of course, and avoidance, but medication hasn't helped those too much. Somewhat, but not that much. It's like my brain is just wired differently. Like, I like interacting with people, but only a bit at a time, or I get totally overwhelmed. And I am hypersensitive to environments & strangers. It's difficult. I am a decent interviewer, but what usually holds me back is the fear of the situation or the work environment, so I may get an offer, but don't go & cancel at the last minute. I'm just afraid of being teased like I was when I was in high school.

There are no programs for autistic people here that I know of. I am 33 and live with my parents. I have no job and no prospects. I have used the office of vocational rehab here before, but they tried to get me in some program cleaning toilets & working for like 6.00 an hour, which is ridiculous I mean I am smarter and better than that. It seems like everyone assumes disabilities have to be physical or like down syndrome, but nobody thinks autism exists in adults or what we go through.

In the meantime, I really don't know what I'm going to do. Just keep looking for work I guess, and if I find something that is fairly low-key that I think I could handle day to day without a meltdown, I will pursue it. Might try trying a different medication combination too. I am also a gay male, in a very very prejudiced society, so add that onto being naturally shy and withdrawn.

 

[Beverly]

Repetitive tasks sound like you might be well suited for assembly line work in a factory. It may not be the best pay but, it could be something that would earn you a decent living. You would have to be able to tolerate the noise of the factory, but, it would be a job doing the same task repeatedly that did not require the ability to start conversation nor require looking exceptionally good.

Such work might seem too fast at first but, like any task you do over and over, in a short time, it becomes almost second nature and, is easy to do. It may be worth trying.

 

[Robby]

I've thought about that, but as a gay male, I worry about hostile people and bullying in a factory setting. I am a fairly effeminate guy, & have experienced a lot of hostile comments & bullying. So I am afraid of that in a light industrial setting sadly being autistic is bad enough but add being gay on top of it and you have a bad combination. I'm open to trying the assembly line thing but just apprehensive.

 

[Neramo]

I just feel totally lost in regards to my job prospects. I have supportive parents, but they are getting older in age & I don't want to keep relying on them. I am considered mild on the spectrum and have been diagnosed as mildly autistic. i actually don't have too much trouble conversing with people for small talk, but initiating conversations is VERY hard or impossible for me. I am also highly sensitive to certain stimulis like loud sudden noises, or too many unfamiliar people at once. I have really struggled with finding a decent paying job that I can keep, and earn a living & become self reliant. That's my biggest struggle. I am 33 now. Living at home, because my parents are supportive of my autism but as I said, I really want to do for myself. I have been on more interviews in the last couple of years than I can count, and have gotten many offers, because I actually am gifted verbally and interview pretty well. What usually holds me back is the fear of the job itself, the setting, the people, etc. So while i get offers, I don't actually go to the job because I am scared. Part of this comes from being bullied badly in high school, I had no friends and was constantly picked on and made fun of for being gay and shy. I still have a lot of ptsd from that. So now, at 33, I am afraid of strangers basically.

I have interviewed with Amazon, but didn't go because I was scared that a warehouse job would be too hectic for me. I tend to have major problems with auditory processing, I have to process and think thinks over before I can make a decision, just the way my brain works. I don't think I could do customer service because my self esteem is too low. I don't like my appearance. I've interviewed for call center jobs, but the pace was just too fast for me, and my problems with auditory processing. I also have a severe learning disability in math. I am good at organizing, doing one or two repetitive tasks at a time, writing, some communicating, maybe answering phones, and anything where I could work one on one with someone without the pressure of dealing with the general public. But I'd prefer to have a job where I can work alone.

I just don't know what jobs to try any more. I did try for a page position at a library recently, and got offered it, but again at the last minute I didn't go because I was scared. I just was scared of the unfamiliar setting & people I might meet. I know it probably sounds dumb but I can't help it. I am just so scared of being picked on or bullied again.

There is an office for vocational rehab here, they have a program for people with autism to help place them in jobs, but the jobs are so menial the pay is only like 6.95 an hour less than minimum wage, so that's not realistic. Does anyone have any suggestions for me? Or am I just going to have to live with my parents the rest of my life? I really don't like this but I just don't have the confidence to move ahead. I've been to therapy, but it's not helping at all, and I don't see her often enough for it to be of any use. Just feeling so lost.

Don't give up. Your not alone. You need to remember your special in a good way. Just like i have to do it. You might compare yourself to other people, without seeing their weeknesses. There's more people like your, me and others that you know about. most people are actually pretty messed up. I most likely got Aspergers and ADD, and still aint got the same problems as my friend and my brother. My best friend died of heart attack after asthma attack. my brother got divorced, and is struggling. Remember most people that pretends to be doing well, usually are lying.

 

[qwerty]

I have worked on factory floors before and met quite a few openly gay people working there, ask yourself how much your fear is costing you,you might even potentially meet some interesting people and become firm friends with them if you tried.
What are some things that interest you? special interests etc..
There are ways of turning what you love into an income generating business, it doesn't need to be the biggest business in the world it just needs to make more than it spends.

 

[Judge]

I have interviewed with Amazon, but didn't go because I was scared that a warehouse job would be too hectic for me.

Given the very recent media expose of Amazon through former employees, it would appear that's one job prospect you need to subtract from your list. It appears that's a mega-stressful work environment for even those with an optimal work ethic and job history.

 

[wyverary]

It sounds like you need a new therapist, or a different attitude towards therapy. I don't know what your options are like...I know what it's like to live in a small, conservative Southern state...but finding a good therapist is like shopping for the perfect pair of shoes, only a thousand times worse, and sometimes cost/insurance issues can severely limit your choices. Do you feel your therapist is truly listening to you? How seriously are you taking their advice, and have you really tried to implement it in your life?

 

[Robby]

The worry & stress has caused me to start smoking again, unfortunately. I've noticed the Lexapro is making me really wired up & like I can't shut up & then I have hot flashes on it. It's weird.

 

[Robby]

Fear is a powerful thing. My therapist has told me about how to not let fear run me. But it's just in my head, and I can't shake it. I am struggling with others traumatic issues, that are too painful to mention, but the fear and anxiety is potent. I took the first step of the medication, they say it takes weeks for it to kick in so hopefully will. I like my therapist she is lovely, and seems to know what she's talking about. I feel she listens to me, but you know a 45 minute session can only accomplish so much, then I don't see her for like weeks afterwards. She's given me papers to read about how to shift my negative thinking in those moments, but I feel like my thought processes have become so negative that I need more than just coping skills. But she is trying, I give her that. I am on the fence about therapy in general. On one hand I feel like it's mostly just ********, I mean how can someone truly help you if they don't know you and if they're just getting paid to do it. On the other, I know many are compassionate people who want to help their patients. I over think things. But I feel like the only people who can truly help are friends or people who are invested in you who care. I am thinking therapy is largely ********.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Double-check the drug manufacturer if any of yours are generic. There is a huge difference in quality. Moving from the cheapest to the next cheapest made a significant difference for my anxiety.

Pharmacies make different deals with both manufacturers and with distributors. The generic from the big store is not identical to the generic from the pharmacy...unless the pharmacy is itself buying from the big store. The people at the counter were very willing to tell me that. The people at the big store, competing on price, weren't willing. I had to find out the hard way.

Beyond that, it's a case of Begin Anywhere. You can keep explaining that everything will fail, and it will. Or you can go one step at a time. I keep hearing you say you're gay and autistic and I wonder if it means you think there is no solution. There won't be if you can't either change your location or change your assessment of what you're capable of. It helps to run to something...not just "away from people" and especially "away from people because of my fear of them." What does running to your future look like?

 

[BlueConundrum]

Before I read all the way through this thread I was going to suggest factory work, too. I really, truly doubt that you'd have too many issues with homophobia in a factory. I had a friend who worked in a factory and she made it sound like people just minded their own business and stuck in their little cliques.

Are you good with numbers/proofreading? Sometimes offices have people working in payroll. I briefly temped as a payroll assistant. I got to sit by myself, they would hand me a stack of invoices and I just had to double-check that pay rates were correct for different types of work.

Reception work at a small office might not be too bad, either. I was a receptionist for years and it was mostly terrible but if the office is quiet and you really only deal with a switchboard instead of making appointments, dealing with customers, it's not half-bad. Reception work becomes terrible if you end up having to handle customer service issues, but not all reception work is like that.

 

[BlueConundrum]

I have never lived in a conservative area as an adult, so homophobia in the workplace is a mostly foreign concept to me. My neighborhood has rainbow crosswalks! Our churches wave Pride flags all year round! I see more same-sex couples holding hands than hetero couples. So, I apologize if I was dismissive.

 

[Xenocity]

I definitely understand your feelings of being lost.
I am recent college graduate turned 30, who cannot seemingly get hired in anywhere (which is the new norm for most grads).
It takes a toll.

 

[Robby]

The weird thing is, here, is fairly gay friendly but it seems people have major problems with an outwardly gay man but if you are straight-acting you have no problems. I can't be someone I'm not.

All the jobs here seem to require tons of work history which I don't have, or make you kiss ass or be up someone's ass all day, or clean toilets, there doesn't seem to be any in between. I could try factory work I guess, but again I'd worry about homophobia & the loud noises and stimuli. I tend to work best unbothered, on my own, where there isn't someone breathing down your neck constantly, or worrying about having to keep up with some rate or something per hour.