Feeling more distant from my siblings

[Markness]

As the years go on, I feel more distant from my siblings. A lot of it is because they have formed their own families and I have not. True, they aren’t autistic like I am but I still feel like the odd person out. Even in most recent family photos, it’s just them and their children. I am not in them unless I just happen to be around.

They all have also graduated from college and have full time jobs, two milestones I haven’t achieved. My mother did help my brothers (The other two, my half-sisters, were able to do things on their own.) along the way by constantly giving them huge sums of money and having social connections but they are still seen as successful while I am seen as the awkward one.

This also applies to my cousins. Most of them have started or about to start their own families. I don’t even get invited to their weddings.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Not an uncommon experience, even for neurotypicals, especially now-a-days when both parents work, the kids have all their activities, adult siblings are separated by distance, and time is in such short supply. It's difficult to keep family relationships strong in today's busy world. Too many distractions in all this hustle and bustle. Family and friends become an afterthought, or no thought, at all. Then, throw in our autistic social difficulties into that mix.

 

[FayetheAspie]

Yeah, my siblings don't talk with me much either. It's been over a decade since I actually saw my brother face to face. I used to read old post cards from him over and over. By this point though it sometimes feels almost like having a brother was just another one of my daydream fantasies.I know it was not though. It's been a little over two years since I last saw my sister. They both basically send a text on major holidays.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I feel for you out of five siblings, three like myself I know now were on the spectrum. This really helped Three of us got married, had kids. So being on the spectrum is not the barrier. I get along great with my two NT brothers.
one a year younger than me, who drove me nuts in school, Mensa member, always made me feel like second fiddle
both hyperlexic. I got grade twelve in grade five, he got university level in grade four. Then I failed a year and we were in the same grade He anchored the reach for the top team twice a years after my older brother made the team
I was a flop mind too active to hit button, without second guessing. Sat test he beat me by 1%. both in the 90 plus percentiles. Other NT is the youngest brother ten years younger than me. I was always his mentor. some one he could ask for advise. He like you has never been in a relationship, job keep him traveling world fixing phone systems in third world countries. He might have HDHD. Oldest brother was two years ahead of me in school as he was born in December and I was born in January a year later.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I'm a late bloomer, and I am finally understanding women because I am becoming friends with them. Please, @Markness, don't give up and don't compare yourself to others. It destroys you from the inside.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I'm a late bloomer, and I am finally understanding women because I am becoming friends with them. Please, @Markness, don't give up and don't compare yourself to others. It destroys you from the inside.

Tony do you feel your social life has gotten better at the least though? since a social dating is different than dating life though

 

[Rodafina]

@Markness
I have had these sort of feelings, too. I always had harmonious and loving relationships with my siblings, but even I can see how the distance between us has grown over the years. Throw in autism and my own difficulty and confusion connecting with anyone, and it can sometimes feel sad and frustrating. I am not able to connect with my family in exactly the same way they do with each other.

I am the youngest of 3 and so I had the experience of always watching everyone move away and "grow up" before me, sometimes feeling like I was being left behind. I am the only one without children, a career, and my own home.

It makes sense, though. My struggles in life have been different than theirs and my accomplishments have been different, too. The distance makes sense as well - where we once shared a house, a bedroom, the back seat of the car, and meals together at the kitchen table, we each have our own lives now and there is more space between us.

I think this situation is a time to practice acceptance. Sometimes, we will be "the awkward one," and that's okay. That does not make us unlovable or less than. Comparing ourselves to others can be a black hole of disappointment, but more importantly, it is a false comparison. There is no sense in comparing two very different things. Accepting that difference can lead to a more comfortable and content life.

As for the weddings? Every time I am not invited to a wedding, I am grateful.