Female : High Functioning Asperger >60 yr

[Thinx]

Hi and welcome, I hope that you enjoy it here and find it useful and supportive.

63 also, I self diagnosed a few years ago when I worked with people with Aspergers and their families and researched the area, realising it applied to me also.

I find I can't do unstructured social interaction, this has never changed, and appears to me to be a core element of the way my experience of the world differs from an NTs. My process is different, my timing is different, I do not tend to have agendas. However, in most work situations I have been fine, just a bit too simple and direct in my dealings with others, perhaps.

I do like a lot of Buddhist teachings but the idea that we autistic folk can choose not to worry about things completely misses the target. It simply doesn't apply because autism is a neurological condition. It is akin to telling an epileptic to choose not to have fits. We are somehow stuck in the flight/freeze response. Our brain isn't able to take its foot off of the gas. When I step outside my door my brain is overwhelmed. Everything comes rushing in like a Tsunami.

By the way, I recommend the Autistic Psychologist on YouTube who touches on this inability to filter the wheat from the chaff so to speak. And yes, I can do analogies.

Interesting points made here, but actually I am not an anxious person, nor do I think anxiety is necessarily part of autism, so much as a comorbid condition.

Therapy can help with anxiety in NTs or NDs, although we cant change that we have Aspergers or autism, this doesnt mean we can't change or develop of course, as we all have done so over the course of our lives.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I agree one must venture out and meet people. I've done that. I've even headed up recreational pursuit groups, in order (yes I admit to this) to be in control of creating a setting which accommodates my wiring. I enjoy organizing, and setting the rules for a more 'inclusivity' which other groups lacked. Even the shy, who walked in "the door" to my events, left amazed at how "included" they were... like coming home.

WOW! I find that amazing and was something that I could not comprehend in my teens and twenties. Something like what you did could have significantly improved my life. The thing that helped me when I was at peak negativity about myself was falling in with a hippy couple who were so accepting that I used their example to attempt to be more accepting of myself. I was also fortunate to have met much older people who helped me with my special interest in Paleontology. I now share that with students in local schools.

You are a wonder, and I wish there were more people like you

 

[DogzSpirit]

WOW! I find that amazing and was something that I could not comprehend in my teens and twenties. Something like what you did could have significantly improved my life. The thing that helped me when I was at peak negativity about myself was falling in with a hippy couple who were so accepting that I used their example to attempt to be more accepting of myself. I was also fortunate to have met much older people who helped me with my special interest in Paleontology. I now share that with students in local schools.

You are a wonder, and I wish there were more people like you

Not a wonder. But thank you for the compliment. I was one of these kids that couldn't speak much. My mother surrounded us with pets, creativity, compassion and light in the face of what felt like a harsh world. She was unyielding in her support of our creativity, always coming up with crazy fun for us.

I thought we were the norm and the others were abnormal. Imagine to find out this and myself in general was not the norm!

I owe who I am to her. Her spirit of anything is possible, was quite contagious.

That is wonderful that you share an incredible interest like Paleontology with students. Very cool. What a gift. When my boys were younger I use to collect fossils with them, and encourage their interest in that. When they were really little, I took them to Dinosaur Rock Shows and Museums later.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Not a wonder. But thank you for the compliment. I was one of these kids that couldn't speak much. My mother surrounded us with pets, creativity, compassion and light in the face of what felt like a harsh world. She was unyielding in her support of our creativity, always coming up with crazy fun for us.

I thought we were the norm and the others were abnormal. Imagine to find out this and myself in general was not the norm!

I owe who I am to her. Her spirit of anything is possible, was quite contagious.

That is wonderful that you share an incredible interest like Paleontology with students. Very cool. What a gift. When my boys were younger I use to collect fossils with them, and encourage their interest in that. When they were really little, I took them to Dinosaur Rock Shows and Museums later.

How wonderful. While unable to guide me socially, my mother gave me the world. From visiting the Diego Rivera murals in the Detroit Institute of Arts, to Montreal's World's Fair, and shipping me out (Alone by bus and train) to visit and collect with people I traded fossils with, I was taught to be inquisitive and look at the world as a fascinating place. "Children Will Listen" is more than just a Sondheim song.

 

[SusanLR]

Another Aspie woman here- age 64 and I had never heard of the word until I was diagnosed in my 50's.

I had no siblings and the hardest part for me was the co-morbid anxiety.
In my teens I would not go out to participate in anything social. I had my own zoo practically
and music has always been my calming interest along with painting.
Home schooled during high school due to panic attacks and some other physical reasons.

I lived close to a large University and found that to be much easier than high school or middle school.
I chose medical arts and ended up in pharmaceuticals.
My Mom was my best friend and companion. At this age now, I am glad I found the diagnosis
but I've grown used to not having close friends so I'm just glad to understand myself and how
my life has been and why.

Welcome to the group!

 

[DogzSpirit]

@SusanLR Art, pets (yeah zoo) were a huge part of my life too. My mother was an artist.

Thanks for the welcome and sharing... I was really forced to guts it out in public school. It took years for me to shake that trauma. Some days it was so bad that I actually became physically ill as I walked to school, and had to return home. Some days I would fake being sick. My mom later said she knew I was faking it, but figured I needed a break.

I would have loved to be home schooled, but my mother was largely unaware that something could be going on with me. In hindsight, after having learned of the thinking behind her response, she attributed my challenge to the stress of my father having been ill from first - 4th grade, followed by his death.

My mother was my mainstay and I hers during that time of her/our grief. Yeah, odd in hindsight that I was her strength also in this time of grief. They lost the most potent married love I have ever witnessed. That, and the conversations we shared, both anchored/strengthened me and stressed me. She had her hands full, as my sister (in hindsight I see this) was impacted much more than I socially, and that sister even had a hearing loss. She infused our childhood with pets, animals, art, camping and much more, into her single mother arsenal, and of course it helped.

You were lucky to escape public schooling. Even private didn't help my sister, but she gave them hell (baseball bat, or fists in return). I was left to Public School. I am not one to envy, but I do when it comes to others who have been home schooled. School was the rattiest race I have ever encountered. In three of the four grades, I was a (gosh I hate this word) victim of rather sadistic teachers, in addition to bullying by students for 10 of those 13 years.

One of the reliefs of discovering my Aspergers diagnosis, is realizing that many children with this uniqueness, are bullied. Reason: I had always thought that somehow I invited this and could have behaved differently, more like my sister (by fighting back). Now I see it was way beyond the capability at such a young age, to understand why they came after me, and how it was beyond change at that time. I was able to let it go, and see the complete picture. It was therapeutic. I even contacted one of the bullies/now adult, who was still amused at what took place during those years. That conversation was quite interesting, for both of us.

 

[Au Naturel]

@SusanLR Art, pets (yeah zoo) were a huge part of my life too. My mother was an artist.

Thanks for the welcome and sharing... I was really forced to guts it out in public school. It took years for me to shake that trauma. Some days it was so bad that I actually became physically ill as I walked to school, and had to return home. Some days I would fake being sick. My mom later said she knew I was faking it, but figured I needed a break.

I would have loved to be home schooled, but my mother was largely unaware that something could be going on with me. In hindsight, after having learned of the thinking behind her response, she attributed my challenge to the stress of my father having been ill from first - 4th grade, followed by his death.

My mother was my mainstay and I hers during that time of her/our grief. Yeah, odd in hindsight that I was her strength also in this time of grief. They lost the most potent married love I have ever witnessed. That, and the conversations we shared, both anchored/strengthened me and stressed me. She had her hands full, as my sister (in hindsight I see this) was impacted much more than I socially, and that sister even had a hearing loss. She infused our childhood with pets, animals, art, camping and much more, into her single mother arsenal, and of course it helped.

You were lucky to escape public schooling. Even private didn't help my sister, but she gave them hell (baseball bat, or fists in return). I was left to Public School. I am not one to envy, but I do when it comes to others who have been home schooled. School was the rattiest race I have ever encountered. In three of the four grades, I was a (gosh I hate this word) victim of rather sadistic teachers, in addition to bullying by students for 10 of those 13 years.

One of the reliefs of discovering my Aspergers diagnosis, is realizing that many children with this uniqueness, are bullied. Reason: I had always thought that somehow I invited this and could have behaved differently, more like my sister (by fighting back). Now I see it was way beyond the capability at such a young age, to understand why they came after me, and how it was beyond change at that time. I was able to let it go, and see the complete picture. It was therapeutic. I even contacted one of the bullies/now adult, who was still amused at what took place during those years. That conversation was quite interesting, for both of us.

To have had a supportive mother would have been so good! Mine repeatedly told me how stupid I was. Always reaching for a yardstick to whack me with. Demanding that I watch religious television shows in order to reform my sinful personality. (Billy Graham was her favorite.) It is good that I was otherwise raised free-range, else I could not have tolerated it.

Parents never knew the stuff I got up to when I was alone. Did not have a clue. But it kept me sane.

 

[DogzSpirit]

@Au Naturel I do not think I could have handled the religion of your situation. My mom/famly was largely Agnostic. Culturally, I was raised with an awareness of my ancestors past, via stories and holidays. We didn't go often to the synagogue, which was good, for I never felt a connection with that. I think your wiring had good coping mechanisms. That said I would be doing things that my mom/family never would have guessed. Good to let loose. Later in high school a teacher reported one of my adventures, having run across me in public. My mother blew it off, never calling me out on it.

In hindsight; I wish I had understood my position a bit better, things would have been improved not just for myself but for my mom as well. I turned into an adult that calls others out, and insists that they accept me for whom I am.

Still, I hold a bit of (well maybe more than a bit) of anger there. It plays like this... How dare the first grade teacher torture me by putting me in front of the class and singling me out... Gosh would be such fun if had known to report her! I think that is why I am so protective of others (clients), to take back that which I cannot, by putting others in their place.

I know we cannot go back, and that would've, could've, should've is counterproductive. But jeesh wouldn't (lol) most of ya like to go back and kick some a--?

I was so frustrated by the time I reached my second attempt at college, at 30 years of age. At that point I was determined to beat every last bit of shyness out of me. I remember a presentation I had to do, in that second setting. One of the students came up to me afterwards and stated "That is a shame that you are like that". I turned to her and said "Oh, that? That will be gone, just watch me." She said "That will never be gone, you will always be like that." I laughed in her face and I said "Keep watching". In my mind I added a few curse words, descriptive of what I though of her, which I am sure my stare communicated, though unspoken.

I did get that satisfaction which I sought, in time for that oddity (human?) to witness it, later that year. That is a story, unto itself.

My point being is we are all powerful. Change, if we desire it, has to come to satisfy us. At least it had to in my case. Everyone is different.

For myself, that change cannot come in an attempt at assimilation. If I bend to accommodate others, then what I will be left with is a lie. A shadow of whom I was. For me change included pushing myself past my comfort level and finding a new bar of functioning. It meant not sweating or shaking when I spoke with others, or in front of others.

My mom was great with the unconditional love and support. It was myself that had to take that, which she gave to me, and apply it to how I viewed myself.
It took time. We must love/accept ourselves unconditionally. It's not enough just to love others like that.

I am still that kid. I could be angry at all the characters in that kid's earliest chapters. I could pointing fingers at their insensitivity and exclusion. I could let that regret that I didn't fight back and end the assault right there become my present.

My advice and perspective... For me it works like this. I must put the past in it's place and see it for what it WAS. It cannot be my present day story. Otherwise I would be trapped back in time, with no way out, and no route for elevating myself beyond that of what was. And yeah, anytime something of challenge presents that has that scent, today/in the present... I kick ass.

No apologies, no prisoners, no regrets. Smiles.

 

[Au Naturel]

@Au Naturel I do not think I could have handled the religion of your situation. My mom/famly was largely Agnostic. Culturally, I was raised with an awareness of my ancestors past, via stories and holidays. We didn't go often to the synagogue, which was good, for I never felt a connection with that. I think your wiring had good coping mechanisms. That said I would be doing things that my mom/family never would have guessed. Good to let loose. Later in high school a teacher reported one of my adventures, having run across me in public. My mother blew it off, never calling me out on it.

In hindsight; I wish I had understood my position a bit better, things would have been improved not just for myself but for my mom as well. I turned into an adult that calls others out, and insists that they accept me for whom I am.

Still, I hold a bit of (well maybe more than a bit) of anger there. It plays like this... How dare the first grade teacher torture me by putting me in front of the class and singling me out... Gosh would be such fun if had known to report her! I think that is why I am so protective of others (clients), to take back that which I cannot, by putting others in their place.

I know we cannot go back, and that would've, could've, should've is counterproductive. But jeesh wouldn't (lol) most of ya like to go back and kick some a--?

I was so frustrated by the time I reached my second attempt at college, at 30 years of age. At that point I was determined to beat every last bit of shyness out of me. I remember a presentation I had to do, in that second setting. One of the students came up to me afterwards and stated "That is a shame that you are like that". I turned to her and said "Oh, that? That will be gone, just watch me." She said "That will never be gone, you will always be like that." I laughed in her face and I said "Keep watching". In my mind I added a few curse words, descriptive of what I though of her, which I am sure my stare communicated, though unspoken.

I did get that satisfaction which I sought, in time for that oddity (human?) to witness it, later that year. That is a story, unto itself.

My point being is we are all powerful. Change, if we desire it, has to come to satisfy us. At least it had to in my case. Everyone is different.

For myself, that change cannot come in an attempt at assimilation. If I bend to accommodate others, then what I will be left with is a lie. A shadow of whom I was. For me change included pushing myself past my comfort level and finding a new bar of functioning. It meant not sweating or shaking when I spoke with others, or in front of others.

My mom was great with the unconditional love and support. It was myself that had to take that, which she gave to me, and apply it to how I viewed myself.
It took time. We must love/accept ourselves unconditionally. It's not enough just to love others like that.

I am still that kid. I could be angry at all the characters in that kid's earliest chapters. I could pointing fingers at their insensitivity and exclusion. I could let that regret that I didn't fight back and end the assault right there become my present.

My advice and perspective... For me it works like this. I must put the past in it's place and see it for what it WAS. It cannot be my present day story. Otherwise I would be trapped back in time, with no way out, and no route for elevating myself beyond that of what was. And yeah, anytime something of challenge presents that has that scent, today/in the present... I kick ass.

No apologies, no prisoners, no regrets. Smiles.

My coping mechanism was to bury myself in science in winter and evenings. Some of my efforts were rather explosive in nature. During the long summer days, I secretly ran around naked in the fields and woods and lakes and streams that surrounded our remote rural home. Still do today when I can - and I blog about it. No shame here. When I got older I added photography to my escape routes. No apologies, no regrets, and smiles for the happiness it gives me.

Nobody has ever offered to surrender to me so I guess that qualifies as taking no prisoners.

 

[DogzSpirit]

@Au Naturel and thus your screen name... Is your blog on this website? Sounds like a nice destress remedy! Always nice to have a retreat/interest to recenter with.

 

[Au Naturel]

@Au Naturel and thus your screen name... Is your blog on this website? Sounds like a nice destress remedy! Always nice to have a retreat/interest to recenter with.

Where do you think my avatar came from? All I'm wearing is a hat, shoes, and a fanny pack.

I have two and a third I sometimes write for.
https://imnotdeadyet.life
My blogs would not be allowed on this website. I'm not shy. You are in danger of encountering nonsexual nudity if you go there.

 

[Mis-fit]

Been around this Asperger's block, long before I knew the term.

It's a process of adapting and evolving around ones wiring, to make what I have benefit me.
If I had treated it as a disability then that would be the script.
If I treat this as a power, then I can source that energy.

It helped to have a great mentor, who fueled my belief in my uniqueness and supported my path. Thanks to that mentor and my wiring, I have broken through challenges that may have thrown me.

I like the clarity of speaking my mind, and so be it if it doesn't suit everyone.

Wondering if there are others, who found out much later in life, what exactly they had been fine tuning over the years. Would be interested in hearing of how others navigated this, particularly that of a screening process as to how it applies for potential connections/friendships. That is the chapter I am working on at this point, for that is the area which lack of insight, sabotages my efforts.

Hi DogzSpirit,

I am 56 and just really figured out that Asperger's is my situation to deal with. I too do not see it as a total liability or disability. I think there are some liabilities that come with being in the Autism Spectrum, but to me they are minor compared to the benefits.

I, like you, have abilities far beyond those of "normal" people, people w/o Asperg er's. I can perceive things that most people could never, even if you teach them, taught them, perceive. I consider that a blessing. I have laser concentration abilities, but only w/o noise or visual distraction. I would say my ability to perceive spacial concepts, mechanical apparatus' and problem solve puts me far ahead of the norm. Now I do have some liabilities as I refer to them, especially and mostly with people. I do not perceive things like non-verbal hints, inuendos, (spelling?) and I have a lot of trouble with codes, reading or figuring them out, I could never be a computer programmer, but hey, I can draw in 3D on the computer with the greatest of ease! Other things I do well are music, model building, leather carving, among others. So yeah, the abilities for me, outweigh the liabilities, though it would be nice to be able to make friends with non-aspies, I am just fine with ya'll. I'm so glad to have found this forum. I will be looking for Aspie groups in my area to find other face to face people I can relate to, but I am so happy I have abilities with my liabilities which if you think about it there are liabilities and abilities that come with being regular too! So I am happy with my diagnosis, and look forward to meeting more people just like me. I also write 10 x better than I speak for some reason.

I fought with the liabilities of Aspies my entire life. I am glad to find I don't have to fight anymore. Some things I will never be able to do well, so I just work around them with my super abilities and don't worry about it.

About communicating, I have found that Aspies understand me, so I'm not that concerned about the people who don't anymore. In other words I give up, pretty much, trying to get non-Aspies to understand me. I need to know enough to get along with them, but for me, I won't be looking for a partner or a super friend who does not have Aspies. I just don't think it is possible "for me".

 

[Magna]

Where do you think my avatar came from? All I'm wearing is a hat, shoes, and a fanny pack.

Why does your butt look like shorts?

 

[Au Naturel]

Why does your butt look like shorts?

That is a fanny pack. It is full of gear and food and water. If it didn't look like shorts it would look like a butt. Then I couldn't use it for an avatar.

 

[Aspychata]

That is a fanny pack. It is full of gear and food and water. If it didn't look like shorts it would look like a butt. Then I couldn't use it for an avatar.

My butt had it's own zip code until l started running. The post office said it wasn't big enough to warrant a zip code anymore.

 

[Aspychata]

I have decided not to decide because sometimes l am Wonder Woman, other times l am the female version of Beavis and Butt -Head with a little sponge bob thrown in. This probably is a disability otherwise it wouldn't be on cartoon land. I have to turn my thoughts and mouth off because l think of totally ludicrous things out of sheer boredom, or if someone is mocking my intelligence.

What is a disability? Can l do things well, sometimes l flake out. But l am a loyal friend and l like myself, warts, disabilities and all.

 

[DogzSpirit]

Hi DogzSpirit,
I fought with the liabilities of Aspies my entire life. I am glad to find I don't have to fight anymore. Some things I will never be able to do well, so I just work around them with my super abilities and don't worry about it.

About communicating, I have found that Aspies understand me, so I'm not that concerned about the people who don't anymore. In other words I give up, pretty much, trying to get non-Aspies to understand me. I need to know enough to get along with them, but for me, I won't be looking for a partner or a super friend who does not have Aspies. I just don't think it is possible "for me".

It does at times feel like a super power type of ability... and at other times for me, a inner meltdown. I've learned to quiet my mind, and ignore my fears and/or what ever triggers that internal (and rarely more extreme external) meltdown.

I have paid a huge price in working with some personalities. Working with in actuality, via employment. Working with those I have chosen to be in my life (lovers/friends). In hindsight, had I known of this, been aware, been diagnosed... I would have averted most of them, and consciously sought out those from my own 'tribe'.

I will certain take that approach in the future. As really, I see what the other requires. Requires and then it's never good enough for them, they always want you to be more like them. Even before I knew of Aspergers, I would say ya know, I am fine as is. Maybe it's you, who should examine my perspective as much as I have examined yours? Thank you mom, for you taught me I am more than fine as is. In that sense I have been prepared for this challenging (for everyone btw) world. I am definitely up for it, nothing a few licks/wags from my dogs won't soothe. Ya'll who cannot get this, you have my sympathies. I really feel bad for those who think they are normal. You just cannot help them to see, that applies to a rather small portion of the society.

 

[rse92]

I received an ASD diagnosis last fall at the age of 60. I literally put it in a drawer and forgot about it. My reaction was basically what good will it do me now. At the urging of my wife and a new psychologist I have recently accepted and embraced my diagnosis. I have learned much since then through education and introspection.

 

[StreetMath]

Many 60+ members here with relatively recent diagnoses. I've been angry about the defective mental health system letting this go unnoticed so much even now, but I'm realizing how incredibly lucky I am to be going through this in the 21st. Y'all got ripped off.

 

[DogzSpirit]

Many 60+ members here with relatively recent diagnoses. I've been angry about the defective mental health system letting this go unnoticed so much even now, but I'm realizing how incredibly lucky I am to be going through this in the 21st. Y'all got ripped off.

Oh yeah, it was a dirty deal not being diagnosed and first realizing now. But honestly, had they diagnosed me as a child, they probably would have drugged me like crazy! This was back when they thought DES was to be given to pregnant women to avoid miscarriage, finding out later of the consequences. There are even a few studies surfacing now that show such dosing with DES (look up DES babies) to be linked to this type of brain wiring. People were given shock treatments for depression... ah I think maybe it is better they thought nothing of my personality quirks.