Female uber driver gave me a hug

[Polchinski]

I used to use Uber many years ago, I had a smart phone back then. But then I decided to trade smart phone to flip phone, and I was assuming its impossible to get uber over the flip phone. So I wasn't using it for many years. But as I was taking a train and the train cut short due to the flood, I had to quickly find the hotel and get a plane ticket, I asked Denny's employer what to do and she taught me how to order Uber by using laptop. So thats what I did. And the second Uber that I ordered had really lively conversation with me and gave me a hug at the end.

As far as "lively conversation", one thing I learned many years ago is that, as long as its Uber, it means nothing: they just want their rating. However, none of the Ubers ever gave me a hug until this one. So what should I make of it? Did the rating thing changed within all those years I weren't using Uber? So that, just like back then they were chatting without meaning it, now they "also" give hugs without meaning it? Just for the record, I never got any hugs from anyone for many years, so it was something.

The other thing I am thinking of is that, I remember few years ago, I mentioned to a woman I met on a dating site about a certain bus trip I was taking for few days by myself. She immediately started liking me. And yesterday, too, I was telling a woman about taking a trip. So could it be that that kind of thing is attractive to women?

But then again, she was super nice from get-go, before I ever told her about travels (although she gave me a hug at the end not at the beginning). Plus, its Uber, and they care about ratings. Nobody outside the uber was even half as nice.

What would you make of it?

 

[Crossbreed]

What would you make of it?

That she was just a huggy person...?

 

[Outdated]

I wouldn't try to read too much from the hug, some women do this all the time and it means nothing, it's their equivalent of a handshake. And yet it does imply that she enjoyed talking to you.

I was going to reply to your other thread about perceptions of creepiness but the conversation got too metaphysical, too intense, too heavy for me.

Physical attraction certainly plays a large role both for men and women but what we look for in a social sense is where men and women start to differ. One thing a woman wants from a man is a sense of safety and security so a man's sense of self confidence plays a huge role in their choices.

They don't want a little boy, they want a man. This doesn't necessarily mean walking around doing a tough man act, although many women fall for that and regret it later, but someone who is confident in their own sense of security is more likely to make a woman feel safe and able to relax.

Being "on the prowl" and actively chasing after women is often seen as creepy. Holding back and allowing them to make up their own minds often works better for me.

 

[Polchinski]

That she was just a huggy person...?

But she didn't just hug me on an instinct. Instead she said "I feel like giving you a hug", which made it sound like a deliberate action. Plus hug lasted for a few seconds, while usually hugs are quick.

She kept smiling and sounding super excited from the get go. Again, though, I knew it was because it was uber, so I wasn't surprised. But then the hug was a lot more surprising.

 

[NDR2]

If it turned out nice for you, I’m happy for you. The driver’s behavior does seem a little odd to me, though. I would think that the relationship between drivers and passengers is generally supposed to be strictly professional. There’s certainly nothing wrong with drivers and passengers conversing with each other. But I think any kind of company would generally discourage employees from flirting or being intimate with customers while on the job. (It’s possible she simply intended it as being friendly, but some customers might feel uncomfortable with a driver offering them a hug and might report them.)

 

[paloftoon]

Is there any context for the hug beyond her being or trying to be a nice person?
I am a ride share driver myself, and it is unlikely she has watched or learned from the free tutorial videos provided for drivers. She shouldn't be touching you without your permission, really. She's assuming you like hugs and that she can hug, but that is not everyone.

Did you enjoy the hug, are you indifferent about it, or did it bother you? If it bothered you, she does deserve 4 stars instead of 5 with you commenting that you didn't like being hugged and you weren't asked.
It's okay for driver to try to have conversation, but if you don't say much, they can just turn up radio a little and not pester you further.

 

[foliodoe]

OP, it seems like you want someone to tell you that this is an indication your Uber driver is madly in love with you or wants to sleep with you. No one is going to tell you that, because it's definitely not the case. Don't read into it too much. Or do and see what happens. But a hug is just a hug. Maybe she was bored. Maybe she thought you looked like someone who needs a hug. Maybe she just needed a hug.

 

[NDR2]

OP, it seems like you want someone to tell you that this is an indication your Uber driver is madly in love with you or wants to sleep with you. No one is going to tell you that, because it's definitely not the case. Don't read into it too much. Or do and see what happens. But a hug is just a hug. Maybe she was bored. Maybe she thought you looked like someone who needs a hug. Maybe she just needed a hug.

Chances are you may never see this person again anyway. I don’t remember ever having the same Uber driver more than once.

 

[Lobelty]

But she didn't just hug me on an instinct. Instead she said "I feel like giving you a hug", which made it sound like a deliberate action. Plus hug lasted for a few seconds, while usually hugs are quick.

She kept smiling and sounding super excited from the get go. Again, though, I knew it was because it was uber, so I wasn't surprised. But then the hug was a lot more surprising.

She probably said that to make sure you are okay with it. Many people aren’t comfortable with just hugging a stranger, so asking is always a good idea. Sounds like she’s a lovely person but yeah, don’t read too much into it

 

[N2k12]

I used to use Uber many years ago, I had a smart phone back then. But then I decided to trade smart phone to flip phone, and I was assuming its impossible to get uber over the flip phone. So I wasn't using it for many years. But as I was taking a train and the train cut short due to the flood, I had to quickly find the hotel and get a plane ticket, I asked Denny's employer what to do and she taught me how to order Uber by using laptop. So thats what I did. And the second Uber that I ordered had really lively conversation with me and gave me a hug at the end.

As far as "lively conversation", one thing I learned many years ago is that, as long as its Uber, it means nothing: they just want their rating. However, none of the Ubers ever gave me a hug until this one. So what should I make of it? Did the rating thing changed within all those years I weren't using Uber? So that, just like back then they were chatting without meaning it, now they "also" give hugs without meaning it? Just for the record, I never got any hugs from anyone for many years, so it was something.

The other thing I am thinking of is that, I remember few years ago, I mentioned to a woman I met on a dating site about a certain bus trip I was taking for few days by myself. She immediately started liking me. And yesterday, too, I was telling a woman about taking a trip. So could it be that that kind of thing is attractive to women?

But then again, she was super nice from get-go, before I ever told her about travels (although she gave me a hug at the end not at the beginning). Plus, its Uber, and they care about ratings. Nobody outside the uber was even half as nice.

What would you make of it?

it sounds like she is trying to get a high star rating, its common with uber drivers

 

[Polchinski]

If it turned out nice for you, I’m happy for you.

It didn't turn out as anything, because we didn't exchange contact information or anything like that, and it was in Fresno ... a town I got stuck on for a day on my trip from Berkeley to Albuquerque. I have no reason to return to Fresno other than missing connection.

I do wonder though, what would have happened if I were to ask her for her number, would she have given it to me? The reason I didn't ask is because I assumed she only acted nice to get high rating and if I were to ask for a number I would "force her" to drop her charade and tell me no.

But then again, even though I would give it probably 70% chance she would have said no, I can't give it 100% chance, so I am still wondering what would have happened. No regrets, though: I am not the type of person who takes rejection easily, so I am glad I played it safe. And I am sure everyone else who responded agrees with me. Still kinda wondering, though.

The driver’s behavior does seem a little odd to me, though. I would think that the relationship between drivers and passengers is generally supposed to be strictly professional. There’s certainly nothing wrong with drivers and passengers conversing with each other. But I think any kind of company would generally discourage employees from flirting or being intimate with customers while on the job.

If a company discourages it, does it mean that her hug WAS genuine after all? Since it means she went "to the lengths" of ignoring company rules?

I guess my logic goes somewhat like this:

1) Wanting higher rating ENCOURAGES her to hug me. Thus, hug is NOT genuine

2) Company's policy DISCOURAGES her from hugging me. So that means hug IS genuine

But apparently you disagree with "2". Can you elaborate as to why?

By the way, what is your opinion with regards to food industries? I remember back in my early 20-s I was going home from the office in the middle of a night and was stopping at a certain grocery store to buy some food, then went home, ate it and went to bed. A cashier kept trying to talk to me. I was giving her short answers since I was in a hurry to go home. Then there was one time when she said to her male friend "I am in love with that guy". He said "whom". She said "comes in here, never talks". I never got to figure out whether "that guy" was me. On the one hand, people don't talk about people in front of them. So the fact that I was there implies that it wasn't me. But on the other hand, the word "that" refers to someone in front of you, so then it "would" be me, plus "comes in here never talks" describes me. I didn't have guts to ask.

So what is your opinion on that situation? Do you think I missed the opportunity there?

My instinct says that with Uber driver I didn't miss any opportunities, but in that grocery store many years ago I might have. But what do you think?

So do you think that cashier was also violating her company's policy?

And what do you think of waitresses? I had a waitress actually giving me a contact information. I never asked her for it. She just handed me a piece of paper with the contact information herself. The way it happened is that, after I learned her name, I handed her a piece of paper where I wrote how, back in my early 20-s, I participated in Holocaust Survivors Message Boards where I pretended to be a woman, whose name just happened to coincide with the name of that waitress, while posting how I will never marry a Jew because Jews are "weak" since they couldn't defend themselves against the Nazis. Then she wrote something on that paper and gave it back to me. I thought it would be a response to what I wrote? But no: it was her number and email address!

She did, however, repeatedly say we are just friends. Not that I ever asked her out: she is older than me, so I am not interested anyway. I guess she did it preemptively.

Incidentally Uber driver was also few years older than me, just like that waitress was. The waitress was 47 (when I was pushing to ask her for her age, thats when she told me we are just friends -- and I already had her contact info). I don't know the age of Uber driver, but I am guessing also probably around that age. Because she talked to me about the job she had and by counting years it sort of adds to that.

The cashier at the food store back when I was in the early 20-s was probably also early 20-s, we were probably the same age. That grocery store back when I was in my early 20-s is my biggest regret, really.

 

[Polchinski]

Is there any context for the hug beyond her being or trying to be a nice person?

We talked throughout the whole ride. The topics of conversation ranged from health to jobs to travels (she moved from Bay Area to Fresno and I am from Bay Area).

The next question is: is there a context for us having such a lively conversation? The obvious answer is: she is an Uber driver and wants ratings. Since in general Uber drivers are WAY nicer to me than most people.

HOWEVER, most other lively conversations never lead to hugs, while this one did.

She shouldn't be touching you without your permission, really.

She did ask for permission though. She said "I really want to give you a hug", I said "sure" and I walked towards her for a hug (we were standing outside the car as I was getting out to go to the airport).

Did you enjoy the hug,

Yes, very much so. I haven't been hugged for years so I miss it.

I just wish we could exchange contact information or something. I have no idea whether she would have said yes or no if I were to ask. I am guessing she probably would have said no, just from common sense point of view, but how can I know for sure.

But yeah, I enjoyed the hug. I just wish it didn't end there.

 

[Polchinski]

Or do and see what happens.

Don't worry, there is no way for me to do anything even if I wanted to. After all I am not in her town (I was only there because the train stopped due to supposed flood) and we didn't exchange contact information.

 

[Polchinski]

Chances are you may never see this person again anyway. I don’t remember ever having the same Uber driver more than once.

I had a few of occasions when I saw the same Uber driver again. But that was because I lived in the same place for many years and was taking Uber on a regular basis. But now I am talking about a situation where I was in that town "only" because the train service abruptly ended, so I won't be there again in foreseeable future. Which means you are probably right.

 

[Polchinski]

it sounds like she is trying to get a high star rating, its common with uber drivers

Yeah, thats what I assumed. Still it was nice though. I wish I could get a hug from someone other than an Uber driver ...

 

[paloftoon]

We talked throughout the whole ride. The topics of conversation ranged from health to jobs to travels (she moved from Bay Area to Fresno and I am from Bay Area).

The next question is: is there a context for us having such a lively conversation? The obvious answer is: she is an Uber driver and wants ratings. Since in general Uber drivers are WAY nicer to me than most people.

HOWEVER, most other lively conversations never lead to hugs, while this one did.



She did ask for permission though. She said "I really want to give you a hug", I said "sure" and I walked towards her for a hug (we were standing outside the car as I was getting out to go to the airport).



Yes, very much so. I haven't been hugged for years so I miss it.

I just wish we could exchange contact information or something. I have no idea whether she would have said yes or no if I were to ask. I am guessing she probably would have said no, just from common sense point of view, but how can I know for sure.

But yeah, I enjoyed the hug. I just wish it didn't end there.

Oh okay, then your driver did a superb job!
yeah, there are some hugs where I don't want them to stop there either, haha. I have heard of hookups and such happening from ride share driving, but it's rare and it tends to be more of a gay thing I'd say. I'm not sure if you're lgbt or not, but something to keep in mind.
Many drivers would probably finish the ride first and the close the app so that everything is between the two individuals only if that is the direction they are interested in heading in.

 

[Polchinski]

I'm not sure if you're lgbt or not,

Definitely not.

Why is it mostly LGBT thing? Just curious.

By the way, I am not interested in straight hookup either cause I don't believe in sex before marriage.

But if I could get into a heterosexual relationship (without actual sex) I would love that.

 

[Forest Cat]

And what do you think of waitresses? I had a waitress actually giving me a contact information. I never asked her for it. She just handed me a piece of paper with the contact information herself. The way it happened is that, after I learned her name, I handed her a piece of paper where I wrote how, back in my early 20-s, I participated in Holocaust Survivors Message Boards where I pretended to be a woman, whose name just happened to coincide with the name of that waitress, while posting how I will never marry a Jew because Jews are "weak" since they couldn't defend themselves against the Nazis. Then she wrote something on that paper and gave it back to me. I thought it would be a response to what I wrote? But no: it was her number and email address!

Why would you share all that info with a random stranger you just met? It's nice that she gave you her number, but you are making things very complicated. To write all that down and give it to her because her name happened to be the same name you for some reason used to pretend to be a woman on the internet, all this is too much. Why not just say "Hi, how are you doing", that's a good start.

 

[Polchinski]

Why would you share all that info with a random stranger you just met? It's nice that she gave you her number, but you are making things very complicated. To write all that down and give it to her because her name happened to be the same name you for some reason used to pretend to be a woman on the internet, all this is too much. Why not just say "Hi, how are you doing", that's a good start.

It was not the first time I talked to her. I have been talking to her previously, where I kept complaining to her why people don't like me. But I didn't know her name when I was complaining to her (thats one thing about me, it takes time for me to learn peoples names). So when I learned her name, I thought it would be ironic because I am Jewish and I shown her how I am weak (through complaining) and then 20 years ago a "woman" with her name has been talking about other Jews that are weak. So I was curious whether she would agree with what that other woman had to say about Jews -- so I told her I am Jewish and asked her if she would agree with her. She never answered that part. She did tell me she dated a Jew in the past. I asked her why did it not work out and whether it had anything to do with what that other woman who had her name had to say about Jews. She hasn't answered that part either.

 

[paloftoon]

Definitely not.

Why is it mostly LGBT thing? Just curious.

By the way, I am not interested in straight hookup either cause I don't believe in sex before marriage.

But if I could get into a heterosexual relationship (without actual sex) I would love that.

Men in general like to have sex sooner.
So, if two men are into or kind of into each other, they are more likely to have sex sooner because of a man's nature in general.
That is why it's typically more an lgbt thing to hookup, but a number of heterosexuals do this practice too.