Greigharts
New Member
Hi Everyone my name is Julian
I'm finally out of the fog of a 3 year depression and got a handle on my other "issues". Being on new meds and working with good doctors at last, is great!
But ...
Finally knowing I'm on the spectrum is the BEST!!! (To bad Aspergers is no longer in the DSM V, it really fits.) Up until last year, if you said Autism I would see an image of Temple Grandin in my head and say that's not me.
Note: The irony is I had been joking for decades that if you took and autistic and turned the volume way down on their autism, you would get me. I didn't have a clue.
I am now on the journey of education and hopefully understanding on why I don't see things like everybody else. Never have.
What makes going down this path of autism exploration even harder is that I'm over 50. Nobody in my area really knows what to do with me or they think I'm trying to get financial aid.
The Autism has brought back a real blast from the past. I'm minority and like many women, my Autism, ADHD, Depression, PD, mild OCD and dyslexia, was seen as other things when I was young. (Now all but the Autism has been "Officially" diagnosed.)
My parents were told I was being intentionally uncooperative, bad or retarded. (In spite of a high IQ.)
As an adult I was finally started to get diagnosed, but had to work for each one. Could never get across what I needed.
Quote: "Clues, Watson. I need clues! Without them my mind is like a racing engine, eventually cracking itself to pieces!" ~ Sherlock Holmes
I just wanted information on what was going on inside my head. I need to "see" everything before I can solve puzzles. For example: I need you tell me your address, BEFORE you give me directions on how to get there.
Do it the other way around and I can't make sense of what you are telling me.
Anyway, I've been around long enough to know how to come across "normal" and when I'm overwhelmed and the mask slips (which happened only yesterday) I have a job where I can "disappear" for a few days when needed. (Artist/Computer geek
)
But my ability to "fit in" has caused problems for me now, when talking to doctors. "You're not on the spectrum, You don't have a problem with eye contact, you have a sense of humor. You've not been unemployed........etc."
Maybe that's because, I don't know... I have a high IQ and have been on the planet for over half a century.
My last psychiatrist said I probably was on the spectrum but, "...It's now negatively affecting your life, so you probably won't get the diagnosis."
Of course I was so flustered--by what I saw at the time as an illogical statement coming from a doctor--I couldn't process the moment fast enough and respond verbally so just shut down and went silent, nodding my head like an idiot.
I couldn't tell him that for me knowledge and understanding is as powerful as any drug or medication. That it is by the use of my reason, that I have made it this far in life; how I figured out how to "kinda" read how people want me to emotionally interact in specific situations. How I created scripts of what to say, practiced in the mirror to "fix" my expressions, found new ways to stem (didn't know the word when I was a teen) and to melt down without it being seen.
I wanted to say "...so I'm being punished because I was smart enough to "simulate" being like everyone else? Because I didn't want to live down to the stereotype of being mentally ill?
Anyway Sorry, I started reliving that event in my head and the frustration came back
I need some advice:
Julian
Postscript: please forgive length, spelling, and the general meandering of this introduction.
I'm finally out of the fog of a 3 year depression and got a handle on my other "issues". Being on new meds and working with good doctors at last, is great!
But ...
Finally knowing I'm on the spectrum is the BEST!!! (To bad Aspergers is no longer in the DSM V, it really fits.) Up until last year, if you said Autism I would see an image of Temple Grandin in my head and say that's not me.
Note: The irony is I had been joking for decades that if you took and autistic and turned the volume way down on their autism, you would get me. I didn't have a clue.
I am now on the journey of education and hopefully understanding on why I don't see things like everybody else. Never have.
What makes going down this path of autism exploration even harder is that I'm over 50. Nobody in my area really knows what to do with me or they think I'm trying to get financial aid.

The Autism has brought back a real blast from the past. I'm minority and like many women, my Autism, ADHD, Depression, PD, mild OCD and dyslexia, was seen as other things when I was young. (Now all but the Autism has been "Officially" diagnosed.)
My parents were told I was being intentionally uncooperative, bad or retarded. (In spite of a high IQ.)
As an adult I was finally started to get diagnosed, but had to work for each one. Could never get across what I needed.
Quote: "Clues, Watson. I need clues! Without them my mind is like a racing engine, eventually cracking itself to pieces!" ~ Sherlock Holmes
I just wanted information on what was going on inside my head. I need to "see" everything before I can solve puzzles. For example: I need you tell me your address, BEFORE you give me directions on how to get there.



But my ability to "fit in" has caused problems for me now, when talking to doctors. "You're not on the spectrum, You don't have a problem with eye contact, you have a sense of humor. You've not been unemployed........etc."

Maybe that's because, I don't know... I have a high IQ and have been on the planet for over half a century.

My last psychiatrist said I probably was on the spectrum but, "...It's now negatively affecting your life, so you probably won't get the diagnosis."
Of course I was so flustered--by what I saw at the time as an illogical statement coming from a doctor--I couldn't process the moment fast enough and respond verbally so just shut down and went silent, nodding my head like an idiot.
I couldn't tell him that for me knowledge and understanding is as powerful as any drug or medication. That it is by the use of my reason, that I have made it this far in life; how I figured out how to "kinda" read how people want me to emotionally interact in specific situations. How I created scripts of what to say, practiced in the mirror to "fix" my expressions, found new ways to stem (didn't know the word when I was a teen) and to melt down without it being seen.
I wanted to say "...so I'm being punished because I was smart enough to "simulate" being like everyone else? Because I didn't want to live down to the stereotype of being mentally ill?
Anyway Sorry, I started reliving that event in my head and the frustration came back

I need some advice:

- Anyone have advice on getting an "official" diagnosis as an older adult?
- What process did you go through and how long did it take?
- Should I even try? I've met other Aspies who say I'm and "so on the spectrum".
- I think I need one for credibility, because I would like to create a series art projects around the issue of adults with neurological issues who hide in plain sight.
Julian