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Finally understanding my life!

Janet

Janet

Active Member
Hello! After a lifetime of confusion and wondering what's wrong with me, I learned just days ago about how ASD manifests differently in woman/girls than in men/boys. Suddenly my whole life makes sense!

I have several part-time jobs but can't seem to get a full-time job or enough jobs to make a living. I'm kind of exhausted from having to self-manage doing 3 jobs, even though the two where I need to self-manage are pretty small.

I'm sloppy, I can't get a boyfriend, I'm awkward, I rarely cook for myself, I hate loud noise - that and so much more makes sense now!

While I have not yet been diagnosed, I'm going in next week for my initial meeting and will be tested mid-November. I will be more shocked if I'm NOT diagnosed with ASD than if I am.

I just wish somebody - one of the many therapists I'd gone to, the two psychiatrists I went to to see if had ADD - had caught on and even suggested ASD. I'm 58 and if I had known this even five years ago or preferably 40 years ago, I might have been able to develop a career that played to my strengths and I wouldn't be worried about how to make a living when I'm 7 years away from when many retire. But I can see I'm far from alone in finding this out so late.

I'm looking forward to cybermeeting many of you!

Janet
 
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Hi Janet! You sound a lot like I was. At 58 finally learned that ASD differs in girls and once started looking at that - it explained everything. I'm 60 now and life is easier because I finally can accept who I am and no longer compare myself to who or what I should be to fit in. Though we feel strangers to the rest of the world, we all seem to fit well here on this forum. Welcome, and looking forward to hearing more from you.
 
Thanks, everyone! Yes, Pats, I'm already feeling relieved and I don't even have a diagnosis. Not only does my life make sense, I now know what to look for in therapy and I already feel I have a stronger framework from which to look for work (better understanding not just my strengths but my weaknesses).

It does feel strange to know that me not being able to totally take care of myself is part of who I am and not the fault of societal problems. But it's better to understand the truth and work with it. And I see I'm in good company with all of you. :-)
 
Hi Janet - I feel the way you do. I only figured out my ASD recently, and I have been wondering what decisions I would have made differently had I known about HFA. The horrible irony is that I rejected my junior high vocational aptitude test results because it was suggested that I choose to become either a librarian or an accountant. I now get it. My dominant strengths are order, categorization, and analysis. I refuse to spend the rest of my life lamenting my choices simply because I did things that were difficult or without reward. I had always sought experiences and adventure, and I have had that throughout my life. I am grateful for what I have been allowed to do in life. I saw no rules or weights around my ankles.

I just can't be sure if I would have been able to understand Autism as a youth, nor be able to grasp the limitations that plague us. I needed a lifetime of difficult issues to even give me the experiences that have demonstrated my ASD, which is the only way I am convinced that I am on the spectrum. I was clueless about ASD. Even as an adult, being aware doesn't change the reality of its existence. I would have saved myself a lot of grief if I were able to acknowledge and navigate my ASD symptoms effectively. Could'a, Should'a, Would'a is a dangerous game. I have no choice but to be happy with what I am and what I have done, in spite of Autism. Nature deals the cards.
 
Peter, I can relate! I wanted to be a child psychologist throughout my teen years so that I could help children who were as painfully shy as I was. But my guitar teacher convinced me to go to a music college and major in music. It was soooo wrong for me! The guitar playing was definitely important to me, but I was left with a degree that I simply did not know what to do with.

The craziest irony is that, had I majored in psychology, I probably would have recognized the ASD symptoms I had! And I probably would have been an advocate for children on the spectrum.

But you are right - "Coulda, shoulda, woulda is a dangerous game." I can only look forward and maybe see if I can use my experience to help others.


Peter Morrison said:
Hi Janet - I feel the way you do. I only figured out my ASD recently, and I have been wondering what decisions I would have made differently had I known about HFA. The horrible irony is that I rejected my junior high vocational aptitude test results because it was suggested that I choose to become either a librarian or an accountant. ... Could'a, Should'a, Would'a is a dangerous game. I have no choice but to be happy with what I am and what I have done, in spite of Autism. Nature deals the cards.
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Janet said:
The craziest irony is that, had I majored in psychology, I probably would have recognized the ASD symptoms I had! And I probably would have been an advocate for children on the spectrum.
Click to expand...

I remember working in insurance surprised to discover most of my coworkers in underwriting all had psychology degrees.

Coulda woulda...you never know where you'll end up with or without a degree altogether. Life is strange.
 
lol, okay, so maybe I would have ended up in insurance, which would probably not have been a good fit. And it is true that I was lucky that I had the chance to go to college. In those days, it wasn't something everyone did and my sibs did not.
 
Welcome! There are a lot of us who can relate. I was also diagnosed after age 50. My childhood wouldn't have been any different if I had found out sooner but if I had known before I worked my way through college, my Bachelor's degree might not have been a total waste. I would have picked a field of study that would have been available to someone with my strenths and limitations. I would have had a chance to make more appropriate choices and informed decisions and realistic goals both professionally and personally.

It was so different back when I needed help navigating my HFA, in the 70s before the Aspergers label existed. There was one foster mom and one teacher who encouraged me to concentrate on what I was good at and do what was right, so I never developed any self destructive or violent behaviors. If only that psychology teacher had also said, "You have Asperger's. Here's some information you should think about...." I would have had something really interesting to study up on as diligently as I did all my other subjects as a straight A student and probably ended up with a career I would have been allowed to keep.

Janet said:
Peter, I can relate! I wanted to be a child psychologist throughout my teen years so that I could help children who were as painfully shy as I was. But my guitar teacher convinced me to go to a music college and major in music. It was soooo wrong for me! The guitar playing was definitely important to me, but I was left with a degree that I simply did not know what to do with.
The craziest irony is that, had I majored in psychology, I probably would have recognized the ASD symptoms I had! And I probably would have been an advocate for children on the spectrum.
But you are right - "Coulda, shoulda, woulda is a dangerous game." I can only look forward and maybe see if I can use my experience to help others.
Click to expand...

That sounds like a career a grey haired old lady might be allowed into, as the stereotype in child and elder care is still the granny type and child welfare is still such an underfunded and understaffed industry and most governments and the medical community still go to such extremes to keep people on the spectrum out of society. We need good caring effective advocates.
 
Welcome to the Forums Janet.
I was diagnosed at 58 also and now I'm 60.
I appreciate how you feel and wish I had known when I was younger also.
But, it is good to know why I am as I am and understand my life as I look back on it!
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