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First friend with a girl ever in my life.

Tony Ramirez said:
She has not messaged me in two days. The last message I overshare again. Damn autism. I hate it.
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Tony, you said she is back home, visiting family and friends. Two days is not a very long time for someone to have some space.

I think one thing to be aware of is that sometimes when we finally find a friend, we can put everything on them and we can be a bit too intense. I have done that. Sometimes, friends need space, and this doesn’t necessarily mean anything bad.

You’ve talked a lot about oversharing and how you think this is causing a problem in the relationships that you are trying to build with people. We do have some control over this once we notice it. What are some things you can do to prevent yourself from oversharing?
 
I wrote this in my last post. I am going to just focus on back to listening to EDM music instead of worship and Christian music. Stop watching Christian lives and testimonies. Focus more on yoga and meditation. Start doing yoga at home. Will still attend church and groups but this might help me focus and not overshare, trauma dump.
 
Perhaps a light message might be appropriate, eg
"HI xx - Havent heard from you in a couple of days. Hope you are doing good. "
 
Alexej said:
Perhaps a light message might be appropriate, eg
"HI xx - Havent heard from you in a couple of days. Hope you are doing good. "
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No I am not going to push it. If she gets back to me good. I just hope I did not damage the friendship.
 
Try not writing her for two weeks. If you receive no response after two weeks, just keep it simple and say "I hope you're okay and you would like to hang out again." Period! If she doesn't respond, time to move on. She might respond and ignore the lengthy discussion. Save lengthy discussions for in-person only if at all- avoid text. That is a safe "rule" to follow for building friendships.

Or, if someone pours their heart into you, then you can totally respond the same way.
 
Another thing l read is where people are in the lifeline of time like like picking up different woman, more players. Alas, l have run into that my entire life. I don't blame or cast judgment, it just is. Others are looking for a committed relationship. But l think your goal of wanting to be friends first is excellent. Because people do run into relationships too fast, only to find nuances they don't like. And being married can change the dynamics. That's something l definitely won't be doing. Been there, done that. But you have really changed your thinking. In the end, it still seems easier for men. As @Judge noted, woman do struggle with safety concerns. Especially being raped, or raped and killed.
 
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Okay per advice on moving on ghosting tips on coping they say to send one more follow up message which I did. I kept it very simple like how have you been doing? If you don't hear anything after that then it says just to cope and move on.
 
I am crying. She just messaged me back. She got my message while she was driving in to San Diego, where she is from and you know you can't really use your phone and drive at the same time so she only glanced at it. So she really could not respond and must have forgot since she was focused on stress, was super busy from her family issues back home. She is now back in New York so she got my current text and apologized for not reading it. She said kind words about what I said and I will see her this Sunday. I was blaming the poor girl for not getting back to me even saying things. Now I can't stop crying.
 
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@Tony Ramirez

Objectively this is a good result.
Your emotional balance will return - just wait it out (I mean that as written: You can't turn real emotions on and off - but you can wait them out).

And there's a lesson (or rather a reinforcement): the earlier suggestions about exiting calmly were correct, and it's paid off in a big way.

OFC you need to work on being actually being calm rather than appearing calm. But there's no rush, and it will get easier over time.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
I am crying. She just messaged me back. She got my message while she was driving in to San Diego, where she is from and you know you can't really use your phone and drive at the same time so she only glanced at it. So she really could not respond and must have forgot since she was focused on stress, was super busy from her family issues back home. She is now back in New York so she got my current text and apologized for not reading it. She said kind words about what I said and I will see her this Sunday. I was blaming the poor girl for not getting back to me even saying things. Now I can't stop crying.
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This is a good experience, because it is one you can use in the future when you start to catastrophise about things. You can say "I was wrong then, what if I'm not seeing things right this time. Do I KNOW things are as bad as I assume?" Bookmark this in you brain. Write it down even, to read next time you start down this chain of thought.
 
Once again I thought I deleted the last stupid post. We are really good casual friends. I am so grateful that we meet each other at that coffee shop because she knew no one coming to New York. Now because of me telling her of this church she is so connected and has many friends, the same friends as me because they all came up to her because they all knew me knowing her. Now she feels so confident and comfortable living in this big city and not alone anymore. She can't stop thanking me and I can't stop saying that I am so glad you are happy I helped you find a church and community.
 
She was baptized today, and I was there like she was for me. I heard her powerful testimony and got emotional. I also gave her a pink bible. She was so happy. Later I messaged her, she got back saying it's her forever bible she is going to read as much as possible and that I am a great friend.
 
I can relate, l stressed and scared the last ND guy away, because l stressed out when l didn't hear from them. I immediately dumped myself for him, because thought for sure he wanted to breakup. And in the end l pushed him away because l was too in to him, and he didn't understand my insecurity. So being insecure can actually ruin your best relationships. When you get up, say an affirmation. It's a beautiful day, and l am worthy and loved, and l will let that guide me thru this day. Or come up with your own personal affirmation. At the end of the day, look back and see if you followed your affirmation. Great news by the way. So you messed up a little, no big deal. Just focus on the good, not the little stuff!
 
Aspychata said:
When you get up, say an affirmation. It's a beautiful day, and l am worthy and loved, and l will let that guide me thru this day. Or come up with your own personal affirmation. At the end of the day, look back and see if you followed your affirmation.
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I don't have the spoons for something like that every day. lol
But then, I don't need it.
 
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