first move?

[Steelbookcollector217]

I have a certain amount of sympathy for you, as I do for anyone with genuine problems.

But there's always an implied condition on that: people need to do the best they can to address their problems.
You're literally doing the opposite.

Anger is not newly evolved, nor is the mechanism limited to apes. It's for fighting against adversity, the environment, Smilodons, and other people. There's a cost though - it's like releasing some NO2 into an IC engine, and it strains the system (by "design" if you think about it).

Turning it on yourself is generally a bad idea. It's ok if e.g. you carelessly strike your own thumb with a hammer. But anger at the environment is another matter.

Disengage the anger from the resentment.
This isn't so hard - in almost everyone, including NDs, that path to anger is a choice.

Work on the resentment.
Less easy, because it's a higher-order effect (mental rather than a low-level physical process).
But it's absolutely possible. It's the kind of thing a decent psychotherapist can actually help with (and that's coming from someone who's highly skeptical of much of what that profession gets up to)

Accept that "romance" is going to be difficult for you, possibly for the rest of your life.
This is a bitter pill of course,, but what's the alternative?

It's much better to be calm and a bit regretful, than angry, unhappy, and burning up your body and mind with adrenaline.

I won't give you any directed advice otherwise, but I'll repeat an earlier comment, which is based on extensive personal experience:
Interpersonal interactions with strangers and acquaintances go much better if you're happy in yourself. Achieving this takes some time and effort of course, but it's the best kind of skill/capability to train: small improvements have an immediate effect.

I would say Not all men on the Spectrum but for definitely a large portion of men on the Spectrum autism definitely struggle with dating

 

[Hypnalis]

@Steelbookcollector217

Of course dating and relationships are harder for us.
I'm not an NT in disguise I understand the difficulties from direct experience.

But you're actually deflecting.

That post is about reacting to difficulties with completely inappropriate resentment and anger.

Of course you have the right to ignore my post, and to respond with something irrelevant.
But I wrote it for you, not for me, because my personal experience suggests it's (very) good advice for you.

Naturally I think you should go back to the post, this time assuming it's potentially good advice, and certainly neither malicious nor harmful.
Re-read from the start, but watch for and suppress the deflection reaction, Read the whole thing, and consider:

* Would it help me if I did this?
* Am I capable of doing it with a reasonable effort?

If either answer is "no", don't do it.

If the answer to both is "yes" - start at step one.