Fitting In

[Shamar]

Does anybody else buy things just to feel like they fit in?
for example, my friends were playing a game and I am not particularly doing well right now financially, they were having a lot of fun with it so I decided to buy it (I don't get paid fora month btw), I bought the game, we had a lot of fun for like an hour but then when everyone logged off I saw no reason to play it.

I don't even like that genre of games, I am just desperate to fit in and I find it hard to make it known I have FOMO (fear of missing out) I find myself constantly making purchases on items of things other people like, even though I don't like them - I just want to fit in, yes, this is toxic but I can't control it, I have basically nothing at the moment because of my dumb desire to want to fit in.

now I will suffer the consequences of my stupidity, as I should, I wanted to fit in and instead of opening healthy dialogue I made stupid decisions. (I'm sorry, I'm not doing well, as you can tell)

The need to fit in or be a part of something is a powerful drive in people. I realized long ago that I could never truly fit in with society. I don't like it, but I accept it. I also learned that the illusion of friendship feels better than being absolutely alone -- until you are betrayed by that false friendship. It sounds to me like this is where you are. You are making sacrifices in order to fit in and have the illusion of friends. But are they really friends? Or are you trying to create the illusion of friendship in order to fit in? YOU are the only person who can answer these questions. I admit to being so desperately lonely that I do things like you did. When I do it, I call it compulsive stupidity. I will probably continue to do it, because loneliness is a powerful pain, and I will do anything to relieve it, even while knowing the effort is doomed to failure. Does any of this apply to you or seem familiar? Think about it.

 

[Shevek]

Does anybody else buy things just to feel like they fit in?

I was doing some volunteer work one time, and they charged me for my official shirt to help an an event in, but I don't think I've ever done something like that on purpose. I don't buy things to project an image, either, but I've spent years on making things that show that I'd rather not fit in.

 

[MmmmmMegs]

I actually did similar to what you're doing now when I was in my teens and 20's and it yielded what you're struggling with now. Early on in my 30's I started pursuing my own interests (tending to my vibrant "inner world") and it was almost stunning how many people became actually attracted to me! I don't mean that in a sexual sense, but friend-wise and even acquaintances. In conversation I would share (keeping it general sharing) about my passions and since they were "out of the norm", it really interested people. They asked more questions and I also found a few people who shared my interests.

It's funny, I found it to be somewhat of a predicament as I'm a fairly strong introvert. But, if you're more extroverted, you'd probably enjoy that! People would want to hang out with me (or worse, ask for my talents/knowledge to be used when they didn't know me well). I suppose it was a blessing in disguise that it also taught me boundaries and how to say "no" to takers and become better at recognizing authentic people vs. "takers". But, now that I'm in my 40's I have a lovely hobby life and a rich (albeit small) friend circle.

All that to say, take heart! Start pursuing things that you enjoy and bet you'll draw people to you! I have a theory that people are most attractive to others when they are at peace with themselves; and I don't chase people (I tend to them when they are also tending to me).

Hang in there!

 

[NDR2]

I’ve been in a similar situation. Around 4th Grade I decided to try being like other kids at school by playing with toys they often seemed to like, playing sports, and becoming interested in popular music. It made me feel somewhat “cool,” but it didn’t really change my relationships with them. I tried acting the same way to try to make friends in places outside of school. Eventually I realized that it was unnecessary to try to fit in because, as it’s been said here, if people like you, they like you for who you are. I eventually dropped the things I didn’t really care for (the enjoyment of music stayed). When I got to Junior High School I had no interest in trying to fit in.

Now this may sound hypocritical, but I’ve been toying with the idea of being involved with activities I’m not completely into in order to be with friends or make new friends – particularly if there would be women I like there.