This thread is 2 months old but time is such a lame concept. Content is what's important here.
I had trouble making friends my entire life. I only had one childhood friend, but he too had poor social skills so the two of us were compatible. We lost touch after he moved. I tried making friends with a couple of other boys but all they did was take advantage of me.
When I was a preteen I had acquaintances in school but not friends. Never hung out with anyone outside of school, was a lone wolf. When I went to high school I didn't hang out with anyone outside of the school either, but there was one guy I hung out with during freshman lunch. Otherwise I was a lone wolf. I like calling him a friend because we enjoyed each other's company. We also went to college together and hung out there for only a little bit, but we did lose touch later though.
After that, in college I had no one for the most part. There was this one guy who was very nice to me, he was just really nice in general - but he died in a motorcycle crash, so I only got to know him for 4 months. He did love riding motorcycles. I hate motorcycles precisely because of this, but was never fond of them in the first place. I would never ever ride one. He did have friend potential, that's for sure, so this is just pure bad luck. It made me feel like I wasn't meant to have any friends. Like I was destined to be alone, and when someone does surface they either die or move away or something. I also blame myself for losing touch with that high school guy.
So overall...only 3 friends over a lifetime of 20 years. I was 20 years old when the college guy died. I'm almost 30 now.
What I described above was my shy phase. Later on it all turned 180 degrees and that's how it went even more downhill. I tried to make friends with almost every single one of my classmates, and behaved in such a way that I ended up more alone than ever. I tried way waaaaaaay too hard, and ended up being pushy, loud, obnoxious, stubborn, amongst many other things. This brought on more than just blame; it brought on self-hatred. I was more alone than ever. Just no luck with friends, I simply lost all hope.
After the college mishap I decided to become a lone wolf again. I purposefully lost touch with all the classmates I've wronged and concentrated on my job, and my job only; I started working a month after graduation and for several months was the only employee - so more alone time. For 3 more years I was friendless. The only people I hung out with were Mom and Dad. I do have an NT boss and NT colleagues and I somehow improved in my social skills ever so slightly by being around them and observing their "magical qualities".
In 2015 I ended up making my first real friend after losing that guy in college. He just started out as a new coworker but then...we just clicked. He thought I was cool from the very start. He was the happiest person I've ever met, never worries about anything, never gets mad or even a wee bit frustrated with anyone. I can only make friends with people who are really nice and do not get mad easily, and that's an extremely tiny subset of the human race. He also thinks I'm funny. Can't believe this happened, now this is what I call good luck, great luck.
Later on I made friends with someone else. She's been working at a restaurant not far from my work and she's extremely kindhearted, just like the first guy, and we have a lot in common. I later introduced the two of them - and a few months later I met her husband, also nice chilled and carefree - and became friends with him too. I also introduced the guy from work to the husband. So now I have 3 friends, and I'm extremely clingy to them. So over a lifetime of almost 30 years I have only made 6 friends.
Why am I clingy to them? It's a miracle I even made friends in the first place - not to mention 3 friends in less than 2 years, and not to mention the fact that they're neurotypical!! Now I constantly worry about screwing up as I always do. I pushed so many people away without meaning to, and it traumatized me. I can't let history repeat itself. I can't lose them. Now a bigger trauma resulted from the death of that guy in college, so I worry about that too. I worry about everything, I have severe anxiety issues. Whenever I see any of them offline on Facebook for too long I worry. I end up calling and texting to make sure they're allright. Even when they are, I'm very needy and clingy. I constantly ask for reassurances, and if I know that they're allright and don't see a response for some reason I ask if they're mad at me; I've been asking those questions far too many times. I also act very immature with them, because I'm a child inside a man's body. They play along, and I very much appreciate that. They also easily forgive me if I say something insensitive (without meaning to, I don't EVER mean to).
Despite everything I do, I still haven't pushed these people away. Does this mean that these people are true friends? Did I just happen to find them all right around the corner? Am I actually destined not to be alone for the rest of my life after all?
P.S. the guy from high school lives in another country now and we got back in touch via Facebook. We text now; I also text this one guy from college that was a part of the minority of students who thought I was actually cool. I'm also in the process of making some more potential friends with the help of Meetup. Being appreciated means a lot to me and I believe that it's what actually keeps me out of clinical depression.