Fun topic, the awkward moment when...

[Laura]

Thanks, ChristianT. It really was one of those moments when I wished the floor would just open up & swallow me whole (or better yet, swallow the crazy mistress). In reading this thread, I understand just how old I am: (thank goodness I haven't aged on the outside!) I've got at least 50 of these stories but that one remains the one where I felt most 'put on the spot'. What the heck would've made her think I wanted her rotting gross ex-husband?!?

One fateful day back in 1995, a certain Aspie was diagnosed with Fibromialgia & was sent by the Dr. to participate in a Fibro programme at a local hospital. the sessions were bi-weekly & went for 90 mins each (seemed like 90 hours!!!). There was another newly diagnosed woman there my age who was also a mom. After classes, the people would mill about blabbering but I'd be out the door like the wind. She stopped me one day & really insisted she wanted to 'get to know' me over coffee. we went to the hospital cafe. I noticed how she kept staring at one particular town house across from the window but I said nothing.

This after class coffee thing became kind of regular with e sipping coffee & her chatting non-stop. She began telling me about her 'man' & what a wonderful guy he was. They were 'meant to be together' she said. Assuming she meant her son's father, I said something neutral about how nice that was for her son. Welll....no. Her 'true love' was NOT her boy's dad. She pointed out the window to the town house. Out shambled a family: a flabby bald middle aged businessman looking guy with his wife & 4 kids. She said, "See that?" Soup the Aspie looked wide eyed. What was there to see? Some guy & his wife & kids?!? Then, she said, "That's him! That's my man!!!"

With typical Aspie tact, I thought she was joking & said, "THAT OLD BALD FART WITH THE PASSEL OF KIDS?!? YOU'VE GOT TO BE S#!TT!NG ME!!" MANOMANOMAN!!!! She was serious! She was having some kind of torrid steaming affair with the geriatric Casanova. I felt like scrunching down in the chair in case the wife spotted me with this 'other woman' & thought I was in on the deal as well. Needless to say, this was the last time I ever met up with this woman for coffee & the remaining few classes were awkward indeed!

Soup, that is quite honestly one of the funniest 'tact' stories I've heard for a while! Epic! I remember being very young, and there was this rather large lady walking around town. I nudged my mum and shouted "WOW MUM! LOOK AT THAT WOMAN! ISN'T SHE FAT! GOD SHE'S HUGE!" I did something similar with a bloke wearing army camo, proclaiming that he must be "Action Man" on a mission. I must have been about five, we still giggle about it now XD

 

[Soup]

@Laura: "WOW MUM! LOOK AT THAT WOMAN! ISN'T SHE FAT! GOD SHE'S HUGE!" HAHAHAHA!!!! That really tops the list of all-time indiscreet tactless Aspie comments. We ought to have an Aspie awards show & give out trophies (or gift certificates to hoodie stores!). As kids, we get free passes, though. Say the same thing when you're 40 & mum can no longer laugh nervously & say, "Kids say the darndest things!", grab you & walk away quickly.

Got another one! My daughter has an Aspie friend notorious for blurting things out. This, ironically, made her popular with other teens who thought she was just cheeky & defiant (imagine that: a popular Aspie!!!). Anyhow, one sunny Saturday afternoon in around 2003, some rap guy named 50 cents was all the rage. The guys were all imitating his style. The girls decided to go to the amusement park. While they were waiting in line for a rise, the innocent but mouthy Aspie noticed a guy in line in front of us. He was very big & tall & dressed like 50 cents (pants bagging off, sideways cap, big gold chains & tattoos).

He was one of those guys (like biker gang types, mobsters, skinheads etc.) that it is usually best not to interfere with. Anyhow, she reached out & began tapping him on his immense shoulder. In her trademark loud voice she blurted, "HEY YOU! YOU LOOK LIKE 50! ARE YOU A MOTHER-FU@%!N' P-I-M-P?" The guy turned around & stared at us. We made a hasty retreat -then almost died laughing.

 

[Laura]

@Soup Oh woww that's ace! Tact at it's finest! Got a funny story actually about my awesome other half. We were ordering some chinese food a couple of weeks back and him having ADHD and having eaten sweets all day got very excited and started bouncing around the kitchen on his tippytoes shouting "Chinese YAY! Chinese is yummy food!" Honestly, 35 years old and he's still only 5, our house is always full of noise Some of the stuff he comes out with is brilliant, like the utterly random things he does, for example spontaneously taking his shirt off in the middle of a crowded bar and just being completely nonchalant about it! Makes me almost crack a rib laughing and want to fall into a hole all at the same time XD

 

[poey]

Watching TV.

Friend says: Paws?
Me: No I have hands.
Friend says: What?
Me: I don't have paws.
Wife & Friend: Pause the TV?
Wife & Friend: Bust up laughing

 

[umbrellabeach]

I had a really awkward Aspie moment at work today. I was bagging, as usual, and the cashier suddenly asked me if I wanted to "get one from one of them," holding up one of the coupons for the paper towels that have been on sale for forever. However, at the moment I wasn't sure what she was talking about... something about a Scott coupon? and didn't know where they were (although several minutes later I realized that there was a display of them by the entrance). So, when she asked me to go get a coupon, I just kind of froze, didn't know what to say, or what to ask to clarify her request as there was too much going through my head, so I didn't respond at all. Then one of the customers decided to go get it instead.
I felt so bad and wanted to apologize to the cashier but there's never time for that sort of thing in a busy grocery store...

 

[Christian T]

"get one from one of them" - oh boy, I hate it when NTs are so vague. Often I can't follow where they pointing, or what they're making eye contact at, or what they're referring to from earlier in the conversation, and yet any other NT who's listening usually knows exactly what they mean.

There was a very awkward time when I also froze while scrambling to find any natural phrases I could use. I can be so eloquent sometimes, but on other occasions quite speechless. The latter occurred when I was going to our schools IT desk to have my password changed, a reason that I thought had already brought many other students there. So, I entered, made eye contact with one of the men working there and saw that he was already helping someone. I was a little dumbfounded as he was a stranger, so I thought that I'd conveyed with body language that I'd acknowledged his presence and was going to seek help from the other man, and was sure that he'd assented with his own facial expressions. However, this clearly wasn't so. I knew the other student who was there, and he was red with laughter at my non-neurotypical entrance and behaviour, so evidently I had not made the connection. So, anyway, I carried on and asked the other man for help, who was busy himself, but obliging. I just completely misread his signs of business, and the other man's signs of bewilderment. I'm not a native speaker of NT body language, so things often get lost in translation with me.

 

[umbrellabeach]

"get one from one of them" - oh boy, I hate it when NTs are so vague. Often I can't follow where they pointing, or what they're making eye contact at, or what they're referring to from earlier in the conversation, and yet any other NT who's listening usually knows exactly what they mean.

Agreed. I'm not sure if I quoted her exactly right, but it went something like that and it was quite vague, which confused me. I recently realized that my coworkers are often vague like that (though it depends on the person; some of them are more specific and easier for me to work with) and it's a big issue for me. Usually I can ask questions to clarify their meaning and make sure I know what they want me to do, but I somehow failed to do that yesterday. It was really busy so I guess that messed with me.

 

[Christian T]

Here's a pretty big one. Today I attended the introductory rehearsal session for next year's school production of Shakespeare's Twelfth Night. After some general explanation, the director said, "Now, I will invite you all to come up on stage and receive your scripts. This is a very important ceremony." She's one of those theatre people who likes to be theatrical offstage as well as on.

To me, the gist of it was, "Everybody come onto the stage so that I can hand you your scripts," but I know how much NTs love giving "invitations" even though they know they'll of course be accepted. Everyone started chatting noisily, like they do every time we all get up on stage, and so it seemed perfectly natural to me, and a very close fellow Aspie, to get out of our seats and onstage.

His face lit up with incommon excitement when he saw me. "Long time, no see," he said, and he was right. "I know," I began, but the choice of my next words were less obvious and took some time.

During my contemplation, the director said sternly, "I said I will invite you on stage," with selective pedantry - she is rarely that specific. I turned around to see that all of the other cast members were in fact still seated in their chairs, and that my friend and I had effectively just bounded onto the stage to perform our greeting for them. I quickly returned to my seat. The whole moment seemed so surreal, especially since no one was overtly jovial about our blunder. It was really all quiet, disapproving whisperings.

So, yes, very embarrassing now that I think about it, but not really so in the moment itself. My thought was that this is an anecdote I can immediately add to this thread to enable me to profit from the uncomfortable event.

I hope I'm not too bitter, though. It was pretty funny, and I'll admit it was rather clumsy on my part, and my friend's. Just a little disheartening when you think you've finally learnt not to take things to literally, and then a situation like this comes along where you were supposed to take it literally! Although, the bit about the "important ceremony," was a clue that she wanted to give them out one by one.

Ah, well.

 

[Soup]

I'm glad you thought of us right away & decided to post this. It IS kind of funny but at the same time, I find that her conduct was rude! She had been vague & I bet that had we all been there with you, the stage would've been crowded with Aspies who'd taken her literally.

Does she know that you're an Aspie?

 

[Daniel]

The whole moment seemed so surreal, especially since no one was overtly jovial about our blunder. It was really all quiet, disapproving whisperings.

Wow, sounds like a pretty uptight group to me!

Then again, I've participated in theatre groups before, but I got sick of the politics. They took themselves waaaaay too seriously!

My usual strategy in weird group situations is to freeze, watch, and follow the herd. I'm probably overcompensating for some long-forgotten embarrassment.

 

[Daniel]

Used to get this in university a lot... the awkward moment when a cute girl who I've managed to charm has positioned herself so that I would run into her on our way out of class, and she's smiling at me, ready for me to notice her and ask her to go do something together... and I just nod and keep walking to the next place I have to go.

And then next time, they either don't show up or sit as far away from me as possible, and they never talk to me again. I kind of feel bad about all the rejection I've doled out over the years, romantic and platonic! I'm married now, so it's nice that I'm supposed to not notice other women!

 

[Christian T]

@Soup: she actually knows very well that I'm an Aspie, and in theory she seems to have a very good understanding of the syndrome, but rarely does it come through in her actions. It's the same with the other Aspie in the drama class - he's treated much the same way. I did think that, surely with the two aspies getting on stage, she might have worked it out.

Anyway, thanks for the support.

Wow, sounds like a pretty uptight group to me!

Then again, I've participated in theatre groups before, but I got sick of the politics. They took themselves waaaaay too seriously!

My usual strategy in weird group situations is to freeze, watch, and follow the herd. I'm probably overcompensating for some long-forgotten embarrassment.

The politics annoys me too, but not as much as the narcissistic extroversion that I can't seem to escape no matter which group I join. Sometimes, though, it is sweet, genuine exuberance, but other times it just makes me cringe.

What I really do these productions for is the payoff of the performances at the end. That's such pure theatrical enjoyment, where all the theatrics and directed towards something productive, and I get to engage directly with a fresh, eager audience. That's what theatre really is.

Your strategy is one that I always use, and thought I'd used in that situation, because the sound of the chatter indicated to me that they were in fact getting up.

As for the group being uptight, if it was a fellow NT who'd make the mistake, they would have been much looser, but they sort of understand why we would misinterpret it, and treat it as quite a sensitive area. It should really be treated the same way as a foreign exchange student misinterpreting her English - Aspies don't always speak and understand perfect NT.

 

[wyverary]

I'm still not sure what the general Aspie consensus is when it comes to physical contact, but there was an awkward moment today involving one of my brother's friends--she's someone I like very much, and have had much fun with. But she's a little...touchy-feely. Essentially, I saw her today for the first time in months, and she likes to not just hug, but to downright CUDDLE. I'm sure she was simply expressing how happy she was to see me, but what ought to have been a hug lasted longer, and she did this thing where she just rested her chin on my head and rubbed my elbow. I know this is her way of expressing affection, and I appreciated that, and I know most "normal" folk would be fine with this, but I didn't quite know how to react, or how to tell her that happy as I was to see her, I wish she wouldn't...invade my personal space like that? How do the rest of you deal with such situations?

 

[Christian T]

How do the rest of you deal with such situations?

I just stiffen up to make it difficult for them if I don't want the contact, and wait for them stop. They do stop eventually, and it's never too much for me to handle.

 

[Daniel]

How do the rest of you deal with such situations?

Depends on the person...it seldom happens to me, as I give off enough of a "keep-your-distance" vibe that it puts most people off, but every so often I get someone who does the hand-on-shoulder or hand-on-back thing. I'm planning on communicating my preference the next time that happens.

Once I was showing a friend of my wife's some photographs from an album, and she snuggled right up beside me, and she'd never done anything like that before. Because I'd known her a long time and liked and trusted her, it was kind of nice. I think that's what it takes--it's got to be someone with whom I've already established a level of comfort.

Essentially, I saw her today for the first time in months, and she likes to not just hug, but to downright CUDDLE. I'm sure she was simply expressing how happy she was to see me, but what ought to have been a hug lasted longer, and she did this thing where she just rested her chin on my head and rubbed my elbow.

Now this, though... that would be a bit much for me. I'd have to say something.

 

[Daniel]

@Christian T: "Narcissistic extroversion" -- that's a good way of putting it! I'm introverted because most of the time, I'm just not into other people. What's the point of being extroverted if you're not truly interested in the other? Filling that void of insecurity by trying to command attention.

I loved show nights, too; my school was the best in the province when I was there, and they were pretty focused on winning drama competitions, so I could distance myself from annoying people by associating with the people taking it seriously.

As for the group being uptight, if it was a fellow Neurotypical who'd make the mistake, they would have been much looser, but they sort of understand why we would misinterpret it, and treat it as quite a sensitive area. It should really be treated the same way as a foreign exchange student misinterpreting her English - Aspies don't always speak and understand perfect Neurotypical.

That's something I should think about; I only just figured out I'm an Aspie. I should probably be prepared for people being overly sensitive about it. So far, I've managed to tell people in a way where I can explain in practical terms what my Asperger's means (in order to overcome their prejudices), and that it's not anything they need to feel awkward about. Doesn't mean they won't, but I'd like to at least establish that I'm just fine, and that I wouldn't change a thing about myself.

Probably doesn't help that you're still in school...I've always hated immaturity, and man, now that I'm 32, I can see just how much room there is to grow after high school and college! The people I work with are a good bunch, and I'm lucky to have that. I'm optimistic.

 

[christianmother27]

I'm still not sure what the general Aspie consensus is when it comes to physical contact, but there was an awkward moment today involving one of my brother's friends--she's someone I like very much, and have had much fun with. But she's a little...touchy-feely. Essentially, I saw her today for the first time in months, and she likes to not just hug, but to downright CUDDLE. I'm sure she was simply expressing how happy she was to see me, but what ought to have been a hug lasted longer, and she did this thing where she just rested her chin on my head and rubbed my elbow. I know this is her way of expressing affection, and I appreciated that, and I know most "normal" folk would be fine with this, but I didn't quite know how to react, or how to tell her that happy as I was to see her, I wish she wouldn't...invade my personal space like that? How do the rest of you deal with such situations?

In jobs past for whatever reason, my managers/bosses, think it's cool to pop their hands on my shoulder while I'm working (was a programmer). You know the whole "attaboy" sorta thing but I'm a girl. The only thing I could think was "get your hand off me!" even though I never said anything. I really don't like people touching me. I fluctuate between liking and barely tolerating it when my husband is one of those people lol. But yeah like family gatherings, hugs are awkward. I even feel somewhat awkward hugging my own children. And it's weird hugging my mom and grandma. I dunno. Maybe I'm just weird

 

[wyverary]

In jobs past for whatever reason, my managers/bosses, think it's cool to pop their hands on my shoulder while I'm working (was a programmer). You know the whole "attaboy" sorta thing but I'm a girl. The only thing I could think was "get your hand off me!" even though I never said anything. I really don't like people touching me. I fluctuate between liking and barely tolerating it when my husband is one of those people lol. But yeah like family gatherings, hugs are awkward. I even feel somewhat awkward hugging my own children. And it's weird hugging my mom and grandma. I dunno. Maybe I'm just weird

I have since brought it up with her. I didn't want to, because the last thing I wanted to do was insult or embarrass her (because she is, as mentioned, a friend); I tried my very best not do so. I think she understood. I can tolerate hugs because, after all, it's the standard way of showing friendly affection. I just wish everyone were not so intense about it!

It's a problem with family members for me as well. But, again, it's not like I can really stop it. When they're family, I think they definitely WOULD feel insulted.

 

[Daniel]

In jobs past for whatever reason, my managers/bosses, think it's cool to pop their hands on my shoulder while I'm working (was a programmer).

Oh wow, this totally reminds of an incident from this summer...I work at an Internet startup, and while we have new offices now and I love where I sit, I used to be in an open-concept room of workstations, and my spot was at the end of a row at the most heavily-trafficked intersection in the office. I was examining lines of data in a spreadsheet, focusing intensely to meet a quickly-approaching 5 PM deadline, and I was leaning hunched over my desk, resting my chin in my palm, face close to the screen, really into what I was doing.

Well, it must have looked like I was taking it easy, because a guy walking by thought it would be funny to grab me by the shoulders, shake me a few times, and say "wake up!" He meant it in a totally friendly way, and he's one of the nicest guys in the world, so while I couldn't really hold it against him, I was seething with rage. I'm killing myself to meet this deadline to satisfy an important client, and you assume I'm being lazy, and you think you can just invade my personal space and disturb my concentration and that's funny to you, when you've got a private office and you don't have to wear headphones to block out all the noise and distraction just to get anything done?

I like that guy, but clearly I'm still sore about that one.

 

[CJinherPJs]

I remember being about 5 and my mum was walking me across the road outside my primary school. We saw a large lady wearing a sleeveless top, and I was calling my mum trying desperately to get her attention. She must have known what was coming next because she kept saying "Come on now, we need to cross the road etc." Eventually I blurted out "Look at the size of that woman's arms!" My mum turned bright red and couldn't get me into the car fast enough.