Giving Up On Making Real Life Friends?

[AspieChris]

No it is not weird. I do not really have any real life friend, nor do I want any.
I have my wife and children, and if it wasn`t for the fact I have to interact with people at work and with family I would be fine with just my wife and children.
I do see my family, not as much as they would like. And I used to have real life friends. I just don`t really see the need for them. If my old friends would contact me I would reply to them. But I no longer initiate the contact.
There are people at work I interact with. But they aren`t even close to something one would call friends.

If there is no need for them, there is no need to search for it.

I have the same life as you (regarding friends). My wife is my only friend. I also have my son, but that’s a bit different. I have someone at work who would call me a friend, but whenever I leave that job, I’ll most likely never speak to him anymore. I also have ‘acquaintances’ at work and in my neighborhood, but definitely not friends.

People have hurt me over and over. My wife has been the only person who has never tried to use me up and discard me when I’m not convenient anymore. I don’t understand people anyway. So I prefer to interact with people in real life as little as possible.

 

[kenaij]

I have the same life as you (regarding friends). My wife is my only friend. I also have my son, but that’s a bit different. I have someone at work who would call me a friend, but whenever I leave that job, I’ll most likely never speak to him anymore. I also have ‘acquaintances’ at work and in my neighborhood, but definitely not friends.

People have hurt me over and over. My wife has been the only person who has never tried to use me up and discard me when I’m not convenient anymore. I don’t understand people anyway. So I prefer to interact with people in real life as little as possible.

Basically the primary reason why my wife became my wife is because she is pretty much the only person I know who I feel comfortable with. Who, indeed, never 'uses' me or has hurt me. Being around her feels natural. And I almost never have that with someone. She also is one of the only people I know that do not cost energy to be around.
Then ofcourse there is also physical attraction and such. But this was the primary reason it ever worked between us. Before her I searched and searched for a relationship but those would never work out. I never understood why at the time. I felt scared and it felt like it was wrong in some way. But with my wife it always felt natural.
We were friends first.

I tried to force being around people for so long. Wanting to be normal. But as soon as I began to understand more about autism, and realising almost everything about it clicked with me. I have been working on not trying to be so 'normal'.

 

[bard]

Some people only have one friend, where everyone else is friendly. So to say you have 6 friends, that can seem like quite a lot.

To pause and breathe can be good for you. Some people start running habits or hiking habits or even cat cafe habits to give themselves a breather.

To give up altogether doesn't work for much of life. If everyone who tried to build a house gave when the material or tool they thought was good turned out to be substandard, there'd be less houses.

 

[Misty Avich]

As adults I think people become preferable to quality rather than quantity. As children and in high school and maybe early adulthood, it's more about popularity, although this isn't true for everyone, as some kids do have one best friend who they're closest to and go about with the most. But for most kids and young people, it's more about quantity.

As adulthood goes on I think it gets easier. I'm in my 30s now, and I find I'm slightly less resentful about not having many friends than I used to be when I was in my teens and 20s. My husband is NT and had lots of friends when he was young, but now at his age he hardly hears from anyone outside our families. Oftentimes when you're in a relationship you sort of become friends with each other's families, or you get friendly with other couples that you both know together.

My NT cousin was really popular at school, and was always out partying when she was a young adult, but now at 30 she would often prefer to do things with her girlfriend and focus more on their shared interest, which is football (not stereotyping NTs here, because my cousin and her girlfriend really are heavily into football).

I think for me the hardest ages were between age 11 and 25. I felt more was expected of me that I found hard to conform to, such as interests, gender roles, lifestyle, number of friends, etc. Now that I'm in my 30s I feel like I don't have that pressure any more, and even a lot of others my age are starting to show more individuality and realising that there's more ways of having fun than getting blotto on Friday nights.

Sometimes I still feel like an alien when people talk about the fun they used to have with alcohol when they were young, as I had missed out on all that and I feel embarrassed because of it.

 

[ChrisCRISPR]

Weird, no. Sad, yes.

I'm in a situation where the only friends I can make are with pets, and I just lost two of them.

If I could make human friends, I would.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[Fino]

I have one good friend, and I am very happy with that. I have several people who I'd call friends, but just one close one is enough for me.

 

[Amethystgirl]

I might give up on making friends It's too hard for my mental health I tried the organization Best Buddies and they didn't work. I really think maybe I should give up on making friends because It's too hard for my mental health. I tried the organization Best Buddies and they didn't work. They are no good at responding and I tried a virtual autism group and I feel to shy in it and I don't know what to say to people. Have any of you ever given on making friends?

 

[Kayla55]

Ye, recently met my son's friends Mom. She had father back who was party animal and wanted me to make him realise. I hate being dragged into being involved in go between, prefer to be friends with couple. In past they'd get back together and then I'd get flack for interfering.
So now I got viewed as not being a friend and she just eventually gave me cold shoulder. Unfair to expect me to change him, if people don't want to change!

I just never seem to get it, take too long learn new trends, dance moves or things to say. Just toooo stiff.

 

[Aspiecats]

I have given up trying to make friends. I used to jump through hoops for people, cooking treats, dinners or helping them with pretty much anything I was capable of doing just to be accepted. After years of this I no longer am able to perform favors for them because I am too old. Sure enough, no one calls me or invites me to get togethers now that I don't have something tangible to offer. I now assume that friendship is based on what I can contribute to others lives.

 

[AprilR]

I also gave up at this point. I am just too exhausted trying to be someone they miiight accept and tolerate. They also constantly make me feel awful about myself and i cant depend on them for anything so what is the point.. I wish i had a carer or someone that helps me with daily chores and tasks though

 

[Arsinoe]

I can't mentally handle the disappointment. I'm OK with the friends I have. I don't like the rejection over and over again. And making friends is too complicated for me anyway.

I'm with you. I have a close friend that lives far away from here so we communicate through phone calls and an online friend from another country so we communicate through emails. I stopped trying to ''fit in'' and mask myself a long time ago, around my college years so I don't really ever expect to become friends with anyone anymore. Occasionally I will go out for a coffee with a collegue or a 'chat buddy' but that's just about it. These people are not people I can be open with or talk comfortably to, they're just random ''coffee buddies'' as I call them, people we just hang out with from time to time. I'd love to be able to have a friend that I can connect with but finding someone like me or even close to that is very unlikely.

 

[UFO]

I never tried to make friends.
If someone connected with me in everyday life, it was what it was.

This resonates with me...

just miss the feeling of the two- way street of trust and being comfortable with someone.

...but this doesn't...

My asociality is not about any bad experiences or lack of trust. It is more like that I don't feel any real need (outside sudden quirky moments) for friends or any social contacts at all. I have even tested it: I can be at least four months without any kind of human interaction outside "That will be 5.90, do you have a bonus card?"-conversations. Actually, that test period might have been the best time of my life.

Just like others said it, for last 30 years my few friends have been ones that have made a contact with me, not the other way around. When a school/work/hobby ended, friends I have made there were dispersed. They have tried to keep up contact with me, but I haven't tried to keep up contact with them. I don't miss them nor think of them. While I really enjoy their company and like them, I don't create ties to them.

Back in my childhood, I don't remember. Odds are that my childhood friends were my friends only because in kindergarten I was forced to play with them or something, and then I got used to them, and for this reason I hanged with them. But I do remember at least one incident when I contacted other kid in otherwise empty playground because I found her interesting for some reason.

In my mind, conversations, interactions etc. and people that I can do those things with, are separate things. I kind of fail to see that some good conversation was somehow tied to a specific person. Thus I might miss the conversation, but not the person I had that conversation with. I hope I am making any sense.

 

[tree]

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/...t-or-extrovert?utm_source=pocket-newtab-en-us

 

[blue_bird]

Yep, I've given up. I don't trust people anymore. It's usually just disappointment and taruma after I open up to people and let them into my world or show them my good side. If I'm alone then at least I cannot be disappointed anymore.

 

[SusanLR]

This resonates with me...

...but this doesn't...

My asociality is not about any bad experiences or lack of trust. It is more like that I don't feel any real need (outside sudden quirky moments) for friends or any social contacts at all. I have even tested it: I can be at least four months without any kind of human interaction outside "That will be 5.90, do you have a bonus card?"-conversations. Actually, that test period might have been the best time of my life.

Just like others said it, for last 30 years my few friends have been ones that have made a contact with me, not the other way around. When a school/work/hobby ended, friends I have made there were dispersed. They have tried to keep up contact with me, but I haven't tried to keep up contact with them. I don't miss them nor think of them. While I really enjoy their company and like them, I don't create ties to them.

Back in my childhood, I don't remember. Odds are that my childhood friends were my friends only because in kindergarten I was forced to play with them or something, and then I got used to them, and for this reason I hanged with them. But I do remember at least one incident when I contacted other kid in otherwise empty playground because I found her interesting for some reason.

In my mind, conversations, interactions etc. and people that I can do those things with, are separate things. I kind of fail to see that some good conversation was somehow tied to a specific person. Thus I might miss the conversation, but not the person I had that conversation with. I hope I am making any sense.

I relate to what you are saying when it comes to friends.
I've been the same all my life. From childhood up.
The feeling of trust and being comfortable with someone I miss were two close family members. They have been the only ones I felt that with and miss the feeling.