Still, discovering things I do and don’t like but here’s what I got so far.
Can’t be a smoker. I don’t do well around people who smoke a “lot”.
Doesn’t do drugs.
Not against her having drinks so long as she is responsible about it.
Won’t accept someone who has a lot of credit card debt from frivolous shopping.
No children. I can’t handle the stress a little one brings in so far as constant attention and supervision is required.
Must work. Can’t be the only one times are too hard. Pay for her gas, car maintenance, half the bills and food costs.
I can take or leave cooking.
Cleaning would be a plus.
Especially laundry.
Similar ideals and viewpoints.
Don’t mind a tall woman. White skin, blue eyes, and a ponytail. Not frumpy or too skinny.
Most of all I’d like to feel safe around them. Talk about anything.
Of course loyal.
That’s what I got.
I actually find it great that a guy says what he prefers or wants, as it annoys me much when guys settle for any woman just because she is a woman or their first, only later to find out had he had more self esteem, strength or wisdom he would have been either more patient or selective, to increase the chances of the relationship's longevity or success.
Women often have tons of desires for guys, which often they keep hidden but secretly want or need, and the same should be true for guys in being somewhat picky, and even more for ND persons who may have less tolerances. I believe in 50/50, and that means he gets his needs met just as much as hers. Granted, it may be harder to find such a partner the more needs they require, but I do not find the op's desires as unreasonable and he said in other threads he could be alone if need be.
The op is being truthful what he prefers, and women all the time have lots of needs in guys for relationships, some of
which could include: a job, humor, confidence, being tall, kindness, supportive, able to handle emotions and stress, intelligence, charm, nonsmoker or non-drinker, him must wanting kids or not, and so on. If one does not critique women for these needs, they sure should not critique a guy's needs. The days of guys drooling just over just stereotypically attractive women are over. More baggage may or may not come with that and by guys not digging deeper and expecting more.
It is a myth thus that women have a right to be more picky as they have more to lose if they enter relationships with wrong partners. I would argue both genders have equal much to lose. Abuse comes in many forms and from both genders. Also, both person's could be affected if the other caused much stress or debt, had some condition that was either severe or not compatible with the other, if the other did not put forth about 50% efforts, and when children and/or divorce is involved which can severely affect each, regarding stress, divorce, responsibilities involved, and when assets and extended families are involved.
So, good for you op, for stating your preferences. While it is true that many women, others and old school person's may or may not like you for stating such, we all can choose who we prefer to be with, and we all will be responsible for our decisions. For those who rushed into relationships, are in relationships hanging by a thread, or who had failed relationships, I bet they would have liked to ask more questions before committing, or took more time to see if their desires and needs could be mostly met by the other.
Too often persons are impatient, ignore warning or incompatibility signs, or settle for person's for the wrong reasons, and that decision could change their life forever, if the annoyances kept building in the relationship, or if the desires they originally wanted became more and more distant, and as rare will you be able to change the other. What you see is often what you get, if not worse, if one of the two rushed being together.
Everyone has a list of what they find attractive or not, at least in their heads. If one did not have such a list, I would more question those, why not? Will you tolerate anyone? Is your self esteem too low? Are you naive? Are you afraid to tell others what you want or need? Are you too extreme in your views and think guys and women must have only certain rights and/or needs? This is year 2023 where many more men and women are seeing just as many benefits being alone, or doing things non-traditionally. I find it refreshing when persons want to be more responsible before they enter a relationship, and to not play games but state things they feel they desire and need.
I do agree though having an open mind for some things is important, but not for certain things that are very important to you. In my case, drinking and smoking, dishonesty, unfaithfulness, and cold and critical personalities, I myself would never tolerate if I saw those. One that was a shop-a-holic or high maintenance, sorry I would never have been interested in that either. I did bend on a few items though, like in having children and with some other ways, but she likely did not get all her needs met either.
But, what the op said is a great start! I wish more guys did this! Women do it all the time, but just rarely disclose this. It is in their heads. That is why they will reject so many. They won't settle for anyone. The same should be true for guys.
