Got some preferences in women I would like thoughts on.

[Sasha22]

It is a myth thus that women have a right to be more picky as they have more to lose if they enter relationships with wrong partners. I would argue both genders have equal much to lose.

Women often have tons of desires for guys, which often they keep hidden but secretly want or need

Women do it all the time, but just rarely disclose this. It is in their heads.

When talking about being wary of generalizations, this is what I'm referring to. I'd agree that the idea that women have a right to be more picky would be inaccurate. I'm just not sure how much of that pickiness is actually witnessed in the field and I don't know if we have statistics about it. That some women are picky in some circumstances, sure - eg who they're going to have children with, with all the responsibilities that entails. But though women in some contexts can have many options as to how many men they can have sex with, it's not necessarily that much easier for them to get satisfying long-term relationships, families etc. Some women might "settle", eg because their biological clock is ticking. And some men can be very picky as well.

In my personal experience, I haven't witnessed that big a discrepancy men/women in terms of having criteria. The women I've met who had pre-determined excessively selective criteria (tall, dark, rich, handsome and funny etc) were generally very young. But if you want to state criteria, why not? They can then go through a reality check, same as they do for women.

Also, what a specific woman wants but keep hidden in her head is hidden in her head, so it seems to me that if you want to know what that is, you'd have to ask her. She might want something you didn't expect. Same goes for men.

 

[Aspychata]

I was told if l had a child, that would make me a real woman, at the time, l thought that was hilarious. However, l did have my daughter. So people have lists or criteria they hope to meet, nothing wrong with that. But by a certain age, your criteria will evolve to, use to be tall, and handsome, to not living with mom, and has job. The criteria changes as we change.

 

[1ForAll]

When talking about being wary of generalizations, this is what I'm referring to. I'd agree that the idea that women have a right to be more picky would be inaccurate. I'm just not sure how much of that pickiness is actually witnessed in the field and I don't know if we have statistics about it. That some women are picky in some circumstances, sure - eg who they're going to have children with, with all the responsibilities that entails. But though women in some contexts can have many options as to how many men they can have sex with, it's not necessarily that much easier for them to get satisfying long-term relationships, families etc. Some women might "settle", eg because the biological clock is ticking. And some men can be very picky as well.

In my personal experience, I haven't witnessed that big a discrepancy men/women in terms of having criteria. The women I've met who had pre-determined excessively selective criteria (tall, dark, rich, handsome and funny etc) were generally very young. But if you want to state criteria, why not? They can then go through a reality check, same as they do for women.

Also, what a specific woman wants but keep hidden in her head is hidden in her head, so it seems to me that if you want to know what that is, you'd have to ask her. She might want something you didn't expect. Same goes for men.

Ok, thanks for more clarification. Have a good day.

 

[Aspychata]

The hidden criteria is actually quite interesting and all of the genders may have this. Some might be must be a Star Trek fan, should be open to separate bedrooms, must like my mom, must like Asian food. That's my hidden criteria- Asian food. @Sasha22 - what do you think your hidden criteria is? @Wolfnox - do you have hidden criteria?

 

[Sasha22]

Ok, thanks for more clarification. Have a good day.

I am not sure how to take your reply. If I sounded aggressive, that was not my intention. I don't mean to belittle the struggles of men who are faced with rejection. I just don't think we necessarily need to look at these issues as an opposition/symmetrical thing.

 

[Ella Spell]

I fit all of this.

Somehow, I sense that doesn't make us an automatic match.
I doubt you're looking for someone like me.
What else would you want to know about a woman besides this list?




Can’t be a smoker. I don’t do well around people who smoke a “lot”.
Doesn’t do drugs.
Not against her having drinks so long as she is responsible about it.

Won’t accept someone who has a lot of credit card debt from frivolous shopping. --
I have tons of debt, but none of it is frivolous shopping. I don't shop at all except for food.

I can take or leave cooking.

Must work. Can’t be the only one times are too hard. Pay for her gas, car maintenance, half the bills and food costs. -- I did work for decades, now I'm on LTD / Retired and financially self-sufficient.

Cleaning would be a plus. I clean my stuff
Especially laundry. I wash my stuff
Similar ideals and viewpoints. (Such as?)


Don’t mind a tall woman. (I'm 5'5") White skin blue eyes and a ponytail

Not frumpy or too skinny.

Most of all I’d like to feel safe around them. Talk about anything.

Of course loyal.

No children.
"I can’t handle the stress a little one brings in so far as constant attention and supervision is required."

I have children but they aren't little ones. They're adults.

 

[1ForAll]

Ok,

I am not sure how to take your reply. If I sounded aggressive, that was not my intention. I don't mean to belittle the struggles of men who are faced with rejection. I just don't think we necessarily need to look at these issues as an opposition/symmetrical thing.

No, not aggressive at all. I just saw more reasons you gave to support your beliefs. I figured I had nothing else to say that would be much different than what I said before, in all the other posts and I am not looking to prolong any differences in opinion. I value all feedback regardless if I partially agree, totally disagree, or totally agree. It helps forum members sometimes to get all perspectives too, as we all have our unique experiences and insights to share. I learn more about myself, others and issues more through disagreement than agreement. That is why I gravitate often to such threads that I sense could see possible critiques or pushback, not wanting to confront but learn and give different perspective or support to that op.

 

[Sasha22]

The hidden criteria is actually quite interesting and all of the genders may have this. Some might be must be a Star Trek fan, should be open to separate bedrooms, must like my mom, must like Asian food. That's my hidden criteria- Asian food. @Sasha22 - what do you think your hidden criteria is? @Wolfnox - do you have hidden criteria?

Likes ice cream.

 

[Rodafina]

If "generalizing" is taken so broadly that it lumps every person in a certain category as being the same in what they prefer, etc then I agree.

However, if "generalizing" is used as a term to mean "the norm", the majority, most, then it's simply fact. I've said this before in the forum and I'll likely say it again many times as it's germane to so many different topics, but exceptions to not negate the rule. I've often wondered if they're teaching the incorrect maxim in schools that exceptions DO negate the rule. Not correct. False.

The exception may not negate the rule. But the way in which the rule is determined is very important. It must be based in fact and not feelings.

It makes sense to me that men, women, and people who are non-binary will likely have preferences and maybe even expectations for a mate. But to @Wolfnox, if these lists and expectations are too stringent and too specific and inflexible, it is bound to lead to disappointment or never finding someone at all.