Levitikuz
Well-Known Member
First of all, finding this community of people who already understand me and who I can relate to, amazing...what I've wanted my entire life, just for a single person to understand, you know?
I'm 26, and grew up wondering what was wrong with me, or what was wrong with everybody else (the answer still eludes me)...I was never familiar with AS, or for that matter, familiar with any ASD growing up. I only learned about the character traits of AS a couple months ago, and literally about had a revelation inside my house after reviewing them. When I was an infant my Mother actually put a helmet on me because I would rock back-and-forth so violently she thought my head needed the protection (which should indicate to any licensed MD something isn't quite right), so she took me to see the doctor who advised my Mom there was nothing to worry about (sweet doctor, I know) and I would grow out of that behavior, eventually. Also, during my adolescent years riding inside the car, I would always rock my body back-and-forth bouncing my head repeatedly off the head rest, to a rhythm dictated by the current mood I was experiencing at the time. I did this (stim, I believe is the term) all the way through HS, and still find myself holding back the urge to sway back-and-forth (as people have pointed out how 'loony' I look), but especially while inside a car, as the soothing effect of this motion is unreal. I managed to make it through public schooling without obtaining a single friend, romantic relationship, or anything remotely close...Feeling a complete disconnect from the world around me I dropped out of HS my last 2 years to finish up online, because I simply did not, and could not, blend/act naturally enough to keep the bully's from being, bully's. I completed the last 2 years of HS in just 1, graduated early and was able to convince my Mother to let me skip my graduation ceremony, as it was pointless in my eyes and only held promise of a social disaster.
Fast forward from age 18 to 26, I've been to three different universities and dropped out each time, while only needing about 20 credits to finish up my degree, making it so close, but so far away. My current job is in the manufacturing industry, where I get to work completely alone and is strictly routine based, performing the same task over and over again, and I absolutely love it. On top of that, it's not a dead-end career/company which holds many promotional opportunities with reasonable income(s), which would make my life a little more comfortable.
To this day I do not have a single friend in real life, as my "social skills" are pathetic at best. Also, I'm entirely content without any, as they'd probably just annoy me anyways...I do however, have a hell of a desire to obtain a female partner, as I see purpose in this relationship, not only in starting/making a family, but also fulfilling my emotional need I have towards someday being able to bond with someone on a very deep level.
Traits in myself that now have me seeking a professional diagnosis, which in my mind should have been discovered much earlier (25 years or so, earlier). Makes me wonder how different my life would have turned out if that did happen, hmm, idk.
-Stimming
-Complete lack of empathy
-Socially Inept - I don't have a clue if I'm acting right/wrong, always wondering if I'm acting "appropriately" while trying to decode the secret language of facial/nonverbal communication
-No Conversation Skills - The only time I can hold a reasonable, well rounded conversation, is when I'm the "puppet master" and I hold a convo with myself, talking aloud in a debate kind of fashion, back-and-forth bouncing my ideas/thoughts off of two different "verbal" entities...
-Obsessive compulsions towards my interests/research (this was mainly political a couple years back, now it's all about MBTI research, 24/7 lol)
-Follow Routines - My current job, which I love repeating over-and-over (first time I can honestly say, I like what I do).. I wore the same clothes everyday, and still only have a single pair of jeans with only about 3 different button ups ... I also ate/eat the same thing, everyday
-ADHD diagnosis from the time I was in middle school...I believe this is wrong or I "suffer" from both disorders.
-Sensitivity to sound, which I now wear ear plugs to combat this ... sensitivity to light is worse, especially at night, where the other cars' headlights' all merge into one extremely large halo, which moves/flows like a liquid, almost like a waterfall made from light...I wear my sunglasses at night so I don't crash/die.
Sorry for the length, and if I bored the **** out of anyone...and again, hello to you all, it's nice to be here.
I'm 26, and grew up wondering what was wrong with me, or what was wrong with everybody else (the answer still eludes me)...I was never familiar with AS, or for that matter, familiar with any ASD growing up. I only learned about the character traits of AS a couple months ago, and literally about had a revelation inside my house after reviewing them. When I was an infant my Mother actually put a helmet on me because I would rock back-and-forth so violently she thought my head needed the protection (which should indicate to any licensed MD something isn't quite right), so she took me to see the doctor who advised my Mom there was nothing to worry about (sweet doctor, I know) and I would grow out of that behavior, eventually. Also, during my adolescent years riding inside the car, I would always rock my body back-and-forth bouncing my head repeatedly off the head rest, to a rhythm dictated by the current mood I was experiencing at the time. I did this (stim, I believe is the term) all the way through HS, and still find myself holding back the urge to sway back-and-forth (as people have pointed out how 'loony' I look), but especially while inside a car, as the soothing effect of this motion is unreal. I managed to make it through public schooling without obtaining a single friend, romantic relationship, or anything remotely close...Feeling a complete disconnect from the world around me I dropped out of HS my last 2 years to finish up online, because I simply did not, and could not, blend/act naturally enough to keep the bully's from being, bully's. I completed the last 2 years of HS in just 1, graduated early and was able to convince my Mother to let me skip my graduation ceremony, as it was pointless in my eyes and only held promise of a social disaster.
Fast forward from age 18 to 26, I've been to three different universities and dropped out each time, while only needing about 20 credits to finish up my degree, making it so close, but so far away. My current job is in the manufacturing industry, where I get to work completely alone and is strictly routine based, performing the same task over and over again, and I absolutely love it. On top of that, it's not a dead-end career/company which holds many promotional opportunities with reasonable income(s), which would make my life a little more comfortable.
To this day I do not have a single friend in real life, as my "social skills" are pathetic at best. Also, I'm entirely content without any, as they'd probably just annoy me anyways...I do however, have a hell of a desire to obtain a female partner, as I see purpose in this relationship, not only in starting/making a family, but also fulfilling my emotional need I have towards someday being able to bond with someone on a very deep level.
Traits in myself that now have me seeking a professional diagnosis, which in my mind should have been discovered much earlier (25 years or so, earlier). Makes me wonder how different my life would have turned out if that did happen, hmm, idk.
-Stimming
-Complete lack of empathy
-Socially Inept - I don't have a clue if I'm acting right/wrong, always wondering if I'm acting "appropriately" while trying to decode the secret language of facial/nonverbal communication
-No Conversation Skills - The only time I can hold a reasonable, well rounded conversation, is when I'm the "puppet master" and I hold a convo with myself, talking aloud in a debate kind of fashion, back-and-forth bouncing my ideas/thoughts off of two different "verbal" entities...
-Obsessive compulsions towards my interests/research (this was mainly political a couple years back, now it's all about MBTI research, 24/7 lol)
-Follow Routines - My current job, which I love repeating over-and-over (first time I can honestly say, I like what I do).. I wore the same clothes everyday, and still only have a single pair of jeans with only about 3 different button ups ... I also ate/eat the same thing, everyday
-ADHD diagnosis from the time I was in middle school...I believe this is wrong or I "suffer" from both disorders.
-Sensitivity to sound, which I now wear ear plugs to combat this ... sensitivity to light is worse, especially at night, where the other cars' headlights' all merge into one extremely large halo, which moves/flows like a liquid, almost like a waterfall made from light...I wear my sunglasses at night so I don't crash/die.
Sorry for the length, and if I bored the **** out of anyone...and again, hello to you all, it's nice to be here.
