Greetings from Banjoboy

[Ste11aeres]

Hey, what's up

Out of interest, how do you go about doing the tests that your sig refers to?

I think her signature refers to this quiz
Aspie-quiz

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I think her signature refers to this quiz
Aspie-quiz

Oh, why thank you, Ste11aeres!

 

[Banjoboy]

I think her signature refers to this quiz
Aspie-quiz

Thanks very much

 

[Digger]

Yes, I have had all kinds of counselling and medication but so far nothing has been successful- probably because the NHS was treating me for anxiety and depression, which I don't have! I've always really struggled with telling people how I"m feeling, and then getting frustrated when I can't describe it and they guess wrong. So counselling has been hard so far but I'm starting with a new counsellor in the new year that specialises in Aspergers so I'm hoping that will be better.

I haven't been here long but it already seems like there's no such thing as a typical Aspie so don't worry about not fitting in. It would really suck if we had to worry about fitting in with other Aspies! Some people seem to struggle more with the social side of things, some people struggle with other things. For me the worst things are organising myself without getting overloaded and employment is completely beyond me as well but a lot of people on here have jobs, I think. I really struggle with education too, I got kicked out of school and dropped out of uni. I did OK at college though, I got a BTec (not sure if those even exist any more). I'm not so bad at socialising but it wears me out and I need a lot of down time to get my energy back. I've been called eccentric (also 'weird' and 'rude') but I think most people I know would be surprised if they knew I have Aspergers.

 

[Vanilla]

Welcome

I'm sure you've seen just how friendly, and supportive, our community can be, so I hope that is encouraging for you. It seems you've found yourself in the mindset, that having AS is something of a death sentence, or worse, a delayed death sentence. I just want to offer you a fresh perspective on this, in the hopes that you might be swayed to think otherwise.

Having AS isn't necessarily a bad thing. It is simply different. One thing that many Aspies fall in to the trap of, is trying to adjust to living as others tell them that they should, without ever factoring in what they want. While it's important to understand the world we live in, and to respect other people, and their opinions, you should not allow this to rule your life. Now is a good time for self-discovery. Learning to understand who you are, truly, inside, and what you want from life. Of course, it's important to be realistic, but also, to be intuitive.

I hope that you are able to find some answers here, as well as some meaning, to your life.

Also, I recommend checking our resources section: Autism & Asperger's Resources | AspiesCentral.com

 

[royinpink]

I definitely did find it helpful, thanks again. I will try and look at the positives, but they don't seem like much of a comfort right now. And yeah, I really am in a bad place. I've had 3 mental breakdowns before - two before I'd even heard of Aspergers and one when I was pretty sure I had it. I'm certainly going through another one now.

I don't feel alienated by the NT world as such. Although I must have appeared weird at school, I was mostly blissfully unaware of being different. I was bullied a lot of the time - but did have people I considered friends - up until around 16. Since leaving school, my insight has deepened, and I've learnt social skills - enough I'm told to appear completely normal. The psychologist I saw this spring who eventually diagnosed me said he was unsure as to whether I had Aspergers, until he met my mother who talked about my early childhood.

When I've been in the mood, I've been able to easily get on well with NTs, appear confident and sociable, go out to clubs, apparently charm people, have NT girls interested in me etc. I've even enjoyed doing things, but I have had this lingering feeling that I'm not like them - like an alien. And I seem unable to move into the realm of actual friendships..

Interesting what you say about therapists - I'm going to try and get my GP to refer me to someone with knowledge of the disorder. And I'll look into St John's Wort

Sorry for the delay in responding. Happy new year!

I was definitely unaware growing up as well, although I was also bullied, and I had friends (not so much in elementary school, but by high school, I managed to have enough social skills). I have fewer friends as an adult. Before, I could hang out with the other nerdy kids. Now they seem to have surpassed me while I struggle to meet the demands of adult life. I doubt most people would guess what is different about me, although they would find me odd. Most people have ideas of ASD that are based on boys, not adults or females.

I think it's easier for people on the spectrum to find someone they are comfortable around or share interests with and focus on that one friendship, as opposed to social gatherings. Maybe when you are more comfortable, you will find it easier to build on that to make it a friendship. For me, as an adult, I don't tend to make friends with other women easily. Which can unfortunately lead to people wanting more than friendship and blah....anyway.

To be honest, I'm having a little bit of difficulty following the train of thought here (i.e. why you're saying what you're saying). It's totally normal to be on the spectrum an have learned social skills and have relationships with NTs. Many people here are in long term relationships with an NT partner. And I wouldn't have been born if it weren't for an AS/NT relationship...although I don't think it was a good one. :/ Re-reading what I wrote, I guess I sounded negative in my earlier post about people with AS relating to the rest of the world. I just meant that it's always going to be an effort. It's never going to be 'natural', intuitive and easy. But it is most certainly possible and rewarding.

That said, I hope that relating to NTs and being sociable and 'passing for normal' isn't a standard you hold yourself to! So many people with ASD spend their time worrying about changing themselves to fit in, and not enough about just appreciating who they are and knowing when to say 'no'.

Btw, the video I shared before was created by a singer named Maja Toudal. Temple Grandin also has a positive message about how "The world needs all kinds of minds." And this episode of Community (whose character Abed is reminiscent of someone with Asperger's syndrome) reminds me of your post and the bouts of self-hatred that we sometimes go through. And Maria Bamford (who doesn't have ASD, as far as I know, but does suffer from OCD and depression) cheers me up when I'm in a low place.

 

[Spideycow]

Hey there.

I was in the same place as you not so long ago, friend. I'd been depressed for years, struggling socially and academically without knowledge of my own condition (I'm only recently diagnosed as well). Somehow I managed to get into a fairly prestigious college and I thought, "Great! Now everything will change!" It didn't. It got exponentially worse.

In 2011, I tried to commit suicide. Obviously I failed; I just ended up ****ing up my wrist.

Believe me when I say that I know what you're going through. When you hit a certain stage of depression, the thought of suicide becomes like a drug. When all the other emotions dull down to nothing, when even sadness is a relief when it hits, the thought of suicide is a reliable way of making you still feel something. And then, like any drug, you build an immunity, and then you stop regarding suicide with sadness and instead with a kind of cold rationalism.

I'm not going to tell you that you shouldn't commit suicide; honestly I see that as perhaps the most individual of all choices. And I'm not going to tell you that depression is a passing thing; whoever says that has never been that far lost to the world. I still fight depression everyday. But I will tell you that there is a nobility and beauty in that fight, and one of the best weapons you can have is a knowledge of yourself. And guess what? You just learned something fundamental to who you are.

Last thing: Something that really helped me after my suicide-attempt was existential philosophy, and specifically "The Myth of Sisyphus" by Albert Camus. It's a hard read but it helped me see meaning in my life again.