Happy to have found my people

[Starfire]

Hi Onna, welcome!

 

[Monachopia]

I’m living in Wiltshire, from up North originally, but have lived in Wales, London and Cambridge previously too How about you?
It’s not that I’m annoyed, because ‘it is what it is’ and I accept that. I feel disappointment sometimes though because, there were many problems when I was young (I stopped going to school at 11) and although they weren’t aware of autism in girls as much as they are now, I didn’t receive help from the authorities regardless. I would have loved to have gone to university.

Despite everything...I’m trying hard to make the most of my life now, I’m on a bit of a personal development journey at the moment.
What prompted me to get the diagnosis was simply because I thought there was a chance I had it, and I wanted to know if I did Also because if I was told that I had it, I’d have more insight into where I needed to correct my ‘flaws’?! For example, I often got irritated and didn’t know why, when I started to learn about sensory difficulties, I realised that I might be irritated due to the lights being too bright, or clothes being too tight etc. I hadn’t thought about the connection previously, because I didn’t think to focus on sensory difficulties, and that was because I didn’t know I had Aspergers! Phew. Sorry for talking your ear off lol

I live on the outskirts of SW London, so actually not too far from yourself Down Bristol way is a really lovely area, I've been there quite a few times.

You are right, it is what it is, I wish I got help from school authorities back in the day, but back when you and I were in school they turned a blind eye more often than not, which I guess wouldn't be the case these days (I hope). I was in a real bad way and they did nothing. The other thing is, if you wanted to go to University, it honestly is never too late =) I'm on my third degree even though I nearly failed school because of all the problems back then. Then again, you are doing the most important thing now which is the road to self development, it's never too late for that either as all the lovely people here can attest to! Life is a journey and everyday is a chance to learn something new. <3

I hope you find lots of information here, some things people have pointed out really surprised me that so many people felt the same, I just thought it was me being 'broken' in some way, but actually, it's just a thing we have in common. In a way it's liberating to know that I'm not the fault, it's just how my brain works. Once I knew that, I accepted that it's just a feature instead of a flaw. So you're just you and your brain is wired slightly differently to the rest of the world and there's nothing wrong with that. We've all learned to mask those, but I guess it's better to understand that it's in no way a defect.

Also I love the cat in your avatar! Is s/he a Siamese? I have two ginger cats, I adore these fluffballs
(sorry for the long post!)

 

[Onna]

So we are your people? You are our lost leader... About time you showed up.

Lol I don’t think I could handle the responsibility

 

[Autistamatic]

Sometimes you have to travel a lot further to find your people...

 

[Streetwise]

from the UK, diagnosed 45 ,PM me if you want to know why I don't say welcome

 

[Carpe_Librum]

Hi. What I focused on in your message was what is masked and what is normal. I am 41 and have felt "different" as long as I can remember. I can remember really far back too - I shocked my mum with early memories and in those memories I felt older than I discovered I was. I think all children must, it's just that I recall being two and feeling "bigger" if I am making sense. I am sure memory has a huge part to play in my particular presentation. The main thought I would have as a child is "am I an alien". Many times of thinking I was not from this planet. Failing to understand the usual rules of play but I did learn to pretend I did to avoid exclusion. This still happened. I have some great friends as an adult. But as a child it was a constant struggle.

 

[Onna]

Hi. What I focused on in your message was what is masked and what is normal. I am 41 and have felt "different" as long as I can remember. I can remember really far back too - I shocked my mum with early memories and in those memories I felt older than I discovered I was. I think all children must, it's just that I recall being two and feeling "bigger" if I am making sense. I am sure memory has a huge part to play in my particular presentation. The main thought I would have as a child is "am I an alien". Many times of thinking I was not from this planet. Failing to understand the usual rules of play but I did learn to pretend I did to avoid exclusion. This still happened. I have some great friends as an adult. But as a child it was a constant struggle.

You don’t have a diagnosis do you? In my opinion it sounds as though you’re on the spectrum... but please don’t take my word for it, because I am in no way a professional. However a lot of what you express sounds relatable.
It sounds as though you could benefit from a diagnosis, I get the sense you’re looking for answers to questions about your identity? that happened to me before my diagnosis. I’ve written a small factual story about school, and why I think it’s beneficial for people to receive diagnosis. I’m not sure where’s the best section of the site to share it. But once I post it, it might interest you to take a look and see if the story rings any bells

 

[Carpe_Librum]

You don’t have a diagnosis do you? In my opinion it sounds as though you’re on the spectrum... but please don’t take my word for it, because I am in no way a professional. However a lot of what you express sounds relatable.
It sounds as though you could benefit from a diagnosis, I get the sense you’re looking for answers to questions about your identity? that happened to me before my diagnosis. I’ve written a small factual story about school, and why I think it’s beneficial for people to receive diagnosis. I’m not sure where’s the best section of the site to share it. But once I post it, it might interest you to take a look and see if the story rings any bells

Thank you. No, I am waiting for a referral. I posted in introductions to semi explain my current situation with it. Really appreciate that and will certainly take a look.

 

[Autistamatic]

I’m not sure where’s the best section of the site to share it.

Probably best to put it in the "blogs" section

 

[Onna]

I live on the outskirts of SW London, so actually not too far from yourself Down Bristol way is a really lovely area, I've been there quite a few times.

You are right, it is what it is, I wish I got help from school authorities back in the day, but back when you and I were in school they turned a blind eye more often than not, which I guess wouldn't be the case these days (I hope). I was in a real bad way and they did nothing. The other thing is, if you wanted to go to University, it honestly is never too late =) I'm on my third degree even though I nearly failed school because of all the problems back then. Then again, you are doing the most important thing now which is the road to self development, it's never too late for that either as all the lovely people here can attest to! Life is a journey and everyday is a chance to learn something new. <3

I hope you find lots of information here, some things people have pointed out really surprised me that so many people felt the same, I just thought it was me being 'broken' in some way, but actually, it's just a thing we have in common. In a way it's liberating to know that I'm not the fault, it's just how my brain works. Once I knew that, I accepted that it's just a feature instead of a flaw. So you're just you and your brain is wired slightly differently to the rest of the world and there's nothing wrong with that. We've all learned to mask those, but I guess it's better to understand that it's in no way a defect.

Also I love the cat in your avatar! Is s/he a Siamese? I have two ginger cats, I adore these fluffballs
(sorry for the long post!)

I love your reply! And agree.
You’re on your 3rd degree... awesome!
Yes the cat was a Tabby point Siamese, his name was Lolo, passed in June. No need to show sorrow for this though, because although I was devastated when he died, I’m doing ok. I still miss him. I don’t mean to sound bizarre, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’ll be seeing him again some day and that he’s happy.

 

[Onna]

Probably best to put it in the "blogs" section

Thank you, I thought as much.

 

[Monachopia]

Yes the cat was a Tabby point Siamese, his name was Lolo, passed in June. No need to show sorrow for this though, because although I was devastated when he died, I’m doing ok. I still miss him. I don’t mean to sound bizarre, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’ll be seeing him again some day and that he’s happy.

Your post made me think of something I saw the other day:

They are never really and truly gone as they live in our memories. I'm still sorry for your loss of Lolo, losing a pet was somehow more devastating for me personally than losing people. I'm not sure why. Maybe I just get attached more to animals. I still miss my family cats especially the cat I personally owned who I lost over 3 years ago. But, I'll take your words on board and you know? Maybe we'll see them again someday. <3

 

[Onna]

Your post made me think of something I saw the other day:

They are never really and truly gone as they live in our memories. I'm still sorry for your loss of Lolo, losing a pet was somehow more devastating for me personally than losing people. I'm not sure why. Maybe I just get attached more to animals. I still miss my family cats especially the cat I personally owned who I lost over 3 years ago. But, I'll take your words on board and you know? Maybe we'll see them again someday. <3

I think maybe it’s more devastating because we let pets into our lives completely? He shared my bed, always sat on me when I was sitting or lying down. We cuddled, and he purred, I’d pet his face, he’d give me headbutts. He relied on me, and would follow me everywhere, if he got scared, or when I came home from work he’d come running to me, and likewise if I was upset I’d seek comfort in him. So yeah I think it’s almost natural to feel more attached in that sense. Thanks for sharing this btw. I think I consider myself quite spiritual and so I can relate to this.
A strange thing happened when he passed away. About a week afterwards I saw a siamese in my garden. Which is strange because not many people have them. Another couple of weeks passed, and I saw another siamese, a different one. I opened the utility door and sat down, the siamese sat in the garden about 10 feet away and we looked at each other for a few minutes. The siamese was sat in a comfortable position, the body language was calm. We slow blinked at each other.
I live next to a canal and it turns out that the two cats live on one of the narrow boats behind my garden. They come and visit sometimes, they let themselves into the utility room window, and started helping themselves to my sisters dog treats. They’re so cheeky lol. I bought them some dreamies and leave them out for them now. My sister managed to get a photo of them, I’ll see if she’s still got it!

 

[OkRad]

I’m living in Wiltshire, from up North originally, but have lived in Wales, London and Cambridge previously too How about you?
It’s not that I’m annoyed, because ‘it is what it is’ and I accept that. I feel disappointment sometimes though because, there were many problems when I was young (I stopped going to school at 11) and although they weren’t aware of autism in girls as much as they are now, I didn’t receive help from the authorities regardless. I would have loved to have gone to university.

Despite everything...I’m trying hard to make the most of my life now, I’m on a bit of a personal development journey at the moment.
What prompted me to get the diagnosis was simply because I thought there was a chance I had it, and I wanted to know if I did Also because if I was told that I had it, I’d have more insight into where I needed to correct my ‘flaws’?! For example, I often got irritated and didn’t know why, when I started to learn about sensory difficulties, I realised that I might be irritated due to the lights being too bright, or clothes being too tight etc. I hadn’t thought about the connection previously, because I didn’t think to focus on sensory difficulties, and that was because I didn’t know I had Aspergers! Phew. Sorry for talking your ear off lol

We are glad you are here! PS. I am a cat person, too, and your story about your dear cat touched me. I have always had cats except for now :-( I have had many and had many experiences with them. They touch us so deeply. Thank you for sharing that.

 

[Monachopia]

@Onna It's a lovely coincidence that some Siamese cats showed up... I'm a little bit spiritual, but not in a religious way... I look for signs in happenings around me sometimes and towards nature to guide me - not in a nutty way - but I seek solace and calm from it. I'd probably have taken it as a sign that your dear cat-friend is still watching over you somehow, even if it's not him, he's still there in spirit sending you comfort through them. Our pets are not really pets, they're family and our best friends because they're always there when we need them.
And I'd love to see pictures, we're all very pro-cat photos!

 

[offkey]

I'm getting the impression I'm the only one around here who isn't a cat-person.

 

[Onna]

I'm getting the impression I'm the only one around here who isn't a cat-person.

Have you ever had a cat??

 

[Monachopia]

I'm getting the impression I'm the only one around here who isn't a cat-person.

That's ok! Some people prefer dogs or other creatures! I've had many dogs over the years too. So long as you appreciate animals and respect them, then it's totally fine.