hard to find friends

[Atrapa Almas]

What is a repetition warning?

 

[Hypnalis]

Sorry - it would be self-explanatory to the people I usually hang out with, but on reflection it was poor wording.

I was referring to the first sentence in Gerald's post:
I have said this before, so people who know my writing have heard this before.

The exact wording I used isn't (AFAIK) common, but the way I analyze NT communication isn't either, so I create terms as I need them. My RL friends are used to it

 

[Atrapa Almas]

Oh! I thougth he broke some forum rule, he got a warning from mods, and you was supporting him.

 

[Matthias]

I have said this before, so people who know my writing have heard this before. Please do not make a blanket decision about activity clubs/groups. It took me a while to figure out what I liked and who I found compatible. I was able to find like minded people in activity groups I started belonging to when I first started to be social. What I would look for:

• Are they accepting?
• Are they inclusive and see that people are given the opportunity to participate and contribute?
  
• Do they work to train and develop their members in skills and leadership?
• Are expectations for participants clear?
• Are leaders supportive?

I was able to progress to a trip leader in a few organizations and always worked hard to see that people have a good time. The last my spouse and I led was a snowshoe at a conservation area overlooking Lake Michigan in January. It was -6 F out and twelve people enjoyed it with us. We had a tailgate spread of bacon, homemade pastries, and Mexican chocolate. Everybody had a great time. I'm looking forward to leading more outings this summer. While there are many social occassions that take a lot out of me, doing things with these people is easy.

I used such activity groups to practice being social when I was lonely and decided that I needed to change. I studied social communication because it was alien to me, and after gaining confidence with the activity groups, I started dating. Mistakes were made and slowly I learned the values, temperment, and character of women I was attracted to. I started a longer term relationship, but we were not compatible. Then, signing up for a trail maintenance trip the leader sent out a trip roster with the suggestion that we car pool. There was a woman from a city where I would be near before the trip, and I decided to call her. It was easy since I had no expectations. She and I talked over three months discussing equipment and training and we finally met the evening before setting out. We had 4 days before meeting the group and had adventures. We developed a deep friendship. By that time I knew that she was the one for me and she found me attractive. As she explained when I was hesitant about intimacy (my mind was confused) we are taking our friendship to a new level. We have been together for 44 years.

Never discount anything because you cannot predict the connections you make.

I think that's great advice for most people. What would you recommend for people who are too clumsy and uncoordinated to hike or do any sports and have too many food allergies to eat out anywhere?

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I think that's great advice for most people. What would you recommend for people who are too clumsy and uncoordinated to hike or do any sports and have too many food allergies to eat out anywhere?

I used to think I was too uncoordinated for silent sports like kayaking or skiing, but it took developing muscle memory. There are other groups like local Audubon groups which get out birdwatching or groups of fossil and mineral collectors. Do you bicycle? But in cycling, decent equipment gets pricy, quickly, so that is a barrier for some people. If you have issues with balance, something like a recumbent, tadpole, trike would allow you to participate. I have one and love it. They really get noticed and are fun to pedal. The most cost effective models I have seen are built by CatTrike.

With the two wheels front and one rear drive wheel and low stance they are supremely stable, but going uphill is a slog because it is all strength with no weight assist on the pedals. I have seen more of them around for people my age. I get out every Friday with the local bike club and really enjoy myself.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

... the TL-DR version: if you spend some time with people (e.g. any shared activity that lasts long enough) and don't do anything unreasonable, they stop being concerned about non-standard but harmless social patterns.
At that point you can either just be yourself, or you can use it as an opportunity to learn. It's a win either way.

Absolutely true. Become a known quantity in such a group is freeing. I hope that I will read other people's successes.

 

[Matthias]

I used to think I was too uncoordinated for silent sports like kayaking or skiing, but it took developing muscle memory. There are other groups like local Audubon groups which get out birdwatching or groups of fossil and mineral collectors. Do you bicycle? But in cycling, decent equipment gets pricy, quickly, so that is a barrier for some people. If you have issues with balance, something like a recumbent, tadpole, trike would allow you to participate. I have one and love it. They really get noticed and are fun to pedal. The most cost effective models I have seen are built by CatTrike.

With the two wheels front and one rear drive wheel and low stance they are supremely stable, but going uphill is a slog because it is all strength with no weight assist on the pedals. I have seen more of them around for people my age. I get out every Friday with the local bike club and really enjoy myself.

I only like group activities where I can talk or interact with other people most of the time. I don't like bicycling and don't think I can talk while riding one. Examples of activities I could enjoy would be playing board games or team sports. Unfortunately, no one plays board games anymore and I'm usually the worst player on the team when I play team sports which doesn't help me feel like I belong.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I only like group activities where I can talk or interact with other people most of the time. I don't like bicycling and don't think I can talk while riding one. Examples of activities I could enjoy would be playing board games or team sports. Unfortunately, no one plays board games anymore and I'm usually the worst player on the team when I play team sports which doesn't help me feel like I belong.

What about card games. Two people from the bicycle club have taught my spouse and I Double Deck Pinocle and we have an enjoyable time with lively conversation.

 

[Matthias]

What about card games. Two people from the bicycle club have taught my spouse and I Double Deck Pinocle and we have an enjoyable time with lively conversation.

I like card games. I didn't think anyone played them anymore after video games became available.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I like card games. I didn't think anyone played them anymore after video games became available.

Around here there are Bridge Clubs too. A demanding game.