Has anyone accused you of running your mouth/complaining/talking back even though you did nothing wrong?

[2Fragile2TakeCriticism]

My abusive parents often accuse me of this whenever they lose an argument. My parents get to moan and scream all they want and get away with it, and they get offended when I address their behavior. But whenever I make a justified complaint, they give me nasty glares and will yell at me to shut my mouth.

I ask them what is their problem, and they reply “I am getting sick and tired of hearing your mouth run ALL DAY!!!”. I point out their hypocrisy and they instantly blow up. I cannot cry in front of them because they will accuse me of acting out/throwing a tantrum.

 

[AndyFBlues]

I got a lot of that when I was growing up. Admittedly, I sometimes said things that were unwise, but there were other moments when I had a valid point. As I've gotten older, I've come to realize that some people just don't want to hear a truth that upsets their world.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

@2Fragile2TakeCriticism ...and why are you living with them?

I agree with @AndyFBlues, parents especially don't want to have their children point out their faults.

There's an anthropological reason why teens and young adults have conflicts with their parents. It hurts less when the child leaves the home and goes out on their own. Which is exactly what you need to do. If you "fail to launch" and are in your parents' home as a young adult, it is highly likely that these conflicts will continue. Simply put, even though you two may still love each other, in your own, sometimes toxic ways, it's time to separate.

 

[2Fragile2TakeCriticism]

I got a lot of that when I was growing up. Admittedly, I sometimes said things that were unwise, but there were other moments when I had a valid point. As I've gotten older, I've come to realize that some people just don't want to hear a truth that upsets their world.

True, I’ve also been told that we can NEVER go places and have a good time without me starting a fight. Keep in mind, they ALWAYS think it’s my fault even though it’s usually them who are complaining and acting out.

Mom told me I need to get out and exercise more instead of just sitting around on my phone all day, and yet when she’s losing an argument she contradicts herself by telling me to shut up and get on my phone. I tell her I hate the word exercise and “calm down”, and then she’ll reply “oh you hate EVERYTHING! Anything someone mentions you don’t like and you have to connect it all up as if it meant something else to you! What’s the big deal?!”. And she WONDERS why I’m always on my phone and unwilling to get out.

 

[Dagan]

In my experience, it's the angry people who complain all of the time. I catch patterns and contradictions in people a lot, and I am quick to point it out...and said people get upset. But, well, if it wasn't there, I couldn't have pointed it out.

 

[Cryptid]

In my experience, it's the angry people who complain all of the time. I catch patterns and contradictions in people a lot, and I am quick to point it out...and said people get upset. But, well, if it wasn't there, I couldn't have pointed it out.

Like "Don't get smart with me" and "Don't be so stupid" from the same person, in the same conversation, and in practically the same breath?

Yeah, I was raised with that kind of thinking from adults.

 

[2Fragile2TakeCriticism]

Like "Don't get smart with me" and "Don't be so stupid" from the same person, in the same conversation, and in practically the same breath?

Yeah, I was raised with that kind of thinking from adults.

Ouch. That really sucks.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I calmly and logically pointed out an issue at home ONCE.
The fallout was so over the top, I kept my thoughts to myself after that. I was on my own as soon as I graduated college.

 

[Au Naturel]

My abusive parents often accuse me of this whenever they lose an argument. My parents get to moan and scream all they want and get away with it, and they get offended when I address their behavior. But whenever I make a justified complaint, they give me nasty glares and will yell at me to shut my mouth.

I ask them what is their problem, and they reply “I am getting sick and tired of hearing your mouth run ALL DAY!!!”. I point out their hypocrisy and they instantly blow up. I cannot cry in front of them because they will accuse me of acting out/throwing a tantrum.

All the freaking time!



You are exactly right. Your parents

get to moan and scream all they want

and you do not. That's a nearly universal rule, particularly among parents who moan and scream. Besides, if you want to moan and scream, it tells me you think this is proper behavior that you want to emulate.

Understand that parents don't lose arguments. Cleverness and accuracy may win a debate, but you can never debate your parents. It is always an argument that they win by asserting authority. They pull rank, and you are a private. Once you hit adulthood, become independent, and leave home, you can somewhat ignore them.

You have the parents you have. Work with them when you can, work around them if necessary, and learn to accept harsh reality when you cannot. Doesn't mean you have to like it. Just get through it with the least stress you can.

Also, work up a bit of humility. You are wrong far more often than you think.

 

[Au Naturel]

In my experience, it's the angry people who complain all of the time. I catch patterns and contradictions in people a lot, and I am quick to point it out...and said people get upset. But, well, if it wasn't there, I couldn't have pointed it out.

And you enjoy this???? You did not need to "point out" anything.

 

[Suzanne]

As a child, I was too quiet, so no, that was never said to me.

However, outsiders, I have had it said of me and once, I was told: the thing with you, is you talk too much and then, stopped and said: well, so do we all, really! Me talking too much is a bit of a laugh, since I rarely do talk in a group.

I have had strange looks, as though I am an idiot, for saying something that others consider bizarre. Even to make me shut down and rarely talk.

Unfortunately, though, my husband has a tendancy to do as your family members.

 

[Misty Avich]

As a child I whined a lot, but I think it was some sort of stim. I didn't realise I was whining as much as I did, and people kept telling me to stop whining, which didn't really help. That meant I felt I had to suppress my emotions, which was unnatural for me because I was a very expressive child with lots of emotions I was often overwhelmed with.

 

[2Fragile2TakeCriticism]

As a child I whined a lot, but I think it was some sort of stim. I didn't realise I was whining as much as I did, and people kept telling me to stop whining, which didn't really help. That meant I felt I had to suppress my emotions, which was unnatural for me because I was a very expressive child with lots of emotions I was often overwhelmed with.

If you struggle in the spectrum and things really do bother you extremely, that isn’t whining. The fact is, being in the spectrum makes us more sensitive to things than how people normally behave. It should be noted that people mock what they don’t understand.

 

[Misty Avich]

If you struggle in the spectrum and things really do bother you extremely, that isn’t whining. The fact is, being in the spectrum makes us more sensitive to things than how people normally behave. It should be noted that people mock what they don’t understand.

I don't think I was whining either, just expressing my thoughts and feelings. But it became a point where people assumed I was whining even when knew I wasn't (when I began learning how whining sounded and how to do it less).

I remember when I went on summer camp with my year (grade) and I found it extremely daunting and suffered severe homesickness. I was very anxious that week, but all everyone kept saying was "stop moaning, you're always moaning!" So I wasn't sure how to be, as the anxiety was so extreme that I couldn't just ignore it.
I was very expressive and open, and as a diagnosed Aspie I think it should have been praised and encouraged, not basically expected to withdraw.

As an adult I hate being told to stop moaning. I have learnt to literally keep up a positive act when around people, and if I do need to whine I use a casual, jokey sort of tone of voice, just like others do. But most people whine much more than me but they never get told to stop whining.
At times like this I really wish I was an NT. Yet one person here thinks I am an NT only pretending to have issues! Ha, I wish, mate.

 

[Wolfnox]

Sure. Almost come to blows with someone over this issue. He just kept getting madder and I couldn’t meet his standards at that point and time. Lot of bad thing’s leading up to it. Mistakes and communication failures.
I let people figure themselves out. But, if you’re in the wrong and attacking me. I don’t back down from that.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

My abuser. She would threaten to hit me if I didn’t tell her everything that I talked to people about.

 

[Dagan]

And you enjoy this???? You did not need to "point out" anything.

I think you mistake me. I can't point out contradictions unless they have occurred. I said nothing about enjoying it. I just have a tendency to catch them and point it out when it occurs. It would really be great if folks only read and therefore react to what I have only written, rather than what you think is written or whatever else popped in your head assuming I must think or feel. I realize that the written word is often cold, but geez, the words that are there...are still the ONLY words that are there.

Maybe, I should just start responding to everything like this... llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll There. Now, you can read between the lines. What does it say? What do I mean? What do I feel, think, intend etc. ??? You apparently get to decide.

 

[Judge]

I point out their hypocrisy and they instantly blow up.

I suspect most parents of any child would do just that. Especially if you still reside under their roof.

The older you get and still live with them, the more effort may be required to get along with them. This is about care, custody and inevitably control. They have it, and you don't.

That it's not about who may be right or wrong, but rather whose roof you are living under. "It is what it is".

Growing up in a military household, this "chain of command" wasn't a complex thing for me to understand.

No matter how old one may get as an adult, there's never any guarantee or age threshold that your parents will ever treat you like one.

 

[FoxLovinPat]

As a child I whined a lot, but I think it was some sort of stim. I didn't realise I was whining as much as I did, and people kept telling me to stop whining, which didn't really help. That meant I felt I had to suppress my emotions, which was unnatural for me because I was a very expressive child with lots of emotions I was often overwhelmed with.

Yeah I feel you there, I got told to stop whining a lot too. Except I never really felt like I was whining and so it confused me because I'd be told to stop whining but I didn't think I was whining. To this day I'm not sure if I was actually whining but just wasn't aware of it or if my father was calling mere complaining whining.

He'd also tell me to "stop crying/stop being a crybaby", when I never really was crying. I never understood what he meant but that because as I'd often tell him in response "I'm not crying! Do you see tears in my eyes?! No? Then how am I crying?!"

As for the question/topic of the OP?
Yeah I do believe I was often told to stop complaining, running my mouth, talking back, etc.
Details are hazy though but I think my father would say those types of things when I was simply trying to explain myself to him.
I also remember getting a lot of "stop making excuses! That's an excuse!" from him, which I don't think I ever understood but I do know to this day I still have feelings that I shouldn't make excuses for things because that's bad even if said excuse is perfectly valid, but that's probably because I had a lot of valid excused brushed aside by my father's "stop making excuses!" talk.

 

[Au Naturel]

I think you mistake me. I can't point out contradictions unless they have occurred. I said nothing about enjoying it. I just have a tendency to catch them and point it out when it occurs. It would really be great if folks only read and therefore react to what I have only written, rather than what you think is written or whatever else popped in your head assuming I must think or feel. I realize that the written word is often cold, but geez, the words that are there...are still the ONLY words that are there.

Maybe, I should just start responding to everything like this... llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll There. Now, you can read between the lines. What does it say? What do I mean? What do I feel, think, intend etc. ??? You apparently get to decide.

But... why respond at all? You wouldn't point it out if it didn't meet a need. People are wrong; let them be wrong. Pointing it out comes across as arrogant.