Has anyone here besides me ever been ghosted by a friend before? I just want to know that i'm not alone in this, if others can relate to me.

[Steelbookcollector217]

Deep down inside i know i'm not alone in this, but naturally it makes people feel better when they speak to or interact with other people who they can relate to, other people who have gone through the same situation.

It happend to me in the last quarter of 2024, reminds me, the last quarter of 2024 was very rough for me because of 3 negative things that happend to me. Reminds me, some people say that bad things, or negative things happen in Three's, 3's.

On September 7th, my Dog of almost 15 years passed away, i miss him everyday, and then October 13th, i injured my ankle, torn ligament, i could barely go into work and was unproductive for like a full month, couldn't exercise or work out for like a full month.

Then October 26th, was the last time i had any contact with my friend, or i should say former friend, that was the last time i had any communication with him, we spoke on the phone, he expressed interest in getting together, hanging out the next weekend, i follow up with him, call and text him, but no answer, no response, and i haven't heard anything from him since then, i have of course called and texted him numerous times since then, but no answer, no response.

However, i did see these warning signs, behaviors from him, that he was not his normal self from how i knew him, me and him had been friends since 2012.

Back in September, me and him went like 2 to 3 weeks without any contact with each other, when we did establish communication with each other at the time, he told me he was going to these group therapy sessions for his mental/emotional health, and when me and my brother hung out with him back in September, we went to Dave & Busters together, we noticed he was not behaving his normal self, we saw him get into a verbal altercation with the Cashier about requesting a refund, and when me and my brother walked around in the Arcade area, there were times he would just walk away from me and my brother without telling us, like he was lost or his mind was just completely somewhere else.

At this present moment, this is the longest i've gone without any contact/communication with my friend, or former friend i should say.

So my best guess and speculation is that, he has ghosted me because of his mental/emotional struggles, he needs time to reset himself, but me and him never had a fight or argument with each other, we didn't exactly have a fallout with each other, even if he decided to end our friendship or just put our friendship on a hiatus because of his mental/emotional health, it still hurts a lot though.

I did reach out to his cousin on facebook, according to what his cousin told me, he says that its NOT personal regarding me and my brother as to why he cut off communication with me and my brother, and he his cousin himself admitted that he is not doing well mentally/emotionally, but nevertheless, it still hurts though, and obviously i don't know whats going through his mind, i sometimes wonder if there are reasons he started to dislike me or just started to resent me.

Just want to know if anyone else here in this forum has gone through a situation like this.

 

[AprilR]

My best friend of 15 years ghosted me in a similar way. We talked basically everyday for over 10 years. It is really hard to understand but i now accepted that people are unpredictable, and no matter how well you think you know someone you can never know their reasons.

I am sorry you also lost a friend. But my advice is to stop trying to guess the reason. Because it might drive you crazy with over thinking. They are an adult, and if they have something to communicate they should have. They made their choice when they did not communicate. So it is best to let them go.

 

[AuAL]

My best friend of 15 years ghosted me in a similar way. We talked basically everyday for over 10 years. It is really hard to understand but i now accepted that people are unpredictable, and no matter how well you think you know someone you can never know their reasons.

I am sorry you also lost a friend. But my advice is to stop trying to guess the reason. Because it might drive you crazy with over thinking. They are an adult, and if they have something to communicate they should have. They made their choice when they did not communicate. So it is best to let them go.

I know this is a good way to look at it, but it is so hard to do. I’ve lost so many “friends” this way. When I thought about it, most were people I worked with. More “acquaintances” than friends, despite how long we had worked and collaborated together. I’ve explored this here, in other threads, because it remains so painful. I’ve been trying to let go for years. This was one of the things that drove me deep into depression, and it was discovering my autism that brought me out. Somehow I don’t catch the signs, but maybe that’s the way I am. I try to do as best I can. My RSD doesn’t help. So, @Steelbookcollector217 no, you are not alone. I wish I could tell you how to fix it. If you find out please let me know.

 

[AprilR]

I think a good way of thinking is "does that person care as much as i do? " Chances are they don't since if they did, they would make an effort to keep the friendship.It is not fair to yourself to blame yourself and try to guess what they are thinking.

With my ex friend, i very clearly told her that i did not understand what happened and i was worried i unintentionally hurt her. Guess what? It solved nothing. She made up a ridiculous excuse, and did nothing to salvage the friendship. After that i stopped blaming myself. Because there is realistically nothing i can do and blaming myself further is basically self inflicted pain.

 

[lunarious]

Has anyone here besides me ever been ghosted by a friend before? I just want to know that i'm not alone in this, if others can relate to me.​

Yes.

Autists, or in my case i don't have many friends. Leaders and Dead people don't havs friends. Geniouses don't have much friends.

A New Meaning of the Verb 'Ghost'

 

[Sherlock77]

That is just simply the nature of friendships, for anyone... whether they are ND or NT

Some friendships will come and go as life circumstances change, often it's not anything bad that happened, it just happened even just a drifting apart

 

[lunarious]

That is just simply the nature of friendships, for anyone... whether they are ND or NT

Some friendships will come and go as life circumstances change, often it's not anything bad that happened, it just happened even just a drifting apart

The Truth may lie between Honoring ones-self and Honoring other.

Edit: Although he said: Do not Demonize The Path of Truth for it's few Pedestrians.

 

[InFact]

Hi, I'm so sorry for the loss of a friend. Well, when we get emotionally involved with people, we must consider that the possibility of ending a relationship can happen at any time.

The reasons are these: Human beings are changeable, whether due to life experiences or biological changes that involve brain processes.
It can also be considered that relationships are increasingly disposable and that the more interests you have in common with someone, the lower the chance of breaking contact.

You can see in the so-called Blue Zones, people have a strong bond of friendship and are aware of the importance of their relationships, this is driven mainly because they follow the same lifestyle. Based on this evidence I strongly recommend it is better to make friends with someone who has the same passions as you to get a more secure connection because most act just out of self-interest.

As an example, I have been a guitarist in a rock band for many years and this activity forms the bond between people who depend on each other to make the activity happen. This happens in any joint activity, such as games and activities such as cycling, where one does not depend on a group to function, but groups and connections are formed.
Regarding connections, there are funny situations that I observe, where people come together to talk specifically about marriage, and the reason they are united at that moment is that they are all unhappy housewives with the same thoughts.

It is interesting to be intellectually compatible with the person you are interested in and as most people are insensitive and selfish (they only care about their own feelings), when it comes to anguish with society, it is much better to entrust this moment to a healthcare professional. mental, who is there to listen to you, give you the attention you need and give plausible advice for good mental health.

So, I sincerely hope that you can overcome this loss, no matter how much it keeps hammering in your mind.
Understand that you met someone in the past who was your friend, you were compatible and had the same interest, however, this person you met no longer exists, the mental and biological aspects have changed, he is no longer the friend who once existed, so you yourself have no interest in this new person.

Between going after someone who clearly doesn't care about you, it's smarter to invest time and energy in activities that are good for you, with new acquaintances and new possibilities for great friendships.

 

[Ghostinthemachine]

Deep down inside i know i'm not alone in this, but naturally it makes people feel better when they speak to or interact with other people who they can relate to, other people who have gone through the same situation.

It happend to me in the last quarter of 2024, reminds me, the last quarter of 2024 was very rough for me because of 3 negative things that happend to me. Reminds me, some people say that bad things, or negative things happen in Three's, 3's.

On September 7th, my Dog of almost 15 years passed away, i miss him everyday, and then October 13th, i injured my ankle, torn ligament, i could barely go into work and was unproductive for like a full month, couldn't exercise or work out for like a full month.

Then October 26th, was the last time i had any contact with my friend, or i should say former friend, that was the last time i had any communication with him, we spoke on the phone, he expressed interest in getting together, hanging out the next weekend, i follow up with him, call and text him, but no answer, no response, and i haven't heard anything from him since then, i have of course called and texted him numerous times since then, but no answer, no response.

However, i did see these warning signs, behaviors from him, that he was not his normal self from how i knew him, me and him had been friends since 2012.

Back in September, me and him went like 2 to 3 weeks without any contact with each other, when we did establish communication with each other at the time, he told me he was going to these group therapy sessions for his mental/emotional health, and when me and my brother hung out with him back in September, we went to Dave & Busters together, we noticed he was not behaving his normal self, we saw him get into a verbal altercation with the Cashier about requesting a refund, and when me and my brother walked around in the Arcade area, there were times he would just walk away from me and my brother without telling us, like he was lost or his mind was just completely somewhere else.

At this present moment, this is the longest i've gone without any contact/communication with my friend, or former friend i should say.

So my best guess and speculation is that, he has ghosted me because of his mental/emotional struggles, he needs time to reset himself, but me and him never had a fight or argument with each other, we didn't exactly have a fallout with each other, even if he decided to end our friendship or just put our friendship on a hiatus because of his mental/emotional health, it still hurts a lot though.

I did reach out to his cousin on facebook, according to what his cousin told me, he says that its NOT personal regarding me and my brother as to why he cut off communication with me and my brother, and he his cousin himself admitted that he is not doing well mentally/emotionally, but nevertheless, it still hurts though, and obviously i don't know whats going through his mind, i sometimes wonder if there are reasons he started to dislike me or just started to resent me.

Just want to know if anyone else here in this forum has gone through a situation like this.

I'm woth you,I had a really close friend whom I helped support through all sorts and we spoke daily then all of a sudden ghosted completely,years later still nothing,can't say it doesn't hurt but just reaffirms my position of "always expect the worst from people if they prove you wrong it's a bonus,if they prove you right your jot disappointed " sounds cold I kmow but unfortunately life experience has made me have this outlook

 

[Xinyta]

Deep down inside i know i'm not alone in this, but naturally it makes people feel better when they speak to or interact with other people who they can relate to, other people who have gone through the same situation.

It happend to me in the last quarter of 2024, reminds me, the last quarter of 2024 was very rough for me because of 3 negative things that happend to me. Reminds me, some people say that bad things, or negative things happen in Three's, 3's.

On September 7th, my Dog of almost 15 years passed away, i miss him everyday, and then October 13th, i injured my ankle, torn ligament, i could barely go into work and was unproductive for like a full month, couldn't exercise or work out for like a full month.

Then October 26th, was the last time i had any contact with my friend, or i should say former friend, that was the last time i had any communication with him, we spoke on the phone, he expressed interest in getting together, hanging out the next weekend, i follow up with him, call and text him, but no answer, no response, and i haven't heard anything from him since then, i have of course called and texted him numerous times since then, but no answer, no response.

However, i did see these warning signs, behaviors from him, that he was not his normal self from how i knew him, me and him had been friends since 2012.

Back in September, me and him went like 2 to 3 weeks without any contact with each other, when we did establish communication with each other at the time, he told me he was going to these group therapy sessions for his mental/emotional health, and when me and my brother hung out with him back in September, we went to Dave & Busters together, we noticed he was not behaving his normal self, we saw him get into a verbal altercation with the Cashier about requesting a refund, and when me and my brother walked around in the Arcade area, there were times he would just walk away from me and my brother without telling us, like he was lost or his mind was just completely somewhere else.

At this present moment, this is the longest i've gone without any contact/communication with my friend, or former friend i should say.

So my best guess and speculation is that, he has ghosted me because of his mental/emotional struggles, he needs time to reset himself, but me and him never had a fight or argument with each other, we didn't exactly have a fallout with each other, even if he decided to end our friendship or just put our friendship on a hiatus because of his mental/emotional health, it still hurts a lot though.

I did reach out to his cousin on facebook, according to what his cousin told me, he says that its NOT personal regarding me and my brother as to why he cut off communication with me and my brother, and he his cousin himself admitted that he is not doing well mentally/emotionally, but nevertheless, it still hurts though, and obviously i don't know whats going through his mind, i sometimes wonder if there are reasons he started to dislike me or just started to resent me.

Just want to know if anyone else here in this forum has gone through a situation like this.

I feel like I could do you one better and, from what I read, tell you what I think maybe going on.

If it's true that he is suffering from mental/emotional issues, and it's something he has not shown before then. Then it's possible something happened in his life recently that he doesn't know how to process. And from what you described when you were with this friend at Dave and Busters. He is sounding alot like me, in behavior. I have done alot of walking around lost and not talking on a large number of occasions. Though IDK if he has what I have, nessissarily. Though it does consurn me reading this.

But in the communication aspect of this. I have not talked to people for a long time on a number of occassions. I find I frequently have that issue. Though I think it's more often, than not, on my end, than anyone else's. Though it does suck. Especially because of the type of friendly communication you have before this happens.

Having psychosis doesn't help my lack of socail skills.

 

[lunarious]

@InFact

What is Loyalty?

 

[InFact]

Loyalty is the word given to the act of being true to an agreement between you and something/someone or yourself. Being loyal means being and acting according to the rules within an agreement. In the case of the human mind, loyalty is a possibility.

@InFact

What is Loyalty?

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

yeah my friend, or former friend, just ghosting me like that, i'm a broken record on this, was the last of 3 negative things to happen to me in the last quarter of 2024.

 

[FilterFreq]

I've been on the 'ghosting' end many times, so maybe my perspective can help a little.

Honestly, it's almost never personal -- anyone who does this likely has serious issues, especially if there's no falling out or they can't tell you face to face what's going on. They're probably dealing with something difficult, or, as in my case, a serious breakdown of self-esteem. Sometimes, the 'ghoster' really just can't muster up enough energy to even talk about what's going on, so they find paths like this more appealing. It's not the best approach, but more 'avoidant'-type people are likely to engage in things like this.

That's not to say that people like this require your sympathy, either, I'm just trying to offer some possible explanations and to assure you that you almost 100% of the way didn't do anything wrong, even in their eyes. This is an avoidant type of maneuver, not so much a response to altercation.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

yeah, my mind is conflicted with this, if my former friend ever does come back into my life, reaches out to me, i'm wondering if i should ignore him this time, give him a taste of his own medicine, but at the same time, i feel thats a bad idea, because my social life hasn't been the same since he cut off contact with me, ghosted me.

 

[Rodafina]

@Steelbookcollector217

I’m very sorry to hear about your dog. Such a painfully sad thing when our little companions pass on.

It sounds possible that you weren’t “ghosted” but that your friend is having a serious mental health crisis and simply unable to communicate right now. It seems like all your evidence shows that your friend’s behavior has nothing to do with disliking you or not wanting to be your friend.

This may just be what friendship looks like in a moment of serious illness. I understand the hurt that you describe, but maybe your friend will get better and start to communicate again.

If you are not too hurt or angry, maybe you could just send a message of support and let your friend know that you are wishing him well and here for him if he ever wants to talk to you. He may even be inpatient in a psych hospital or something. I don’t think you have to throw this long term friendship away and assume that he found reasons to dislike and resent you.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

@Steelbookcollector217

I’m very sorry to hear about your dog. Such a painfully sad thing when our little companions pass on.

It sounds possible that you weren’t “ghosted” but that your friend is having a serious mental health crisis and simply unable to communicate right now. It seems like all your evidence shows that your friend’s behavior has nothing to do with disliking you or not wanting to be your friend.

This may just be what friendship looks like in a moment of serious illness. I understand the hurt that you describe, but maybe your friend will get better and start to communicate again.

If you are not too hurt or angry, maybe you could just send a message of support and let your friend know that you are wishing him well and here for him if he ever wants to talk to you. He may even be inpatient in a psych hospital or something. I don’t think you have to throw this long term friendship away and assume that he found reasons to dislike and resent you.

yeah, back when i was still in contact, he said this to me, and looking back, i wonder if that was a warning sign that our friendship was in danger of ending, he said to me "I don't think we are on the same wavelength with each other when it comes to social activities".

But yeah, i have 2 other good friends in my life at the moment, i hope i don't get ghosted by them either, since my other friend, or former friend, cut contact with me, its been my goal to make sure this doesn't happen again.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

i have sometimes thought about doing this, since i'm unable to get ahold of my friend, or former friend, he has ignored all of my attempts of communication, i remember where he lives, i have sometimes thought about showing up at his place unnanounced, knocking at the door, but at the same time, my mind telling me don't do that, that it would violate his boundaries, but at the same time.

I guess you could say, i'm determined to try to get him back in my life, and if i can't do that, i want to at least get closure over the situation.

 

[Boogs]

I've experienced ghosting most of my life (that I can recall) and I've often found out long after it was due to that persons membership of other groups and individual friends, who have used me (and others I'm sure) to manipulate that friend of mine into believing I (or others) are 'the enemy' and that manipulator is their only true friend. Sometimes this is done deliberately, sometimes subconsciously, but it's aimed at controlling that person, that (former) friend, and abusive control often involves cutting the victim off from other influences.
This happens in a variety of ways and is often moderate and not really defined as abusive, all the way up the scale to being criminally abusive and controlling.

But all that said, I too have ghosted my own friends in the past, to my shame.
Almost always it's only been close friends (I wouldn't be ghosting some casual acquaintance because I had nothing with them to lose or throw away), and it's always been when they've lied to my face. I almost always know when I'm lied to, as it's happening.

Nothing to do with body language, facial expressions, or anything like that, it's just most people are terrible liars because they don't usually need to be good liars, and when a lie (I include inaccuracies and unknowing misunderstandings etc.) is told it breaks the real narrative, and if I know the narrative or can work it out, I always see the breaks, often immediately and knowing where the break is and what it is, I can't avoid them sadly.

End result - I can never trust that friend again, they are no longer real friends and have turned into acquaintances.
If only they come to me and simply admitted to messing something up it'd be fine, but instead the few who have lied (especially the lies that say I misremembered something and it's my fault not theirs (gaslighting)) to cover something up have lost my trust, and that trust is probably the most important thing that differentiates a friend from an acquaintance, for me at least.

And I can't tell them to their faces that I know they've just lied to me, because I know how that almost always works out - not good! Once they committed to the lie, it was game over for our friendship, any attempt to rationalise with them results in more lies digging themselves deeper into it.

Most unfair on them, I am probably a bad friend because of it, but I can't help it, and it's a dreadful way for me to be in many ways and ignores what I may have done back to them (unintentionally) in return.

Shocked as you may be to hear, but I'm not actually perfect! (I know, I struggle to comprehend this myself! ).

 

[Tiffany Kate]

yeah, my mind is conflicted with this, if my former friend ever does come back into my life, reaches out to me, i'm wondering if i should ignore him this time, give him a taste of his own medicine, but at the same time, i feel thats a bad idea, because my social life hasn't been the same since he cut off contact with me, ghosted me.

Exactly. If you do the same to him, who benefits? Not you. It might give you a momentary, "Well, I showed him" feeling, but in the long-term, you've lost a friend you valued.

This may just be what friendship looks like in a moment of serious illness. I understand the hurt that you describe, but maybe your friend will get better and start to communicate again.

If you are not too hurt or angry, maybe you could just send a message of support and let your friend know that you are wishing him well and here for him if he ever wants to talk to you. He may even be inpatient in a psych hospital or something. I don’t think you have to throw this long term friendship away and assume that he found reasons to dislike and resent you.

I agree. Maybe send a card (birthday, Christmas), to let him know you're thinking of him and he can resume contact if/when he wants. Turning up at his house is probably a bit intrusive if he isn't in a good place (unless you're still in touch with someone in his circle who thinks it would be a good idea).

"Ghosting" someone can indeed be a response to stuff going on in someone's life - for instance, if you just can't face one more person even if you like that person. Technically, I'm currently ghosting someone at the moment. Instead of going down to talk to him, I'm hiding in the office so I don't have to deal with one more person being enthusiastic and suggesting things I could do.