Has anyone here besides me ever been ghosted by a friend before? I just want to know that i'm not alone in this, if others can relate to me.

[Steelbookcollector217]

Exactly. If you do the same to him, who benefits? Not you. It might give you a momentary, "Well, I showed him" feeling, but in the long-term, you've lost a friend you valued.

I agree. Maybe send a card (birthday, Christmas), to let him know you're thinking of him and he can resume contact if/when he wants. Turning up at his house is probably a bit intrusive if he isn't in a good place (unless you're still in touch with someone in his circle who thinks it would be a good idea).

"Ghosting" someone can indeed be a response to stuff going on in someone's life - for instance, if you just can't face one more person even if you like that person. Technically, I'm currently ghosting someone at the moment. Instead of going down to talk to him, I'm hiding in the office so I don't have to deal with one more person being enthusiastic and suggesting things I could do.

yeah, if i can't get him back in my life, the least i want is to get closure over the situation. At the same time, i can't help but wonder if it is for personal reasons as to why he ghosted me and its something that he is not telling me.

 

[Zain]

Lol. I ended up ghosting my friend group. There isn't really a natural/conventional way to end a friendship. It's not like you can send a break up text or something, and we naturally just drifted apart.

 

[Kalinychta]

Deep down inside i know i'm not alone in this, but naturally it makes people feel better when they speak to or interact with other people who they can relate to, other people who have gone through the same situation.

It happend to me in the last quarter of 2024, reminds me, the last quarter of 2024 was very rough for me because of 3 negative things that happend to me. Reminds me, some people say that bad things, or negative things happen in Three's, 3's.

On September 7th, my Dog of almost 15 years passed away, i miss him everyday, and then October 13th, i injured my ankle, torn ligament, i could barely go into work and was unproductive for like a full month, couldn't exercise or work out for like a full month.

Then October 26th, was the last time i had any contact with my friend, or i should say former friend, that was the last time i had any communication with him, we spoke on the phone, he expressed interest in getting together, hanging out the next weekend, i follow up with him, call and text him, but no answer, no response, and i haven't heard anything from him since then, i have of course called and texted him numerous times since then, but no answer, no response.

However, i did see these warning signs, behaviors from him, that he was not his normal self from how i knew him, me and him had been friends since 2012.

Back in September, me and him went like 2 to 3 weeks without any contact with each other, when we did establish communication with each other at the time, he told me he was going to these group therapy sessions for his mental/emotional health, and when me and my brother hung out with him back in September, we went to Dave & Busters together, we noticed he was not behaving his normal self, we saw him get into a verbal altercation with the Cashier about requesting a refund, and when me and my brother walked around in the Arcade area, there were times he would just walk away from me and my brother without telling us, like he was lost or his mind was just completely somewhere else.

At this present moment, this is the longest i've gone without any contact/communication with my friend, or former friend i should say.

So my best guess and speculation is that, he has ghosted me because of his mental/emotional struggles, he needs time to reset himself, but me and him never had a fight or argument with each other, we didn't exactly have a fallout with each other, even if he decided to end our friendship or just put our friendship on a hiatus because of his mental/emotional health, it still hurts a lot though.

I did reach out to his cousin on facebook, according to what his cousin told me, he says that its NOT personal regarding me and my brother as to why he cut off communication with me and my brother, and he his cousin himself admitted that he is not doing well mentally/emotionally, but nevertheless, it still hurts though, and obviously i don't know whats going through his mind, i sometimes wonder if there are reasons he started to dislike me or just started to resent me.

Just want to know if anyone else here in this forum has gone through a situation like this.

You’ve been friends with this man for 12 years… Don’t stop sending him messages or e-mails, even if he doesn’t respond. Keep sending them no matter what.

I’m so sorry about your dog, also. That’s rough.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

You’ve been friends with this man for 12 years… Don’t stop sending him messages or e-mails, even if he doesn’t respond. Keep sending them no matter what.

I’m so sorry about your dog, also. That’s rough.

yeah because shockingly oddly enough, he has not blocked my phone number yet or changed his number, because he still has the same voicemail greeting. If he was truly trying to avoid me, he would have blocked my number or changed his number.

But my guess is, he is going through a mental health crisis, but you would naturally think that if someone is having a mental/emotional health crisis, you would think that the last thing they would want to do, is cut friends out of their life.

 

[Boogs]

But my guess is, he is going through a mental health crisis, but you would naturally think that if someone is having a mental/emotional health crisis, you would think that the last thing they would want to do, is cut friends out of their life.

Except the very nature of mental/emotional crises can make rational thought difficult and often results in poor decision making.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Except the very nature of mental/emotional crises can make rational thought difficult and often results in poor decision making.

yeah me and my brother miss him a lot, our social lives have not been the same since he ghosted us.

 

[Boogs]

Sometimes, there's nothing to be done that won't make things worse but wait, but not knowing can be the kicker.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

yeah, when i did reach out to his cousin on facebook, his cousin also told me that my former friend is not doing well mentally/emotionally, and he said that its not personal regarding me and my brother as to why he cut us out of his life, but at the same time, i wonder if there were things i did wrong or bad on my end as a friend that also influenced him to stop talking to me.

 

[paloftoon]

A good friend will let you know they need space. It takes "3-10 seconds" to let someone know they need space.
This is why I don't like all the social anxiety and similar. It's an easy pass to socially impose on other people's emotional feelings and selfish.

I had a date who did this to me for one week. And when he finally got back to me, I just said "ok" and we never responded after that. He never initiated anything else with me and I was upset about all the uncertainties. It wasn't worth trying to pry over. I was so turned off. Time to move on.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

A good friend will let you know they need space. It takes "3-10 seconds" to let someone know they need space.
This is why I don't like all the social anxiety and similar. It's an easy pass to socially impose on other people's emotional feelings and selfish.

I had a date who did this to me for one week. And when he finally got back to me, I just said "ok" and we never responded after that. He never initiated anything else with me and I was upset about all the uncertainties. It wasn't worth trying to pry over. I was so turned off. Time to move on.

even though i don't have much contact with his cousin, his cousin did tell me he hasn't had much contact with my former friend much either

 

[Kalinychta]

yeah because shockingly oddly enough, he has not blocked my phone number yet or changed his number, because he still has the same voicemail greeting. If he was truly trying to avoid me, he would have blocked my number or changed his number.

But my guess is, he is going through a mental health crisis, but you would naturally think that if someone is having a mental/emotional health crisis, you would think that the last thing they would want to do, is cut friends out of their life.

You’re wrong about that. A lot of the time when someone is having a mental health crisis, the first thing he does is cut friends out of his life. So, as I say, don’t stop sending him messages,—no matter what. Even if he isn’t responding, he is reading them, and that’s important. Too many people feel completely alone in the world right now (including you, in many ways, I think);—don’t ever abandon your friends.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

You’re wrong about that. A lot of the time when someone is having a mental health crisis, the first thing he does is cut friends out of his life. So, as I say, don’t stop sending him messages,—no matter what. Even if he isn’t responding, he is reading them, and that’s important. Too many people feel completely alone in the world right now (including you, in many ways, I think);—don’t ever abandon your friends.

yeah but i wonder why would a person choose to cut friends out of their life if they are going through a mental health crisis? you would naturally think that if a person is suffering mentally/emotionally, you would think they would want the support of friends, relationships in their life.

 

[Rodafina]

yeah but i wonder why would a person choose to cut friends out of their life if they are going through a mental health crisis? you would naturally think that if a person is suffering mentally/emotionally, you would think they would want the support of friends, relationships in their life.

During a mental health crisis, it can be very hard to maintain relationships and to think about anything other than how bad you feel. It is very common for people who are in crisis to shutout family and friends. It can feel shameful, too, and the person may want to just hide away from those who know them.

They may really want the support of friends when they are feeling better and able to function again.

Don't give up on your friend yet.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

During a mental health crisis, it can be very hard to maintain relationships and to think about anything other than how bad you feel. It is very common for people who are in crisis to shutout family and friends. It can feel shameful, too, and the person may want to just hide away from those who know them.

They may really want the support of friends when they are feeling better and able to function again.

Don't give up on your friend yet.

yeah i still call or text him every now and then, not everyday though, like every couple of days, or a week or 2, but still no answer/response from him, at the same time, i still possibly wonder if he all of a sudden started to resent/dislike me, for personal reasons and yet is not telling me, yeah losing my friendship with him was the last huge negative thing that occured to me towards the end of 2024, which also included the loss of my Dog and then my ankle injury.

 

[Kalinychta]

yeah but i wonder why would a person choose to cut friends out of their life if they are going through a mental health crisis? you would naturally think that if a person is suffering mentally/emotionally, you would think they would want the support of friends, relationships in their life.

Quite a lot of people who are depressed isolate themselves, stop talking to friends and family, cut everyone out. It’s very common. They do want support, and they don’t actually want to cut people out, but they do it because they’re mentally ill. So, no matter what, you should keep sending him messages and calling him, even if he doesn’t respond. He needs to know that you’re still there.

 

[paloftoon]

If it's a good friend, they need to be able to tell you that they need a mental break and don't know how long they'll be out. For all you know, they could be actually ghosting you for some silly reason or because they just want to selfishly restart their social life on a 'clean slate.' Don't let this situation hold you back- move on if you have to. You, as a good friend, have a right to know at least what's going on.

 

[Outsider]

My friend had plenty of college friends, whom i have never met because we went to different colleges. After the graduation he got a low-paying job and all his more successful friends ghosted him as an unsuccessful person. He was grateful to me for keeping our friendship alive despite my own success in work, although not in social life.

On the opposite end of success spectrum, one of my college friends ghosted me because I was making much more money than he was, although he was a PhD candidate. This was an interesting case of ghosting, i have never heard anything like that before.