Have you been estranged / disowned by your family?

[On the Inside]

I feel bad for those of you who have been disowned/estranged from your families. It sounds like a mixed bag, positives and negatives with the dysfunction of family life.

I have been guilty of self imposed estrangement at various times in my life. And since my dad died (I was a teenager) there wasn't anyone in my family that I didn't get along with, in fact I pretty much liked everyone. I just have a tendency to "wander off" as I like to say, and lose track of when I last got together with people.

I was a better student than my older sisters, and not a trouble maker like they were, so I was left to my own devices most of the time. As long as I stayed out of trouble, it seemed my parents had trust in me.

At least that's what I always told myself. I do remember feeling like no one was really very concerned about me.

When I got older, I tended to go off on my own a lot. Long bike rides turned into solo trips to go hiking, canoeing, skiing, etc.

After years of this, my aunt, who I had always been more close with asked me why I abandoned my family. By this time, both my parents had been dead for several years and I just was never close with my sisters.

I figured that showing up for holidays was enough, and no one ever called me or invited me to any other events. I guess I never took up the idea that I should host or invite others, didn't seem to be my "role".

(Edit PS.)
I do hope to change that, as the older generation, who have been largely responsible for family gatherings, is getting old and dying off, so it will be up to myself, my sisters, my cousins to keep the family together.

 

[epath13]

Myself - no. I knew a woman long time ago who ran away from her family when she was pretty young and, as a result, her family disowned her. She didn't want to be a bride in an arranged marriage. Her brother didn't want arranged marriage either and married somebody from a different culture. He wasn't disowned because he was a man and, apparently, it was ok for a man to do things like that, but not for a woman... I thought it was so strange and sad, in a way... but, I'm sure it still happens today in many places.

 

[Kari Suttle]

I've felt estranged from my family ever since my mental health started to drastically affect my grades in college a good two or three years ago. I'm not going to elaborate here, as i've talked a lot about it on other threads and in my blog, but its gotten to the point that i feel like a guest in my own home. Conditionally loved - and only allowed to stay - so as long as i'm doing well in school and succeeding in life. Not even suicidal depression is a good enough excuse for them. I was at one point, not now though. Its really hurt me, as now i won't let anyone in. I only talk on here because there's some level of anonymity and distance on the internet, and if i get rejected here then it won't drastically affect my life. I'm starting to find purpose in places other than my family, though. I can't chose my family or how they react to my struggles but i can chose my degree and career path in life, and i love the major i've chosen. Focusing on my major is proving to be a good positive outlet for me.

 

[JennieK]

Mine is by choice. I left when I went to college and things were just never the same. I detached over time. I am from a dysfunctional family, alcoholism, emotional/verbal abuse. I thought it best to remove myself from it all and get a fresh start when I was in my early twenties. I did go back to visit for a while, then my grandmother passed away, my mom committed suicide, and I've finally married. So now I have few reasons for going back to visit with the rest of the extended family. It's too distressing and painful, so I stay away.

 

[Kevin L.]

My relationship was always strained with my family over my autism.

They kept taking me to different professionals when I was younger, and when my autism didn't go away, it was my fault because I didn't do my part to work on it.

Also, since people with Asperger's have a single, obsessive interest . . . I should make normalcy my special interest. Since I choose to not make normacy my special interest, then thatmeans that I choose to be autistic.

So, my high functioning autism makes me like an alcoholic who refuses to quit driking, so any accommodation of my autism is like enabling an alcoholic, drug addict, or a compulsive gambler.

So . . . I deserve what I get.

This is why I'm estranged from my sister, and this is why I stopped talking to my father for 4 years before he passed away.