Have you ever been told you’re too serious?

[AspieChris]

Banter and laughter at an ‘appropriate’ level is an art form. No different than learning calculus for an NT, it’s something that those on the spectrum can choose to study and learn or choose to ignore. Unfortunately… it’s expected of us to just get it, but everyone else gets a pass when they don’t get math.

I became a Kung Fu master at both banter and humor without knowing that I was autistic out of sheer survival. It took decades and I failed countless times. I feel like I’m in training every day. It’s exhausting. And I struggle every day to get past the fact that I’m forced to meet everyone else on their side every time, and that I have no choice but to do it with a smile on my face or I’ll lose everything I have worked for.

 

[Misty Avich]

It became natural for me to understand banter at around age 16. I didn't really have to study it to get it, I was just later than average at understanding it but I finally caught up. The way I see it you can't really learn social skills logically, because every social rule differs depending on the mood, situation, environment, people, culture, time, the list goes on. So it's one of those things you just got to know.
I can see when autistics are performing socially because they do everything by the book, like feeling empathy for everyone and everything and being extreme people-pleasers and rigidly following rules and concentrating on being social perfectionists. It can get irritating. That's why I lax sometimes. In some social situations it's OK to break a social rule. Sometimes it's a social rule to break a social rule. It's just knowing when and where, which a lot of autistics can lack.

 

[CountryGirl]

iv tried to learn social cues and things but i cant seem to grasp it
how come some autistics can some cant?

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

So, people think I have no sense of humor at all because of how intellectual and quiet I am. I may not prefer the subject of what everyone else is laughing at for the moment, but I’ll laugh when I’m watching something I enjoy, like at the older Disney sitcoms (The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. Wizards of Waverly Place) for example. I know that not showing expressions and emotion on the outside is one of the common features of being autistic. But what a lot of people don’t realize is I try my best to be happy on the inside. I wish my grandfather understood this. He’s always cracking jokes to get me to smile. Which I don’t mind, but I’m not mad at the world like people believe either. I’m pretty sure autistic humor is, idk more choosy and selective? And ironically neurotypicals don’t always agree with what we find funny. Also because I have a trauma history of bullying, I don’t prefer loud laughter because I’m too used to having people laugh AT me.

It is ok.
I have a really animated and fun personality and I make a lot of jokes
And I love having a laugh and fun with others and sometimes doing pranks or practical jokes.
But it is ok to be serious too.

 

[Judge]

LOL. Yes! It's how I got the nickname "Judge" when I was a child. My father's best friend said I looked as sober as a judge...pacing with my hands in my pocket with a serious look on my face.

My nickname, also based on my autistic stim. My bad....

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Yes, I’ve been told I am too serious. My sense of humor is a bit strange too.

 

[Ella Spell]

Philosophers aren't usually the life of the party.

 

[Midnights11]

That is one of the definitional traits of autism. If you do banter easily, if you fit in with social groups, you may still have some kind of neurodiversity but it ain't autism.

This right here. Thank you. It explains why I haven’t fit into social groups, but couldn’t quite put my finger on it

 

[AspieChris]

iv tried to learn social cues and things but i cant seem to grasp it
how come some autistics can some cant?

Practice practice practice!

I grew up in public school in Los Angeles. It was a learn-or-die situation every day. I learned out of sheer survival, and class was 6am to 8pm every day. No spring break. No rest for lunch. No weekends off. It was incredibly stressful.

It just takes a LOT of practice. I don’t recommend getting that kind of exposure though. It nearly killed me several times.

 

[CountryGirl]

Practice practice practice!

I grew up in public school in Los Angeles. It was a learn-or-die situation every day. I learned out of sheer survival, and class was 6am to 8pm every day. No spring break. No rest for lunch. No weekends off. It was incredibly stressful.

It just takes a LOT of practice. I don’t recommend getting that kind of exposure though. It nearly killed me several times.

the more i expose myself to social practice the more im likely have a meltdown