Have you ever had a person as a special interest?

[Effy]

I have a few times.

Once, it was a now-ex-boyfriend (CG, maybe I'll discuss him later, Idk). When he broke up with me due to the the "long distance" (it was thirty freaking minutes...), I was devastated -- not because of the breaking up, but because I could no longer dive into that special interest and learn everything. He was, for some reason, intriguing, and maybe that was the problem.

But ah, yeah.
And now, it's like I never even cared about him, kind of like my old special interests.

 

[Bikutoso]

I have a special interest in every friend i have. (thats 2-3 friends)
In addition to meaning they are interesting, i kinda have a safe feeling when they are happy.

But since i really just have female friends (i feel it is easier to talk to them) they they have many times taking things the wrong way.
but in reality i have no interest in being more than friends with anybody.

 

[Vanilla]

I have a special interest in every friend i have. (thats 2-3 friends)
In addition to meaning they are interesting, i kinda have a safe feeling when they are happy.

But since i really just have female friends (i feel it is easier to talk to them) they they have many times taking things the wrong way.
but in reality i have no interest in being more than friends with anybody.

I know what you mean, when you say you feel safe, when they're happy. It brings me peace of mind, and allows me to feel more motivated to focus on other things too.

 

[On the Inside]

Yes, I have and it went on for far too long. Painful for me to think about now.

 

[SameStars]

I have taken an interest in historical figures, but never in people that I know. That is, I can care about them, but it's different than the special-interest way.

 

[DogwoodTree]

Yes, and it's usually a very painful, difficult experience.

 

[Judge]

Let's just say that love can be a great thing. However that obsession can be quite another...

 

[Cerulean]

Now that you say it... I kind of feel like my boyfriend has me as a special interest. I've never known someone who was so interested in everything I own, have done, all the friends I have, and generally knowing everything about me. It's a little unnerving at times because I find most everything irrelevant and have forgotten a shocking amount of information about my own life and past, but it comes off as loving and interested instead of creepy and obsessive.

 

[Judge]

It's a little unnerving at times because I find most everything irrelevant and have forgotten a shocking amount of information about my own life and past, but it comes off as loving and interested instead of creepy and obsessive.

When you can tell the difference I think that's all that counts.

 

[Suzanne]

Yes, 4 people and one of them, I am married to and 2 are females who mean the world to me and 1 is a male who, well not ready to tell. 1 is God, who really comes first.

 

[Cerulean]

When you can tell the difference I think that's all that counts.

Hah yeah thought I should throw that in there so people didn't think I'm dating my own stalker

 

[Ellylldan]

I had only one person as a special interest and I totally second what DogwoodTree said. I'm still getting out of there...

and it's usually a very painful, difficult experience.

 

[Maelstrom]

[QUOTE="Effy, Once, it was a now-ex-boyfriend (CG, maybe I'll discuss him later, Idk). When he broke up with me due to the the "long distance" (it was thirty freaking minutes...), I was devastated -- not because of the breaking up, but because I could no longer dive into that special interest and learn everything. He was, for some reason, intriguing, and maybe that was the problem.

But ah, yeah.
And now, it's like I never even cared about him, kind of like my old special interests.[/QUOTE]

Hi Effy nothing on TV so am posting when I should be writing. I'm not sure what you mean, perhaps you are just unpacking things like I did with my ex-girlfrend. I found with my auspie thing that all kinds memories that I missed at the time kept coming back for months. I would be sitting reading the paper or whatever and I'd go Ooh cr..p that was cold, or Ooh crud I can't believe she tried to play me like that. It's like having a Steven King film on pause in the brain..pause on.. pause off..pause on... My family thinks I'm obsessed but I have done everything possible to get rid of all of them from my life, my brain is just a little slow at barfing up all of their stupidness so I can forget them. And Effy I don't who has the ex with the stupider break up excuse it takes 30 minuets here just to get to Wal-mart, my ex tried to tell me, ( still Iove you I'm just too busy to see you any more), followed with a little crying like she's the one suffering, I said don't tell me that, I don't want to hear you love me, if you don't want to see me...talk about pouring salt in the wounds...unbelievable.. Anyways I hope my rotten life made you feel better some Effy. I'm okay now counting my blessing...maybe someone who is really nice will show up

 

[Maelstrom]

I had only one person as a special interest and I totally second what DogwoodTree said. I'm still getting out of there...

Best wishes Ellylldan been there it takes time for the mind to reset after losing some one you love, even if they were a poor deal, the heart wants what it wants and is slow to forget.

 

[Slothra]

I take special interest in learning everything I can about the majority my online and offline friends, partially because I open myself up to people so easily that it feels like some kind of protection, knowing things about them. Even though I have nothing but the best of intentions, real trust, for its own sake, feels foreign to me. That's why I've kind of made this into a system. My greatest fear is being incapable of becoming someone other than the emotionless robot I feel like I could default to, and having these good friends depend on me, trust me, feels like it changes me little by little. So I make every attempt to learn as much as I can. Thankfully, this is an upward spiral.

I do have a special connection with my female friends for a reason I can only describe as a weakness or an emptiness. I tend to let them in more easily & prepare less, and I have suffered for it I guess. For all of about 7 or 8 hours, I had a girlfriend, the first and most recent in my life, before I learned that she approached me because she was emotionally vulnerable & desperate for special attention. She ended up being the one to explain this to me & apologized, and I didn't eat or really get out of bed for three straight days. What can you do, though, this is someone else, and you have no control over what they do. Thankfully, this girl was very understanding, and ended up being one of my best friends. We are each other's "pervy twins"

In the end, yeah. It's everyone I get along with. I love to dig into their lives because I offer up my own. But I am particularly interested in (and vulnerable to) any member of the opposite sex. It's equally strong from individual to individual, I've learned a LOT about my friends.

 

[Ellylldan]

Best wishes Ellylldan been there it takes time for the mind to reset after losing some one you love, even if they were rotten pond scum, the heart wants what ti wants and is slow to forget.

Thank you, Maelstrom I have to specify, it wasn't a romantic thing, it was a very intense obsession with a long distance friend that I met only once in real life and felt immediately a deep connection to.. At one point I maybe even confused it with being in love but it wasn't, but it caused me a major distress. I mean, I do love that person very deeply, and now that obsession is no more there, I feel liberated and it's just a very quiet and pure love like for a brother. Still, it took really a lot from me, that obsession was quite consuming and it left a big empty hole inside that I will need to fill somehow.

 

[Balkan1996]

Yes, sometimes.

I often have special interest in celebrities also.

 

[Tom]

I do seem to focus intently on people but it is very short duration. For example in conversation I will ask people many things about themselves, or after seeing a movie will research an actress/actor intently. But it typically doesn't last beyond satisfying an initial curiousity.

 

[clg114]

Hmm... I have never thought about that before. I have a main special interest and lots of smaller interests. I guess if I have person as a special interest, it would have to be my wife. I love and care about all of my family, but she is indeed, very special. Because of that, I do everything I can for her. Her happiness is more important to me than my own. She is the main thing that makes me happy. So, yes, I have a person as a special interest.

 

[Maelstrom]

Thank you, Maelstrom I have to specify, it wasn't a romantic thing, it was a very intense obsession with a long distance friend that I met only once in real life and felt immediately a deep connection to.. At one point I maybe even confused it with being in love but it wasn't, but it caused me a major distress. I mean, I do love that person very deeply, and now that obsession is no more there, I feel liberated and it's just a very quiet and pure love like for a brother. Still, it took really a lot from me, that obsession was quite consuming and it left a big empty hole inside that I will need to fill somehow.

Hmm..not entirely sure what you mean but love has many forms, friendship can reach high levels on the love meter, am not referring to romantic love. I think the state of ones social life, or the lack thereof can affect the value placed on who you love too. My first cat Pooky came along just as my life fell in on me. My family had sabotaged my efforts to court a nice girl who was now a doctor, that I knew from childhood. And I ended up getting 2 heart attacks from DVT blood clot in my leg from my doomed sailing trip to see her. So I was generally hating the whole world when Pooky my first cat came along to keep me company. So when Pooky died of feline leukemia I nearly died my self. But I doubt I would feel that level of loss with my new cats as I'm far less socially isolated now. My point being isolation may increase feelings of loss as you have less other sources of love to fall back on, whether it was romantic, a friend, family member, or a pet. Perhaps Jad is right the only way to shorten grief is to find some one new to love. Too much invested in one person could be a sign your social circle is too small.