Have you found yourself targeted by someone with Borderline Personality Disorder?

[Thinx]

I am uncomfortable about generalising across a category of diagnosis especially to suggest negative behaviour about the people in that category, and especially when BPD is such a broad and arguably unhelpful or vague way to categorise in any case.

The OP hasn't quoted any research findings or facts, nor has anyone else here, and it would be hard to probably given that diagnosis of BPD is as far as I know behavioural and based on opinion.

I think it's true that the simple and direct ways of autism do open us to believing in others when we could be more cautious, this is true also of any simple and trusting person I guess.

In relationships and friendships I think it's important to be as self aware as possible, and take responsibility for our own input and decisions as much as possible, including developing ourselves as individuals and as friends or partners, so that we can understand our own part in what's happening and have helpful strategies.

 

[Running Girl]

I don't know about everybody else, but I myself always seem to fit an unsettling number of characteristics on an unsettlingly long list of mental illnesses and personality disorders. Including borderline. Is there a mental illness wherein the primary symptom is identifying with a plethora of mental illnesses and their symptoms? Well, then, my healthier self demands I exit this thread now.

 

[Lemongrab]

It's been hard to recover from my relationship with a BPD woman. I found her smart and witty to begin with but as soon as we had got together things changed. After my first night at her house she got upset about me wanting to go home. I stayed another night, and another etc. I tried to explain to her in every possible way that I would have to go home at some point but it took me THREE WEEKS of negotiation.

Shortly after I got home the texts started to come in, one after the other, accusing me of having fun without her, it seemed ridiculous and she really tested my patience. The patern continued until I had practically abandoned my home to be with her 24/7. She told me that I was the best boyfriend ever and the whole relationship was very intense.

After about six months of being by her side non stop she started to say that I was attracted to her best friends (who I had known for over ten years, she had known then for 2). I remonstrated with her and she would keep me up till 5am night after night picking my brains and interrogating me until I was in shutdown. She would keep on going while I lay there with my eyes shut, going on and on even though I was barely conscious.

I couldn't visit my family because she would drag me off to one side and subject me to more of the same, it was an utter nightmare. She would rant in my face, kick me, kick me out, block the door, kick me out again, run into the street and fling herself on the car bonnet. The person that I fell in love with was pushing me away and pulling me back all the time.

None of our friends had any idea, she was always the life and soul of the party, great fun, bright as a button. We would go out and have a nice time together only to get home and have it all spoilt when she would reel out every thing that I had done wrong. I was "looking at her friends legs through the rips of her friend's jeans" and "trying to look up her friend's skirt" according to her. It's such a pity because I was soooo happy about getting together with her at the start.

One night she got drunk and started kicking me and then grabbed a 14" kitchen knife and started yelling that I wanted her to stab herself. I had to get out and I've ghosted her for 18 months now.

Before me she slept with another Aspie guy who was all messed up afterwards. Before him there was a guy who seemed nice in every regard who just couldn't heal for years. There was another guy from ten years back that had stopped having relationships after her, he was schizotypal.

She had a special knack for building up a narrative based on a false premise, finding a chink in my armour and burrowing away with more determination than I could have credited her with. I'm really sorry to say that I spent two years with her but never missed her once I had ( I can't say left her) escaped.

I don't blame her at all or think of her as being manipulative, she was paranoid, scared of being abandoned. I hope that she finds someone who can reassure and comfort her. The situation was so emotionally complex. It was so easy to get drawn into defending myself from her accusations. She needed someone who could see past the drama and comfort her like you might comfort a disturbed child.

I think that she saw me and was attracted because I'm not at the mercy of my emotions, the bandwidth of my emotions is tiny compared to hers. I was attracted by her outgoing persona. It's a hard lesson for both of us, I really wish her well.

 

[Fino]

It's been hard to recover from my relationship with a BPD woman. I found her smart and witty to begin with but as soon as we had got together things changed. After my first night at her house she got upset about me wanting to go home. I stayed another night, and another etc. I tried to explain to her in every possible way that I would have to go home at some point but it took me THREE WEEKS of negotiation.

Shortly after I got home the texts started to come in, one after the other, accusing me of having fun without her, it seemed ridiculous and she really tested my patience. The patern continued until I had practically abandoned my home to be with her 24/7. She told me that I was the best boyfriend ever and the whole relationship was very intense.

After about six months of being by her side non stop she started to say that I was attracted to her best friends (who I had known for over ten years, she had known then for 2). I remonstrated with her and she would keep me up till 5am night after night picking my brains and interrogating me until I was in shutdown. She would keep on going while I lay there with my eyes shut, going on and on even though I was barely conscious.

I couldn't visit my family because she would drag me off to one side and subject me to more of the same, it was an utter nightmare. She would rant in my face, kick me, kick me out, block the door, kick me out again, run into the street and fling herself on the car bonnet. The person that I fell in love with was pushing me away and pulling me back all the time.

None of our friends had any idea, she was always the life and soul of the party, great fun, bright as a button. We would go out and have a nice time together only to get home and have it all spoilt when she would reel out every thing that I had done wrong. I was "looking at her friends legs through the rips of her friend's jeans" and "trying to look up her friend's skirt" according to her. It's such a pity because I was soooo happy about getting together with her at the start.

One night she got drunk and started kicking me and then grabbed a 14" kitchen knife and started yelling that I wanted her to stab herself. I had to get out and I've ghosted her for 18 months now.

Before me she slept with another Aspie guy who was all messed up afterwards. Before him there was a guy who seemed nice in every regard who just couldn't heal for years. There was another guy from ten years back that had stopped having relationships after her, he was schizotypal.

She had a special knack for building up a narrative based on a false premise, finding a chink in my armour and burrowing away with more determination than I could have credited her with. I'm really sorry to say that I spent two years with her but never missed her once I had ( I can't say left her) escaped.

I don't blame her at all or think of her as being manipulative, she was paranoid, scared of being abandoned. I hope that she finds someone who can reassure and comfort her. The situation was so emotionally complex. It was so easy to get drawn into defending myself from her accusations. She needed someone who could see past the drama and comfort her like you might comfort a disturbed child.

I think that she saw me and was attracted because I'm not at the mercy of my emotions, the bandwidth of my emotions is tiny compared to hers. I was attracted by her outgoing persona. It's a hard lesson for both of us, I really wish her well.

Thank you for sharing!

 

[Eclipse14]

My sister has BPD. Throughout most of my later childhood she was mostly untreated and would hit me quite a lot. It put a thorn in our relationship for a long time. Now though, shes on medication and doing well and treats me well and clearly regrets treating me like that. BPD and asperger's are a bad mix.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Yes omg I have been so abused by people with BPD!!! Although, on a secondary note, Dr.s are starting to suspect that BPD is actually part of the autism spectrum and may be a "female" type of aspergers.

 

[Lemongrab]

Yes omg I have been so abused by people with BPD!!! Although, on a secondary note, Dr.s are starting to suspect that BPD is actually part of the autism spectrum and may be a "female" type of aspergers.

I understood that there are a few genes that are commonly found in both groups and that a proportion of ASD females had co-occurring BPD, one study showing around 15%. I can definitely see similarities in terms of black and white thinking.

 

[Fino]

That would make sense to me, I've been diagnosed with both.

 

[100skerls]

I have not been manipulated with someone with BPD, but I have known at least one of them. Our obsessive interests/ love of the underdog caused our paths to cross. More than a few times while I knew him he’d randomly blow up on me and accuse me of not being serious enough or wasting his time over something very minor. After a short period of trying to make things right I got fed up and stopped responding. It was incredibly exhausting to deal with someone so unpredictable.

 

[Mary Terry]

I have a younger sister who was diagnosed with BPD in her late teens. She was incredibly promiscuous and everyone knew it because she bragged about her sexual prowess. The standard joke about her in the community was to ask if she had slept with any good football teams lately.

After she married, she apparently stopped being promiscuous, became a binge eater, and grew her rear end so large she practically has to slide sideways through doors. She constantly posts photos of food she eats on Facebook and has a circle of friends/followers who are all obsessed with food.

She has tried for decades to manipulate me by gaslighting, cruelty, and lies. Her jealousy of me was and is palpable. Perhaps she has other co-morbid Cluster B personality disorders that contribute to her ill mental health. I understand that it is not uncommon for them to have several different disorders. Our father was a full blown histrionic narcissist and the two of them were very similar in their treatment of me and their mental/emotional instability. I finally cut both of them out of my life. Fortunately, I have a brother and another younger sister who are normal and realize how toxic our youngest sister is. We three children remain close and caring with each other and are fully aware that baby sister is screwed up.

BPD is a self-fulling prophecy. They irrationally fear abandonment but their behavior pushes people away. They are sad, disturbed people, and I chose to have nothing to do with them for the sake of my own mental health unless they can identify and work on their own problems without abusing me. Neither my father nor sister ever achieved that.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

I thought I was in a one of a kind situation. I'm not saying all people with BPD are bad. Many are loving and loyal. But what I actually learned from other Aspies is we are prime real estate for BPDs because we dont understand emotions very well and they are powerful manipulators. It's a relationship that's borderline predatory (no pun intended). It's almost as if some of them seek us out because on average we have need to always do the right thing and try to help others. A person with untreated BPD seems to be krytonite to unsepsecting Aspies because they can make you fell like the greatest person ever before systematically destroying your life. Has anyone else had this experience?

For me, that's anyone... Though I've never met someone with BPD.

 

[unperson]

Just had another instant proposal from a bpd - I seem to encounter them.

 

[Aspychata]

Not sure if l attract any types however l seem to understand certain types of quirks. To some extent, we all suffer quirks, that are more noticeable to some and not others. The big question is how many of us are quirky, due to our environment,dietary habits, genetics? At this point, l assume people may have some type of issue that isn't full-blown because it hasn't been triggered. To me it's Freaky Economics, because the government doesn't give statistics on violence, spousal abuse, mental illness in society. We basically have no way really of knowing how many emotionally wounded walk with us everyday. l live in a state of many veterans, so l tiptoe carefully.

 

[Aspychata]

I don't know about everybody else, but I myself always seem to fit an unsettling number of characteristics on an unsettlingly long list of mental illnesses and personality disorders. Including borderline. Is there a mental illness wherein the primary symptom is identifying with a plethora of mental illnesses and their symptoms? Well, then, my healthier self demands I exit this thread now.

The diagnosis breakdown is usually the primary with the secondary (s) identified. But this is only done well by medical peeps who have much experience. Clinicians who work government hospitals become very experienced due to the patient load.

 

[Chlwen1]

I don't know if they were borderline, but every place I've ever worked at, the 'bad one' (I think every workplace has that person) as befriended me because everyone else knows to stay away from them.