He Completely Stopped Talking to Me, What to Do?

[Isadoorian]

Your comment is very rude and not helpful in the slightest. If anything, during our rough patch, he lashed out at me as well and also have me ultimatums too. But that was last year, this is new. We have spoken about 3 times this new year. I don’t appreciate your comment and if you do reply to this one, I hope it’s kind.

Still doesn't make it right

 

[Ken S.]

You could try sticking pins in a Ken doll dressed like him.

Seriously, there is nothing anyone can do or say to change the situation. Relationships breakup up all the time. You can't make the other person come back. Attempts at reconciliation can be reasonable, but once that fails, you just have to accept it. Anything past that point just drags things out and makes it messier for all concerned.

Hey leave the Ken Doll out of it please! Why not a Tom Doll or a G.I. Joe?

 

[Tom]

Hey leave the Ken Doll out of it please! Why not a Tom Doll or a G.I. Joe?

Please accept my sincerest apologies (the highest level of apology currently available). The post has been edited. I regret if it caused you any discomfort.

 

[Bolletje]

Moving on is the one thing I can barely do.

Yet it is the one thing you should do.

 

[paloftoon]

Moving on is the one thing I can barely do.

One thing that helps me when there is confusion is to create plan(s) for myself. What-if scenarios.

So, like you don't reach out to him, but you always give him the opportunity to reach out to you. And, what if in the unlikelihood he actually does reach out to you? How should you react? I would say you should prepare yourself to say something along the lines of how you want to talk about how things would be different if you get back together or even just build a platonic friendship only. Consider writing them out. Don't ask too many people to help you unless you think it's a friend who is okay with this and won't feel like it's or you are being a burden or an obsession. Also, what did you personally learn that will help you as an individual be a better person to others? You would not want to say anything negative about him if you ever do have such an opportunity. Let him come up with those things, or let him specifically ask you so that you can answer. Otherwise, you live with what you have or you say that it's not going to work at this time.

In addition, you also plan out extra-curricular activities for yourself to do, catch-up with friends (if you have friends), and concentrate on work, sleep, exercise, financial balancing, eating right, and doing household errands too more.

 

[Ken S.]

You could try sticking pins in a doll (with no resemblance to any other person living or dead) dressed like him.

This gave me a much needed laugh.

 

[rollerskate]

I know these situations are always difficult, especially if you have issues with abandonment. But I would be asking myself if this wasn't a blessing in disguise. You said that you split up because he wasn't working on himself, which was a good, healthy decision on your part, btw - and now you're faced with a situation in which he either hasn't done that work, or he may have done a narcissistic discard, or he may have moved on to someone else, or he may have decided he shouldn't be involved with anyone right now. In any case, do you think you need to be involved with someone that doesn't respect you and value you enough to tell you what's going on? Rejection can be painful, but... that's honestly exactly why he's probably not healthy for you. You are trying to establish stable, healthy relationships. Healthy friends and partners communicate why they're not talking to someone; they don't just fall off the face of the earth. Even if you were to get him back, it's now created a situation in which you cannot trust him to not ghost on you. And considering your diagnosis... that's really the last kind of relationship you need, friends or otherwise. Hang in there! Just focus on you right now - you have been hurt, and you need some TLC from yourself now to heal and feel better. You WILL find someone that doesn't act this unpredictably in the future if you just focus on taking care of your needs first so you can be the kind of person that can maintain such a relationship when it comes your way. Right now, just try to remind yourself that this is okay... it's normal... and your feelings are normal considering the way in which you were dumped. But what is NOT okay is that he didn't tell you why he was no longer to speak to you, and that quite simply should not be tolerated, and definitely should not be allowed to cause you to develop all this stress and worry, trying to figure out how to "fix" it. You can't fix it. You can only pick yourself up, dust off, and keep moving forward and trying to find someone that better reflects the values and boundaries you're trying to establish in your relationships.

 

[All-Rounder]

It seems like a very stressful relationship for both of you, and the attachment is very high, given there have been rebounds.

When people go back to exes it may be because of the safety factor, they feel safe with the person thus they fail to try going out into the unknown and risk starting something with someone new. There are reasons for breakup if one happens, but people aren't strong enough to move on. I suspect he gave up trying to move on because it was hard at some point or maybe he tried to but he was letdown then decided to go back to the girl he had something special with. Right now he probably lost his faith and given his all but it's not working out for him.

I have to wonder if the factor of borderline makes it harder for your relationship to fulfill him, given that bpd makes you need him around lots and he needs tons of space, more than he expresses, being on the autism spectrum.

Then you have to police your behavior even if he makes mistakes, his wrongdoings doesnt make up for your behavior. Also maybe youre very sensitive to criticism instead of trying to see what he means even if he sounds mean. If you always treat him best way he might start behaving better himself, otherwise it may backfire and make things worse.

At the beginning tons of things need to be worked on and if not enough improvement is done he might lose hope and consider the unhealthy factor of it compared to the healthy. And maybe he really needs understanding and good times above things being solved or talked about.

Misunderstanding happens tons with aspies, so trust is the most important thing I believe and most people struggle with it at the beginning of a relationship. Communication is also a challenge with aspies.

 

[paloftoon]

When you break up with someone, they move on.
Just because you love him doesnt mean you should be together.
Love conquers all is a myth.

"Love conquers all" I think is really meant more for if you're already in a committed relationship or if you are referring to being in a reciprocative family of support and not meant to be an adage for any situation per se.

 

[Ken S.]

Please don't mistake my bluntness as rude. While I have heard stories of exes successfully getting back together, I have never met anyone that it worked out for or had it work for me when I tried it. I have known three couples who got remarried and it always ended in disaster. My personal opinion is let it go and take care of yourself before you get into a rebound relationship that could put you in a worse place emotionally than you already are.

 

[All-Rounder]

"Love conquers all" I think is really meant more for if you're already in a committed relationship or if you are referring to being in a reciprocative family of support and not meant to be an adage for any situation per se.

I once googled 'is love enough to make a relationship work' and I found out its not. You need love plus hard work and sometimes even so it may be difficult

 

[tducey]

Sounds like you should probably move on. It may seem hard right now but it'll be worth it in the end.

 

[GreenerGal]

If like to recommend a book that has helped me SO much! It's called Insecure in Love by Leslie Becker-Phelps.
It's all about anxious preoccupied attachment in relationships. It's rated number 1 by psychologists for this type of issue. It's easy to understand and incredibly helpful. I have severe anxiety due to PTSD and have abandonment issues. Dating someone on the spectrum who is more reserved and has more of an avoidant attachment style can be very challenging. ((Hugs)) and peace to you
Cynthia

 

[All-Rounder]

Hey leave the Ken Doll out of it please! Why not a Tom Doll or a G.I. Joe?

If Barbie has a boyfriend then why do you have to buy him?