Hej

[Evaré]

I am Evara... I... I want to know if friendship is possible at all among Asperger's sufferers. So I'm here.
Evaaaaaar, where are you. I can't quite catch you here!

 

[Dani Evar]

I'm here, below everyone's autumn and above everyone's summer.

Everyone, actually this is my dear "Evara", also from Sweden.

I brought her here to enrich the forums.

 

[superboyian]

Hey Evara, I actually got a little confused with the names, but yea, welcome to Aspergic forums.

Enjoy your time here and happy posting.


- superboyian. =]

 

[Krazie243]

Evara - of course it is. AS is mostly genetic pretty sure. So the only way for it to be passed on is for another AS person to get 'really' friendly with people =)

 

[krisi]

Welcome! Any friend of Evar's, I'd love to count as a friend of mine. I hope to get to know you well as we spend time here. Most of all, enjoy!

 

[Dani Evar]

Evara, this is Krisi -- she is readily your clinician. Krisi, this is Evara (I bet she is still asleep now).

 

[krisi]

Uh-oh. I'm not licensed yet (to be an SLP, though I do have training as a behavior therapist)! However, I do have a tendency to spout clinical anecdotes and random facts related to language use. Nice to meet you!

 

[Dani Evar]

Screw the license. From every hollow of the formal society, talent rises. We already found you in the house of the heart. -_-

 

[Evaré]

Hey Evara, I actually got a little confused with the names, but yea, welcome to Aspergic forums.

Enjoy your time here and happy posting.


- superboyian. =]

Hi :|
thank you superboyian

 

[Evaré]

Evara - of course it is. AS is mostly genetic pretty sure. So the only way for it to be passed on is for another AS person to get 'really' friendly with people =)

My dear Krazie,
beside that I think in some cases it transfers from one heart to another as well no matter if you are involved geneticly or not!

so! :wtf:

:wave: nice to meet you!

 

[Evaré]

Uh-oh. I'm not licensed yet (to be an SLP, though I do have training as a behavior therapist)! However, I do have a tendency to spout clinical anecdotes and random facts related to language use. Nice to meet you!

Oh very nice to meet you Krisi and thank you for letting me feel comfortable and supported. this feels so good for me as a newbie :dribble:
I am shy! just a little. :rofl:

these emoticons also are not enough for me to express my feelings! :mellow:

 

[krisi]

Oh very nice to meet you Krisi and thank you for letting me feel comfortable and supported. this feels so good for me as a newbie :dribble:
I am shy! just a little. :rofl:

these emoticons also are not enough for me to express my feelings! :mellow:

It's okay to be shy. I have introvert tendencies in the real world as well. Since it's mostly shown in mannerisms and not in my language use, it's not as apparent online, although I am consistently a poor initator and responder. Evar can tell you--he'll send me a message and it'll either take me quite awhile to respond or I won't respond at all. It doesn't mean I'm trying to be rude or that I don't like someone; I can only keep back-and-forths going for so long.

Haha, you're right about the emoticons. It feels like there's never an emoticon that can really express how you're feeling. Text, even with emoticons can't do the same thing that suprasegmental communication (all that stuff you do with your speech that isn't actually a word--like the inflection you put on the word)can do.

^Did that make any sense?

 

[krisi]

Screw the license. From every hollow of the formal society, talent rises. We already found you in the house of the heart. -_-

Haha, aww. However, I don't want to lose my license before I have it, and I want to follow the Code of Ethics laid out for me. Practicing before licensure does not put the best interest of your clients first, because you might not have the proper training. I certainly don't yet. I have a year left in my program before I can even apply for a license. I'd rather know what I was doing than screw somebody up by doing the wrong kind of therapy.

 

[Dani Evar]

Yes, Krisi, by all means. Surely, your precious self isn't limited to just a few Bohemians like us ^_^.

Just let us know when you have the license okay? I might send my kids and kids' kids over to you.

Again, pure talent, whether intellectual or artistic, (normally) fills the hollows of the society's fabric and yet is substantially independent of it.

We have you.

Haha, aww. However, I don't want to lose my license before I have it, and I want to follow the Code of Ethics laid out for me. Practicing before licensure does not put the best interest of your clients first, because you might not have the proper training. I certainly don't yet. I have a year left in my program before I can even apply for a license. I'd rather know what I was doing than screw somebody up by doing the wrong kind of therapy.

 

[Dani Evar]

So... Soli... Solips...

Solipsism.

Solipsism.

My dear Krazie,
beside that I think in some cases it transfers from one heart to another as well no matter if you are involved geneticly or not!

so! :wtf:

:wave: nice to meet you!

 

[Dani Evar]

:lol:

I am shier still, Krisi, trust me. I am 'scared' of women, but Evara can still scare men... I mean lawyers. ^_^

It's okay to be shy. I have introvert tendencies in the real world as well. Since it's mostly shown in mannerisms and not in my language use, it's not as apparent online, although I am consistently a poor initator and responder. Evar can tell you--he'll send me a message and it'll either take me quite awhile to respond or I won't respond at all. It doesn't mean I'm trying to be rude or that I don't like someone; I can only keep back-and-forths going for so long.

Haha, you're right about the emoticons. It feels like there's never an emoticon that can really express how you're feeling. Text, even with emoticons can't do the same thing that suprasegmental communication (all that stuff you do with your speech that isn't actually a word--like the inflection you put on the word)can do.

^Did that make any sense?

 

[142857]

I am 'scared' of women...

Me too, I was terrified of women until I was pushing 40. Still absolutely clueless about them, but I can probably officially downgrade "terrified" to perhaps just "a little scared at times".

I am curious as to the link between Evar and Evara. I'm guessing that all will be revealed at some point.

Almost forgot: welcome Evara, hope you are as much fun and as enlightening as your male counterpart.

 

[Dani Evar]

Evara went elsewhere, traveling. She's always without a planned ritual. She might return.

Please tell me how not to be 'terrified' with women (at least with one woman), I mean how you've successfully managed it at last . Given your more than harmonious past (I'd say immensely one-sided and intimate) with your mother, I do think your case is unique, betraying simplistic Freudian analysis.

There have been countless peevish female teachers at school. Creepers. Horror and shame. All that, along this uninterrupted compact culture of 'looking after women'.

I do know that this 'fear' is only spume, especially when the water clears. And that it is occasionally limited to the fingertips only. I am aware that most women are amiable and harmless. But there are things on the margin like shyness and introversion filling the chest like breath (it can still suddenly feel like having an escargot to me -- I'm easily irked by snails).

Me too, I was terrified of women until I was pushing 40. Still absolutely clueless about them, but I can probably officially downgrade "terrified" to perhaps just "a little scared at times".

I am curious as to the link between Evar and Evara. I'm guessing that all will be revealed at some point.

Almost forgot: welcome Evara, hope you are as much fun and as enlightening as your male counterpart.

 

[142857]

Please tell me how not to be 'terrified' with women (at least with one woman), I mean how you've successfully managed it at last . Given your more than harmonious past (I'd say immensely one-sided and intimate) with your mother, I do think your case is unique, betraying simplistic Freudian analysis.

Evar, have you read "The Love Song Of J Alfred Prufrock" by TS Eliot? He captures that sense of women being wonderful, of life passing you by as the fairer sex remain as seemingly unreachable as mermaids frolicking beyond the waves.

[digression]I studied it in High School. It was a lengthy piece, and most of my friends had spent months memorising a few small quotes. As the examinations loomed I thought that I should make an effort in that regard as well. So I sat down, read it through a few times, and deliberately committed the whole thing to memory.

22 years later and my first girlfriend was farewelling me at Dulles airport. As we cried and hugged and all of that silly stuff she handed me a few pages and said "this is my favourite poem, maybe something for you to read on the plane". I glanced at the title "The Love Song Of J Alfred Prufrock" and I said "it's okay, I already know that one". She said "maybe you'd like to read it again?". I said "you don't understand, I know that poem". I then proceeded to recite the poem for her without glancing at the sheets she had given me.

I think she thought that I'd see myself in those verses. She was right, but I had beaten her to it.[/digression]

My relationship with my mother probably didn't make things any easier. Perhaps it set me up with unrealistic expectations. Perhaps having someone who loves you so so so much that they are incapable of seeing your failings is more of a hindrance than a help. My mother seemed to believe that I just needed to get out a bit more, go to a few square dances like she did as a teenager, and everything would be okay and the much desired grandchildren would be forthcoming.

It isn't easy to get over one's fear of women, but it is worthwhile. Maybe the best way is to meet a wonderful and intelligent woman who sees through your insecurities, sees the real you inside, and knows how to reach it and build a perfect boyfriend from the pieces. That was kind of how it worked for me. The problem with this approach is that the odds are against you, and your entire life could pass you by while you are waiting.

What I might do is start a new thread on overcoming that intense fear of women that some of us have, and I'll post a link here. Please give me a nudge if I forget.

 

[Dani Evar]

Thanks a lot, I'll always remember this . Very profoundly said and delivered.

I've always known the loneliness in all this -- that the odds are always against you. And who can say, it waits on its time? I can only open myself to the element of surprise in Dasein. If it doesn't happen, that will still be okay, I've seen and experienced other singular surprises too, though exclusively in solitude.

Actually I've tried one or two of the opposite sex, and it has given me so much lonely pain of not being profoundly or simply understood, especially in the paler, more abstract regions of the soul and the intellect... I mean beyond all the sensitive demands even, while I'm not a spoiled person (Aspie) at all -- I've had a harsh childhood and adolescence, but, while melancholia often persists underneath singular tenderness and an intellectual life, that hasn't made me cold or despondent.

I've seen a movie in which a father (single parent) who truly understands his long motherless son even tells him, "Who would marry you?"

But I do know that love and intimacy is not just a possibility. The Earth meets the ocean underneath the starry night sky. The light that falls from up there may not occur often in the span of many, many years. But, across the silent, lonely distance, I do know that such light happens through burning at the nuclear core of stars. At least, here on Earth, I understand it... that some kind of burning could result in union.

Again, I do not have to experience the cornelian understanding and tenderness with such an exceptional female (I can't even demand it), but knowing someone like you, who has experienced it, already makes me deeply grateful.

I may have heard of Eliot's "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock", but I haven't read it. I shall.

Please start the new thread!

It isn't easy to get over one's fear of women, but it is worthwhile. Maybe the best way is to meet a wonderful and intelligent woman who sees through your insecurities, sees the real you inside, and knows how to reach it and build a perfect boyfriend from the pieces. That was kind of how it worked for me. The problem with this approach is that the odds are against you, and your entire life could pass you by while you are waiting.